Patterns of Women Cheating

[Distant78]

Whoever told you that was a donkey's behind.

 

How about a deep, dark, stinking black hole.

[Untouchable_Fire]

No, it is not from feminists. It is from sociologists, psychologists, and anthropologists.

The role of women is changing. The experts want to understand why. I like to understand the "why" of things, too.

About 65% of men admit to being unfaithful at least once in the course of their marriage. That stat has remained constant for many,many years.

It use to be 13% of women, but in recent years, has jumped to 27%. That is a signifigant jump and it is being studied....

along with the staggering increase of women filing for divorce. The number one reason they cited was NOT cheating, but emotional neglect.

This is NOT being touted by the feminists. This is the social scientists studying these changes.

 

How do they get those numbers Spark? In polls. Recent studies show that women are not reliable even in anonymous polls because they fear judgement or negative consequences. They proved this by comparing answers when strapped to a non/functional lie detector.

 

That 27% number is MUCH higher in reality, how much we don't know. I think we can all admit that.

 

The question we should be asking ourselves is this... would a reduction in the male infidelity rate similarly reduce the female infidelity rate?

[Steadfast]

Then I would say that it is NOT a must-read. There is opening your eyes to reality and then giving you such a false sense of the opposite sex that you would nearly dump your wife.

 

This is maddening. The above illustrating. Woggle was talking about the forum, NOT the book. How about reading all the post before responding? I'm not sure, but knowing the WI team I bet that's why the forum was canned.

 

I'd also wager most posting -men or women- have not read WI, yet they comment because they think they know what it's about. If you read the book (books actually, there's two in the series) then you'd realize instead of degrading, the author is trying to empower women. With knowledge and insight. It was for me a hard and harsh read...very difficult at times to handle. It was as if the author studied by life, my wife and our marriage then wrote it down. Through some industry friends I got Michelle's number and called her. She is a very busy, successful lady; a motivational speaker actually. Her advice, kind words and insight was a godsend to me. Finally; a lady who didn't react by being 'stereotyped'. Honest and straightforward.

No one is saying one gender cheats more than the other. If forced to guess, I'd say men because on average, we're stupid and gullible enough to think we can tag a little strange and get away with it. Most men just want to play and go home, but we all know women react and process information differently. Generally, when a woman steps out it's curtains for hubbie...for a while anyway. Then comes the fun part we all love to talk about. THAT'S what the book is about, and so much more. Read it, then decide.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Whoever told you that was a donkey's behind. You know you aren't the only one. It has been said more than once in the OW/OM forum that that they understand why the "bitter" people:rolleyes: got cheated on. The implication is that someone deserved it. And if the lottery money was won during the marriage, it should he is entitled to his share.

 

When I first opened up and mentioned that I had recently caught my xGF cheating was in a thread in the dating section. I admitted that I had loaned her a bunch of money for things I thought she needed. I later found out she spent some of that money to take her OM on a vacation with her.

 

I was told it was my fault for being stupid! That I should not have trusted someone I thought I loved... ect. Also the same comment you post above about bitterness.

 

Only 1 poster was nice. D-Lish.

[bentnotbroken]

When I first opened up and mentioned that I had recently caught my xGF cheating was in a thread in the dating section. I admitted that I had loaned her a bunch of money for things I thought she needed. I later found out she spent some of that money to take her OM on a vacation with her.

 

I was told it was my fault for being stupid! That I should not have trusted someone I thought I loved... ect. Also the same comment you post above about bitterness.

 

Only 1 poster was nice. D-Lish.

 

 

Then I guess we are all stupid for trusting.

[Sweetie1977]

as women were were wired to find the best genes for our offspring its out of our control

 

men should ask themselves what they did wrong for our eggs to be turned off by them and turned on by another man

[Woggle]

as women were were wired to find the best genes for our offspring its out of our control

 

men should ask themselves what they did wrong for our eggs to be turned off by them and turned on by another man

 

My ex wife's eggs are probably polluted and poisoned into oblivion at this point so who really cares? Also when you look at some of the guys some women have tons of kids with their gene picker clearly needs a ton of work.

[Distant78]

as women were were wired to find the best genes for our offspring its out of our control

 

men should ask themselves what they did wrong for our eggs to be turned off by them and turned on by another man

 

Oh right, so it's out of a woman's control when they have sexual urges to screw someone else behind their partner's back.

[Negative Nancy]

as women were were wired to find the best genes for our offspring its out of our control

 

men should ask themselves what they did wrong for our eggs to be turned off by them and turned on by another man

 

Am I the only one who sees the irony/sarcasm in this post? Sweetie is merely using the same excuse women always have to hear from men, "I couldn't help it, it's my biology to spread my seed..."

 

Or another one: "if he cheated you must've done something wrong, did you gain weight? No wonder he got turned off by you".

 

Doesn't feel so good men, when the shoe is on the other foot, huh...

[Woggle]

Am I the only one who sees the irony/sarcasm in this post? Sweetie is merely using the same excuse women always have to hear from men, "I couldn't help it, it's my biology to spread my seed..."

 

Or another one: "if he cheated you must've done something wrong, did you gain weight? No wonder he got turned off by you".

 

Doesn't feel so good men, when the shoe is on the other foot, huh...

 

It's attitudes like this that make me glad that more and more women are getting screwed over financially in divorce court. It doesn't feel so good when the shoe is on the other foot huh?

[sweetjasmine]

"Women's relationships today follow

a very predictable pattern:

They push men for commitment

They get what they want

They lose interest in sex

They become attracted to someone else

They start cheating

They become angry and resentful

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

 

If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.

If you’re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior; but at the same time you can't stop cheating. "

 

Oh, is that what I'm supposed to be doing?

 

Thanks for the tips, UF! I'll get right on that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Steadfast]

If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that women hate to be generalized. Even the ones that fall into a general pattern of behavior.

 

Like it or not, what ML has discovered over her ten-years of research is valid and -as she puts it- very much can be regarded as a modern social disease. Not that there is anything new about infidelity (or selfishness, or entitlement...) but 'modern times' have produced some 'modern problems' that effect women specifically. In the author's view, women should be more upset with the results of the equal rights movement (and the lies within) than the people who present the problems that exist because of it.

 

Don't shoot the messenger ladies. Including me! It isn't my book and I'm not anti women, American or otherwise, but I am anti liar. Believe me when I say the pain caused by the brain dead members of my gender give me, as a man, absolutely no place to hide. Embarrassed fits, as does ashamed.

[Spark1111]

How do they get those numbers Spark? In polls. Recent studies show that women are not reliable even in anonymous polls because they fear judgement or negative consequences. They proved this by comparing answers when strapped to a non/functional lie detector.

 

That 27% number is MUCH higher in reality, how much we don't know. I think we can all admit that.

 

The question we should be asking ourselves is this... would a reduction in the male infidelity rate similarly reduce the female infidelity rate?

 

Certainly could be higher! Polls are only as accurate as the honesty of the as the people taking the poll. They do try to keep identities anonymous to keep it as accurate as possible, but surely people lie and or exagerate.

 

Now, your question is very, very interesting. I would wonder how the two numbers connect to each other.

[Spark1111]

Oh right, so it's out of a woman's control when they have sexual urges to screw someone else behind their partner's back.

 

Oh course not. But I think many women resent being held to a HIGHER standard than men, the majority of whom cheat on a SO.

 

Which, when you think about it, is somewhat sad in that you feel forced to defend eqaulity in both the best behaviors (career success) and the worst (infidelity).

 

I think this is hard times for men because the role of women is changing and they are exhibiting many of the SAME behaviors, both good and bad, that men have exhibited for centuries.

[Spark1111]

Am I the only one who sees the irony/sarcasm in this post? Sweetie is merely using the same excuse women always have to hear from men, "I couldn't help it, it's my biology to spread my seed..."

 

Or another one: "if he cheated you must've done something wrong, did you gain weight? No wonder he got turned off by you".

 

Doesn't feel so good men, when the shoe is on the other foot, huh...

 

These are the old stereotypes and they do hurt!

 

I cannot tell you how many female friends assumed my fWS's OW was younger, thinner, prettier and more accomplished.

 

She was none of the above. Go figure.

 

I cannot tell you how many female friends revere a man's ability to provide, and if they date a jobless man it is as if they are doing him a favor!

 

I cannot believe how many men envy a friend who show's up with the young hot body, or the new, expensive sports car.

 

Stereotype's abound within both genders and are hurtful to all.

[Spark1111]

When I first opened up and mentioned that I had recently caught my xGF cheating was in a thread in the dating section. I admitted that I had loaned her a bunch of money for things I thought she needed. I later found out she spent some of that money to take her OM on a vacation with her.

 

I was told it was my fault for being stupid! That I should not have trusted someone I thought I loved... ect. Also the same comment you post above about bitterness.

 

Only 1 poster was nice. D-Lish.

 

Welcome, unfortunately, to the infidelity forum. I missed this.

 

Those of us who loved and trusted someone and then were betrayed can all empathize with your pain and humiliation.

 

We all experienced it and it ranks up there with one of the worst experiences of my life.

 

Don't truly listen to anyone unless they have walked through the same fire as you.

 

If I had a nickle for all the advice people who had never experienced infidelity gave me, I'd be a very wealthy person.

 

Everyone ASSUMES you had to know: I did not. Everyone ASSUMES they would know. Trust me, they would not.

 

Everyone, who has not experienced it, will only give advice from their fear of it ever happening to them. They want to be sure it never does, so they need to convince themselves they would recognize it immediately.

 

They won't.

 

Do not allow them to make you feel like an ignaramous because you did not. Most of us who post here at LS, did not. And there are some very, very intelligent and accomplished people her.

 

It is one of the reasons, and there are many, of why cheating hurts so much: Humiliation that we did not/could not see it happening because we loved and trusted that person.

 

And there is no shame in being a loving, trusting person.

[flying]

When I first opened up and mentioned that I had recently caught my xGF cheating was in a thread in the dating section. I admitted that I had loaned her a bunch of money for things I thought she needed. I later found out she spent some of that money to take her OM on a vacation with her.

 

I was told it was my fault for being stupid! That I should not have trusted someone I thought I loved... ect. Also the same comment you post above about bitterness.

 

Only 1 poster was nice. D-Lish.

 

I have seen you say this before, and I have to be honest - I wish you'd link to that discussion. I know you've changed names since then, and I would really like to read what these people wrote to you about it.

 

That said...we've all, women and men, been told that if we were cheated on we should have known. It's a stupid thing people say who haven't been through it. But it's not gender-specific. I know a lot of asinine people said that to me when I discovered it - "well, on some level, you knew right? so it was your fault in a way". In fact, the exH himself said it. Whatta guy.

 

But what you're saying here is that, as a result of what some people said - and without reading that thread, I have to admit I find it difficult to believe that all but ONE person was cruel like that - you're paying it forward to the rest of us, who did nothing to you. Well, thanks a lot for that.

[Woggle]

I have never seen this thread but I imagine it is true. Women might resent being held to a higher standard but men who actually do live to a higher standard resent being treated as if we are patriarchal and misogynist scum just because we expect a woman to treat us the same way we demand we treat them. We also resent the fact that in many cases men who actually do act like the scumbags many women think we all are are treated better.

 

I am not expecting a cookie for every good deed but it really does get to you when you treat people the way you would want to be treated and do nothing but treat women with the respect they demand only to get crap shoveled back in your wife and told you deserve it because it is not payback time. It makes a man just want to say the hell with it and be the scum that we are accused of being. I am sorry that I lashed out this morning but I was just so damn angry because I have heard this crap all my life.

[Distant78]

I have never seen this thread but I imagine it is true. Women might resent being held to a higher standard but men who actually do live to a higher standard resent being treated as if we are patriarchal and misogynist scum just because we expect a woman to treat us the same way we demand we treat them. We also resent the fact that in many cases men who actually do act like the scumbags many women think we all are are treated better.

 

I am not expecting a cookie for every good deed but it really does get to you when you treat people the way you would want to be treated and do nothing but treat women with the respect they demand only to get crap shoveled back in your wife and told you deserve it because it is not payback time. It makes a man just want to say the hell with it and be the scum that we are accused of being. I am sorry that I lashed out this morning but I was just so damn angry because I have heard this crap all my life.

 

Just don't treat those selfish women with kindness who don't deserve it.

[bentnotbroken]

I have never seen this thread but I imagine it is true. Women might resent being held to a higher standard but men who actually do live to a higher standard resent being treated as if we are patriarchal and misogynist scum just because we expect a woman to treat us the same way we demand we treat them. We also resent the fact that in many cases men who actually do act like the scumbags many women think we all are are treated better.

 

I am not expecting a cookie for every good deed but it really does get to you when you treat people the way you would want to be treated and do nothing but treat women with the respect they demand only to get crap shoveled back in your wife and told you deserve it because it is not payback time. It makes a man just want to say the hell with it and be the scum that we are accused of being. I am sorry that I lashed out this morning but I was just so damn angry because I have heard this crap all my life.

 

 

Your mother was a real piece of work raising you wasn't she? Some women(and men) don't deserve children.

[Woggle]

Your mother was a real piece of work raising you wasn't she? Some women(and men) don't deserve children.

 

Most women do treat their sons well but every man is a woman's son just like every women is a man's daughter. A close friend of mine said that the thing that kept him from becoming bitter against all women after his ex abandoned him and their child was the fact that he is raising a daughter. He will never treat any woman the way he would not want his daughter to be treated. I don't see the same thing with many women who have sons. They love their son but all other men can go to hell. Of course this is not all but it is very common.

[moloko]

Female. Mid forties. Never cheated. Never will.

 

*shrug*

 

male, early forties, never cheated, never will. :love:

[whammy]

Well, regardless of the title, the subject matter our dear OP chose to copy and paste does not refer to "the patterns of cheating women" or the "patterns of women cheating." It refers to WOMEN IN RELATIONSHIPS:

 

 

Offensive, and ignorant.

 

and true...ive seen it a million times. like clockwork.

[whammy]

Untouchable, were you cheated on personally, is this is what this is all about? Or is it a general issue that women are portrayed like angels and men are portrayed as dirty cheaters?

 

I'm in Europe. Women here cheat too, so it is not just American women, if that is what you want to believe.

 

I went out with a Muslim guy for a few months (strict Muslim with the praying 6 times a day and no drinking etc.) and he told me about all the Mulslim men and women acquaintances of his cheating on each other too...even though you think of that particular religion as being immune (through punishment by stoning etc.)

 

World-wide, religious beliefs notwithstanding phenomenon.

 

I think humans WANT to be monogamous. I think it is absolutely possible. But I also think that we are wired not to be in a lot of ways.

 

I read another survey about the careers where people were most likely to have affairs. One was university lecturer. Apparently, the more 'hot' members of the opposite sex you see every day, converse with every day, the harder it is to be faithful. Emotional connections build up, fantasies, etc.

 

There are a number of factors at play I would say.

 

I hear this being said all the time. Ok, humans are not "hard wired" for anything. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS HUMAN NATURE!!!! we CHOSE what we want to do every second of every day.

[whammy]

Exert from a book written on this topic.

 

Remember that 70-75% of divorces are initiated by women and that a good chunk of those initiated by men is caused by their wives cheating!

 

I've recently been trying to help my cousin deal with his GF cheating on him. Our Brazilian friend Rick basically just scratched his head and said in his country it is well known that "American women are good for sex, and bad for love." Which is suppose is somewhat true considering the % of relationships that fail before finding marriage material.

 

Anyway... Here is part of what this book says.

 

 

"Women's relationships today follow

a very predictable pattern:

They push men for commitment

They get what they want

They lose interest in sex

They become attracted to someone else

They start cheating

They become angry and resentful

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

 

If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.

If you’re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior; but at the same time you can't stop cheating. "

 

Women's Infidelity, I actually just read it couple weeks ago. A little annoying that its written as one big long conversation/interview but its a good book written by a woman that knows what she is talking about. speaks the truth and exposes a pattern all too common. im going to read Women's Infidelity II sometime soon.