Single Mothers In America: Entitled Attitudes?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I read a thread recently on whether being a single mom changes your access to men. I noticed most of the younger guys had no interest in dating a single mother long term, while the older men tended to not have hangups about it.

 

The one thing that really caught my eye was the overall attitude of single mothers posting in the thread... and it actually seems to reflect a consistent attitude among the general population of Single Mothers.

 

When I'm going on a date, my attitude reflects my interests in showing my date what I have to offer in a relationship. I silently evaluate the same in my date. This seems to be exact the opposite strategy I see from SM. Which looking back on the few I have dated, I would say all but 1 took a very similar approach to dating.

 

I can understand and wholeheartedly support the impetus to be choosy, but the universe doesn't owe a woman the perfect man simply because she already has a child. It isn't enough to sit and loudly list off what you deserve or desire in a mate... you have to have something to offer in return.

 

Which leads me to the question. Is this attitude defensive posturing due to being perceived by some men as less because of having a child? Is it just an attitude that is really prevalent in the female population because demand is so high that attitude and behavior matter little? Is what she has to offer supposed to be so obvious as to not require the effort of displaying it?

[musemaj11]

Which leads me to the question. Is this attitude defensive posturing due to being perceived by some men as less because of having a child? Is it just an attitude that is really prevalent in the female population because demand is so high that attitude and behavior matter little? Is what she has to offer supposed to be so obvious as to not require the effort of displaying it?

The answer is pretty obvious.

 

Its psychological defense mechanism.

[sally4sara]

Because we didn't fall over ourselves trying to agree with you and had even experienced different from what you believe, we are automatically entitled?

[Seamless74]

Just like guys like me probably didnt really enjoy the "women what do you think of short guys honestly" or guys dont like the "do girls really like men with money more" type threads some women are just getting pissed that alot of us would prefer to date women without children its really just that simple.

[phineas]

It's my experience that the women who were really hot that chased jerks never married, got pregnant & dumped by said jerk, not collecting child support because jerk is unemployed, and still kept most of their looks feel entitled.

 

these are women pushing 40 I meet.

Most guys looking for a relationship won't touch women like that.

I loose interest in them myself once I find out the type of woman they are.

 

The single mothers with their stuff together, divorced & have child support coming in, a good job ect. don't seem to feel entitled at all.

even the really hot ones.

[hydorclops]

The one thing that really caught my eye was the overall attitude of single mothers posting in the thread... and it actually seems to reflect a consistent attitude among the general population of Single Mothers.

Fatuous. Useless.

 

People want love and companionship and they try and hope to find it. Parsing this out as an undeserved entitlement is mean.

 

Maybe someone actually thinks she can get what she wants. She feels like she deserves it. Is she being uppity? Does it upset your vision of fairness? Do you disapprove?

 

What's it to you really?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I read a thread recently on whether being a single mom changes your access to men. I noticed most of the younger guys had no interest in dating a single mother long term, while the older men tended to not have hangups about it.

 

Quotes from SM pulled from other threads. I weeded out the really crazy ones. More to come later.

 

"Sarcasm aside, one main thing that men with no children have to understand. You will NEVER be #1. The child/children will always be a priority. If a man can understand this truly and be okay, then you have a shot, otherwise, if your ego can't accept it, you need to move on and let it go."

 

"Some men (and women) really don't get it. It's not all about you. It's about the other person and their needs. In the case of moms, it's about the kids.

But, even as a single woman without kids, a man who isn't willing to let his needs take a back seat now and then, who won't help out with simple things, who doesn't get that showing real care and concern for me will buy him more in terms of my time and energy than any amount of money he might spend on me, well...let's just say those guys don't last long.

Selfishness is the antithesis of love."

 

"I have been dating my BF for 19 months. We met at a political function. He had seen me at a previous one with my young daughter. When he asked me out, he said he would be happy to take my daughter as well. About 6 weeks into the relationship, he was trying to do all sorts of stuff for me around the house. I pretty much settled on letting him do the outside work, which he has pretty much taken under his control. He always offers to have my daughter if he is in town and I am going to a meeting. (She just hops on the spare computer and tells him when she is hungry.)

My BF has grown kids on the other side of the country, so he knows a bit about kids and is very patient and understanding with her (and me). I do a lot for him too (when he lets me) and he knows he is dearly loved, desired and appreciated.

I honestly don't think I would want to (or able to) date someone with young ones of their own, as I can get stressed with multiple kids racing about"

[hearttobreak]

I think the single mothers want to try and wrong the right. They go after the bad boy, get knocked up, refuse to abort or give up for adoption, struggle to get by. Then, when they think they are emotionally healthy, they try to date. When a good guy comes along, they give them a shot (notice, they would not give them the time of day when they were single though), works out well for a while, then they get complacent or bored and go back to a bad guy. It is like a real life merry-go-round. Many never learn and continue on becoming a statistic. However, I do believe they want the best for their children. But their own needs sometimes get in the way. Especially if they are young. They never had the chance to live a young adult life cause of the poor decision they made with the bad boy who banged them and moved on.

[Mad Max]

Entitlement isn't limited to single mothers. I see it with many my age.

[Eeyore79]

Single moms aren't just choosing a partner, they're choosing a father for their child. I think they generally feel that their child is entitled to the best (everyone wants the best for their child) and so they show that sense of entitlement in dating. But it's not entitlement for themselves, it's entitlement for their child, if that makes sense.

[Mad Max]

Single moms aren't just choosing a partner, they're choosing a father for their child. I think they generally feel that their child is entitled to the best (everyone wants the best for their child) and so they show that sense of entitlement in dating. But it's not entitlement for themselves, it's entitlement for their child, if that makes sense.

 

 

Obviously the child needs a male role model. But the mom should have thought about that before sleeping with the bad boy. Fast forward 10 years or so and she suddenly wants the good man who she wouldn't give the time of day to 10 years earlier. In that case, she thinks she can sleep with the bad boys and deserves a good man when she's older. Bet she doesn't put out as much to the new guy.

[Surrealist]

Obviously the child needs a male role model. But the mom should have thought about that before sleeping with the bad boy. Fast forward 10 years or so and she suddenly wants the good man who she wouldn't give the time of day to 10 years earlier. In that case, she thinks she can sleep with the bad boys and deserves a good man when she's older. Bet she doesn't put out as much to the new guy.

 

 

Quoted for truth......

[Green]

Entitlement isn't limited to single mothers. I see it with many my age.

 

I feel a lot of single women feel entitled regaurdless of whether they are mothers or not... and to many men on here seem to settle.

[Mad Max]

I feel a lot of single women feel entitled regaurdless of whether they are mothers or not... and to many men on here seem to settle.

 

 

Many men think they can do no better. I refuse to settle. It's probably why I'm still single.

[Green]

Many men think they can do no better. I refuse to settle. It's probably why I'm still single.

 

No your still single because you either A) refuse to TRY (which to me means aproaching women you find attractive on a regular basis and ASKING THEM OUT and then when on the DATE you KISS them)... or B)enough time hasn't gone by, if your being picky expect a year atleast to go by before finding some one yo uwant to comit too

[Mad Max]

No your still single because you either A) refuse to TRY (which to me means aproaching women you find attractive on a regular basis and ASKING THEM OUT and then when on the DATE you KISS them)... or B)enough time hasn't gone by, if your being picky expect a year atleast to go by before finding some one yo uwant to comit too

 

 

That's really getting old. It's nothing short of repetitive.

[jimbo]

Entitlement isn't limited to single mothers. I see it with many my age.

 

No one is entitled to crap in life except life, death and taxes.

 

Single moms aren't just choosing a partner, they're choosing a father for their child. I think they generally feel that their child is entitled to the best (everyone wants the best for their child) and so they show that sense of entitlement in dating. But it's not entitlement for themselves, it's entitlement for their child, if that makes sense.

 

Really? She did the bad guy and he left. A good guy comes in her life, she changes after a few months and turns into an uncaring mean bitch, he leaves. She then goes back to start sleeping with another bad guy for just sex. Her new reward this time was and STD.

 

Obviously the child needs a male role model. But the mom should have thought about that before sleeping with the bad boy. Fast forward 10 years or so and she suddenly wants the good man who she wouldn't give the time of day to 10 years earlier. In that case, she thinks she can sleep with the bad boys and deserves a good man when she's older. Bet she doesn't put out as much to the new guy.

 

When I went out with one, putting out was never a problem. Could had sex on the first date, but waited til the 3rd. I actually and stupidly wanted to build a relationship, not just do her and leave. Boy, was that the second biggest mistake in my life. Though, maybe FWBs are not that bad and I will start considering them again, but with no single moms. Just too much drama. As I said before, she changed my whole idea of dating.

[sweetjasmine]

Obviously the child needs a male role model. But the mom should have thought about that before sleeping with the bad boy. Fast forward 10 years or so and she suddenly wants the good man who she wouldn't give the time of day to 10 years earlier. In that case, she thinks she can sleep with the bad boys and deserves a good man when she's older. Bet she doesn't put out as much to the new guy.

 

Assume much?

[Mad Max]

Assume much?

 

 

50% divorce rate says otherwise. But I guess most divorces are the man's fault.

[Woggle]

I don't see it as enttitled but they don't understamd where the male point of view comes from. I wish that women would sometimes at least try to understand why some men think the way we do. I understand why some women think the way they do so why not attempt to put yourselves in our shoes?

[jimbo]

50% divorce rate says otherwise. But I guess most divorces are the man's fault.

 

Didn't you know it's always the man's fault?

[Mad Max]

I don't see it as enttitled but they don't understamd where the male point of view comes from. I wish that women would sometimes at least try to understand why some men think the way we do. I understand why some women think the way they do so why not attempt to put yourselves in our shoes?

 

 

Because many don't care. I don't believe women are as empathetic as studies show.

[sweetjasmine]

50% divorce rate says otherwise. But I guess most divorces are the man's fault.

 

The "50% divorce rate" (I love how that number changes every time someone mentions it on here) tells you that:

 

- single mothers all had their children with "bad boys"

- single mothers all ignored "the good man" 10 years prior

- single mothers put out for "bad boys" but not for the poor "good man"

- single mothers were all married and then filed for divorce

 

That's incredible. How'd you get so much information out of that number? You must be a clairvoyant.

 

I'm also amazed that the analysis you got out of that number matches all the other assumptions and beliefs you've posted in other threads regarding other topics. What a coincidence.

[hydorclops]

Yeah, where'd this theoretical bad boy come from? How'd he become part of this equation?

[skydiveaddict]

I can't say. My ex was a wonderful, beautiful girl with two great kids. I loved her more than life, but still I got dumped. I dont know what to think.