Update: Not Dating American Women Anymore

[Untouchable_Fire]

For all the guys that have been frustrated by dating in the U.S. you should read this update.

 

About a month ago I stopped dating women born in the U.S. and started dating women from other cultures. Mostly because I felt my chances of getting a faithful woman from this country is very difficult.

Now that I've switched I can tell you that there are some other cultural differences that are huge positives.

 

I've been seeing 1 woman in particular quite a bit. I have noticed over the past month or so that she is MUCH less shallow and MUCH less materialistic than the previous girls I've dated.

 

She also comes over and cooks! Yes she actually cooks... and it's really good. She came over on Saturday and cooked me an entire weeks worth of meals.

 

She doesn't play games and is very upfront with her feelings. She told me straight out that she liked me. No waiting 3 days to call or any of that junk... I can call anytime I want to talk to her.

 

She doesn't expect me to pay for everything. This also seems to be a huge change. Previous dates have often had a very expectant attitude. I've been on lots of dates where I felt like I hired an escort instead of made a date. I still pay for everything... I've just never had a woman offer to pay for both of us before... only herself.

 

She helped me put together a presentation for work. It took 3 hours and she did some of it at home without me. This almost blew my mind. I've never had an American girl even act interested in my work so long as my paychecks show up on time.

 

There are lots more differences.... I mean a TON! For all those stereotypes about guys going for foreign women... it's mostly BS. It really feels like that's just a scare tactic as a deterrent from showing you the truth!!

[gypsy_nicky]

 

She doesn't expect me to pay for everything. This also seems to be a huge change. Previous dates have often had a very expectant attitude. I've been on lots of dates where I felt like I hired an escort instead of made a date. I still pay for everything... I've just never had a woman offer to pay for both of us before... only herself.

 

 

this attitude/norm of western women expecting to be treated like princesses is frustrating. Western bred women are the most educated, liberal minded and materially blessed among other culture women and still they expect to be cared for but at the same time want equal rights to everything. Very self centered.

[tigressA]

How wonderful for you that you found something that works.

 

How unfortunate that you still feel you have to bash an entire subset of women in order to make that announcement.

[tami-chan]

Good for you for finding a woman who suits your needs!

[donnamaybe]

THANK GOODNESS for ALL the women born in the US!

[Els]

I hope noone reads this post and gets the very unfortunate idea that foreign women are all doormats who cook entire weeks' meals for their men, do their work for them, have sex early, and yet don't expect the guy to treat her to dinner.

 

No wonder some American guys get some funny ideas about women from other cultures.

[Untouchable_Fire]

this attitude/norm of western women expecting to be treated like princesses is frustrating. Western bred women are the most educated, liberal minded and materially blessed among other culture women and still they expect to be cared for but at the same time want equal rights to everything. Very self centered.

 

Not quite what I was getting at. It's just a cultural norm here that a guys value lies primarily in his ability to pay. It's not that big of a deal because it's like that world wide... and I think a guy should pay for a date.

 

I've been on over 100 dates in just the past 10 years.... I almost always go to at least the 2nd date... and I can't really recall the last time it felt like a girl actually appreciated my paying. The attitude always seems different. I've had lots of dates where the woman offered to pay for her half.

 

I can't really recall a single incident where the woman offered to pay for me too... at least during the first 5 dates.

 

How wonderful for you that you found something that works.

How unfortunate that you still feel you have to bash an entire subset of women in order to make that announcement.

 

I think I'm more against the culture than anything.

 

THANK GOODNESS for ALL the women born in the US!

 

I don't care what you think. I'm really happy right now!

[Mme. Chaucer]

How wonderful for you that you found something that works.

 

How unfortunate that you still feel you have to bash an entire subset of women in order to make that announcement.

 

 

I was just gonna say that! Anyway, sounds like a true match. Go forth and be happy with Miss Right!

[Untouchable_Fire]

Good for you for finding a woman who suits your needs!

 

It's only been a month or so... but we seem to be a really good fit overall.

 

I can see that there is already developing a really healthy give and take.

[tigressA]

Last time I checked, men are as much a part of any culture as women are. So wouldn't it be plausible to say that some men may be complicit with regard to how some women in each culture act? Yet you make no mention of this. So yes, I am convinced that you are bashing women in American culture, and not the culture itself.

 

That being said, congrats again. Hope it continues to work out for you.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Last time I checked, men are as much a part of any culture as women are. So wouldn't it be plausible to say that some men may be complicit with regard to how some women in each culture act? Yet you make no mention of this. So yes, I am convinced that you are bashing women in American culture, and not the culture itself.

That being said, congrats again. Hope it continues to work out for you.

 

Yeah... I think guys here play a huge role in why our culture fails in relationships. Too many guys get away with acting irresponsible, and cheating... ect. I don't talk about it... because I don't date men. I just make sure I don't act like them.

 

Thanks! It's really different and I have high hopes!

[collegeguy_24]

Last time I checked, men are as much a part of any culture as women are. So wouldn't it be plausible to say that some men may be complicit with regard to how some women in each culture act? Yet you make no mention of this. So yes, I am convinced that you are bashing women in American culture, and not the culture itself.

 

That being said, congrats again. Hope it continues to work out for you.

 

not to sound rude, as its not my intent, but Have you considered the fact that th reason most american men don't call women on their behavior is because of the instant labeling that goes on? If a guy calls a woman out, he is immediate labeled a sexist, racist, or some other term in the country that can pretty much ruin any chance he has of getting another date, or a job, or she can lie about something that ruins his reputation. It happens all the time, check the news.

[theBrokenMuse]

Perhaps I am overly cynical but she sounds like she may be the kind of person that feels like they have to overcompensate in order to 'sell themselves as someone of worth' to others by being overly helpful. If so, then it really isn't a cultural trait as much as it is a personality type.

[collegeguy_24]

Yeah... I think guys here play a huge role in why our culture fails in relationships. Too many guys get away with acting irresponsible, and cheating... ect. I don't talk about it... because I don't date men. I just make sure I don't act like them.

 

Thanks! It's really different and I have high hopes!

 

That is true as well, going to college I see those types of guys all the time, and they give the rest of our gender a bad name.

[Sphere]

My opinion of American women has drastically changed since arriving on here, so much so that I would actually date an American woman. I dig the accents and in a recent poll, American women ranked as being the prettiest women in the world, so they're doing something right.

[Taramere]

Perhaps I am overly cynical but she sounds like she may be the kind of person that feels like they have to overcompensate in order to 'sell themselves as someone of worth' to others by being overly helpful. If so, then it really isn't a cultural trait as much as it is a personality type.

 

I would say the same thing. I'd be really uncomfortable if anybody, whether friend or romantic prospect, came round and cooked me a week's worth of meals and also helped me to put together a difficult work project.

 

I can see that there is already developing a really healthy give and take.

 

She certainly sounds like she'll be a great mum. So is there a plan to formalise your relationship? Have the adoption papers been drawn up?

[sweetjasmine]

There are lots more differences.... I mean a TON!

 

And they're ALL related to where she was born and not her individual personality, of course!

 

I'm glad you found a person who's making you happy, but do you really have to sh-t on a huge group of people in order to elevate her? Really?

 

Next time she's over, tell her the bathroom could use a little cleaning, and your laundry's in the hamper.

 

I can see that there is already developing a really healthy give and take.

 

I'm curious - what kind of giving have you been doing? Have you cooked for her or helped her with her work?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I hope noone reads this post and gets the very unfortunate idea that foreign women are all doormats who cook entire weeks' meals for their men, do their work for them, have sex early, and yet don't expect the guy to treat her to dinner.

No wonder some American guys get some funny ideas about women from other cultures.

 

Since your throwing out false stereotypes... maybe you could post some racist jokes too.

 

You read my post and THAT is all you came away with? The way you think seems to say bad things about your attitude and beliefs.

 

Perhaps I am overly cynical but she sounds like she may be the kind of person that feels like they have to overcompensate in order to 'sell themselves as someone of worth' to others by being overly helpful. If so, then it really isn't a cultural trait as much as it is a personality type.

 

What's wrong with you?

 

If she helps me with my work she is selling herself short? If she cooks a meal it's because she feels unworthy? WTF?

 

She is going back to school, so I help her with homework assignments, on the weekends I take her out to expensive restaurants, and on day trips to the beach, and hiking trips, and even kayaking 1 time.

 

The real question is this. Do you really think that being a woman you can't do anything nice without devaluing yourself?

 

That explains a lot of stuff in your posts. Maybe you should take some time and evaluate how self centered you are vs. how self centered you force yourself to be.

[Els]

False stereotypes? Pot calling kettle black here, maybe?

 

Edit: Well, at least now you've mentioned how you give in the relationship as well, it doesn't seem all bad. Good for you, then!

[Untouchable_Fire]

I would say the same thing. I'd be really uncomfortable if anybody, whether friend or romantic prospect, came round and cooked me a week's worth of meals and also helped me to put together a difficult work project.

She certainly sounds like she'll be a great mum. So is there a plan to formalise your relationship? Have the adoption papers been drawn up?

 

Because those are not things you would do in a "partnership" type relationship?

 

God forbid you do anything nice for a guy... that would make you feel like his mom.

 

And they're ALL related to where she was born and not her individual personality, of course!

I'm glad you found a person who's making you happy, but do you really have to sh-t on a huge group of people in order to elevate her? Really?

Next time she's over, tell her the bathroom could use a little cleaning, and your laundry's in the hamper.

I'm curious - what kind of giving have you been doing? Have you cooked for her or helped her with her work?

 

She is taking some classes to enter the healthcare field. I have been routinely helping her with homework, labs, and test preparation.

 

I also helped sort out an insurance billing situation, helped her cousin change days for a flight without paying fees, and picked up her friend at the airport... just to name a few things. Also she has done a lot more for me than I have listed.

 

I'm not crapping on anybody in particular... and for those who feel like I am... well... what's one more turd on the pile?

[Untouchable_Fire]

False stereotypes? Pot calling kettle black here, maybe?

Edit: Well, at least now you've mentioned how you give in the relationship as well, it doesn't seem all bad. Good for you, then!

 

Ok... I see the irony in my statement. It's just usually the foreign girl stereotype is usually a bit racist and I really don't like it.

 

That goes both ways too. Any guy that goes looking for a mail order bride or whatever because he thinks he can get some stepford wife... needs to get smacked upside the head.

[Taramere]

Because those are not things you would do in a "partnership" type relationship?

 

God forbid you do anything nice for a guy... that would make you feel like his mom.

 

Cooking a meal or doing something else nice for a guy doesn't make me feel like his mother....but cooking a week's worth of meals? I just can't quite get my head round that. It sounds a bit unusual....but if it's working out well for both of you, then that's the main thing.

[Trojan John]

Don't get too overly eager. We have our share of shallow women (men, too).

 

I will say though, most of the American women who've moved here for work recently that I've met do have this entitlement complex that was mentioned. One in particular went on three dates in the past week and was very upset that all of the men expected her to pay for herself for the most part.

 

She earns a very good salary, so I don't understand the problem.

 

Different cultures, I suppose.

[stillafool]

Untouchable Fire I am happy for you that you finally got someone you can trust. It really is a shame that you judge an entire group of women by the few you have dated but that's okay. American women are awesome and beautiful and the entire world knows this. We won't lose one wink of sleep because we are wanted by men all over the world. I wish more American men who think like you would date foreign women and stop complaining all the time. It's getting really sad.

[Stung]

Please read more carefully. No women here have suggested that simply cooking a meal for a man is wrong or debasing, what they have suggested is that cooking a man a whole week's worth of meals and then doing his work projects for him is kind of--over the top--for anyone who's not trying desperately to sell themselves, in pretty much any culture, unless they're already in an established relationship with that man or closely related to him.

 

You never brought up having done any reciprocal helpful things, and your OP very much made it sound as though you were just sitting back rubbing your belly and raking in the benefits of subservience. If you are in fact helping her with her projects as well, that does change the tone of your post and the reader's perception of your budding relationship. It was definitely worth mentioning.

 

And FWIW I have read many posts in which you demonstrate careful language as well as intelligence. Of course your thread starts out as inflammatory, how hard is it to say that you're turned off by popular American culture in general, and are trying to date outside of it? Wouldn't that have said the exact thing you're trying to say, without maligning all the women in an entire country? Personally I have a lot of problems with a lot of the current aspects of American culture too, as it applies to both men and women. Fortunately I am able to see the many, many American men and women who exist and function outside of trash culture parameters.

 

If you've found a woman you like and appreciate who likes and appreciates you and makes you feel good again, that's great. Enjoy it.