After the affair are "normal relationships boring?

[jennie-jennie]

So you enjoyed it, then, when YOUR H was stepping out on you?

 

I enjoyed it when he came back, had had it out of his system, and knew it was me he wanted.

[donnamaybe]

And you truly believe that since September he hasn't touched his wife in bed? Cuddled her, kissed her, made love to her? And won't ever again, in the future..on her bday, Christmas, New Years Eve, his bday, their wedding anniversary, on a family holiday.. Or any other time? JJ, I commend you for your faith in him, it's just one day don't be hurt or surprised that he's told you what you want to hear.

Spot on WWIU.

[donnamaybe]

I enjoyed it when he came back, had had it out of his system, and knew it was me he wanted.

I like it the way it is between me and my sweety. He NEVER steps out on me because he knows it's ALWAYS me he wants, and if it was NOT me he wanted, he would have the honor and integrity to tell me and make a clean break instead of sniffing around like a dog in heat and then coming back when he wants a hot meal and some clean clothes.

[jennie-jennie]

And you truly believe that since September he hasn't touched his wife in bed? Cuddled her, kissed her, made love to her? And won't ever again, in the future..on her bday, Christmas, New Years Eve, his bday, their wedding anniversary, on a family holiday.. Or any other time? JJ, I commend you for your faith in him, it's just one day don't be hurt or surprised that he's told you what you want to hear.

 

No, you forgot about the one-time infidelity.

 

Trusting means risking to be hurt. Trusting means believing what you can not prove but have reason to believe is true.

[jennie-jennie]

I like it the way it is between me and my sweety. He NEVER steps out on me because he knows it's ALWAYS me he wants, and if it was NOT me he wanted, he would have the honor and integrity to tell me and make a clean break instead of sniffing around like a dog in heat and then coming back when he wants a hot meal and some clean clothes.

 

LOL I was talking more about falling in love with someone else rather than just wanting sex with someone else.

[whichwayisup]

No, you forgot about the one-time infidelity.

 

Trusting means risking to be hurt. Trusting means believing what you can not prove but have reason to believe is true.

 

Oh I misunderstood. So he promised you he wouldn't and then after September, he did confess to you that he slept with his wife? Sorry, I thought you meant before that.

 

Again, you must have tons of faith and trust in him to still believe that he isn't and won't ever touch his wife again. I guess I dont' understand how you can choose to believe someone who continually lies and betrays his wife daily, hides it really well and is good at, gets away with it, and you don't ever doubt his word that won't have sex with his wife.

[jennie-jennie]

Donna, I think this poster hails from a culture where the "feelings" of a BS are not of any concern to anyone, since affairs are somehow culturally sanctioned. I get the idea that extramarital affairs are more honored in this culture than marriages, from reading her posts.

 

Where is this place?

 

Interesting thought. Could be true. If there is love involved in the EMAs.

[donnamaybe]

LOL I was talking more about falling in love with someone else rather than just wanting sex with someone else.

I suppose if you label it something more honorable than what it is it might not feel so when your H betrays you.

[jthorne]

And you truly believe that since September he hasn't touched his wife in bed? Cuddled her, kissed her, made love to her? And won't ever again, in the future..on her bday, Christmas, New Years Eve, his bday, their wedding anniversary, on a family holiday.. Or any other time? JJ, I commend you for your faith in him, it's just one day don't be hurt or surprised that he's told you what you want to hear.

Can't remember, but wasn't there an OW awhile back whose MM told her that BW was menopausal, and because of that, she considered it a gift if he "left her alone" on those holidays and didn't "bother her" for sex?

 

Didn't the OW find out that BS wasn't that way at all, and they had a very healthy sex life?

[jthorne]

You'd have to have tons of faith to believe he even has sex with the OW.

Now I just spit coffee on my computer screen.

[donnamaybe]

You'd have to have tons of faith to believe he even has sex with the OW.

 

Hasn't it been established they live in different countries and do not physically see oneanother that much?

Now THIS is funny!

[whichwayisup]

I said this earlier or on another thread..If one chooses to have an affair with a MM or MW, it should be assumed that they have sex with their spouses too. I don't think an OW or OM has a right to demand or tell their MM or MW to stop sleeping with their spouses. Just my opinion.

[blinded_27]

I said this earlier or on another thread..If one chooses to have an affair with a MM or MW, it should be assumed that they have sex with their spouses too. I don't think an OW or OM has a right to demand or tell their MM or MW to stop sleeping with their spouses. Just my opinion.

 

That's the thing though... of course anyone with common sense will assume that. But first of all, no one, (or at least very few of us) actually chose to begin an affair. And second, when you're sucked into the affair with false promises and stories about how horrible their home life is, you have no reason not to believe that WS and BS are sleeping together.

 

I believed it. He looked right into my eyes and said, "We have no slept together in months", and I bought it. Sure enough, after an accidental confrontation with his wife, she confirmed that yes, they have in fact had relations more than once. Not often, but maybe 3 times too many for me.

 

I know better now. But I'm just saying, when you're caught up in it, you'll believe ANYTHING. And it sucks

 

As for demanding that they don't sleep with their partners, I've done that as well. But only because I wanted to be absolutely sure before getting physical with him that I was going to be his only one for safety reasons. Yes... DELUSIONAL, I know. But again, I had no reason not to believe him at the time :/

[jennie-jennie]

Now let's be fair...she did say it is "sometimes" right. I think maybe that means it is right if she isn't on the receiving end. Correct me if I am wrong JJ.

 

It is important with the "can sometimes be right", that is true. But it does not matter who is on the receiving end. I've been on the receiving end without considering the extramarital relationship wrong, which you may or may not remember from my prior posts.

[BB07]

No, you forgot about the one-time infidelity.

 

Trusting means risking to be hurt. Trusting means believing what you can not prove but have reason to believe is true.

 

Ever heard of blind faith jennie?

 

 

blind faith Part of Speech: n Definition: belief without true understanding, perception, or discrimination

 

You are choosing to have blind faith in your mm, I hope it doesn't turn around and bite you.

 

Me...........I will never have blind faith in anyone again. Faith yes........but not blind faith.

[donnamaybe]

As for demanding that they don't sleep with their partners, I've done that as well. But only because I wanted to be absolutely sure before getting physical with him that I was going to be his only one for safety reasons. Yes... DELUSIONAL, I know. But again, I had no reason not to believe him at the time :/

And of course, BECAUSE you put that demand on the situation, he HAD to lie and tell you he wasn't having sex with his wife, otherwise he might have had to go shopping for a new OW.

 

Thank goodness you now see the truth. You can make YOUR life what YOU want it to be instead of hanging on the words of a pathetic liar. Good for you!

[jennie-jennie]

Oh I misunderstood. So he promised you he wouldn't and then after September, he did confess to you that he slept with his wife? Sorry, I thought you meant before that.

 

Again, you must have tons of faith and trust in him to still believe that he isn't and won't ever touch his wife again. I guess I dont' understand how you can choose to believe someone who continually lies and betrays his wife daily, hides it really well and is good at, gets away with it, and you don't ever doubt his word that won't have sex with his wife.

 

He may have sex with his wife again, there is no guarantee for that.

Nobody can promise anything for ever. But I trust that in that case he will either end our relationship, break up our agreement of exclusivity, or, at the very least, tell me about it. That is the basis of our relationship, honesty. The basis of his and his wife's relationship is fidelity. Big difference.

 

Now why can't I post anything on this board without it becoming a discussion about my relationship?

[jthorne]

Posters could be responding to a fantasy.

Well, isn't that what an A is for most people- an escape, a fantasy? I guess it depends upon how much of the fantasy you want to buy into. Maybe some AP are more fantastical than others?

[jennie-jennie]

Ever heard of blind faith jennie?

 

 

blind faith Part of Speech: n Definition: belief without true understanding, perception, or discrimination

 

You are choosing to have blind faith in your mm, I hope it doesn't turn around and bite you.

 

Me...........I will never have blind faith in anyone again. Faith yes........but not blind faith.

 

:lmao: If you knew me, you would know I don't have blind faith in anybody. I've been around the block, girl. I have never and will never have blind faith in anybody.

[jthorne]

But I trust that in that case he will either end our relationship, break up our agreement of exclusivity, or, at the very least, tell me about it. That is the basis of our relationship, honesty.

I'm quite sure that's what his wife thought when she married him.

 

Now why can't I post anything on this board without it becoming a discussion about my relationship?

Maybe because you keep reponding?

[jennie-jennie]

You'd have to have tons of faith to believe he even has sex with the OW.

 

Hasn't it been established they live in different countries and do not physically see oneanother that much?

 

Oh, interesting. I didn't know that. There is a lot to learn from LS rumors.

[whichwayisup]

He may have sex with his wife again, there is no guarantee for that.

Nobody can promise anything for ever. But I trust that in that case he will either end our relationship, break up our agreement of exclusivity, or, at the very least, tell me about it. That is the basis of our relationship, honesty. The basis of his and his wife's relationship is fidelity. Big difference.

 

Now why can't I post anything on this board without it becoming a discussion about my relationship?

 

You mention your situation and stuff about your MM all over the place and never make any of your own threads, that's part of it.. The other part is, I was just genuinally curious about your mindset and his about the arrangement you two have about him not having sex with his wife..

 

NOW his marriage is based on infidelity, before it wasn't. Sadly in your case, so is yours.. He'd be a fool if he ever admits to you that he still havin sex with his wife. He isn't going to ruin a good thing, having two women meet all his needs. I know you don't see it that way though..

[jennie-jennie]

I'm quite sure that's what his wife thought when she married him.

 

His wife made clear she would kill him if he ever was unfaithful. That doesn't exactly open up for an honest relationship in the case of infidelity.

 

Maybe because you keep reponding?

 

True, but you know yourself from your own thread how difficult it is not to answer when people are saying stuff that is not true about you.

[jennie-jennie]

You mention your situation and stuff about your MM all over the place and never make any of your own threads, that's part of it.. The other part is, I was just genuinally curious about your mindset and his about the arrangement you two have about him not having sex with his wife..

 

I mention it to share it, not to have it questioned. Guess I have been a member of Al-Anon too long. There we share, we don't question.

 

But thanks for explaining your motivation. If you wonder anything in the future, feel free to pm me instead.

 

NOW his marriage is based on infidelity, before it wasn't. Sadly in your case, so is yours.. He'd be a fool if he ever admits to you that he still havin sex with his wife. He isn't going to ruin a good thing, having two women meet all his needs. I know you don't see it that way though..

 

You're right, I don't. And since I have more information than you, I am probably correct.

[jennie-jennie]

I said this earlier or on another thread..If one chooses to have an affair with a MM or MW, it should be assumed that they have sex with their spouses too. I don't think an OW or OM has a right to demand or tell their MM or MW to stop sleeping with their spouses. Just my opinion.

 

Well, in my case I never demanded it. My MM offered it when he was ready.