Author coloredinks Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 You seem confused and I will tell you in part what I think went wrong. Guys don't like to have long deep conversations with girls they don't even know. They are only interested in having those talks with girls they really dig or are really into. And that takes time. I don't know how much crazy about you he must have been after a couple dates where you were drunk, got sick, and so on. It seems like you want to make up for the part of giving up sex so soon by giving a big talk and showing them more of yourself.. Unfortunately guys will find that a big pest, and will only "put up" with that for a little bit in order to get laid, and then not want to deal. I still think he will call. Good luck. In some ways I believe you are right. It's funny how some simple rules apply to most people, or groups of people (like men for example), when you untangle people's rationalizations and psychological complexities. I got the vibe he may have found our conversations almost too deep, and they scared him. It's like we reached a level of intimacy too soon for him, so he decided to distance himself. I thought it would be cool, because he seemed to like the conversations we had earlier that were like this. Shrug. I guess with other guys in the future I should try to hold back more, and just focus on having fun (what I'm less good at with someone I don't know).
Author coloredinks Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Unfortunately guys will find that a big pest, and will only "put up" with that for a little bit in order to get laid, and then not want to deal. Lol, men.
Kamille Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I think with J it's a bit different. I probably was in conquest mode for the first two dates, but on Wednesday I really started to like him in a genuine way, so now it's more just sadness/disappointment that I may not be able to get to know him better. But as I wrote above, THAT'S OK. Or so I'm trying to convince myself. Heh. You're right. It would be okay. I wonder, when do you take the time to enjoy the fun side of dating? Like: ooh, last night was fun. I like this guy, hmm he's so cute. I hope he calls but no matter what, I had a great time with this guy. And hurray, I now know I can attract cute guys like him. Yay me! I do like the radical acceptance list. It makes sense that the first step is accepting things for what they are and seeing the value in them, without expectations.
Author coloredinks Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 You're right. It would be okay. I wonder, when do you take the time to enjoy the fun side of dating? Like: ooh, last night was fun. I like this guy, hmm he's so cute. I hope he calls but no matter what, I had a great time with this guy. And hurray, I now know I can attract cute guys like him. Yay me! I do like the radical acceptance list. It makes sense that the first step is accepting things for what they are and seeing the value in them, without expectations. It's funny you write this, because I actually DID have a great time with J! That's why it will be very disappointing to me if I don't hear from him again, because I would be excited to get to know him better. This is totally different from how I felt about OKCupid guy, where each date felt like a torturous chore. I'm just trying to convince myself of that second piece, that I don't need to feel down if I don't hear from him again and I can see it in a positive light.
Author coloredinks Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Ugh, I hope it wasn't a mistake for me to text him last night thanking him for taking me to the fair and saying I had a really good time. Hope that didn't reek of desperation.
Ariadne Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Ugh, I hope it wasn't a mistake for me to text him last night thanking him for taking me to the fair and saying I had a really good time. Hope that didn't reek of desperation. No big deal.
Author coloredinks Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 I think the problem is my brain is telling me he represents everything I want to be, so a rejection of me will feel like my dreams rejecting me...as ridiculous as that sounds. How do I bring him back down to earth? This is insane.
Kamille Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I think the problem is my brain is telling me he represents everything I want to be, so a rejection of me will feel like my dreams rejecting me...as ridiculous as that sounds. How do I bring him back down to earth? This is insane. By accepting yourself as you are. I'm watching Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain for probably the 10th time. It has to be my favorite movie ever. Amélie's shyness made me think of you. It's ok to be you.
Ariadne Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I think the problem is my brain is telling me he represents everything I want to be, so a rejection of me will feel like my dreams rejecting me...as ridiculous as that sounds. How do I bring him back down to earth? This is insane. Every single guy you meet is U-La-La! I remember the way you described the friend of the ex ex, oh my! Then the ex. Then they "all suck". Etc etc. It's all in your head.
welikeincrowds Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 (edited) He read your text and smiled. That's what happened. He read your text and had a little moment of smile, all to himself. "He sneezed right after I said 'hello', fkfkfkfk, does that mean he thinks I'm desperate?!" What person is going to think "Wow, she's crazy, insta-fail" after being told "Thank you"? "Just listen to this chick. 'I had a nice time.' I need to drop this bitch right now before she gets out of control." It's funny is because more often than not, you do the right things despite yourself. Maybe you're afraid he's going to find "the truth" out about you eventually? Good news, it doesn't matter. My entire family is nuts. I never met a sane human being I wanted to spend time with. I'm not the only person to feel this. Your guy is almost definitely like this too. Although it's too bad for him that you're the one he's gonna have to deal with. Incidentally, I once dated a girl that threw up because she got too drunk just as I was in the very first stages of getting to know her. I held her hair back and helped clean her vomit. Isn't that disgusting? Isn't that trashy? But I was really into her, and I found her intelligent/funny/charming/etc., and all I really thought about at that moment was taking care of her. I'd tell you that you shouldn't worry so much, but you're not going to listen, so just keep worrying and try not to enjoy any time you spend with him in the future. Edited October 1, 2010 by welikeincrowds
welikeincrowds Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 We had sex. Oops! Maybe I should read threads before I write **** down in them, eh? I agree with the following commentary on not being forthright with this information. Get your **** together. We're anonymous. Regardless, I really don't think the sex is a big deal. You just have to repent like a Catholic. Day dates. Nothing but day dates. I hope you like sandwiches!
LisaLee Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Amélie's shyness made me think of you. It's ok to be you. Shadow has never struck me as being shy, but socially awkward which leads her to make some bad decisions. I love that movie, it was an inspiration for me. But to compare that wonderful character to Shadow is a long shot. To each his own.
Alma Mobley Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I understand why CI didn't mention that she and J had sex. She got a lot of good advice about how to proceed normally after their hook up. If she had said they had sex, a lot of that advice would not have been written because everyone would be too busy admonishing her for having sex or analyzing her to ascertain the reason she had sex and her defenders would be defending her and on and on. I mean, she really SHOULD have proceeded as though they had not had sex, and the advice she got was good for that. CI -- do what you want, but it does sound as though there is a high probability he will consider you FWB since he stated he was not looking for anything serious after you had sex. Please be careful with your heart. And since you had sex after the drunken hook up, it probably won't work to go backward as that would have been the best time to go on sex-free dates for awhile as you got to know each other, but I fear now it is too late. (I noted that someone suggested that above.) I hope this works out for you, though, I truly do.
LisaLee Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I understand why CI didn't mention that she and J had sex... She didn't withhold anything, she lied: We made out in his bed and did some other things, but no sex. Big diff.
Alma Mobley Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 She didn't withhold anything, she lied: Big diff. I thought someone might point that out after I posted. Fair enough, she did lie, no doubt about it. She came clean, and now people can take the truth into account while still giving advice on this situation. Give her a virtual slap on the wrist and move on, I say, because now the thread is focusing on this silly lie, which, on the scale of sins, is a pretty small one, and it's not going to help her to stay focused on it.
Ariadne Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 (And people, did you really believe that CI was going to be in bed with this guy at 4 am and not have sex? After they "hooked up" the first day? I'd be surprised if she didn't.)
LisaLee Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I thought someone might point that out after I posted. Fair enough, she did lie, no doubt about it. She came clean, and now people can take the truth into account while still giving advice on this situation. Give her a virtual slap on the wrist and move on, I say, because now the thread is focusing on this silly lie, which, on the scale of sins, is a pretty small one, and it's not going to help her to stay focused on it. Except this is the second time that she's lied. =/ I don't feel like digging through the threads, but in a previous one someone called her on a lie and really jumped her for it. It was the "I feel used" thread. And if she wants advice from people the least she could do is be as forthright as possible. If she doesn't want people jumping on her for her decisions maybe posting her situation on an open forum is not the place to be?
Citizen Erased Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 (And people, did you really believe that CI was going to be in bed with this guy at 4 am and not have sex? After they "hooked up" the first day? I'd be surprised if she didn't.) Yeah, pretty much. No offense CI but I was waiting for the confession before I posted on here. You need to stop drinking before and during dates. If you don't have the courage to be yourself, that's on you. But you make horrible choices. I think these guys like you but when you end up getting drunk and throwing up on dates (I understand the latest was an apparent case of food poisoning but I doubt they believed that) and then sleeping with them straight away...you become someone to not take seriously. This guy I could be wrong, he seems to like you. But I still think you've made it a lot harder for yourself.
Author coloredinks Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 (edited) Shadow has never struck me as being shy, but socially awkward which leads her to make some bad decisions. I love that movie, it was an inspiration for me. But to compare that wonderful character to Shadow is a long shot. To each his own. Wow, that's relaly nasty (the Amelie comment). Don't bother responding to my threads again. You know nothing about me. Shy is the first word people usually use to describe me. Edited October 2, 2010 by coloredinks
OceanGirl Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Shadow has never struck me as being shy, but socially awkward which leads her to make some bad decisions. I love that movie, it was an inspiration for me. But to compare that wonderful character to Shadow is a long shot. To each his own. You have gotta be kidding me This is actually not the first time you have been nasty in one of her threads. I am sure you all lie in much bigger ways on both LS and in real life and then you come on here to preach What a f-ing bunch of hypocrites
Author coloredinks Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 Well he didn't get in touch with me at all today. So it's been two full days now. And... I have a hunch he's out with my roommates (the two that are his friends). They're not in the house, and I heard a snippet of conversation earlier today that sounded like they were talking about hanging out with him and some other people tonight (I'd say 50/50 -- it was hard to tell). Honestly, if they're out at all, the chances are good that they're with him...he's like one of their only friends. In the past when my roommates have gone out, they've usually invited me along. Also, the last time he went out with them (last weekend), he made a point of inviting me. So, assuming I'm right, they all made a conscious choice NOT to invite me. Which means he doesn't want to see me again. It also means I probably can't hang out with them as a group anymore, since it looks like they won't be inviting me along whenever he's there, and he usually is. So, I've lost two potential friends as well. And these are people I have to live with. I'm now certain I won't hear from him again. I feel like the least he could have done would have been to send me a polite message saying he's not interested. I mean we had already gotten to know each other pretty well, I see him all the time already, and our last date we talked for hours about pretty personal things. Fcking bastard.
Author coloredinks Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 you guys can make fun of me if you want (I know some of you will probably have a go), but I"m actually crying. I really liked him, and I thought we had made a connection. And not just that, but this has fcked up my social life with my roommates. I knew it was too good to be true.
Author coloredinks Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 I'm so tempted to send him a text. I just need to know for sure. Is that an awful idea?
Ariadne Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I'm so tempted to send him a text. I just need to know for sure. Is that an awful idea? Just relax. Is not like this guy has to be tied to you around the waist. Eventually he may call and if he doesn't then you'll have the memories or something.
Citizen Erased Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 you guys can make fun of me if you want (I know some of you will probably have a go), but I"m actually crying. I really liked him, and I thought we had made a connection. And not just that, but this has fcked up my social life with my roommates. I knew it was too good to be true. Nobody will make fun of you for crying sweetie. (((hugs)))
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