Walked in on bf in bed with another woman..

[flying]

 

She will not "live and learn" unless she suffers real CONSEQUENCES for her actions. Minimally that would include owning her behavior and not filtering out legitimate criticism.

 

Hi Pickles/Inceptor/Gordon/Canada/etc/etc/etc,

 

She has already owned it. Please, can't you just give it a rest for once? This woman is in real pain.

[aerogurl87]

Pickles4breakfast you called her a violent person, end of story and so yes you did make this about her life in general and not the subject at hand. Bringing out her past marriage, going back to her previous posts, etc.

 

Anyway Naywinter all I have to say is get yourself some rest and take care of you. Bastards like your ex are abundant unfortunately, but there are still good men out there. I found my boyfriend after dating a hypocritical, lying, manipulative, verbally abusive jerk. So there's always hope you'll find someone better after you've had time to heal.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

She has already owned it. Please, can't you just give it a rest for once? This woman is in real pain.

 

OK reverse the genders.

 

Say it's OP who was with a secret bf and her significant other breaks into her house and punches her in the face several times. (E.g. not exactly the same but reasonably similar emotionally to Dexter Morgan' story, because he didn't break in to someone else's house and he didn't punch anyone.)

 

Would you come on here encouraging sympathy for the betrayed bf by saying he was "in pain"?

 

No you wouldn't. You'd likely be screaming and yelling for his head on a chopping block, calling him a violent abuser. Also most likely he would be accused of having "stalked" his "victims."

 

That's how it goes, we all know it--a double standard applies to this kind of stuff based on genders of the players.

Edited September 28, 2010 by Pickles4Breakfast

[flying]

OK reverse the genders.

 

Say it's OP who was with a secret bf and her significant other breaks into her house and punches her in the face several times. (E.g. not exactly the same but reasonably similar emotionally to Dexter Morgan' story, because he didn't break in to someone else's house and he didn't punch anyone.)

 

Would you come on here encouraging sympathy for the betrayed bf by saying he was "in pain"?

 

No you wouldn't. You'd likely be screaming and yelling for his head on a chopping block, calling him a violent abuser.

 

What I don't understand is why you're so latched on to this person's story. Obviously somewhere it touches a nerve, but without your backstory one cannot understand why.

 

I don't think it's helpful to try to tell me or others what you think we'd do in hypothetical situations; LS works much, much better and empathy is much more forthcoming IMO when we take each story individually and try to understand it in that context, rather than applying our own preconceptions and frustrations to a stranger's story.

 

With that in mind, perhaps it's high time you started your own thread, instead of taking over others'? Just food for thought.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

I don't believe it, and even if I did.. this "secret friendship" is such a betrayal to me, that it's something I'll never get over. Please be as honest as possible because I need honesty right now, and nothing could ever hurt me worse than what I've been going through.

 

The above quotation is from OP's first post in this thread. She specifically asked responders to "be as honest as possible because I need honesty right now".

 

Nothing I've posted in this thread has been anything less than "honest."

[Pickles4Breakfast]

What I don't understand is why you're so latched on to this person's story.

 

I haven't "latched on" to anything, I simply find this to be an interesting discussion. However the OP asked for "honesty" which I've provided, that has resulted in a number of people questioning/challenging me, not because of a lack of honesty on my part, but simply because the "honesty" is viewed as "hurting OP's feelings."

 

It's kind of unfair of you to direct a question at ME. Either I leave it unanswered or respond to it, if I respond to it, do you question me for doing so?

 

Obviously somewhere it touches a nerve, but without your backstory one cannot understand why.

 

This is a pretty interesting tactic--rather than actually discussing any points I've made about the OP's situation, or anything else about the OP's situation, you're trying to make MY "backstory" some kind of an issue. Listen, I could be Mother Theresa or Attila the Hun for all you know. Why not just look at what I've posted and if you think anything is "wrong" then go ahead and explain where I've missed the boat.

 

 

 

I don't think it's helpful to try to tell me or others what you think we'd do in hypothetical situations; LS works much, much better and empathy is much more forthcoming IMO when we take each story individually and try to understand it in that context, rather than applying our own preconceptions and frustrations to a stranger's story.

 

You're obviously entitled to your opinion. It seems however a lot of people don't believe in anything other than a kind of "groupthink." The OP asked for "honesty." My method of evaluation is to look at the objective facts posted by the OP. Not to massage her ego. There's plenty of other people here who are more than willing to take that kind of approach, so I simply don't need to. If you think my opinions are not valid because they come from preconceptions and frustrations, you're entitled to your opinion. I don't however have to tell you my "backstory" because it's simply not relevant, and I'm not going to let you try to make me the "issue" because you're unable to actually refute anything I may have posted about the OP's situation.

 

With that in mind, perhaps it's high time you started your own thread, instead of taking over others'? Just food for thought.

 

It's high time you stopped trying to dictate what others' opinions should be. Just food for thought.

[flying]

It's high time you stopped trying to dictate what others' opinions should be. Just food for thought.

 

Heh, right back atcha. Good luck.

[woinlove]

Pickles4Breakfast, why the obsession with this thread? You just started posting on LS with this thread and have already made 32 posts on NayWinter's thread!! You keep hammering on the same points ad nauseam.

 

I understand NayWinter's interest because she walked in on her bf in bed with another woman and it is her thread. Your relentless obsession seems creepy and is cluttering up this thread. Are you the bf or the other woman?

[Dexter Morgan]

What I don't understand is why you're so latched on to this person's story. Obviously somewhere it touches a nerve, but without your backstory one cannot understand why.

 

well if you check pickle's posting history, with the exception of maybe one other post....it seems that this is the ONLY post pickle bothers with.

 

gotta wonder if pickle is OP's bf.....or simply cut from the same untrustworthy mold and finds it offensive that the bf got caught.

[Dexter Morgan]

I haven't "latched on" to anything, I simply find this to be an interesting discussion. .

 

funny, you really aren't active in any other threads with the exception of one post.

[stillafool]

 

 

But she left, and I went up to him, smacked him across the cheek, proceeded to whack him with my fist and pillows while he covered his face. I threw objects across the room. I took a drink of water and splashed the rest on his face. Am I proud of what I did? No. But when you turn my heart inside out and lie to me and hurt me so profoundly do you expect me to act rational? No.

 

 

I understand how you felt when this happened to you. But if the situation was reversed and a man did the above to a woman, would you be as understanding?

[NayWinter]

Pickles4Breakfast, why the obsession with this thread? You just started posting on LS with this thread and have already made 32 posts on NayWinter's thread!! You keep hammering on the same points ad nauseam.

 

I understand NayWinter's interest because she walked in on her bf in bed with another woman and it is her thread. Your relentless obsession seems creepy and is cluttering up this thread. Are you the bf or the other woman?

 

Funny you should say that because I've been wondering if Pickles4breakfast is the OW. It can't be my xbf because the spelling is too good, and he's not to internet savvy.

[NayWinter]

well if you check pickle's posting history, with the exception of maybe one other post....it seems that this is the ONLY post pickle bothers with.

 

gotta wonder if pickle is OP's bf.....or simply cut from the same untrustworthy mold and finds it offensive that the bf got caught.

 

 

Probably cut from the same mold. I'd think it was the OW, but what are the chances?

[Dexter Morgan]

I understand how you felt when this happened to you. But if the situation was reversed and a man did the above to a woman, would you be as understanding?

 

if the woman physically assaulted the man first and the man reacted....yes.

[Dexter Morgan]

Probably cut from the same mold. I'd think it was the OW, but what are the chances?

 

dunno, why does pickles only really bother with your thread?

[NayWinter]

dunno, why does pickles only really bother with your thread?

 

True.. and not just bother with it, but bother with it passionately! Not to mention repeat him/herself constantly. He/she also appears to have quite the God complex.

Edited September 28, 2010 by NayWinter

[woinlove]

I'd think it was the OW, but what are the chances?

 

Wouldn't be the first time. One OW who posts claims the wife of her MM also posts here. If you ever mentioned to your BF that you had posted here in earlier times, it'd be easy to identify your thread about walking in on him and OW.

[NayWinter]

Wouldn't be the first time. One OW who posts claims the wife of her MM also posts here. If you ever mentioned to your BF that you had posted here in earlier times, it'd be easy to identify your thread about walking in on him and OW.

 

Oh wow, that's creepy. I'm sure I never mentioned it to him though. If it's anybody, it's the OW. I'm not saying that it is, but if it was one of them, it would be her. I was kind of paranoid about that, that's why I tried to keep my post kind of short and not as detailed as it actually is.

[sanskrit]

I personally agree with everything pickles has said in this thread, though think his/her points have been overstated and repeated somewhat.

 

OP, only you know whether violence is a pattern with you or a possible reaction to situations like this going forward, and if it is, you should worry less about your cheating BF and more about addressing the violence. You were very lucky this time, as had things gone just a bit differently, this situation could have ruined your life or someone else's. You can't expect to come to a place like this, give the details you have, and not get lots of flak for your violence in the scenario.

 

And before I get called for being too dramatic, of what OP posted, we know that she broke in a door, kicked another door, presented an extreme demeanor that demanded restraint, punched someone in the face more than once, and displayed threatening behavior towards another person. Add a weapon at several points in this equation and the results could have been catastrophic. And that is only based on what she did type.

 

OP, I hold no malice against you, nor do I have any reason to "bash" you nor any personal animus or baggage that is affecting what I say to you.

[stillafool]

if the woman physically assaulted the man first and the man reacted....yes.

 

But that wasn't what happened. She physically assaulted him and he didn't put a hand on her. Is that fair just because she is a woman?

[harmfulsweetz]

I can see right now this thread is on it's way to closure. Which is a shame because there are only a select few spoiling it, and not offering what LS is here to offer. LS is about support, and guidance, in it's various forms, to share wisdom, experiences and words of comfort and duly-dole out the wake-up calls when needed. It is not meant to be a place of bating, throwing your opinions down people's throats, until a thread is closed.

 

Pickles, if the roles were reversed, it would be exactly the same. I don't ever recall anyone truly justifying OP's actions. Naywinter herself admits it was wrong. Can't you just let it drop now? The point has been made, she read it, responded to it, end of.

 

Also, you neglect to accept in your understanding of events that HE forcefully pushed her from the room, pinned her against the wall, BEFORE she laid a finger on him. That to most people qualifies at the least as threatening behavior and I don't care who you are, male or female, you pin someone against the wall you deserve a slap/punch.

 

Using the role reversal method also doesn't wash well with me either. You're in the region of apples and oranges here, men and women, typically are physically built differently. Think about it, a woman hits a man-probably not going to cause that much damage, man hits woman, it's a little bit different. It's equally wrong from all sides of the spectrum, however, to throw it around like it's some double standard is bogus. It's not.

 

I know for a fact how scary being pinned against a wall can be, especially when you're already feeling emotionally vulnerable, when my ex did it in public, some guy threatened to smack him one in the face simply because it's THREATENING behavior. Pickles, why don't you consider that for a moment? Consider HIS actions then work hers into the equation, and see if you can come to some understanding why she did what she did.

 

OP, I've known a lot of posters who leave LS because of posters such as pickles, please don't, because they simply aren't worth it, and a lot of support can come from LS, you just have to wade through the bad posts first.

[harmfulsweetz]

But that wasn't what happened. She physically assaulted him and he didn't put a hand on her. Is that fair just because she is a woman?

 

 

What happened was this: (she stated this in her first post) she walked in on them in bed, he forced her from the room and pinned her against the wall, I do believe that to do this he would have had to use his hands. THEN she hit him. So it could be safe to assume had he not done this, she probably wouldn't have felt the need to hit him.

[NayWinter]

I can see right now this thread is on it's way to closure. Which is a shame because there are only a select few spoiling it, and not offering what LS is here to offer. LS is about support, and guidance, in it's various forms, to share wisdom, experiences and words of comfort and duly-dole out the wake-up calls when needed. It is not meant to be a place of bating, throwing your opinions down people's throats, until a thread is closed.

 

Pickles, if the roles were reversed, it would be exactly the same. I don't ever recall anyone truly justifying OP's actions. Naywinter herself admits it was wrong. Can't you just let it drop now? The point has been made, she read it, responded to it, end of.

 

Also, you neglect to accept in your understanding of events that HE forcefully pushed her from the room, pinned her against the wall, BEFORE she laid a finger on him. That to most people qualifies at the least as threatening behavior and I don't care who you are, male or female, you pin someone against the wall you deserve a slap/punch.

 

Using the role reversal method also doesn't wash well with me either. You're in the region of apples and oranges here, men and women, typically are physically built differently. Think about it, a woman hits a man-probably not going to cause that much damage, man hits woman, it's a little bit different. It's equally wrong from all sides of the spectrum, however, to throw it around like it's some double standard is bogus. It's not.

 

I know for a fact how scary being pinned against a wall can be, especially when you're already feeling emotionally vulnerable, when my ex did it in public, some guy threatened to smack him one in the face simply because it's THREATENING behavior. Pickles, why don't you consider that for a moment? Consider HIS actions then work hers into the equation, and see if you can come to some understanding why she did what she did.

 

OP, I've known a lot of posters who leave LS because of posters such as pickles, please don't, because they simply aren't worth it, and a lot of support can come from LS, you just have to wade through the bad posts first.

 

 

Thanks for your kindness. I won't leave LS because of a few people who want to overstate their opinion. The rest of you have really helped me through this really rough time in my life and I appreciate those of you who did so much.

[NayWinter]

What happened was this: (she stated this in her first post) she walked in on them in bed, he forced her from the room and pinned her against the wall, I do believe that to do this he would have had to use his hands. THEN she hit him. So it could be safe to assume had he not done this, she probably wouldn't have felt the need to hit him.

 

This is true. He did put his hands on me first, and he did it because I yelled and woke him up.

 

Now, a few people are going to say I broke into his house.. I'm not even going to argue with that. I wasn't wearing a ski mask and breaking in the window. I had keys.. keys that after this happened, he still wanted me to keep. I believe I broke the screen door handle, but again, he told me once that if the screen door wont open, pull on the handle and I would get in. So I did.

[harmfulsweetz]

Thanks for your kindness. I won't leave LS because of a few people who want to overstate their opinion. The rest of you have really helped me through this really rough time in my life and I appreciate those of you who did so much.

 

 

It's not a problem, glad to hear you aren't going to leave. We all have to deal with the good and bad here, more good than bad though.