Walked in on bf in bed with another woman..

[NayWinter]

so he pushed you out, or grabbed you and drug you out. Therefore it could be seen as self-defense since he touched you first.

In any case, you can consider that assault, so if he tried to get you arrested, he might want to think again.

 

 

Well he pushed me out, while saying "WTF are you doing here" and then pinned me against the wall. When he let go of me, I punched him in the face a couple times, then tried to get into the bedroom where she was cowaring. That's when he held me down on the couch with such force, I literally couldn't breathe.

 

Thank you for answering my post. It means a lot to me.

Edited September 27, 2010 by NayWinter

[NayWinter]

No Dexter Morgan. OP broke into his house. She provoked the entire thing. No self defense for her.

 

I used my keys to get in. The screen door was locked. So yes, I broke it, but I had keys to his house.

[NayWinter]

OP, if a man reacted the way you did, he'd be in jail.

 

If I was doing what he did, and he walked in and the exact same events occurred, I wouldn't send him to jail because I would feel I deserved it. If I was sleeping with another man, I wouldn't have been dumb enough to give him the keys to my house either.

[aerogurl87]

No Dexter Morgan. OP broke into his house. She provoked the entire thing. No self defense for her.

 

She had the keys to his house, how the hell is that breaking in? It's self defense and I think the OP handled herself alot better than I would have.

[NayWinter]

what else did he do in the past that made you suspicious of him?

 

Well, I have excellent instincts, but it was more than just that. I've caught him lying about a lot of things. He would say "Oh I forgot to tell you" or " Lying by omission isn't lying, I forget things and can't remember every little thing". He once told me that one of his exgf friends offered him oral sex. This was after he told me that he wanted to hook this girl up with one of his friends because she was a good girl and very attractive. Needless to say, when I had questions about why he was even in a position to be offered oral sex by an exgf friend, he said he was lying about the whole thing. He claimed to have made that story up just to make me jealous.

 

I've also seen how he lies to other people about pretty much anything and everything. He was always verbally abusing me, and calling me a liar.. and I made the assumption that he was doing this to me, and being untrustworthy ( for NO reason at all, I was always honest with him) because he knew that he couldn't be trusted and he knew that he was a liar.

[NayWinter]

She had the keys to his house, how the hell is that breaking in? It's self defense and I think the OP handled herself alot better than I would have.

 

Thank you!

[aerogurl87]

Sounds like you are ALOT better off without this guy. He also sounds like my ex (lied all the time, very untrustworthy, verbally abusive). And reading everything you went through is literally about to make me sick with disgust. You really deserve better Naywinter and I hope you will find someone better because you deserve a good man who will not lie to you and will treat both you and your relationship with honour, dignity, and respect.

[NayWinter]

Sounds like you are ALOT better off without this guy. He also sounds like my ex (lied all the time, very untrustworthy, verbally abusive). And reading everything you went through is literally about to make me sick with disgust. You really deserve better Naywinter and I hope you will find someone better because you deserve a good man who will not lie to you and will treat both you and your relationship with honour, dignity, and respect.

 

I appreciate that very much. For about a week after this, every time I would think about it, and think about all the lies he had to have told me to be with her (and God knows who else) I would get physically sick to my stomach. I couldn't eat, I had to drink those meal in a bottle drinks. It actually makes me mad that I'm hurting over such a loser. I just wish there was some way to get over it and be happy... really fast.

[aerogurl87]

I appreciate that very much. For about a week after this, every time I would think about it, and think about all the lies he had to have told me to be with her (and God knows who else) I would get physically sick to my stomach. I couldn't eat, I had to drink those meal in a bottle drinks. It actually makes me mad that I'm hurting over such a loser. I just wish there was some way to get over it and be happy... really fast.

 

It'll take time to get over I can tell you that. I hated my ex after we broke up but still at the same time a part of me loved him and it took me almost a year to finally get over him. Just try not to focus on him and try to move on with your life. Much easier said than done though.

[Feelin Frisky]

I for one am surpised that other people are cosigning your behavior. If you're not married and occupying the same domicile, breaking someone's door in--screen door or not--and punching them in the face is a CRIME. It doeswn't matter what one tells oneself. If the cops come, you go to jail. Period. Busting in and carrying on does not undo what you've seen. So you found out he's doing someone else. That happens--to women and to men. That's no license to break, enter and assault. I'm confounded that others are quibbling about his story. He doesn't owe one. The door was locked for a reason. Sorry to not cosign your somewhat understandible but thoroughly wrong violent intrusion. He could have shot you and been justified.

[NayWinter]

I for one am surpised that other people are cosigning your behavior. If you're not married and occupying the same domicile, breaking someone's door in--screen door or not--and punching them in the face is a CRIME. It doeswn't matter what one tells oneself. If the cops come, you go to jail. Period. Busting in and carrying on does not undo what you've seen. So you found out he's doing someone else. That happens--to women and to men. That's no license to break, enter and assault. I'm confounded that others are quibbling about his story. He doesn't owe one. The door was locked for a reason. Sorry to not cosign your somewhat understandible but thoroughly wrong violent intrusion. He could have shot you and been justified.

 

As I stated in the beginning.. I am not proud of how I reacted. I'm sure you've NEVER reacted in a bad way after your life was completely changed in an instant by someone you loved and trusted. Thanks for your support.

[NayWinter]

breaking someone's door in--screen door or not--

 

The screen door was locked. I didn't "break it in" I pulled on the handle hard enough to open it. I'm assuming the handle is broken, yes. I also had a standing invitation to use MY KEYS to go into his house whenever I wanted.

[NayWinter]

It'll take time to get over I can tell you that. I hated my ex after we broke up but still at the same time a part of me loved him and it took me almost a year to finally get over him. Just try not to focus on him and try to move on with your life. Much easier said than done though.

 

I feel the same way about my now ex, that you did about yours. I can feel that it's gonna take a long time to get over this.. Not so much get over him (which will be hard, not going to lie) but to get over the betrayal in general. It was more than just one betrayal.. He shared my life and my privacy with another woman. I don't trust men in general, but the one thing I really trusted about him was that when I told him things, he would keep those things between us. That's the first thing that attracted me to him.

[Dexter Morgan]

No Dexter Morgan. OP broke into his house. She provoked the entire thing. No self defense for her.

 

he gave her a key, which implies permission to enter the house. just because a screen door was locked doesn't mean anything.

[Dexter Morgan]

Well he pushed me out, while saying "WTF are you doing here"

 

to which your answer should have been, "you gave me a key you idiot"

 

the dumbass gives you a key so that you can come and go as you please, but then locks the screen door when this other woman, who is just a friend:rolleyes:, is there.

 

anyway, its all moot. You broke up with the idiot. Move on to greener pastures. There are better men to be with.

[Dexter Morgan]

I for one am surpised that other people are cosigning your behavior. If you're not married and occupying the same domicile, breaking someone's door in--screen door or not--and punching them in the face is a CRIME.

 

when you give someone a key to your place, you are giving them permission to enter as if it was their place too. if screen door was locked, so what?

 

and when she got in there, he grabbed her first and pinned her against the wall.

 

Now with the permission of giving her the key, and him physically restraining her first.....he did assault her. Now its a moot point because she obviously isn't going to press any charges and has moved on. Which is what I would do, and have done in almost this same situation.

 

My X in college gave me a key, I walked in on them having sex. My initial reaction was to jump on the bed and start wailing. But I took a big breath, and slammed the door shut so hard it broke the door off the hinges.

 

common sense took over and it was better to just leave and blow her security deposit than assault someone.

 

 

The door was locked for a reason. Sorry to not cosign your somewhat understandible but thoroughly wrong violent intrusion. He could have shot you and been justified.

 

oh really? what do you think will happen when a completely unarmed girl enters his pad and he shoots her? you really think he'd have been deemed justified? ask any cop and they'll tell you that isn't how it would go down.

[atlnay]

he gave her a key, which implies permission to enter the house. just because a screen door was locked doesn't mean anything.

 

A screen door that was LOCKED and FORCED open however someone chooses to open it is a CRIME.

 

I don't care if she walked in on them physically having sex and he turned around and kept on going. SO WHAT?!? Non one has the right to put their hands on anybody, anytime. Man. or Woman. Period.

 

If this were a story in the news about a man beating a woman because he saw her sleeping in the bed with another dude just as OP did, he would be under the jail for domestic violence.

 

It bothers me that the physical aspect of this, even OP wanting to go after the woman who only knows what his man is telling her, is being "glossed" over.

 

Were I that dude? Not only is the relationship over, I am in touch with the proper authorities.

 

Were I the OP? I'd calmly collect myself, "No no no no you two don't get up, I'll only be a sec", place the key back on his table and walk out the door.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

She had the keys to his house, how the hell is that breaking in? It's self defense and I think the OP handled herself alot better than I would have.

 

 

The part where OP admitted she "broke in"?

 

It's nice she had keys, that doesn't give her the right to break the screen door to gain entry if he doesn't want her in the house. Unless of course she was actually his tenant? She didn't say she was living with him, just that she had keys.

[atlnay]

And another angle....what if OP boyfriend clocked her dead in the face after the threw the first punch? Or punched her right back in her face several times? Then what?

[Dexter Morgan]

A screen door that was LOCKED and FORCED open however someone chooses to open it is a CRIME.

 

we'll have to agree to disagree there.

 

 

I don't care if she walked in on them physically having sex and he turned around and kept on going. SO WHAT?!? Non one has the right to put their hands on anybody, anytime. Man. or Woman. Period.

 

glad you said that.....cuz he put his hands on her first.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

The screen door was locked. I didn't "break it in" I pulled on the handle hard enough to open it. I'm assuming the handle is broken, yes. I also had a standing invitation to use MY KEYS to go into his house whenever I wanted.

 

In a prior post in this thread you admitted you "broke in."

 

Bottom line: it's not your house. He didn't want you in there--we know why he didn't, he had another gf there. You punched him in the face, and then went to attack his other gf.

 

Not self defense.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

he gave her a key, which implies permission to enter the house. just because a screen door was locked doesn't mean anything.

 

Yes it does. It means he didn't want anyone coming in HIS house. If she thought she was entitled to be there, then that's what the door bell is for.

[atlnay]

The screen door was locked. I didn't "break it in" I pulled on the handle hard enough to open it. I'm assuming the handle is broken, yes. I also had a standing invitation to use MY KEYS to go into his house whenever I wanted.

 

Otherwise known as forced entry...this is getting better and better...:laugh:

[Dexter Morgan]

And another angle....what if OP boyfriend clocked her dead in the face after the threw the first punch? Or punched her right back in her face several times? Then what?

 

maybe you missed the part where he touched her first by shoving her up against the wall. that is assault.

 

But I'll digress, neither one of their actions should be condoned.

[atlnay]

maybe you missed the part where he touched her first by shoving her up against the wall. that is assault.

 

But I'll digress, neither one of their actions should be condoned.

 

Nah...I didn't miss that. I read well. But yea let's pursue that. He restrained her. Ok? Maybe YOU missed the part where in no state of USA is cheating on a non married partner a crime.

 

Now, punching in the face and oh yea, forced entry...yea that's jail time in most parts.

 

Get a grip on cheating. Be upset. Be hurt. Be embarrassed. Be gone. Hitting? Breaking and entering, no comparison.