Walked in on bf in bed with another woman..

[NayWinter]

Essentially, the majority of 5 pages of this thread are quibbling over the rights and wrongs of OPs actions. We can all agree that it is wrong to assault (on either a man or a woman, by a man or a woman) force entry but that's by the by. We ALL do things that perhaps, in hindsight, we wish we didn't, and we know are unjustifiable. Such is life, such is emotions and the cr*p that come with them, don't we all wish we could act like exemplary model citizens, that behave just so?

 

In regards to the original post, I think his story was a load of tosh. Even if they didn't have sex, unlikely, he still broke your trust. Sharing a bed, IMO, is a very intimate thing. He shared that intimacy with someone else. At best, it was an emotional affair, at worst, a physical one. One way or the other, he cheated/betrayed your trust/ assaulted you and well, good for you for dumping his sorry behind.

 

atlnay, shut up, seriously. Don't care? Leave OP alone then. Stop harping on about the rights and wrongs, as if it means something. It, er, doesn't. Your posts are grating on me, because I can't quite frankly, see the point in beating a dead horse. OP is well aware her actions were wrong, give it a rest.

 

I'm going to quote Thumper on this: "If you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all."

 

Thank you for your kind words. You're right in everything that you said.

[2sunny]

Well, I have excellent instincts, but it was more than just that. I've caught him lying about a lot of things. He would say "Oh I forgot to tell you" or " Lying by omission isn't lying, I forget things and can't remember every little thing". He once told me that one of his exgf friends offered him oral sex. This was after he told me that he wanted to hook this girl up with one of his friends because she was a good girl and very attractive. Needless to say, when I had questions about why he was even in a position to be offered oral sex by an exgf friend, he said he was lying about the whole thing. He claimed to have made that story up just to make me jealous.

 

I've also seen how he lies to other people about pretty much anything and everything. He was always verbally abusing me, and calling me a liar.. and I made the assumption that he was doing this to me, and being untrustworthy ( for NO reason at all, I was always honest with him) because he knew that he couldn't be trusted and he knew that he was a liar.

 

yep, this is why i always say that the little things actually mean big things.

 

if he's willing to lie in little ways - he certainly must justify lying in big ways too.

[NayWinter]

yep, this is why i always say that the little things actually mean big things.

 

if he's willing to lie in little ways - he certainly must justify lying in big ways too.

 

Yes, absolutely.

[Mad Max]

Obviously, the guy is a womanizing piece of sh*t. I doubt anyone here is going to disagree with that. Was it breaking and entering? Technically, yes it was. Then again, he put her through emotional trauma and put her at risk for STDs. I'll be honest, if I was on the jury, I'd vote not guilty. Yes, she did break in but he was no better for putting her through the trauma and putting her at risk for a potentially life altering or even ending STD.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not excusing the breaking and entering. But, plenty of people would have done the exact same thing. I probably would have too. Only I would have done much more damage than a punch or two to the face.

[painfullyobvious]

I have many female friends whom I have confided in and I can say I have never had any of them sleep in my bed. I walked in on a situation exactly like your except she did not try and pull the friend excuse. You can and will do better. Sorry you had to experience this. That trust will come back to you once you find the right person who deserves it

[2sunny]

there are many men in the world who will always need to have a backup girl in the picture. :rolleyes:

 

i'm glad i've never allowed myself to be one.

 

the men i AM truly friends with - are my friends. i don't sleep in the same bed with them - or have secret talks, (although we do have many talks, just not secret) - or have secret time together. many of them are married. we don't talk inappropriately about their spouses. we don't engage in questionable behavior or activities. we never give reason for others to wonder. there is no cover up - because there's nothing to cover. i am equally the friend to their wives. i am often asked over for dinner. we go to plays, concerts, sporting events, dinner etc. it is what friends do.

 

i am their friend. everything is out in the open.

 

if it's a secret - then something is terribly WRONG.

 

i'm actually quite proud of your courage and strength - a wimpy gal wouldn't have entered at all. she would have run away crying.

 

i'm sad you broke the door - and it got physical... but you are a warrior gal that isn't gonna take his crap. yippee for the strong gal!

 

 

i also notice that he wasn't apologizing for the cheating - he was only sorry he got caught. :sick: THAT alone tells you everything you need to know about his character - or lack of...

[reservoirdog1]

Actually for me the key to the whole situation is not when she punched out her ex-bf--it's that she would have actually attacked the other woman had the ex-bf not restrained her.

 

How on earth could anyone justify THAT?

Oh sweet Christ.

 

Who said anything about justifying it? There's a huge difference between excusing it and explaining it. And the explanation, for pretty much anybody who's been through it, makes total sense.

 

Go through it yourself. Then maybe you'll be in a position to comment on what a person who's just found their significant other in bed with another person should or shouldn't do. Very easy to do that when it's not your heart that's been torn in half by somebody you trusted intimately, when you're not the person for whom everything in the most sensitive part of your world suddenly makes no sense, and when you don't feel like you're going crazy from a mixture of shock, grief and anger unlike anything you've ever experienced.

 

I'm not saying I've been through the walking-in-on experience either, but I have been through the pain of finding out that I'd been massively betrayed by my partner. I harboured revenge fantasies, against her and at least one of her OMs. I imagined in my mind what I'd have done if I'd ever walked in on the two of them, either to her or to him. I wondered what drugs I could take, legal or illegal, that would make the pain stop, even for a few hours. I enlisted the help of people who knew both me and the OMs to ensure that, where preventable, I wouldn't inadvertently cross paths with them.

 

Frankly, the OP's boyfriend and his fyckbuddy got off pretty light, all things considered. Legalities and fine print be damned.

 

The OP came here looking for support and help in her time of great pain. Lecturing her about the supposed legalities of her actions, or lack thereof, is neither helpful nor appropriate. Climb off your soapbox and grab some empathy. If you don't want to do that, at least consider posting somewhere else.

Edited September 27, 2010 by reservoirdog1

[Woman In Blue]

Jeez, some posters are like a freakin' dog with a bone. The issue about breaking in and entering is NOT the subject of this post. WHO GIVES A SH*T??

 

Some people really need to turn off their computer, come up out of their mother's basements, and take a walk out in the sunshine.

[stillafool]

OP I feel for you as that is a hurting thing. You did the right thing to dump him as fast as possible. The story they fed you is complete BS. Ifshe really did need to sleep at his house why wasn't one of them on the sofa? No, they were both in his bed and you and I know why. Don't fall for his crap. However I think you were wrong to go after the girl (unless she was a friend of yours) because afterall she doesn't owe you anything, he does. Tell the truth, didn't you feel like something was going on with him before you went over there on a surprise visit?

[Pickles4Breakfast]

Obviously, the guy is a womanizing piece of sh*t.

 

Really? What did he actually do that would make you say that?

 

He and OP weren't living together. She stated in her first post there were "serious" (I'm not sure what that means in this context, exactly) but never explicitly stated that they had agreed to be "exclusive." It was OP's choice not to live with this guy. She said she had trust issues. O.K.

 

I think everyone is putting way too much significance on the fact that OP's ex-bf gave her a set of house keys and told her she could come and go as she pleased. Obviously that was for his convenience, not hers.

 

So on the day of this breakup, she decides to "surprise" him one morning. She sees a strange car in driveway, and she knows what it means (she admitted this in her first post). So when she broke the screen door it was to have a confrontation, that's pretty clear. And she had a confrontation.

 

They're not married; they're not engaged; they're not living together. We don't even know if they've agreed to be exclusive.

 

This guy was TOTALLY SHOCKED that OP was even there in the first place. Now granted, we are only hearing one side of the story. But, if he was accustomed to her showing up at his place in the mornings, unannounced, as a "surprise," why would he be totally shocked that she happened to appear on this particular day, when his other gf was staying over? If he had authorized her to force open the screen door if it was locked--as she claims--why is he surprised to see her there?

 

Embarrassed at being busted? Sure. But surprised that OP showed up? That's very hard to buy under the scenario/relationship that OP's described here. Why would her ex-bf be surprised that she happened to show up on this particular morning? A more natural reaction would be something like: "Man I knew you were going to show up, this is so embarrasing." Not: "What the heck are YOU doing here?" As if from his perspective, the OP showed up "out of the blue."

 

In fact we don't even know who the "other woman" really is in this scenario. What OP did is awfully close to stalking behavior, objectively speaking, and the only reason there's any question about that is that she had a set of house keys.

 

There are also some inconsistencies in her posts which affect her credibility. For example, in her first post, she says she punched her ex "several" times; then later on it's only a "couple". She states she "broke" into the screen door, or similar words; then later on, she tries to minimize that behavior as well.

 

Nothing she described her ex as doing in that situation strikes me as him trying to "assault" her or even cause her any harm; in fact he sounds like he exercised a great deal of restraint. He did use physical force, but that was evidently not to harm her, but to keep her from harming his other gf. And for his troubles caught a few punches in the face.

 

Also, the OP has said nothing at all about her own sexual history the past three years. She's obviously intending us to infer that she has NOT dated/had sex with/whatever, with any other guys. Yet she hasn't come out and actually said that. If she didn't want to move in with the guy, for whatever reason, then it's obvious she wasn't fully committed to him. So what's the real problem if he wants to date/sleep with other women on the nights he's not seeing OP?

 

 

I doubt anyone here is going to disagree with that

 

The only thing we can "agree" on is that OP deliberately "surprised" her ex-bf by showing up at his house one morning, unannounced, and when she realized (by the car in the driveway) he was with another woman, she sought a violent confrontation with the both of them.

 

 

 

 

Was it breaking and entering? Technically, yes it was.

 

No it was not just "technical". Her intent in breaking into the house was to seek a violent physical confrontation including attacking her ex's other gf. That's not a mere technicality.

 

 

Then again, he put her through emotional trauma and put her at risk for STDs. I'll be honest, if I was on the jury, I'd vote not guilty.

 

You don't know how you'd vote because you haven't heard the bf's side of the story.

 

 

 

Yes, she did break in but he was no better for putting her through the trauma and putting her at risk for a potentially life altering or even ending STD.

 

Dude, they're not married, they're not living together, they're not even engaged. They were dating for three years. He's allowed to have sex with other women. If she wanted to be his "exclusive gf" then why wasn't she in bed with him? Why is she having to "surprise" him in the mornings? (And if you buy that he wanted to be "surprised" that way, and told her it was OK for her to just break into the screen door, then maybe I have a bridge to sell you as well...)

 

 

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not excusing the breaking and entering. But, plenty of people would have done the exact same thing. I probably would have too. Only I would have done much more damage than a punch or two to the face.

 

Well actually it was "several" punches in her first post, but then after taking some criticism about that level of aggression, OP changed her story on that particular issue.

[2sunny]

Really? What did he actually do that would make you say that?

 

He and OP weren't living together. She stated in her first post there were "serious" (I'm not sure what that means in this context, exactly) but never explicitly stated that they had agreed to be "exclusive." It was OP's choice not to live with this guy. She said she had trust issues. O.K.

 

I think everyone is putting way too much significance on the fact that OP's ex-bf gave her a set of house keys and told her she could come and go as she pleased. Obviously that was for his convenience, not hers.

 

So on the day of this breakup, she decides to "surprise" him one morning. She sees a strange car in driveway, and she knows what it means (she admitted this in her first post). So when she broke the screen door it was to have a confrontation, that's pretty clear. And she had a confrontation.

 

They're not married; they're not engaged; they're not living together. We don't even know if they've agreed to be exclusive.

 

This guy was TOTALLY SHOCKED that OP was even there in the first place. Now granted, we are only hearing one side of the story. But, if he was accustomed to her showing up at his place in the mornings, unannounced, as a "surprise," why would he be totally shocked that she happened to appear on this particular day, when his other gf was staying over? If he had authorized her to force open the screen door if it was locked--as she claims--why is he surprised to see her there?

 

Embarrassed at being busted? Sure. But surprised that OP showed up? That's very hard to buy under the scenario/relationship that OP's described here. Why would her ex-bf be surprised that she happened to show up on this particular morning? A more natural reaction would be something like: "Man I knew you were going to show up, this is so embarrasing." Not: "What the heck are YOU doing here?" As if from his perspective, the OP showed up "out of the blue."

 

In fact we don't even know who the "other woman" really is in this scenario. What OP did is awfully close to stalking behavior, objectively speaking, and the only reason there's any question about that is that she had a set of house keys.

 

There are also some inconsistencies in her posts which affect her credibility. For example, in her first post, she says she punched her ex "several" times; then later on it's only a "couple". She states she "broke" into the screen door, or similar words; then later on, she tries to minimize that behavior as well.

 

Nothing she described her ex as doing in that situation strikes me as him trying to "assault" her or even cause her any harm; in fact he sounds like he exercised a great deal of restraint. He did use physical force, but that was evidently not to harm her, but to keep her from harming his other gf. And for his troubles caught a few punches in the face.

 

Also, the OP has said nothing at all about her own sexual history the past three years. She's obviously intending us to infer that she has NOT dated/had sex with/whatever, with any other guys. Yet she hasn't come out and actually said that. If she didn't want to move in with the guy, for whatever reason, then it's obvious she wasn't fully committed to him. So what's the real problem if he wants to date/sleep with other women on the nights he's not seeing OP?

 

 

 

 

The only thing we can "agree" on is that OP deliberately "surprised" her ex-bf by showing up at his house one morning, unannounced, and when she realized (by the car in the driveway) he was with another woman, she sought a violent confrontation with the both of them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No it was not just "technical". Her intent in breaking into the house was to seek a violent physical confrontation including attacking her ex's other gf. That's not a mere technicality.

 

 

 

 

You don't know how you'd vote because you haven't heard the bf's side of the story.

 

 

 

 

 

Dude, they're not married, they're not living together, they're not even engaged. They were dating for three years. He's allowed to have sex with other women. If she wanted to be his "exclusive gf" then why wasn't she in bed with him? Why is she having to "surprise" him in the mornings? (And if you buy that he wanted to be "surprised" that way, and told her it was OK for her to just break into the screen door, then maybe I have a bridge to sell you as well...)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well actually it was "several" punches in her first post, but then after taking some criticism about that level of aggression, OP changed her story on that particular issue.

 

why are YOU going to such an extreme to justify his bad behavior?

 

we weren't asked to speak at great length about justifying what HE did.

 

how is that even remotely helpful to THIS original poster?

 

why are you trying so hard to defend his actions and point out her actions as wrong in your eyes?

 

why?

 

did you ever cheat? lie about it? justify it all? minimize it?

 

we are here to help her - not him. he's a complete cheater. no need try to make it look different than what it actually is.

[Mad Max]

Really? What did he actually do that would make you say that?

 

He and OP weren't living together. She stated in her first post there were "serious" (I'm not sure what that means in this context, exactly) but never explicitly stated that they had agreed to be "exclusive." It was OP's choice not to live with this guy. She said she had trust issues. O.K.

 

I think everyone is putting way too much significance on the fact that OP's ex-bf gave her a set of house keys and told her she could come and go as she pleased. Obviously that was for his convenience, not hers.

 

So on the day of this breakup, she decides to "surprise" him one morning. She sees a strange car in driveway, and she knows what it means (she admitted this in her first post). So when she broke the screen door it was to have a confrontation, that's pretty clear. And she had a confrontation.

 

They're not married; they're not engaged; they're not living together. We don't even know if they've agreed to be exclusive.

 

 

We also don't know if she's a blonde, he's tall, if he makes 6 figures. Based on the OP, they were in a committed relationship. He's obligated to remain faithful, as is she.

 

This guy was TOTALLY SHOCKED that OP was even there in the first place. Now granted, we are only hearing one side of the story. But, if he was accustomed to her showing up at his place in the mornings, unannounced, as a "surprise," why would he be totally shocked that she happened to appear on this particular day, when his other gf was staying over? If he had authorized her to force open the screen door if it was locked--as she claims--why is he surprised to see her there?

 

 

The guy knew what he was doing. Perhaps if he wasn't having sex with multiple women at once, this wouldn't be an issue.

 

Embarrassed at being busted? Sure. But surprised that OP showed up? That's very hard to buy under the scenario/relationship that OP's described here. Why would her ex-bf be surprised that she happened to show up on this particular morning? A more natural reaction would be something like: "Man I knew you were going to show up, this is so embarrasing." Not: "What the heck are YOU doing here?" As if from his perspective, the OP showed up "out of the blue."

 

 

He wasn't an ex at that point. He's sorry he got caught.

 

 

In fact we don't even know who the "other woman" really is in this scenario. What OP did is awfully close to stalking behavior, objectively speaking, and the only reason there's any question about that is that she had a set of house keys.

 

 

Perhaps he shouldn't have given her the keys to begin with.

 

 

There are also some inconsistencies in her posts which affect her credibility. For example, in her first post, she says she punched her ex "several" times; then later on it's only a "couple". She states she "broke" into the screen door, or similar words; then later on, she tries to minimize that behavior as well.

 

 

The OP will have to confirm it later on. Based on the OP, they were in a committed relationship.

 

 

Nothing she described her ex as doing in that situation strikes me as him trying to "assault" her or even cause her any harm; in fact he sounds like he exercised a great deal of restraint. He did use physical force, but that was evidently not to harm her, but to keep her from harming his other gf. And for his troubles caught a few punches in the face.

 

 

I never accused him of assaulting her. If he was truly assaulted, perhaps he should press charges.

 

 

Also, the OP has said nothing at all about her own sexual history the past three years. She's obviously intending us to infer that she has NOT dated/had sex with/whatever, with any other guys. Yet she hasn't come out and actually said that. If she didn't want to move in with the guy, for whatever reason, then it's obvious she wasn't fully committed to him. So what's the real problem if he wants to date/sleep with other women on the nights he's not seeing OP?

 

 

You can be committed to someone and not live together. The ex was obligated to remain faithful. He didn't and put not only his, but also the OP's health at risk. You're implying that the OP is a slut and has been shagging multiple guys all along.

[sanskrit]

Very sorry you had to experience this OP, at least now you know and can move on without wasting any more time on this guy.

 

Please do get help for your violent tendencies though, they can land you in a whole lot of trouble and get others hurt. Take this whole experience as an opportunity to work on yourself, get help, and at least something good will come of it.

[2sunny]

Pickles4Breakfast - are you her exBF? because you just signed up today and 8 out of your 10 posts are here pointing the finger at her...hmmmm

[2sunny]

A word of advice.. I'm married to a man who tip toes around his ex for the sake of the child. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE. If he is like this now, trust me, he will continue to be this way whether he is divorced, or not.

 

Some men are better equipt to handle these types of situations with their ex's and some just aren't. IMO, it sounds like to me, that your bf is one of those men who will submit to anyone and do anything "for the sake of the child".

 

If I were you, I'd turn around and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

 

Good luck to you!

 

here is your post in another thread from only one month ago.

 

so are you married or single? i want to know! your first post at LS you say you're married - one month later you say your single but have been dating seriously after seeing him three years, and recently divorced... which is it?

[Mad Max]

Looks like NayWinter and Pickles are the same person.

[2sunny]

what was your prior username here? that back info might help. why did you ditch the old username?

[Pickles4Breakfast]

why are YOU going to such an extreme to justify his bad behavior?

 

I'm not going to any extreme at all. The OP made no bones about the fact that she would have physically attacked another girl who was perfectly entitled to be where she was, doing what she was. As was the OP's ex. It was her ex's house. OP did not have permission to be there, her presence was not desired, she KNEW that, because she saw the other women's car in the driveway.

 

I just read a story about some actor in the 40 year Old Virgin who got convicted of attempted murder for attacking his gf with a knife because he caught her with another man and "snapped." OP's behavior does not rise to that level, but it cannot be condoned, for any reason.

 

You know interestingly enough OP doesn't state what she would have done to the other woman if her bf hadn't stopped her. Maybe she would have killed her? Or seriously injured her. OP absolutely deserves no sympathy nor encouragement in this. It is absolutely shocking that she would be getting any.

 

IMO, OP is NOT telling the full truth about what happened here. That's very clear given the inconsistencies in her story. Her story simply doesn't make sense. In reality her ex was TOTALLY FLABBERGASTED that she showed up when she did. Which completely contradicts her claim that she had free reign to come and go whenever she pleased. Most likely she had free reign to use those keys when her ex knew they'd be getting together. Does it really make any sense for the ex to have other girls staying over KNOWING that OP would be frequently "surprising" him with unannounced "morning visits"? C'mon now.

 

 

 

we weren't asked to speak at great length about justifying what HE did.

 

And we don't have to justify anything he did. That's not the point. He was having sex with some other woman in his own, LOCKED house. He's perfectly within his rights to do that, and that's the end of it. If she can't handle him having other women she doesn't have to see him anymore. Breaking into his house and attacking him and attempting to attack some other woman is not justifiable under any circumstances, none.

 

 

 

how is that even remotely helpful to THIS original poster?

 

I think being truthful with someone is always helpful, if they are prepared to accept the truth. If they are not, there's not much I can do about that. The fact of the matter is she's not been totally honest about this, and she's changed her story to make herself look like a victim and her ex to look like the wrongful party here. The behavior she has described as having engaged in is rather disturbed, "stalking" behavior, and I'm actually surprised that anyone could perceive of it in a sympathetic manner.

 

 

 

why are you trying so hard to defend his actions and point out her actions as wrong in your eyes?

 

why?

 

Because people who don't suffer consequences for the kind of actions OP engaged in, violent actions, sometimes just escalate the next time, and actually hurt someone. And THAT's the ONLY thing this OP needs to focus on. WHY SHE FELT JUSTIFIED IN REACTING IN AN EXTREMELY VIOLENT, UNCONTROLLED, RAGEFUL MANNER. And how to prevent that from EVER occurring again. The OP committed domestic abuse, she's lucky she wasn't prosecuted for it, and if she was a man most likely everyone would be calling for his head.

 

 

 

did you ever cheat? lie about it? justify it all? minimize it?

 

I never punched an SO, gf, etc., in the face "several" times. I never broke into their house because I KNEW they were with a romantic competitor and I was full of rage and jealously. I never had to be physically restrained and even so attempted to attack a romantic competitor. So no. I never have done that.

 

we are here to help her - not him.

 

You don't "help" someone like the OP by coddling them and giving them any leeway for their extremely violent behavior. You call them out on it and tell them to get help, fast. At least I do. Sorry if that chafes you but too bad. I don't think domestic abuse is anything to be taken so lightly. And that is precisely what OP did--domestic violence.

 

 

 

he's a complete cheater. no need try to make it look different than what it actually is.

 

And she's a violent domestic abuser. What is worse? Furthermore since he's not posting here, what is YOUR point in attacking her ex for being a cheater? There is no point, other than to justify her violence. Sorry no sale.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

here is your post in another thread from only one month ago.

 

so are you married or single? i want to know! your first post at LS you say you're married - one month later you say your single but have been dating seriously after seeing him three years, and recently divorced... which is it?

 

 

LOL, no sunny, I'm not her exbf, I'm just posting in this thread because I thought it was interesting. (In fact I've been lurking for quite a while and this thread was the first one that triggered me to want to get involved actually particpating in these discussions.)

 

However evidently you've now proved yourself an excellent internet detective totally busting OP. She's "married" but yet she's got a bf, c'mon, I knew there was something fishy about OP's story.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

Looks like NayWinter and Pickles are the same person.

 

Not a chance. If I ever did anything like OP claims she did in her OP, I wouldn't be posting about it on the internet, I'd keep it to myself.

 

As it turns out OP has now been totally busted as a fraud by sunny.

 

Poetic justice.

 

Finis to this.

[2sunny]

Quote:Pickles4Breakfast

did you ever cheat? lie about it? justify it all? minimize it?

 

 

I never punched an SO, gf, etc., in the face "several" times. I never broke into their house because I KNEW they were with a romantic competitor and I was full of rage and jealously. I never had to be physically restrained and even so attempted to attack a romantic competitor. So no. I never have done that.

 

you didn't answer the question(s) asked. you moved away from answering my direct question(s). yep, i did notice.

 

did you EVER cheat?

[Pickles4Breakfast]

Actually it's also possible that OP is or was until recently married but simultaneously (for the past three years) was having an affair with her (now-ex) bf. OP states that she didn't/couldn't move in with her now ex bf, if she's been married until recently, that would explain why. Also if her relationship with the now ex bf was actually an affair, why would her now ex bf assume he should be exclusive with her?

 

Bottom line here is, OP has a lot of explaining to do.

 

Other bottom line is that it helps to actually read what people post with some degree of critical scrutiny and independent thought rather than engage in this rather typical "groupthink" that is prevalent on a lot of internet message boards. IMO.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

you didn't answer the question(s) asked. you moved away from answering my direct question(s). yep, i did notice.

 

did you EVER cheat?

 

No. Of course not. Why would you speculate that I cheated simply because I think that domestic violence is bad?

[Pickles4Breakfast]

you didn't answer the question(s) asked. you moved away from answering my direct question(s). yep, i did notice.

 

did you EVER cheat?

 

 

Also your question about whether or not I ever cheated is completely irrelevant.

 

The OP's ex-bf is NOT a cheater, as it turned out, YOU PROVED that if anyone is a "cheater," it is OP herself. (You produced her first post a month ago stating that she is or was until recently, married. Bravo good detective work.)

 

So now go attack OP for being a cheater, since you're claiming that matters to you.

 

So now sunny, it is your turn to answer directly your OWN question: Why would YOU support OP, who apparently is a cheating spouse? Were YOU ever a cheater?

 

Go ahead, see how deep you can dig the hole you're standing in.

[2sunny]

No. Of course not. Why would you speculate that I cheated simply because I think that domestic violence is bad?

 

 

these are two separate issues...

 

it was your justification of his cheating that made me think it.

 

 

the dv part is separate and uncalled for in my book. unacceptable even. but that's not what she asked about. you focused on trying to minimize his behavior given the info about a committed relationship. then focused on her behavior.

 

i actually commend her for breaking up with him. he's a rat! he never even apologized. held her down too - until she couldn't breathe. then expected her to take him back.

 

the fact that she realizes that he's not the man she THOUGHT he was - is HUGE!