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Has anyone managed to have a good relationship with low physical attraction?

SadandConfusedWA

By SadandConfusedWA
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Cobra_X Established Member

Cobra_X

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The mix of bad luck and my standards being too high in physical looks department.

 

I think your doing yourself a grave disservice in believing the issue to be that simple.

 

Attraction for you is a catch-22.

 

Can you think of anything in your past that may cause relationship issues today? How do your parents relate to one another?

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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I have always been attracted to super hot men that were bad for me.

 

I have always avoided dating nice guys because there wasn't a "spark".

Hey SaCWA, this dichotomy is almost self-explanatory.

 

Have you never met a super hot man who's good for you or a nice guy who wasn't?

sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

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I have never come across a nice guy that is attractive, single AND into me.

 

I wonder. Do you think a guy being into you makes him unattractive? Just throwing that out there as a possibility. What do you think?

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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People have NOT been narrow minded. You have had loads of input and attention from people who have really given thought to your situation, including me.

 

Clearly you don't like much of the feedback you've received, but narrow minded? No.

 

You have posted more than once that your intuition is NEVER wrong. Your posts do not reflect this! At all.

 

Bottom line is really simple. If you are not at all, in any way willing or able to slow down, let things unfold in a natural way, and see if there is anything there (and evidently you aren't), OR, if you are certain that you are not interested in anything he has to offer (and you seem to be certain of that) then why bother wasting the time of this guy ... yourself ... your boss ... your friends. I won't mention all the rest of us nimrods here on LS; obviously we are down with time wasting in a big way or we wouldn't be here reading and responding.

 

Personally, I find it difficult to relate to spending such a great deal of time and energy on what is basically a non-event. I felt the same way about the big brouhaha about the politician guy drama. I am not judging you. That's the way I feel.

 

And there does come a time when it is just wrong to string somebody along when you have absolutely NO interest, regardless of how "into" you they act. That's just a little portion of a relationship; besides, courtship behavior is often a lot different than LTR behavior. The attention is nice but not enough to be the only foundation upon which to build a real relationship.

 

Wow. Then about 80% of LS threads are "non-events". What about all the threads on "We had a first date, he never called. Woe is me.". Seriously, what would be an event for you? "OMG I am pregnant and don't know who the father is?!!".

 

I don't have a long term partner. I work, get home and go on online dates. I took a complete break from dating for 2 years. The fact that I am even willing to be open enough to go online dating is HUGE for me. Who are you to say what is an event or non-event? Clearly there are people here that have posted and given me wonderful advice that also think my threads are worthy of giving advice.

 

Do me a favor and stay away from my threads in the future. I always find that your advice has undertones of malice. Perhaps it is related to the boss thing, perhaps you were once cheated on, I don't know. Could be anything. But your "trying to help" veil is very flimsy indeed.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Hey SaCWA, this dichotomy is almost self-explanatory.

 

Have you never met a super hot man who's good for you or a nice guy who wasn't?

 

I have met a super-hot guys who I believe are good but they are either with someone else or they aren't interested in me.

 

I haven't met nice guys that are bad for me. I go by true definition of what I believe are nice guys (kind, loyal, high integrity) rather than guys on LS who think that they are nice (but are anything but).

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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I have met a super-hot guys who I believe are good but they are either with someone else or they aren't interested in me.
Then you know these guys exist so that's good. You realize that the smaller the field, the more time it takes to find someone like this.

 

I'm going to be brutally honest. I don't know any men like this who are or have online dated. They get snapped up pretty quickly.

 

I haven't met nice guys that are bad for me. I go by true definition of what I believe are nice guys (kind, loyal, high integrity) rather than guys on LS who think that they are nice (but are anything but).
But they bore you, don't they.
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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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I am done with this thread. I have made a decision not to see this guy anymore after last night.

 

There are many people here that gave me great advice and something to think about: USMChokie, WintersNightTraveler, westrock, TBF, panadagirl, sweetjasmine, crackerjack, paper and even woogle. Sorry if I missed anyone. I just want you to know that your advice is much appreciated :)

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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Do me a favor and stay away from my threads in the future. I always find that your advice has undertones of malice. Perhaps it is related to the boss thing, perhaps you were once cheated on, I don't know. Could be anything. But your "trying to help" veil is very flimsy indeed.

 

Well, sorry you feel that way, but if I feel like participating in "your" threads I will, and I have not been malicious. Annoyed and a bit exasperated, yes.

 

I believe in calling people out on stuff if my b.s. meter is activated. I honestly look for others to do the same with me. We are not instructed to tell people what they would like to hear here on LS.

 

Even though you are not finding anything helpful in my posts on "your" threads, I know that others have.

 

Good luck in your search for the exceptionally hot guy who is "into" you.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I will be really honest here.... to attract the really good looking guys, MOST grils need to take decent care of their bodies.

 

It DOES come down to personality, however; there are many fit, sexy women with great personalities, and they will likely catch the hotter guys attention, over an average looking girl.

 

I am not saying you need to become anorexic and lose loads of weight, but doing basic things, like cutting out processed chemicals in food, only eating clean and real foods, and finding out from free online calorie calculatoes HOW much a women of your size needs to maintain or lose a few lbs, is what you should be doing.

 

Nothing wrong with needing to be physically attracted to a partner. But lets face reality, and make yourself more noticable to these guys. There ARE some nice AND attractive guys. But they tend to notice girls who stand out more, i.e, better looking girls.

 

TO be honest, it sounded like u were trying to do the right thing with this guy, but in retrospect, it was not the best desision, because u at least need to be pleased to see them.

 

You sounded like you were desperate enough to resort to a guy who u would rather avoid.... think more highly of yourself.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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I feel awful. I have really hurt this guy.

 

He has sent 16 texts after last night, ranging from telling me that "I am afraid of love" to apologizing for saying that and asking to see me just once more. One of his texts says that he knows I am thinking that he is not good looking enough or intelligent enough for me (seems like he is quite perceptive as I have never even implied that).

 

He is also posting emo status updates on his FB all day :(

Philetus Established Member

Philetus

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I feel awful. I have really hurt this guy.

 

He has sent 16 texts after last night, ranging from telling me that "I am afraid of love" to apologizing for saying that and asking to see me just once more. One of his texts says that he knows I am thinking that he is not good looking enough or intelligent enough for me (seems like he is quite perceptive as I have never even implied that).

 

He is also posting emo status updates on his FB all day :(

 

But now you can both get on with finding someone who is right for each of you.

 

You've hurt him in the short term but done him a favour in the long run.

 

It's like ripping off a band aid. The pain is short and intense but it passes.

SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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But now you can both get on with finding someone who is right for each of you.

 

You've hurt him in the short term but done him a favour in the long run.

 

It's like ripping off a band aid. The pain is short and intense but it passes.

 

If this guys as unattractive phsically as he sounds im sure hes gonna find himself in this situation with most women

Cracker Jack Established Member

Cracker Jack

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I feel awful. I have really hurt this guy.

 

He has sent 16 texts after last night, ranging from telling me that "I am afraid of love" to apologizing for saying that and asking to see me just once more. One of his texts says that he knows I am thinking that he is not good looking enough or intelligent enough for me (seems like he is quite perceptive as I have never even implied that).

 

He is also posting emo status updates on his FB all day :(

 

It's okay. It had to be done. I understand that you feel bad, but imagine how much worse it would've been had you continued on with him for a longer period of time.

 

Whatever you do, tho, please don't see him at this point. It'll just create even more problems than need be. You did the right thing.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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If this guys as unattractive phsically as he sounds im sure hes gonna find himself in this situation with most women

 

 

He is not unattractive, he is just average looking. It's more that he is not my type. He did have 2 serious girlfriends (one for 4 years and another for 6) so I guess he can manage to attract someone.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I guess he can manage to attract someone.

 

:lmao: Do you have any idea how insulting your choice of words has a tendency to be? :(

 

What did you say to him when you ended "it"?

SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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As far as your question i cant do it but average and ugly looking couples do it all the time so i guess its possible.

 

I imagine when the average/ugly couples first saw their future so's they werent thinking how hot the person was the attraction was more built mentally not on physical attributes

 

Unless average or ugly people find other average or ugly people attractive because its near their level of attractiveness?

 

or do they look at them with the same eye a good looking person would and they just realize they cant do any better?

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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:lmao: Do you have any idea how insulting your choice of words has a tendency to be? :(

 

What did you say to him when you ended "it"?

 

I took the easy way out. He is going away for work in 2 months to another country (it's only 3 months contract though) - so I told him that I don't really want to get involved with someone and do a long distance relationship that early on. He did try to convince me that it can work and that he would come back to visit.

 

I don't think that he entirely bought that excuse :(

 

I know it was dishonest but I was trying to spare his feelings.

 

I also didn't respond to any of his texts afterwards.

WintersNightTraveler Established Member

WintersNightTraveler

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:lmao: Do you have any idea how insulting your choice of words has a tendency to be? :(

 

I thought it was a sound way of looking at it (previous GFs therefore attraction potential) and a hilarious way of stating it! :lmao:

 

 

 

 

I also didn't respond to any of his texts afterwards.

 

Stick with this plan and you're golden. 16 texts is waaaay too many.

GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

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Unless average or ugly people find other average or ugly people attractive because its near their level of attractiveness?

 

or do they look at them with the same eye a good looking person would and they just realize they cant do any better?

 

This seems to be the big unanswered question on LS . . . I've never seen anyone take a crack at it. For me -- as one in the average/ugly category -- it was the latter. In fact, my single life had gotten so bad that anyone I felt any attraction for seemed unattainable.

 

While we're all more attracted to better looking people, I wonder how often other issues are blended in when it comes to "standards" for attraction. For me, I wanted a partner that was considered generally attractive so I would feel OK about myself -- that being a nerdy, introverted science guy could still be "normal".

 

Flash-forward to mid-life and I realize that intimacy trumps everything. If I had someone that I could truly let down my guard with, then that would generate so much attraction in my view that it wouldn't matter what external "standards" she met or didn't meet.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I took the easy way out.

 

You did it without integrity. You totally lied.

 

Do you believe in karma???

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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You did it without integrity. You totally lied.

 

Do you believe in karma???

 

OK Star, what would you have said? He wanted a reason.

 

Wouldn't saying that I am not physically attracted to him and that I don't find him intelligent be a LOT worse?

kalikula Established Member

kalikula

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I don't think it's important if it's a case like that.. Not like something he can work on.

 

He kinda sounds like a loser anyway if he sent you 16 texts. Wheres his dignity?

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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OK Star, what would you have said? He wanted a reason.

 

Wouldn't saying that I am not physically attracted to him and that I don't find him intelligent be a LOT worse?

 

I would have told him the truth, while still respecting his feelings. All you had to tell him was that you didn't feel that "special something" for him that is necessary for a relationship.

 

Making up some lame excuse which still gives him reason to hope that you'll be able to date someday (upon his return) is just cruel. I knew a girl who gave an excuse like that, and you know what the dude did? Didn't take the job/contract. What if this guy did this, because you had led him on during the dating period, and used that as your excuse?

 

You can always be honest without being hurtful.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Wheres his dignity?

 

Um, she led him on, and then lied about why she doesn't feel comfortable dating him anymore. He thinks there's a connection there.

 

Yet another reason why it pays to be HONEST.

 

I'd take a lack of dignity over a lack of integrity any day anyway...

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Some guys have to learn the hard way and hopefully he did.

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