What if Men Had to Follow Female Beauty Rules?

[AD1980]

To be fair a man can be ugly as sin and still be a sex symbol. For some unknown reason Russel Brand has his share of female admirers even though he is downright scary looking. I can't see a female version of him becoming a sex symbol.

 

Thats only because power and fame turns women on and can turn an otherwise unattratcive Man into an attractive one.. these guys wouldnt be getting women if they were bus drivers..

[Enchanted Girl]

Actually, the author is a female...or at least the name is female...

 

But I feel that the author is blaming the male gender for these "rules" they must abide by to succeed in society while many of these so-called standards are actually propogated by women themselves...

 

Actually, both genders encourage it.

 

I'm a nerdy girl. This means that I do not go out and buy designer clothes. I do not wear make-up most of the time. I wear glasses. Sometimes my "hairdo" is just a bun. I never get manicures or pedicures. I don't do facial masks or whatever. I also don't go on diets all the time.

 

Pretty much the only thing I do regularly is waxing and tweezing.

 

Anyway, you have no idea how many people of BOTH genders, some people that I don't even know that well, criticize me for it. They just come up to me as if it's there right and as if I'm nothing more than a sex object and tell me how ugly I am for not doing all the traditional beauty treatments on myself and how I'm a worthless human being. Lots of them ask me if I realize that my boyfriend is going to break up with me because of it. They assume he is because no guy can love a girl who isn't super beautiful. You know, nerdy girls are unlovable or whatever. We're all supposed to grow up and have a million cats.

 

It makes me feel terrible about myself and it's a disgusting standard. I am more than just a sex object and I'm very resentful about the fact that no one ever comments on my personality or criticizes other girls for having horrible personalities because they can't get a boyfriend with a horrible personality. Because, they can. All society cares about when it comes to women is looks. And any woman who is beautiful can be loved, no matter how ugly she is on the inside.

 

It makes me want to barf, but I don't resent it at the same time. I'd probably be as shallow as all of them if it wasn't for my experiences. But I definitely, definitely don't judge people on their appearances and no guy could be attractive enough for me to date if he was ugly on the inside.

[zengirl]

To those who said above that men are held to the same standard: Just look on TV or in a movie. There are some great looking men, but half the time, there are gorgeous women and mediocre-looking men. There are way more famous, “attractive” men who aren’t classically attractive at all.

Certainly, it’s getting more stringent for guys than it was in past days, but they still aren’t held to the SAME ridiculous standards.

Actually, both genders encourage it.

This is what I’m going with. I know plenty of men who are all about unrealistic expectations of feminine beauty, and certainly plenty of men have their ridiculous hang-ups. In my college days, I dated men who complained that:

 

1. I cut my hair short (like a bob – not man-short) and wouldn’t grow it long again.

2. I never wore make-up. (Back then, I really didn’t wear much at all.)

3. My clothes weren’t stylish enough/their style.

4. I rarely wear heels.

5. I refuse to tan or go tanning and like my natural skin color.

6. I never did anything interesting with my hair (I dyed it at various times, for fun, but I had one guy complain I never “did” my hair – which is true, I let the cut/style/color it is just be pretty much, as I hate hair spray/gel/etc)

 

Of course, all these men were promptly garbaged. (I wonder about some of them -- I think they may have been using the lame "Put down a pretty girl" and then recover strategy that apparently some men employ, because some were said oddly, but even if that's the case, what allowed them to say it/made it enter their mind for that possibility was the expectation that existed). If someone doesn’t like something about the way I look, enough that it causes cognitive dissonance that causes them to jabber about it, then we aren’t well-matched. And plenty of men found me attractive the way I am.

 

And that’s just me! I actually have waxed various surfaces since I was 15, am fairly pretty by most people’s standards, was wonderfully thin back then (I am still then, but I was a total Hollywood size 0 back then), always exercise and keep up a skin routine, and always used a myriad of hair/skin/anti-aging/etc products.

[jamesum]

To those who said above that men are held to the same standard: Just look on TV or in a movie. There are some great looking men, but half the time, there are gorgeous women and mediocre-looking men. There are way more famous, “attractive” men who aren’t classically attractive at all.

So you are saying that those gorgeous women on TV look exactly the same inside their homes once their tons of make up and accessories are off as well?

 

Men look similar inside and outside the house, but as a woman yourself you should know that plenty of women may look like Lauren Conrad outside the house but turn into Ugly Betty when they wake up in the morning next to their 'average looking' husband/boyfriend.

[sweetjasmine]

Lots of them ask me if I realize that my boyfriend is going to break up with me because of it. They assume he is because no guy can love a girl who isn't super beautiful. You know, nerdy girls are unlovable or whatever. We're all supposed to grow up and have a million cats.

 

I got a lot of that from family. "You'll never get a boyfriend if you don't wear make-up and pink dresses, yadda yadda yadda." My mother even seriously, honestly suggested rhinoplasty and liposuction (I'm not even overweight, but pssh what does the doctor know about healthy weight?!).

 

And any woman who is beautiful can be loved, no matter how ugly she is on the inside.

 

Well, not exactly. Beautiful women often get treated like crap, mostly by other women, because they're threatening. Especially if they're not drooling idiots.

[AD1980]

To those who said above that men are held to the same standard: Just look on TV or in a movie. There are some great looking men, but half the time, there are gorgeous women and mediocre-looking men. There are way more famous, “attractive” men who aren’t classically attractive at all.

 

Why do women base their lives around what they see on tv?

 

If you need tv or the media to build your esteem up or let it tear your esteem down you have issues

[Enchanted Girl]

I got a lot of that from family. "You'll never get a boyfriend if you don't wear make-up and pink dresses, yadda yadda yadda." My mother even seriously, honestly suggested rhinoplasty and liposuction (I'm not even overweight, but pssh what does the doctor know about healthy weight?!).

 

 

 

Well, not exactly. Beautiful women often get treated like crap, mostly by other women, because they're threatening. Especially if they're not drooling idiots.

 

I could see that happening, although, like I said, I don't judge based on appearance and wouldn't judge a pretty girl either unless she had a genuinely bad personality.

 

Anyway, I actually get it from my Dad the most. He's trying to be better about not criticizing me lately, though.

[Enchanted Girl]

So you are saying that those gorgeous women on TV look exactly the same inside their homes once their tons of make up and accessories are off as well?

 

Men look similar inside and outside the house, but as a woman yourself you should know that plenty of women may look like Lauren Conrad outside the house but turn into Ugly Betty when they wake up in the morning next to their 'average looking' husband/boyfriend.

 

Of course they don't, but people expect them to honestly. I know that plenty of pretty girls are ashamed of how they look when they are sick or just woke-up.

[MrNate]

pfft. Free food!! And I would wear that black dress that slightly exposes the cleavage. A touch of skank, and a dash of class.

[Green]

Female beauty standards are a JOKE. Seriously, if I was a twenty something female who wasn't fat that alone would be enough to have men chase after me. Men have it a lot harder but we also have it a lot better if we are GOOD. Weak men suffer... weak women see little or no consequences.

 

I personaly love that my gf wheres little or no make up most of the time. She has such natural beauty.

[sagetalk]

We do to a certain extent. Muscles are almost mandatory to land hot girls (online dating particularly). Putting on makeup and doing your hair up is nothing compared to curling 40lb dumbbells, bench pressing, and pushups 3-5 days a week. Chugging protein, carbs, lifting, rinse and repeat. Give me a break, I'll cry for them when they stop fainting at the sight of a shirtless studs.

[sagetalk]

Female beauty standards are a JOKE. Seriously, if I was a twenty something female who wasn't fat that alone would be enough to have men chase after me. Men have it a lot harder but we also have it a lot better if we are GOOD. Weak men suffer... weak women see little or no consequences.

 

I personaly love that my gf wheres little or no make up most of the time. She has such natural beauty.

 

Well, said. Any decent diet and cardio routine will get guys all over them. Under 30 they really don't even have to try that hard if they go out in public alot or just post an online profile.

 

I agree about the makeup as well. The less, the better.

[AD1980]

We do to a certain extent. Muscles are almost mandatory to land hot girls (online dating particularly). Putting on makeup and doing your hair up is nothing compared to curling 40lb dumbbells, bench pressing, and pushups 3-5 days a week. Chugging protein, carbs, lifting, rinse and repeat. Give me a break, I'll cry for them when they stop fainting at the sight of a shirtless studs.

 

Exactly women want to pretend there these non shallow creatures who only care about whats inside when there every bit if not more shallow then dudes..

 

You need a certain amount of muscle and /or be above a certain height to get most of these women..

[SteveC80]

Please women just have to look halfway decent to have Men interested,unless a Man is pretty wealthy or of high status then he has to look good as well.The only people who complain about the standards are unattratcive women who are bummed they cant get the best looking Men out there and have to settle

[Woggle]

Last may The Situation from that Jersey Shore show was dancing shirtless on a balcony on the boardwalk and he damned near caused a riot of women going going crazy over him. Women are just as bad as men are if not worse yet they love to take the moral high ground and judge men for our standards.

 

Unattractive women are just mad that they can't get these studs that attractive women can get so if they don't want to be single they have to settle for an average nice guy. They then turn around and get mad at these studs for being so shallow. Do you ever notice how these average women act when they get a makeover and upgrade their looks?

[SteveC80]

Last may The Situation from that Jersey Shore show was dancing shirtless on a balcony on the boardwalk and he damned near caused a riot of women going going crazy over him. Women are just as bad as men are if not worse yet they love to take the moral high ground and judge men for our standards.

 

Unattractive women are just mad that they can't get these studs that attractive women can get so if they don't want to be single they have to settle for an average nice guy. They then turn around and get mad at these studs for being so shallow. Do you ever notice how these average women act when they get a makeover and upgrade their looks?

 

Thats why i laugh when they say women arent as viusal as Men,ever see some of those videos of male strip clubs where the women are practically raping these guys? If Men did these things theyd get arrested

 

As a guy whos done some small time modeling and had the opportunity to be with tons of women i learned women are just as visual and shallow and probably more then Men

 

The things i got away with and the amount of women in relationships including marriages who wanted me just becasue i looked god and nothing else made me realize women are full of it when they say its Men who are shallow pigs

 

Women want the same small group of guys and when they realize they cant get them they pull out the martyr card

[deux ex machina]

pfft. Free food!! And I would wear that black dress that slightly exposes the cleavage. A touch of skank, and a dash of class.

 

 

You have learned quickly, young Jedi.

[jamesum]

Of course they don't, but people expect them to honestly. I know that plenty of pretty girls are ashamed of how they look when they are sick or just woke-up.

And its their fault.

 

I groom myself and wear decent clean clothes when I go out in public. But Im not going to do like many guys these days who like many women wont go outside the house unless they are looking like they are going to a hotshot night club. Why? Because I wanna appear to people as the best version of myself, but not as someone who looks completely different than the real me if you know what I mean.

 

I feel sorry for women who wear so many fake stuff on them like wearing super high stiletto to look much taller, stuffing their bras to look bustier, wearing eyelash extensions, putting thick makeup on their face, and wearing fake hair.

 

I have realized since a long time ago that the more you hide the real you, the lower self-esteem you will have because you will constantly worry whether the attraction you get is actually directed to the original you or the other you.

Edited July 21, 2010 by jamesum

[Enchanted Girl]

We do to a certain extent. Muscles are almost mandatory to land hot girls (online dating particularly). Putting on makeup and doing your hair up is nothing compared to curling 40lb dumbbells, bench pressing, and pushups 3-5 days a week. Chugging protein, carbs, lifting, rinse and repeat. Give me a break, I'll cry for them when they stop fainting at the sight of a shirtless studs.

 

"To land hot girls"?

 

Why does that even matter?

 

You also forget that girls have to work out, too, to stay thin AND do everything else. We work-up sweats as well and I don't lift heavy barbells and dumbbells and things, but I have lifted them.

 

Although I don't think this is supposed to be a competition. It was the way that article set it up, I guess and it's comic relief for women. We feel so bad about our appearances and things that it makes us feel better to think about men having to live up to the same standards as us.

 

So damned true.

 

Most men would date a plain jane like say, Ellen Page, or something to that extent. In fact I find these girls generally have more guys after them and are always in relationships because they usually have better personalities than the hot girls and are way more attainable/somewhat less fickle.

 

Like someone else said, all you have to do to have men after you is...not be fat and not be really old. Even the latter is subjective, the cougars are living it up!

 

As long as you are passable in looks and not fat, you will always have a boyfriend. Hell even ugly chicks and fat chicks have guys around them to give them sex and attention.

 

For men on the other hand its not that simple. To get girls interested in you have to be muscular, tall, handsome, funny and interesting, and later on in life, financially stable. The women who blow their earnings and time putting on makeup do it so they can have access to the guys who are the "whole package", rather than have to "settle" for average, every day guys with decent looks who may not be 6 feet tall and not have the biggest muscles but has a good personality, a guy in their own league in other words.

Pfffffft, whatever universe you live in . . . . can I join it?

 

Although I will agree that there ARE shallow girls out there.

Edited July 21, 2010 by Enchanted Girl

[Untouchable_Fire]

Although I don't think this is supposed to be a competition. It was the way that article set it up, I guess and it's comic relief for women. We feel so bad about our appearances and things that it makes us feel better to think about men having to live up to the same standards as us.

 

Just my 2 cents as a guy.

 

My experience has taught me that the pressure to be attractive for men perhaps double what it is for women.

 

The expectations placed on me to have an amazing personality, confidence to spare, make boatloads of money, be handsome, stay in great shape, and I bear the vast majority of responsibility + consequences for a relationship/marriage.

 

What expectations do we put on women in our society? I can't think of anything concrete off the top of my head. In my opinion the comic relief is hearing you say the standards for females is higher. Fail.

[zengirl]

So you are saying that those gorgeous women on TV look exactly the same inside their homes once their tons of make up and accessories are off as well?

 

Men look similar inside and outside the house, but as a woman yourself you should know that plenty of women may look like Lauren Conrad outside the house but turn into Ugly Betty when they wake up in the morning next to their 'average looking' husband/boyfriend.

This is actually part of my point. (I still think female celebrities, even naturally, are slightly more conventionally attractive on average than male celebrities, because you have some really ugly leading men who throw off the curve and that’s much rarer for women. And some male celebrities do go to female-lengths for beauty now.) Women are expected to go to greater lengths for beauty. However great I look without make-up, if I don’t wear it, a lot of people aren’t going to notice “Oh, wow, she looks that good without make-up!” They’re going to judge me against the made-up standard. That’s just the way it is.

Why do women base their lives around what they see on tv?

 

I don’t, really, and that wasn’t the point I was making. I’m pointing out that in an industry still run by plenty of men and some women, we get a cultural reflection of beauty that is accepted on some level and transmitted to the masses and possesses sociological significance in this conversation.

Most men would date a plain jane like say, Ellen Page, or something to that extent. In fact I find these girls generally have more guys after them and are always in relationships because they usually have better personalities than the hot girls and are way more attainable/somewhat less fickle.

 

I think Ellen Page is gorgeous! That’s a "plain Jane" to you? Well, yes, if you are on average shooting for people more attractive than that!, you're going to meet a very small sliver of women. (This makes so much more sense of half the comments uttered here by men.)

 

My experience has taught me that the pressure to be attractive for men perhaps double what it is for women.

And, what I’ve seen all my life is that women face far more of a challenge to be attractive day-in and day-out. The average man I know takes about 30 minutes to get ready in the morning; the average woman I know? About three times that! Most men I know go to the gym because they claim to “like it” in some psychologically strange way – they like the challenge of it, building further stamina, etc. I work out for my health, but most girls I know work out solely for how they look in clothes.

Of course, neither of our anecdotes are sociologically valid; I’ve got no interests in looking up statistics at the moment.

[Untouchable_Fire]

And, what I’ve seen all my life is that women face far more of a challenge to be attractive day-in and day-out. The average man I know takes about 30 minutes to get ready in the morning; the average woman I know? About three times that! Most men I know go to the gym because they claim to “like it” in some psychologically strange way – they like the challenge of it, building further stamina, etc. I work out for my health, but most girls I know work out solely for how they look in clothes.

Of course, neither of our anecdotes are sociologically valid; I’ve got no interests in looking up statistics at the moment.

 

Yup... that's it. Your only relationship expectation is to be pretty?

Edited July 21, 2010 by Untouchable_Fire

[zengirl]

Your only relationship expectation is to be pretty.

Hardly. And if guys only expect women to be pretty, well. . . that's on them. If that's really true, it says nothing good about men: The ones making the expectation you assume!

 

Personally, I don't like going out with a guy if I think he asked me out just because I'm pretty. (I certainly want him to think I'm pretty, but if he doesn't think I'm cool and smart and fantastic, why is he wasting my time?)

 

At any rate, this is a conversation about expectations of beauty, not expectations of dating, which was why what I was discussing related mostly to beauty.

[espec10001]

I've gone out with some very physically attractive girls. But when I got to learn about them on the inside, YUCK! Their personalities were hideous and it made me lose any attraction I had for them.

 

So I think BOTH men and women are pressured to adhere to some standard of beauty and youth. Men are pressured to acquire more material wealth and women are pressured to look as great as they can 24/7.

 

In the battle of the sexes, neither sex ever wins, both lose.

[Enchanted Girl]

Just my 2 cents as a guy.

 

My experience has taught me that the pressure to be attractive for men perhaps double what it is for women.

 

The expectations placed on me to have an amazing personality, confidence to spare, make boatloads of money, be handsome, stay in great shape, and I bear the vast majority of responsibility + consequences for a relationship/marriage.

 

What expectations do we put on women in our society? I can't think of anything concrete off the top of my head. In my opinion the comic relief is hearing you say the standards for females is higher. Fail.

 

Yea, that's why men have so many eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder, right? =/ I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it's definitely not as common because they don't have the same degree of pressure. You're just being purposefully ignorant about it and not even giving reasons as to why you believe society is this way.

 

The only part I can agree with you on is that men are expected to make a lot of money. If you were a billionaire, you could spend lots of your money purposefully making yourself more ugly and still get women to date you on a regular basis, very beautiful women, too. A lot of women would rather a man that was rich than a man that was handsome if they had to choose.

 

But the point is, in society you can get away with not looking super handsome. If you have an ugly day, none of your friends are going to come up to you and pick on you for it, even though guys are exceedingly honest with one another. They may do it jokingly, but it won't be vicious, like it would be towards a girl. If I have an ugly day, men and women I don't even know might come up to me and make comments about it. If I gain weight, lots of people will lecture me about it. It doesn't matter how much I make or anything else I do, if I do not have these qualities, people are going to be upset at me for it because how dare I. I don't even have to want to date any of these people. Just being there friends is enough.

 

How many times in your life have people told you,"Let me give you a make-over?" Me, it's been about a million because they need and want me to live up to their standard of beauty. Also, I've been told a million times,"Let's go on a diet together!" It gets old really having to hear about how everyone around me insists on helping me improve my appearance. They are just saying over and over again,"You are ugly. I have to fix you."

 

Not to mention the whole idea that men stand around talking about women's bodies with one another. A lot of men have done that in front of me and talked about how certain physical attributes made them barf or something when they saw a woman naked. I've had some of those attributes and it hurt really bad when I heard them say that. They are things I'd have to get surgery to fix. Girls sometimes talk about how hot this or that guy is, but they usually don't sit around talking about how certain physical attributes in men make them want to barf.

 

Men get stuck on the idea of porn and it gets shoved in my face regularly as well. Men don't have porn giving them unrealistic standards to live by (except for dick size, I suppose.) Pay attention to the men in porn next time you watch it. There's a lot of them that have pot bellies and various attributes that most women don't find super attractive. Because it only matters that the girl is hot.

 

Also, this isn't a thread about the pressures of both genders by society as a whole. It's just about the pressures women have to face when it comes to beauty. That's just one small aspect of the whole thing.

Edited July 21, 2010 by Enchanted Girl