GoodOnPaper Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 WTF.... anyone in that situation? I could just dump her... but we do have a good time together... Yes, I was -- we're now married and have kids. Can't say it's the best circumstance under which to do either. A couple of questions: 1. Do you generally attract women as much/often as you'd like? 2. Did you initially approach her? If your answers are "yes" and "yes", then I suggest that you fight through your uncertainties and figure out what is really attracting you to your gf and decide what is more important -- your connection or your "standards". If at least one answer is "no", then breaking things off is worth considering -- you may be letting some insecurities get the best of you. If you are conscious about her weight in an I-like-her-but-don't-want-to-be-seen-with-her way, it will simply create a barrier to intimacy in the long run.
and.then.some Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Why an ass? B/C I have standards? An "ass" because you call your preferences "standards". Trust me, I've been in a similar situation, and I would not seal the deal because of my physique related *preferences*. If she's such a great girl, don't you think she deserves to be with someone who loves her the way she is? Not someone who is merely making an exception and feels the need to post about how icky her body is? If you're not too repulsed to have sex with her, then I guess I'm missing the point. Your problem doesn't seem to be that you're not sexually turned on by her. It seems to be nothing more than her meetings some childish standard of beauty. If you say that you couldn't tell how heavy she was till you two became physically involved, and yet don't find yourself sexually turned off... it doesn't seem that you're even talking about a significant amount of weight. Muscle tone, maybe? Whatever the case may be, if you like her, don't you think she deserves to be with someone who wouldn't judge her so harshly? Actual standards, in my opinion, are things which should never be compromised...
Jersey Shortie Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I don't have any issues with a guy not wanting to date someone that is over-weight. I do have a problem with a guy that dates someone over-weight and says they have alot of fun with her but whines that her body isn't perfect. But maybe right now this girl is complaining to her friends saying "we do have a good time together.....but he just doesn't make very much money". Something to chew on OP. I doubt you're everything she ever wanted either.
Author alexlakeman Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 I guess when I first met her it was just to kill time until my ex gf decided to go back with me or I found someone else (can u say rebound?), but as I got to know her I got to like her. No, I don't have problems attracting women lol, and no I don't have a body builder body, b ut guys are generally more picky and hold higher standards dan women when it comes to physical attraction. I just feel kinda bad bc she reallyyyyy likes me, but she has a higher mileage dan I would really like long term. Douche for being picky? What does dat make womenout to b? Women are far worse dan guys!! And some are extremely far worst! Lol Oh and what's wrong with a boob job? Not self esteem loll. Give me a medical source that says that. How about a woman dat wants to look sexy and can afford it? Lol Continue
CarrieT Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 i dont like fat women either dump her I want you to see something, OpenGL. You started this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t230289/ In it you very specifically said, "Why are the odds stacked so heavily against us? Why does society spit in our face?" And you go on and say, "Another misconception, average guys are not looking for models, far from it. We are looking for our equals, the problem is our equals are out seeking above average and far above average looking guys. Those guys have no problem servicing those women with booty calls, but never a real relationship (as the blogger mentions). This leads the women to believe "all guys are jerks" And my looks are just fine (average), and my post was referring to average guys, not fat slobs." Do you realize how much your post in this thread contradicts your bemoaning your lack of being able to get a date? It sounds like the woman this OP is considering dumping is NORMAL and yet you are propagating the belief that he should dump her because she is not PERFECT. Do you get the hypocrisy of your statements? Do you see how you are being representative of the male race in demanding perfection of us women and yet won't accept someone who is not 100% perfect?
dreamingoftigers Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I guess when I first met her it was just to kill time until my ex gf decided to go back with me or I found someone else (can u say rebound?), but as I got to know her I got to like her. No, I don't have problems attracting women lol, and no I don't have a body builder body, b ut guys are generally more picky and hold higher standards dan women when it comes to physical attraction. I just feel kinda bad bc she reallyyyyy likes me, but she has a higher mileage dan I would really like long term. Douche for being picky? What does dat make womenout to b? Women are far worse dan guys!! And some are extremely far worst! Lol Oh and what's wrong with a boob job? Not self esteem loll. Give me a medical source that says that. How about a woman dat wants to look sexy and can afford it? Lol Continue I am sure that if you show her what you wrote in this forum that you won't have to feel bad about her liking you for very long. By the way it is "that" not "dat." I don't usually correct these things, but "dat" drove me nuts. And you are a douche for sleeping with her when you have your golden "standards" for your rebound/waiting for your ex to come back girl.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I guess when I first met her it was just to kill time until my ex gf decided to go back with me or I found someone else (can u say rebound?), but as I got to know her I got to like her. No, I don't have problems attracting women lol, and no I don't have a body builder body, b ut guys are generally more picky and hold higher standards dan women when it comes to physical attraction. I just feel kinda bad bc she reallyyyyy likes me, but she has a higher mileage dan I would really like long term. Douche for being picky? What does dat make womenout to b? Women are far worse dan guys!! And some are extremely far worst! Lol Oh and what's wrong with a boob job? Not self esteem loll. Give me a medical source that says that. How about a woman dat wants to look sexy and can afford it? Lol Continue You do realize that there is no such word as "dat" don't you? While I am at it, there are no such words as "u" and "dan" as well. Look, people gave their advice, you asked for it. Do what you will with it.You don't seem to have any respect for this girl. And she might not even have respect for herself. I don't know. I do know this, no one cares what your preferences are or if you are picky of if other nameless women are picky. You started a topic about your personal situation. Just by chance of being *you* doesn't really give you licenses to lead a girl on because she is "fun" but doesn't have the body type *you* somehow got it in your head you *deserved*. I will say it again, I doubt you are everything she ever hoped to be with either. Perhaps she is settling on you in some ways. Perhaps you don't make the kind of money she wishes you did or perhaps she wishes you could write a letter with using words like "dat" and "dan". Something to truly think about. Whatever the case, all in all, you should let this girl find someone else that will really care for her. Fun only accounts for so much and you shouldn't lead her on.
Els Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 As they say, obvious troll is obvious. 0/10. C'mon, surely you can be better at trollspeak than 'dat' and 'dan'. Although 'dan' did kinda make me laugh, so maybe 1/10.
silic0ntoad Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 You guys are ridiculous. I love it! Whenever I read one of these threads, it's always the guy being bashed for not wanting the overweight chick. Look, I understand superficial wants and realistic needs are two seperate realms, but you are wrong to call the guy an ass. Every time I see one of these threads you clowns pour onto the guy, claiming him to be shallow, and then throwing lines like "You prolly make no money" or "You're no greek statue either." WE ALL deserve partners that care about us; but to care about US they need to care about themselves first, and if she isn't willing to go and lose weight by actually trying to lose weight, and instead resort to plastic surgery because of her innate laziness, then she deserves to have the body she earned and be disregarded by guys who don't date girls with overweight or obese frames. Calling this guy an ass just shows how messed up the logic is everyone uses. We have to pity the poor fat girl because her guy left her for the skinny girl down the street. Riiight. Take care of yourself and this won't happen.
sweetjasmine Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Whenever I read one of these threads, it's always the guy being bashed for not wanting the overweight chick. There's a big difference between not wanting an overweight chick and continuing to bang and use an overweight chick even though you know you don't like her body and think less of her for it. Would you repeatedly sleep with someone you didn't find attractive and keep dating them even though you knew you didn't want them, all just to get your rocks off until someone hotter comes along? Or would that make you feel like a huge jerk? (Also, how fat must she really be if he could only tell she was overweight when she took off her clothes?)
kiss_andmakeup Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 You guys are ridiculous. I love it! Whenever I read one of these threads, it's always the guy being bashed for not wanting the overweight chick. Look, I understand superficial wants and realistic needs are two seperate realms, but you are wrong to call the guy an ass. Every time I see one of these threads you clowns pour onto the guy, claiming him to be shallow, and then throwing lines like "You prolly make no money" or "You're no greek statue either." WE ALL deserve partners that care about us; but to care about US they need to care about themselves first, and if she isn't willing to go and lose weight by actually trying to lose weight, and instead resort to plastic surgery because of her innate laziness, then she deserves to have the body she earned and be disregarded by guys who don't date girls with overweight or obese frames. Calling this guy an ass just shows how messed up the logic is everyone uses. We have to pity the poor fat girl because her guy left her for the skinny girl down the street. Riiight. Take care of yourself and this won't happen. They aren't ripping on him because he doesn't like fat girls. They are ripping on him because he doesn't like fat girls but is dating/sleeping with/stringing along one anyways. I think many posters (including myself) are also questioning this girl's supposed "fat-ness" considering he said he couldn't tell she was fat until she was naked! How fat can she really be then?
Author alexlakeman Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 I am sure that if you show her what you wrote in this forum that you won't have to feel bad about her liking you for very long. By the way it is "that" not "dat." I don't usually correct these things, but "dat" drove me nuts. And you are a douche for sleeping with her when you have your golden "standards" for your rebound/waiting for your ex to come back girl. I'm posting from my bb, so u'll c alotttt of abreviations lol. Women sleep with guys and enjoy as much. Women skew their numbers "well it was only oral" or "well, it was only a. Wnight stand" so it doesnlt count. I didn't put a gun to her head to sleep with me lol. Obviously since sleeping with me she is more attached to me.
dreamingoftigers Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 You guys are ridiculous. I love it! Whenever I read one of these threads, it's always the guy being bashed for not wanting the overweight chick. Look, I understand superficial wants and realistic needs are two seperate realms, but you are wrong to call the guy an ass. Every time I see one of these threads you clowns pour onto the guy, claiming him to be shallow, and then throwing lines like "You prolly make no money" or "You're no greek statue either." WE ALL deserve partners that care about us; but to care about US they need to care about themselves first, and if she isn't willing to go and lose weight by actually trying to lose weight, and instead resort to plastic surgery because of her innate laziness, then she deserves to have the body she earned and be disregarded by guys who don't date girls with overweight or obese frames. Calling this guy an ass just shows how messed up the logic is everyone uses. We have to pity the poor fat girl because her guy left her for the skinny girl down the street. Riiight. Take care of yourself and this won't happen. From what I know women that get tummy tucks just have the excess skin taken away from either a dramatic weight loss or after a pregnancy. they won't just rip 50 lbs off of your frame. A lot of women have had pregnancies that cause a kind of "muffin top" because the abdominal muscles stretch to accomodate the baby (unfortunately I am one of these) you can exercise until the cows come home, you won't get the same shape back without the extra help. I would think that plastic surgery in cases like I listed above would show that the girl did car about her appearance. I know when I lose the rest of my baby weight (that's right I have been inherently lazy for awhile now) that I will NOT ever be able to get a nice shape back without a tuck or something similar. I hope I can afford one.
silic0ntoad Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 They aren't ripping on him because he doesn't like fat girls. They are ripping on him because he doesn't like fat girls but is dating/sleeping with/stringing along one anyways. I think many posters (including myself) are also questioning this girl's supposed "fat-ness" considering he said he couldn't tell she was fat until she was naked! How fat can she really be then? I call bullsh*t on this. Most of the time it's pertaining to weight. I don't see very many posts where a guy is called an ass for stringing someone along... But whenever it's about weight everyone gets in a tizzy about it. Look, I am not disagreeing that the guy shouldn't string her along. He definately shouldn't. But defending the weak of mind because they are "themselves, and should be valued for themselves" isn't a very good mindset to put forth when this country (USA) is at 50% or more obesity rate. I have zero pity for the people who are overweight and do nothing to fix it, unless it is a medical condition, you always have the power to change it.
dreamingoftigers Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 It is a little late for this girl to just up and take care of herself now, she is already dating the douchebag, the circumstance happened. She can't just be extra-thin overnight. That certainly doesn't give someone permission to use someone else, just the same way that if a girl wasn't satisfied with how much much you made that she could build a nice little relationship with you until she jumps ship to Mr. Millionaire. She should just be honest about what she wants instead of jumping along to the next highest bidder.
silic0ntoad Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 It is a little late for this girl to just up and take care of herself now, she is already dating the douchebag, the circumstance happened. Thank you for justifying all my points. I said, I don't disagree he shouldn't string her along. But it's downright stupid to say "Love her for who she is." Ok, let's be a little more tolerant of obesity.
Author alexlakeman Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 From what I know women that get tummy tucks just have the excess skin taken away from either a dramatic weight loss or after a pregnancy. they won't just rip 50 lbs off of your frame. A lot of women have had pregnancies that cause a kind of "muffin top" because the abdominal muscles stretch to accomodate the baby (unfortunately I am one of these) you can exercise until the cows come home, you won't get the same shape back without the extra help. I would think that plastic surgery in cases like I listed above would show that the girl did car about her appearance. I know when I lose the rest of my baby weight (that's right I have been inherently lazy for awhile now) that I will NOT ever be able to get a nice shape back without a tuck or something similar. I hope I can afford one. That's I thought of dating her; once she gets rid of that baby fat, it should be all good! I do agree women should still workout. My ex gf worked out for about a year b4 we met and she had a great body, with a smaller portion of baby fat left. On d other hand, this one doesn't work out,nor spins, etc
sweetjasmine Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Thank you for justifying all my points. I said, I don't disagree he shouldn't string her along. But it's downright stupid to say "Love her for who she is." Ok, let's be a little more tolerant of obesity. Is this girl obese? And if you met a girl who was too heavy for your preferences, would you start dating her anyway and then complain about the fact that she's too heavy and can't wear a bikini? Or would you just leave her alone and move on to someone else?
Ann_Igma Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Thank you for justifying all my points. I said, I don't disagree he shouldn't string her along. But it's downright stupid to say "Love her for who she is." Ok, let's be a little more tolerant of obesity. Obese? He didn't even realise she was 'overweight' until he saw her naked. If she's obese, she must be some sort of blooming magician, because no fabric I know of would hide it all THAT well.
kiss_andmakeup Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I call bullsh*t on this. Most of the time it's pertaining to weight. I don't see very many posts where a guy is called an ass for stringing someone along... But whenever it's about weight everyone gets in a tizzy about it. Look, I am not disagreeing that the guy shouldn't string her along. He definately shouldn't. But defending the weak of mind because they are "themselves, and should be valued for themselves" isn't a very good mindset to put forth when this country (USA) is at 50% or more obesity rate. I have zero pity for the people who are overweight and do nothing to fix it, unless it is a medical condition, you always have the power to change it. I don't think it's bull**** at all. I am the last person to pity someone because they're overweight...my mom is a nutritionist and I've been a staunch workout fanatic and health nut since I was a kid. I've always been slim and fit so it's possibly even harder for me understand the struggles of being overweight. However, I still pity someone when I feel they're being unfairly treated, and I fault the person who is treating them unfairly, regardless of the circumstances. Whether it's a guy stringing a girl along because she is overweight, or just because he doesn't view her as relationship material, really doesn't matter. And the people that come back and say women do it too, yes they do, and it is equally wrong.
dreamingoftigers Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Thank you for justifying all my points. I said, I don't disagree he shouldn't string her along. But it's downright stupid to say "Love her for who she is." Ok, let's be a little more tolerant of obesity. My only point about this is: let's say that TODAY I stop eating crappy food and hop on the treadmill you aren't going to see any results for awhile. So even if she has changed her "inherent laziness" you may be able to see a difference for at least a few weeks. The main complaints I saw on this thread were him sleeping with her despite not liking her body and posting a thread about it. If you are clearly that unhappy with someone, you don't sleep with them, it sends that absolute wrong message. I don't think this girl would have slept with him if he were honest about how he felt about her body.
Rorschach Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I guess when I first met her it was just to kill time until my ex gf decided to go back with me or I found someone else (can u say rebound?), but as I got to know her I got to like her. No, I don't have problems attracting women lol, and no I don't have a body builder body, b ut guys are generally more picky and hold higher standards dan women when it comes to physical attraction. I just feel kinda bad bc she reallyyyyy likes me, but she has a higher mileage dan I would really like long term. Douche for being picky? What does dat make womenout to b? Women are far worse dan guys!! And some are extremely far worst! Lol Oh and what's wrong with a boob job? Not self esteem loll. Give me a medical source that says that. How about a woman dat wants to look sexy and can afford it? Lol Continue These two statements contradict themselves. And yes, you are an ass. Please leave my internet.
Rorschach Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 My only point about this is: let's say that TODAY I stop eating crappy food and hop on the treadmill you aren't going to see any results for awhile. So even if she has changed her "inherent laziness" you may be able to see a difference for at least a few weeks. The main complaints I saw on this thread were him sleeping with her despite not liking her body and posting a thread about it. If you are clearly that unhappy with someone, you don't sleep with them, it sends that absolute wrong message. I don't think this girl would have slept with him if he were honest about how he felt about her body. In a completely unrelated to this thread note. I have this problem. A little over 3 months ago I stopped eating crappy food and hopped on a treadmill. Since then I've lost over 40 pounds, I'm still a good 40-60 pounds overweight but I have NO 'laziness' left in me and I probably work out more than 90% of people. By the end of the summer I'm going to look GOOD, but right now I still look overweight (albeit less so). So this annoys me. /rant
silic0ntoad Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Is this girl obese? And if you met a girl who was too heavy for your preferences, would you start dating her anyway and then complain about the fact that she's too heavy and can't wear a bikini? Or would you just leave her alone and move on to someone else? Obesity is a fine line with overweight. I use the term loosely, as very few people actually understand the minor differences between overweight and obesity. Obesity rates in the us are among the highest in the world with 64% of adults being overweight or obese, and 26% are obese. That means 2/3 of all people 18+ are overweight, and 1/4th of all overweight people are obese. Odds are pretty good if she's overweight, she's obese. By 2040 American statistics show that if the trend continues, 75% of americans will be overweight, and 40% obese. Yet we should tolerate this? I am in no way saying I am a greek god, here. I am average. Not overweight, not built, but I exercise and keep healthy. Do I think everyone should be chiseled out of stone? No. But I do think people need to be held accountable for themselves and not defended by others if they CHOOSE to ignore the problem, or solve it by superficial methods (Plastic surgery, etc.)
Jersey Shortie Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I'm posting from my bb, so u'll c alotttt of abreviations lol. Women sleep with guys and enjoy as much. Women skew their numbers "well it was only oral" or "well, it was only a. Wnight stand" so it doesnlt count. I didn't put a gun to her head to sleep with me lol. Obviously since sleeping with me she is more attached to me. Alot of abreviations but alot of extra typying on "reeaalllllly"...and "alottttt". You have more then an abreviation problem. Who said you forced her to sleep with you? What does her behavior have to do with how you ultimately decide to treat her?
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