BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Why? Because the asker pays? Not fair, men always have to ask. Because it's traditional? Well I'm not. She can join me or not, it's her choice. The women I like tend to think that's fair. Because it is. It works both ways. Whenever a girl asked me to a sorority function, SHE was the one who paid since SHE asked. Amazing, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
boundaryproblem Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 It actually irks me when a girl decides to "help me out" by ordering the cheapest thing on the menu, unless that's what she REALLY wants and enjoys. When on a date, I want the girl to feel like she can have fun and enjoy herself. If the guy who asks you out is living on student loans - you have the soup. If he is double-income and living alone, then perhaps I would look at the entrees. But the meal portions are so huge. I would feel guilty having 1/2 a plate of unfinished food in front of me. Then you get into the agony of whether to get the take-out doggie bag at the end of the date. That is another fascinating thread someone shoudl start - do you get the doggie bag at the end of dinner on a first date. Soup and salad is actually a lot of food - with restaurant portions. And for those of us watching what we eat - that is what we should be eating. Link to post Share on other sites
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Then a guy shouldn't take a girl to a restaurant that he can't afford. It's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
boundaryproblem Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Then a guy shouldn't take a girl to a restaurant that he can't afford. It's that simple. I've never thought about it that way. I just stay on the left-hand side of the menu. It is habit by now. Many of us were students for a long time. Plus the restaurant portions are so big. Maybe one drink. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Then a guy shouldn't take a girl to a restaurant that he can't afford. It's that simple. So maybe the guy in the OP was trying to stay within his means. Or maybe he wanted extra spending cash if him and OP hit it off. Maybe he got a little flustered when explaining. Link to post Share on other sites
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 So maybe the guy in the OP was trying to stay within his means. Or maybe he wanted extra spending cash if him and OP hit it off. Maybe he got a little flustered when explaining. As I said earlier, "DON'T TAKE A GIRL TO A RESTAURANT IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT." Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 The fundamental problem with first-date bill-paying is that it's totally up in the air and unknown whether or not you guys agree on what's considered a reasonable "payment method," since you don't know each other yet. I typically think the "one who invites is the one who pays" rule is solid and will probably minimize any disagreements in that department. I typically pay on the first date no matter what, just because I figure it's a safe option. If she wants to pay after the second date, I might push for a 50/50 instead if she's insistent, with the claim that she can cover the third date (if things are going well). If she agrees to that and follows through, you gotta figure it's a good sign Then again I've never actually done any of that in practice, so who knows . In the past I've typically paid or gone dutch, depending (I'm a poor college student either way. For first dates, I always paid). Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 As I said earlier, "DON'T TAKE A GIRL TO A RESTAURANT IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT." You don't say... So why get on the guy when he might be trying to stay in his means, and in his own clumsy way explain that he can pay for dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 That's fine if he wants to stay within his means. But never mention a gift card when asking out a girl. Whether he uses it or not is beside the point. This situation reeks of, "I'm a cheap date." You never want to come off as a cheap date. Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Then a guy shouldn't take a girl to a restaurant that he can't afford. It's that simple. Well the thing is, MANY guys do take a girl to a restaurant they can't afford in order to try to impress them. Some luck up and have gift cards at the time, and others don't. If only he had not mentioned the gift card before the date..... Link to post Share on other sites
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Well then these guys lack any form of self confidence if they think that the only way in which they can impress a girl is to take her to a restaurant they can't afford. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 It's not a huge mistake that he has mentioned any gift card. The proof is the OP is still going on the date. To those who would say 'yes but he now has a red flag against him' I disagree. Women complain all the time about things they will put up with, and which may actually find attractive. Otherwise women wouldn't date jerks and would always sleep with the guy who takes them to the fancy restaurant. This guy is not trying too hard. That attitude often pays off. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 That's fine if he wants to stay within his means. But never mention a gift card when asking out a girl. Whether he uses it or not is beside the point. This situation reeks of, "I'm a cheap date." You never want to come off as a cheap date. If he has a gift card, it was probably a gift he got, right? So chances are it's a place he enjoy or wants to check out. He's sharing this with her. Why not be flattered (because he could have taken a friend or family member) instead of calling it tacky. OP is going into this date with a bad start and already has negative thoughts of the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 If he has a gift card, it was probably a gift he got, right? So chances are it's a place he enjoy or wants to check out. He's sharing this with her. Why not be flattered (because he could have taken a friend or family member) instead of calling it tacky. OP is going into this date with a bad start and already has negative thoughts of the guy. While I completely agree, I think it depends on how the card was presented. If he basically picked it out of a drawer somewhere and went "Aha, I may as well put this to good use now!" because he didn't want to spend money, that's one thing. It's otherwise completely fine, imo, to use a gift card if your intention has everything to do with sharing and not so much skimping out on spending money. Link to post Share on other sites
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 The guy obviously did make a mistake if the girl he asked on a date thought to post about it on the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 The guy obviously did make a mistake if the girl he asked on a date thought to post about it on the internet. Not always true.... sometimes it is the person who is posting that is making the mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Dreamergirl, I will agree with you that the OP is in the wrong because she's going on a date with a built-in negative bias. In this case, they're really both wrong. Just don't mention the gift card before the date. If the girl ever brings it up, then use the story, "Oh, I thought it would be special to take you rather than a friend or family member." Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWLoca Posted November 6, 2009 Author Share Posted November 6, 2009 Goodness, I'm not ready to burn the guy at the stake or anything...I don't feel I'm wrong for questioning it...whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Goodness, I'm not ready to burn the guy at the stake or anything...I don't feel I'm wrong for questioning it...whatever. Jeeze, just go on the date with him already! See how it goes. If the guy is a loser... you should be able to tell within 2 dates. Link to post Share on other sites
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 I'm not crucifying you, BWLoca, but seeing your apprehension over the gift card will make it harder for you to be able to enjoy yourself on this date. With that having been said, it sounds really cheap to mention that you are using a gift card on a first date. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Women complain all the time that the guy is this and that.. (cheap, tacky in his approach, blablabla).. but when do women make the first move and ask a guy out on a date.. and pay for it.. heh??? It's easier to criticize a guy who only had, in the first place, a good intention.. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 I can't wait for the bit where he says 'Oh I was just joking about the gift card.' Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Goodness, I'm not ready to burn the guy at the stake or anything...I don't feel I'm wrong for questioning it...whatever. Well what thoughts are going to pop into your head when he brings out the gift card? Link to post Share on other sites
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 O - M - G!!! What? Where have I been inconsistent? Post a quote from me where I was ever inconsistent. Link to post Share on other sites
Left in a Lurch Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) Call me old-fashioned, but I think the man should always pay for the first date, if he asked me out. I'm not taking issue with the poster here, but I find it funny when women say they are old fashioned. It means they are old fashioned and want the man to pay, but it doesn't mean they are old fashioned and want to do what the man says, let the man order for them, put out for an expensive dinner, pretend they don't understand politics, then cook for the guy and clean his place as they are dating. They probably don't like the guy to refer to them as his new "skirt" either or introduce them as the dizzy broad they are dating. They are old fashioned as far as what they expect from the guy, but what old fashioned things do women live up to for those same men in return? Nada. Edited November 6, 2009 by Chat Room Hero Link to post Share on other sites
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