Men and Women and Porn and Strip Clubs

[angie2443]

Here's the problem with the strip club arguements, IMO. Men like looking, but women liked to be looked at. I know there are exceptions to the rule. Still, most women don't like looking at half naked men dancing in a club. It is not a natural way for them to express their sexuality. Men, however, do express their sexuality when they go to strip clubs.

 

While most men would have no problem with their partners going to a male strip club, they most likely would have a problem with their partners bieng half or completely naked and acting/dancing sexy around another man.

 

It is interesting that men often find it exceptable for them to express their sexuality with other women, but become angry when their partners do the same. I guess it's human nature and men have always been able to do this.

 

I do wonder how same sex couples feel about this issue, since there is more equality in their relationship (in this one sense) then in heterosexual relationships.

[Dexter Morgan]

the way I look at it, if a SO of mine feels the need to go see other men take their clothes off....she doesn't need me or respect me.

 

So if she wants to see other men like that, then let her try to get one of them while I move on to someone that doesn't feel the need.

[samspade]

This post is awesome. Took the words right out of my 50 future posts. My GF hates porn and strip clubs. But she even said herself she would love to engage in both of those with me. So even though she hates it, she'd have fun watching porn with me, or going to the strip club with me, both of which I would have no problem with.

 

Sounds like you have a good, quality, non-judgmental GF. And I'm sure if she told you she didn't want you to engage in porn/strippers, you'd consider making that sacrifice for her, because she's expressing her opinion and not bashing you for your sexuality.

 

Do you think she was masturbating thinking about these big cocks instead of yours?

 

Yes I do. So what? If I'm okay with it, why do you care?

[normal]

i am okay with porn.

we have boundaries set, and both agree that strip clubs are pushing it.

at the moment, neither of us are okay with strip clubs.

he watches porn...and i watch porn.

sometimes together, sometimes not.

 

but i have seen people date where the chick was NOT okay with it.

and they always turn out badly.

bottom line is that if your SO has a big problem with it you either shouldn't do it or move onto something else.

you shouldn't be dishonest or try and hide it, that ONLY makes things worse.

because you WILL get caught.

i have seen some relationships get really bad from this issue.

it's something that should be talked about early on and there should be a clear understanding on the issue.

everyone has a different opinion, and it should be a compromise made before the relationship gets serious.

the couple should AGREE on it.

 

if it DID bother my SO i would just not watch it.

it's not like porn and strip clubs define who i am as a person.

i'd rather give up porn than give up my the person i'm with.

if at some point i decided i didn't want it in our relationship, i'd expect him to stop using it too.

and if he wasn't willing...it would be a clear sign that he wasn't worthy of a relationship.

 

i don't get why people get so uptight about porn in the first place.

i also don't get why people can't just give it up when asked.

 

you guys are talking about it like it's a drug or a necessary part of life.

geez.

[samspade]

the way I look at it, if a SO of mine feels the need to go see other men take their clothes off....she doesn't need me or respect me.

 

So if she wants to see other men like that, then let her try to get one of them while I move on to someone that doesn't feel the need.

 

That's sensible. In any relationship, you might have to decide between your SO and something important to you. If it's more important to her, then she wasn't right for you anyway. It doesn't make her a bad person, just not the right person.

[IrishCarBomb]

If people disapprove of certain activities, the easiest way to avoid conflict is to avoid men who enjoy these activities. Find a partner who shares your morality.

 

Wow, you mean that the issue really isn't that complicated? If a person communicates their needs and expectations, and the other still can't handle them, then they should not be a couple? Naaaahhh... it can't be that simple... can it? Where would we get all the conflict and drama that fuels our relationships?!?!?

[Trialbyfire]

Wow, you mean that the issue really isn't that complicated? If a person communicates their needs and expectations, and the other still can't handle them, then they should not be a couple? Naaaahhh... it can't be that simple... can it? Where would we get all the conflict and drama that fuels our relationships?!?!?

 

Not to worry, we humans are endlessly drama-filled. This week it's porn, next week it's ball sweat. Oh, hang on...

[MeaganRaye]

When I'm not with my boyfriend, I watch porn. I love it.

 

And I expect he does the same when he's not with me.

 

Men like going to strip clubs. They are visual creatures. They like boobs. Who cares? It's not like they're going to a whorehouse, or worse...a sorority party and feeling up drunk chicks.

 

I would MUCH rather my man went to a strip club with his friends than a whore-infested college party...

 

You must not know what goes on in strip clubs. I grew up in a neighborhood that was surrounded by them. More than just LOOKING goes on, prostitution is VERY common in these places. You ever heard of the champagne room? It's very common for strippers to make extra money by performing oral sex on male clients in a back room.

[IrishCarBomb]

You must not know what goes on in strip clubs. I grew up in a neighborhood that was surrounded by them. More than just LOOKING goes on, prostitution is VERY common in these places. You ever heard of the champagne room? It's very common for strippers to make extra money by performing oral sex on male clients in a back room.

 

I can't count how many times I've gone into a strip club, lost complete control over myself due to the sexually-charged atmosphere, and wound up getting oral from a stripper! Whoops!

[IrishCarBomb]

It's very common for strippers to make extra money by performing oral sex on male clients in a back room.

 

Know what the worst thing is? They don't even pay taxes on that money. C'mon hookers, chip in to America and do your part.

[MissConduct]

You must not know what goes on in strip clubs. I grew up in a neighborhood that was surrounded by them. More than just LOOKING goes on, prostitution is VERY common in these places. You ever heard of the champagne room? It's very common for strippers to make extra money by performing oral sex on male clients in a back room.

 

 

Shhhhhh! Meagan you are breaking the "guy code"

 

 

I don't know what part of the world these people live in that say looking at "half naked" bodies, but where I live not only are the women fully naked they prostitute themselves too. In fact most of them have to prostitute because bj's and such is where the real money is @. The security guard at one of my jobs would tell me all kinds of stories because he would moonlight at Strip joints.

 

Pfft whatever "nothing happens", guy. Tell it to someone who pretends to believe you!

[samspade]

Wow, you mean that the issue really isn't that complicated? If a person communicates their needs and expectations, and the other still can't handle them, then they should not be a couple? Naaaahhh... it can't be that simple... can it? Where would we get all the conflict and drama that fuels our relationships?!?!?

 

Unfortunately, some people would rather engage in shaming someone for his or her sexual preferences than simply accept it and either move forward or move on. Luckily, the women I allow in my life are more respectful than that.

[angie2443]

That assumes you presume looking=cheating.

 

 

 

So what? My woman enjoys strip bars more than I do. In fact, I get off more on her enjoyment more than on what I see on stage. Does that mean she doesn't love me?

 

 

 

Wrong. I have no problem with that whatsoever. In fact, I've watched her enjoy multiple men and probably enjoyed it more than she did.

 

 

 

Wrong again. She's done it, with my encouragement and endorsement. It's f-ing hot!

 

Your views on relationships are differant than most people's. If I remember right, you and your partner are swingers. Sorry if I'm confusing you with someone else. Anyways, most people wouldn't feel confortable with that kind of openess in their relationships.

[angie2443]

If people disapprove of certain activities, the easiest way to avoid conflict is to avoid men who enjoy these activities. Find a partner who shares your morality.

 

 

This is very true. At the same time, if women who hated strip clubs only dated men who felt that strip clubs were wrong, I have the feeling there would be a lot less dating in this world. I hope I'm wrong about this.

[Trialbyfire]

This is very true. At the same time, if women who hated strip clubs only dated men who felt that strip clubs were wrong, I have the feeling there would be a lot less dating in this world. I hope I'm wrong about this.

Is volume that much more important than needs? Why cause unnecessary drama within relationships? Dating is one thing but entering a relationship, requires a whole lot more than physical attraction. If two people have differing core values, such as morality or needs, how can any relationship be viable or even worth the drama, in the long-term? Relationships are already work. You don't need a project.

[IrishCarBomb]

This is very true. At the same time, if women who hated strip clubs only dated men who felt that strip clubs were wrong, I have the feeling there would be a lot less dating in this world. I hope I'm wrong about this.

 

It's not about knowing what a man does. It's about knowing who a man is.

 

If you know your guy has wandering eyes and can't help himself when he sees skimpy outfits, you should be suspicious and upset over him going to strip clubs. On the other hand, if your guy is honest and faithful, but is going to a strip club because it's his best friend's bachelor party, I really don't think you should worry. I realize it's a bit idealistic, but doesn't it really boil down to: Do you trust him? And therefore, do you find men in general are not trustworthy?

[angie2443]

Is volume that much more important than needs? Why cause unnecessary drama within relationships? Dating is one thing but entering a relationship, requires a whole lot more than physical attraction. If two people have differing core values, such as morality or needs, how can any relationship be viable or even worth the drama, in the long-term? Relationships are already work. You don't need a project.

 

I agree with you completely. I'm just thinking that the majority of men think strip clubs/porn are no big deal, while the majority of women think they are (at least the clubs, I think women tolerate porn more). Maybe I'm wrong. It does seem like the majority of the people here who do think the clubs are harmless are men and the ones complaining about them are women.

[angie2443]

It's not about knowing what a man does. It's about knowing who a man is.

 

If you know your guy has wandering eyes and can't help himself when he sees skimpy outfits, you should be suspicious and upset over him going to strip clubs. On the other hand, if your guy is honest and faithful, but is going to a strip club because it's his best friend's bachelor party, I really don't think you should worry. I realize it's a bit idealistic, but doesn't it really boil down to: Do you trust him? And therefore, do you find men in general are not trustworthy?

 

I'm fortunate to be with a man who is on the same page with me here. Porn in moderation is fine, strip clubs aren't. If either of us changed our minds, I guess we'd be looking for new partners.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with you completely. I'm just thinking that the majority of men think strip clubs/porn are no big deal, while the majority of women think they are (at least the clubs, I think women tolerate porn more). Maybe I'm wrong. It does seem like the majority of the people here who do think the clubs are harmless are men and the ones complaining about them are women.

I'm one of those women who doesn't care, unless it becomes a routine or necessity for the man.

 

Relationships take two people to fuel them. Are his actions trustworthy? If so, why can't I trust him? If not, why am I with him?

[Jersey Shortie]

 

Not to worry, we humans are endlessly drama-filled. This week it's porn, next week it's ball sweat. Oh, hang on...

 

Ball sweat is disrespectful to your partner.

 

 

You must not know what goes on in strip clubs. I grew up in a neighborhood that was surrounded by them. More than just LOOKING goes on, prostitution is VERY common in these places. You ever heard of the champagne room? It's very common for strippers to make extra money by performing oral sex on male clients in a back room.

 

Don't be silly Meagan. Strip clubs are just innocent places where men go to talk about how much they love their wives, girlfriends and daughters! They don't go for the naked women. That's just ridiculous. And strippers making money doing other sexual acts?? Not possible. That's not what goes on there.

 

To the guys of the board, I have asked this question several times and it's always been avoided. I've heard alot of men pat themselves on the back for the amount of self control they have once they are at a strip club. I have two questions for that:

 

1. Why do you put yourself in a position to have to use your self control to begin with? If something is tempting to you, why do you seek it out and do it anyway? If you have a woman at home that cares for you, don't you understand how that can make her feel?

 

2. If self control is your honor of medal that you wear, why not use that self control to not set foot in the strip club at all? You have to admit that putting yourself in the line of fire, opennly seeking out to put yourself in a sexual environment with other women, and then turning around and saying that you have self control doesn't really match up to the action. I think if a man had real self control, he wouldn't invite that kind of environment or make his partner question his activities.

 

 

It's not about knowing what a man does. It's about knowing who a man is.

 

There is no better way of knowing who a man is then seeing where his actions lead him.

 

If you know your guy has wandering eyes and can't help himself when he sees skimpy outfits, you should be suspicious and upset over him going to strip clubs. On the other hand, if your guy is honest and faithful, but is going to a strip club because it's his best friend's bachelor party, I really don't think you should worry. I realize it's a bit idealistic, but doesn't it really boil down to: Do you trust him? And therefore, do you find men in general are not trustworthy?

 

What is more important to a man? Making his buddies feel good or respecing the parameters of his relationship with the woman that loves him? I think it's a big idealistic to not want your girlfriend/wife to feel a twinge knowing that you are purposely putting yourself in a spot to enjoy something sexual with other women. Any man that walks in a strip joint is making the choice to envovle himself in a sexual environment with other women. Period. It's that simple. A man is reponsible for his own actions. Not his woman, not his budies. I see alot of shifting responsiblity from men on these subjects and frankly, it's lame.

 

You say it boils down to trust. I say it boils down to respect. Does a man respect his partner enough to override his lust and understand how that situation can cause axiety in a woman without thinking he is going to get a bj from a stripper.

 

Trust is both given and proven. If a man is putting himself in a dicey situation with other women, and only then afterwards turning to his partner and saying "hey babe, don't you trust me". Don't be suprised that his actions and choices are questioned. You judge a man by his actions and choices because those ultimately show you what is important to him.

 

Apparently strippers and porn are most important to men. Over the woman in their lives. Saddly, that makes men happy.

[samspade]

It's about knowing who a man is.

 

Agreed. If a woman is not comfortable with what a man finds erotic, she can find another man. There are plenty out there who aren't into porn and/or strippers. Attempting to suppress somebody else's sexuality is only going to cause him to sneak around to enjoy it - if, that is, that person would rather compromise than sacrifice. Some people are perfectly okay with giving up certain vices; others would rather be with someone who shares such vices. In the end, you owe it to yourself to do what is best for YOU - not what society or any man or woman shames you into doing.

 

I don't believe in begrudging someone his or her sexual preferences, but obviously there are a lot of judgmental and intolerant people out there. If I can't reconcile a woman's sex desires with my own, it's probably better that she date someone who is more into her particular fantasies. It takes a lot less energy to live and let live than to constantly be shaming and complaining about another individual's pursuit of happiness.

[Jersey Shortie]

Sam, none of us are above being judgemental. Even yourself. And I repeat, the only way you know who a man is, is by seeing where his actions lead him.

 

There are alot more men in this world that are into porn then not now-a-days and I know alot of people will brush it off as all good and happy but the fact is that unfortunetly, with the boon of the internet, there aren't as many men any more that can be happy and confident in their sexuality without pornography.

[LoveNeverFails]

How is going to a strip club cheating "right in front of their partners?" What do you mean by supplement?

 

Obviously a guy is getting something out of going to see strippers or looking at pornography. Something he can't get from his partner I am guessing. Otherwise he wouldn't seek these sexual items out from other women. A thrill, something he considers a sexual enhancement to his life even though he has a committed parter at home. He is seeking some type of gratification from other women. It's become the 21st century rules to cheating right infront of your partner. Unfortunetly, alot of women just accept it and men take full advantage running right over their girlfriends/wives for themselves.

 

Men say they don't mind that their women go to male reviews. But how many women honestly go to male reviews and are physically turned on by it compared to how many men go to female strip joints and are turned on by it? Most women aren't turned on by gay men gyrating around in a g-string. It's ludicris, funny, and not a threat. most men do get turned on by naked women gyrating down. A much bigger threat. Oh but somehow you are "insecure" if it makes you upset that your man is activly seeking out other women to enjoy a sexual thrill from. That's nothing more then a shaming game. Of course a woman is going to question her mate if he isn't displaying enough self control to not go in the first place. Seriously, men argue that they have "self control" when they go. I think real self control would not be going at all. Not going, putting yourself in a sexual situation with other women and only then saying what a good boy you are. That's bs.

 

 

 

 

Honestly, it does seem that way. And I even hate to think it but do you know man y times as a woman I have heard guys justify sexual behavior of theirs because they are a *man*. With the amount of porn that men consume and use with in the relationship, and seeking out strip clubs to enjoy themselves with, oggling other women out and about even if they are with their girl or not, do you really blame a woman for thinking that men do seem liek sexual vacuums that don't deny themselves very much and exploit what they can for short term gratification? It sure does seem like men need a daily amount of sexual gratification/stimulation from outside sources to maintain a relationship with one woman. How healthy that is is questionable. We aren't exactly a healthy nation if you think about it.

 

excellent post!

[samspade]

Some people like porn and strippers, some people don't. There's room enough for all in this world. To each his own...and we can all find someone who shares similar interests. I'll respect anyone's preference as long as they respect mine. The bottom line is that it's not cheating if you and your partner are on the same page and it's in the open.

[IrishCarBomb]

1. Why do you put yourself in a position to have to use your self control to begin with? If something is tempting to you, why do you seek it out and do it anyway? If you have a woman at home that cares for you, don't you understand how that can make her feel?

 

This one doesn't apply to me, as I do not find strip clubs erotic at all. To me it is fake, hollow, dirty, and anything buy sexy.

 

2. If self control is your honor of medal that you wear, why not use that self control to not set foot in the strip club at all? You have to admit that putting yourself in the line of fire, opennly seeking out to put yourself in a sexual environment with other women, and then turning around and saying that you have self control doesn't really match up to the action. I think if a man had real self control, he wouldn't invite that kind of environment or make his partner question his activities.

 

The way it matches up to the action is that I don't go for sexual gratification. I've never found it sexy. I don't have to exercise self-control because there is no temptation.

 

This is where we just are not going to see eye to eye. We've had this discussion before, and we fundamentally disagreed. To me, I feel that a guy should absolutely not seek a strip club as a sexual outlet when he has a relationship. If he went to it regularly, I certainly agree that it is disrespectful if his girlfriend doesn't like it (or doesn't know). But there is a world of difference between going regularly to the strip club, and going once with good friends to celebrate a rite of passage.

 

There is no better way of knowing who a man is then seeing where his actions lead him.

 

My point exactly. You judge a man as completely disrespectful just because he goes to a strip club, regardless of his character. If you know the man is a decent guy, he will be a decent guy in any context--his character isn't going to change. I know you think that any decent guy would never go to a strip club ever (once again... another place we aren't going to see eye to eye).

 

What is more important to a man? Making his buddies feel good or respecing the parameters of his relationship with the woman that loves him? I think it's a big idealistic to not want your girlfriend/wife to feel a twinge knowing that you are purposely putting yourself in a spot to enjoy something sexual with other women. Any man that walks in a strip joint is making the choice to envovle himself in a sexual environment with other women. Period. It's that simple. A man is reponsible for his own actions. Not his woman, not his budies. I see alot of shifting responsiblity from men on these subjects and frankly, it's lame.

 

I'm not saying I wouldn't be there by choice if I went because it was a friend's rite of passage. I'm saying the circumstances would be dramatically different.

 

You say it boils down to trust. I say it boils down to respect. Does a man respect his partner enough to override his lust and understand how that situation can cause axiety in a woman without thinking he is going to get a bj from a stripper.

 

Trust is both given and proven. If a man is putting himself in a dicey situation with other women, and only then afterwards turning to his partner and saying "hey babe, don't you trust me". Don't be suprised that his actions and choices are questioned. You judge a man by his actions and choices because those ultimately show you what is important to him.

 

It absolutely boils down to trust, but a guy's respect gets factored in. Once again, we don't see eye to eye on this. To me, there are limited circumstances where a decent guy can go to a strip club. In these circumstances, a girl should not feel threatened unless she has trust issues. To you, it seems that even if the thought of going to a strip club crosses his mind, then by default he is a cheater and a dirtbag.

 

Apparently strippers and porn are most important to men. Over the woman in their lives. Saddly, that makes men happy.

 

My relationships have always been more important than these things. However, a girl that will never compromise to a reasonable request is not a girl I see as having long-term potential.