Tomcat33 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 I wouldn't dream of trying to change the other women...you stay just the way you are. I'm happy that you're happy and that you think I'm miserable. Truly I am. Oh well, I have to go and make dinner now and then serve it to the scumbag...the drudgery of it all, but it's a sacrifice I chose, so I won't complain. Well you have been on this board for a very long time and every time I go away and come back you are always on here and your tune NEVER changes you are making insulting attacking remarks on anyone and everyone and for the life of me I don't get how someone that has chosen such a good life so full of wonderful things has the time to latch on to so much hate and anger, and play the same old broken record month after month after month on this board...???? Call me crazy but something just isn't right with the picture. Don't be happy for me, don't waste your energy. It affects me 0 since my happiness solely depends on me. Save it for your family they want a happy mom/wife not a bitter-puss. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Well you have been on this board for a very long time and every time I go away and come back you are always on here and your tune NEVER changes you are making insulting attacking remarks on anyone and everyone and for the life of me I don't get how someone that has chosen such a good life so full of wonderful things has the time to latch on to so much hate and anger, and play the same old broken record month after month after month on this board...???? Call me crazy but something just isn't right with the picture. Don't be happy for me, don't waste your energy. It affects me 0 since my happiness solely depends on me. Save it for your family they want a happy mom/wife not a bitter-puss. :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I don't remember saying you should be sad, but I do think it is a little on the superior side suggest she just get over her love of him. I agree that he isn't more than a turd clinging to the @$$ hairs of society. But this is a cheating man telling you he doesn't love her and that they are roommates. Come on if his lips are moving, he is lying. Do you know for sure she is begging? Do you know for sure that all her "pathetic ways" are really her ways or just what turd boy says. He wants whatever or whoever his little heart desires. And I mean LITTLE heart literally, (to go along with his little balls). You are correct, your feelings for her, pity or otherwise are irrelevant to her life. She will continue in what ever state of mind she is in. But I would bet anything that the dickless wonder will crawl back to her because you said Adios. I mostly enjoy your posts because you walked away. What a strong woman! Imagine what your posts would be like if you wanted to make your marriage work. Imagine what your posts would be if he weren't Mr. Messy Pants, but your poor H who is a helpless human being without self-control... Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 There was nothing to make work. He killed it when he went outside our marriage to solve his problems. And he compounded that bad decision by agreeing to gaslight me and screw me financially. We have known each other since we were teenagers, so the one person that I trusted would always stand with me against the world, chose to push me under the moving train for his penis. I no longer trust him. And when I don't trust you, there is no reason for us to be more than passing acquaintances. He made a choice. Actually he made several, all wrong. So maybe he will learn something and the next woman will benefit. You seem like a Really strong woman. I like you for that May All Betrayed women learn a lesson from you Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I'm not sure that I am as strong as what you might believe, but I will only be screwed over one time, unless I gave birth to you and then you get 2 times:p I don't get it, but...Okay!!! No, you are definitely strong. Maybe you do not see it yourself, but the way you knock men shows that you have a great sense of humor about the pain you have endured. I think that's great! Well, you make me laugh LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 You can only mistreat me one time unless I gave birth to you(my son and daughter) and then you might actually get more than one shot at it. Ohhh, okay, haha. I thought you were saying being my mother and giving birth to me would be punishment to you because I'm a bad person. Well, glad we got That straightened out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 So maybe he will learn something and the next woman will benefit. Yeah... Nah... Link to post Share on other sites
JMC Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Yes, you've got it all figured out...ahh well, you've got me TomCat, you've discovered that I'm a pathetic, long suffering fool who sacrificed her life for a cheater while you get the flowers, cards and sex and all I've got to show for my troubles are a few kids...great friends, plush lifestyle, advanced degree, a beautiful home, respect and a whole lot of money. Well it's something then, isn't it? What a huge pile of C R A P! Frankly I'm insulted that you find any of us dumb enough to believe the above drivel you spewed from your piehole. If you or your life were A N Y of the above you listed, you would not be on this board with your thinly guised yet pathetically desperate attempts to garner negative attention - you'd be in your life, enjoying that life. Protest all you want about how great your life is and keep pretending like you think we believe it. It's obviously all you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 What a huge pile of C R A P! Frankly I'm insulted that you find any of us dumb enough to believe the above drivel you spewed from your piehole. If you or your life were A N Y of the above you listed, you would not be on this board with your thinly guised yet pathetically desperate attempts to garner negative attention - you'd be in your life, enjoying that life. Protest all you want about how great your life is and keep pretending like you think we believe it. It's obviously all you have. Honesty is the best policy. If I were in the same situation, I'd probably wonder why he chose to go outside of the marriage with all of those perks-since your life is ultra-fab. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I don't remember saying you should be sad, but I do think it is a little on the superior side suggest she just get over her love of him. I agree that he isn't more than a turd clinging to the @$$ hairs of society. But this is a cheating man telling you he doesn't love her and that they are roommates. Come on if his lips are moving, he is lying. Do you know for sure she is begging? Do you know for sure that all her "pathetic ways" are really her ways or just what turd boy says. He wants whatever or whoever his little heart desires. And I mean LITTLE heart literally, (to go along with his little balls). You are correct, your feelings for her, pity or otherwise are irrelevant to her life. She will continue in what ever state of mind she is in. But I would bet anything that the dickless wonder will crawl back to her because you said Adios. Look if you knew my story you would understand this is less about having an air of superiority and more about stating the facts as I predicted them. I have given many uplifting words to women going through the hardship of being involved in a relationship with someone who is taken and who are also trying to get over their rut. I am not here to prove anything to anyone, I share my experiences in hopes that is could shed some light into other's fog. Having said that pay no attention to when I sound like I am stooping to being petty in my comments, I am actually more reasonable than you can imagine. As a good friend of mine a woman I truly grew to respect and whom I also met through the wonderful world of LS, the amazing RC would say, "it's bullcrap that you should take the highroad, sometimes in life you have to stoop to other people's level because that is all they understand." So when you see me posting unreasonable crap, take note of the source I am directing my comments at. If I didn't explain myself properly, here you go... I never said his W should get over him from one day to the next. Anyone one in their right mind knows that when a relationship ends, regarless of its length, the people involved in it need a time to grieve the loss and cope with the change and shock of not having someone in their lives. I am sure this woman needs to go through that. What I think she could benefit from is accepting her reality she is wasting her time trying to win over a man by holding on to him with a desperate grip. I agree if she had kicked him out in two weeks he would have been begging to take him back he would come to his senses and it would have kicked his survial instinct in gear allowing him to focus on what he should be focusing on. He already ran away from his marriage once and is proned to "running away" Instead she begged him to come back after she found out about us dating, I was there when she called him bawling her eyes out. He had already moved out and they were seperated. He is not a mean guy and is quite the pushover so it pulled and tugged at him eventually eating away at his guilt. But what she gained was a person who not willingly wanted to be there for fear of losing her. The entire 8months we have been apart he has been in contact with me one way or another romaticising what we could have had and living what he DOES have at home. OF COURSE our reality seems sepectacular to him we left on an unfinnished not of being head over heels in love, he says it is not about that he says he loves me and cannot fight what his heart dictates even if it is wrong what he did to his W. The thing is she gave him no chance to regain that love/lust for her. he sees her as an obligation not a conquest. In the short time I have known this man I got his number, he loves the chase he loves that feeling of conquest. Something he does not have with her because she is willing to do backflips to keep him. Whenever he has pulled away in the time we were together and he had to go off to figure stuff out I let him go, I let him go without a fuss without ever chasing him and respecting his decision. He always came back on his own and every time his "love" grows stronger. She never gave him the opportunity to win that lust back. Something a lot of BS who struggle with getting back that version of the spouse that is better and improved rarely achieve unless there is considerable amount of fear of loss. Something he doesn't seem to experience with her. hence his "obsession" with me. They were in couples councelling and he finally said no more because it was futile he could not be honest with the threapist or HER that he was still in love with me and thinking about me day and night AND contacting me. One VERY messed up situation, which I want not more part of. But I share my insights in the hopes people can gain some insight into their own situations. Much as I did when I was in my time of need and I read thread after thread after thread of people's lives. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Originally posted by Virgo1982> You're right. You won't. There's no explanation for it whatsoever. It's like asking why is the sky blue. I should start addressing all problems that way. "I don't understand," is definitely useful.I think the police should use that attitude to catch criminals (since OW are sociopaths, anyway) Instead of trying to understand the criminal mind, they should just say, "I don't understand," and grab some donuts... Virgo, you've got to be one of my faves! My apologies to IO. In an attempt to defend you, I can understand that if one refuses to not understand something, then perhaps they will not fall into it. Many good people live by this school of thought, but others like to view the entire spectrum for the value in it. It is all about perspective. Also, if we fail to understand our past, we will simply repeat it. To the OP, I appreciate your post. I validate your anger, and I did not read that you were ONLY blaming the OW for pursuing you, but that you were angry at yourself for falling into it and allowing it. I think another reason some OW here were suspicious of you is that your wife (Hi there!) is reading along. This makes us feel you may not be entirely honest as it is understandalbe that it is very difficult to be completely honest in front of the eyes of any BS. But we still appreciate your participation here. As you can see, you've started a great debate and we are getting wonderful perspectives FROM ALL SIDES, halleluyah! Like a bright and brilliant diamond. As for any affair, it is the fault of both players unless one is led to believe the other is single as in IS's case. Yet, I have a problem with the line of thinking that "If only women wouldn't make themselves available to my man, my man wouldn't cheat" because believe me, if there were no women available, a man would find something to cheat with whether it be another man or a ham sandwich. Sorry gentleman. But I think you know what I mean. It might be porn, or extra time in the bathroom with the door locked, or something--anything because it seems to be the human spirit that needs time to dwell in something first before we do "the right thing" and actually address our issues. It may very well be the pain that we endure needs to happen for us to be better souls. Or at least a lot of us. It would be very nice if we all went directly to the latter phase directly and avoid all the mess, but I think the world would simply stop spinning if we were all perfect. I would like to think that the BS even sees it that way after a few years. I hate to mention any names, but I have read many BS posts and they even claim they are better people now after their WS's Dday. Herenow is one that comes to mind. (Sorry Herenow for mentioning your name when we haven't even met--your posts inspire me). That is my two cents for now. This has been an interesting thread:) so thanks for all the colorful views. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Oooooooo, haha...my bad. I'm easily fooled LOL. Well, thank you for clarifying that! And just Whom made that nasty comment anyway??? Ha ha! Gwyneth, you remind me of myself as a younger woman--so gullible! Too cute:) Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Right. My friend who is divorced and a BS said that she and her husband were the problem-not the OWomen. I realized the same was true when my H had an EA. I wanted to blame the OW for being there, for existing, then when I realized the problem lied with US, I quit blaming her. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I realized the same was true when my H had an EA. I wanted to blame the OW for being there, for existing, then when I realized the problem lied with US, I quit blaming her.You know, it really is pretty pointless to blame the OM/OW, but an 8x10 picture of them sure makes a great dartboard. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 You know, it really is pretty pointless to blame the OM/OW, but an 8x10 picture of them sure makes a great dartboard. :lmao: Can't argue with that! No wonder I feel weird pins and needles in the head sometimes.... voodoo dartboard anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I'm not sure that I am as strong as what you might believe, but I will only be screwed over one time, unless I gave birth to you and then you get 2 times:p Way to go, Bent! You brought them into this world, and you can take them out! Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 You know, it really is pretty pointless to blame the OM/OW, but an 8x10 picture of them sure makes a great dartboard. That made me laugh! Thanks.... Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 You know, it really is pretty pointless to blame the OM/OW, but an 8x10 picture of them sure makes a great dartboard. You always get me laughing, reboot! Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I realized the same was true when my H had an EA. I wanted to blame the OW for being there, for existing, then when I realized the problem lied with US, I quit blaming her. My aunt was exactly like that. She didn't want to blame herself as she did everything right (by her and his book) and yet, her ex-husband had an affair. He admitted most of it was his fault. What is a shame is that my cousins can't see their father the same way ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Yes, you've got it all figured out...ahh well, you've got me TomCat, you've discovered that I'm a pathetic, long suffering fool who sacrificed her life for a cheater while you get the flowers, cards and sex and all I've got to show for my troubles are a few kids...great friends, plush lifestyle, advanced degree, a beautiful home, respect and a whole lot of money. Well it's something then, isn't it? You think you have respect? Not even your husband respect you enough to not cheat. Sorry be so bitchy but you have got to be most deluded person that posts on these boards. You amaze me. Everytiem I read your posts I am left in awe of your state of denial. Just the fact that you are so obsessed with posting here shows how messed up your life really is. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Originally posted by Virgo1982> You're right. You won't. There's no explanation for it whatsoever. It's like asking why is the sky blue. I should start addressing all problems that way. "I don't understand," is definitely useful.I think the police should use that attitude to catch criminals (since OW are sociopaths, anyway) Instead of trying to understand the criminal mind, they should just say, "I don't understand," and grab some donuts... Virgo, you've got to be one of my faves! I would like to think that the BS even sees it that way after a few years. I hate to mention any names, but I have read many BS posts and they even claim they are better people now after their WS's Dday. Herenow is one that comes to mind. (Sorry Herenow for mentioning your name when we haven't even met--your posts inspire me). That is my two cents for now. This has been an interesting thread:) so thanks for all the colorful views. Thanks, you too. I appreciate your open mind and ability to remain calm under pressure. I believe you are one who would rather have a win for your relationship, than a win for yourself;) Now, I understand your point, , but knowledge is power. Knowledge could mean prevention... Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 :lmao: Can't argue with that! No wonder I feel weird pins and needles in the head sometimes.... voodoo dartboard anyone? I'd rather be blamed if that's the case... NEW THREAD EVERYBODY!!!! OW, would you rather be blamed, or feel random, sharp pain from BS voodoo activities? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I'd rather be blamed if that's the case... NEW THREAD EVERYBODY!!!! OW, would you rather be blamed, or feel random, sharp pain from BS voodoo activities? Hmmmm, aren't they the same thing? lol Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Thanks, you too. I appreciate your open mind and ability to remain calm under pressure. I believe you are one who would rather have a win for your relationship, than a win for yourself Now, I understand your point, , but knowledge is power. Knowledge could mean prevention... Yes, I must admit that I have more knowledge now that I am an OW. I used to think that we all could learn from the mistakes or experiences of others, but most of us need to have some of our own experiences to truly learn something or the value of something. I view myself as someone who tried very hard to win for the M relationship and recognized there was no point, and can only now try to win for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Hmmmm, aren't they the same thing? lol Yes I was wondering the same thing. I suppose it's all in how one defines pain, sort like the old school way that our grandparents used to do to our parents before they spanked them and put forth the preamble of "this is going to hurt me more than it does you" Bull crap!! |It always, hurt the kid more. If I were that kid being the smart a$$ that I am I would challenge "let me get out my belt and then we'll talk about who hurts more" Link to post Share on other sites
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