OW anger vs MM anger

[Fisherman]

My situation is a bit different from most - so knowing that my exmm could be going through what you went through casues me alot of pain. But then - my situation is not the norm. I think view points of MM are ALWAYS welcome here as they seem to be few and far between. Just my opinion though.

 

imstunned, it was one of your posts that prompted me to write here. If it was the first time for the MM in your life then he needs you to leave him alone so he can repair his life. If it was not the first time for him then you need to leave him alone for your own mental health. Realize that he has lost something too. If he is a good person he has lost all of the things I lost. If he is a bad person he has lost his way and his conscience. Either way you are better off without him.

[imstunned]

Blimey - one of my posts that prompted you to write? Um, thats kind of you, and I dont mean this in a bad way, but i find the thought that my EXMM feels what you feel truly nausiating.

 

I almost posted something pretty nasty to you about your sense of regret about your affiar, had to stop myself as you are not the same as my exmm. It pains me to think that he could be going throught such deep remorse as to what he has done to his wife. He should be feeling pretty bad about what he did to me.

[child_of_isis]

His wife reads the board...(snickersnort)

 

Just teez'n fisherman ;-)

 

Okay, I see. Well it's good to hear the MMs story, but in your case, the OW pursued you, which makes at least my case a bit different. Unless you're just saying the OW pursued you? Like played mind tricks on you?

 

.

[head.heart& hand]

 

It appears fisherman is a very different kind of man than the exmm of IS.--

Fisherman didnt get snagged (by his wife), but rather, he couldnt' live with himself and suffered deep remorse. He also took responsibility. From what your exmm said IS--he would still be in the relationship if his wife didn't have suspicions and would consider sex with you again --if there wasn't a chance of getting caught.

 

From what you've written previously IS, your exmm didnt appear deeply remorseful, he appeared spooked! He begged and begged you not to tell his wife. He told you he missed you because he's still very sexually attracted to you ( --but also shares that he loves his wife). Sounds like two very different kind of men. As much as you want to give your exmm the benefit of the doubt, all you have to do it revisit your inventory on what he's communicated to you. It's all there.

 

Fisherman, I'm glad you posted here. Thanks for sharing.

[JMC]

It doesn't strike me as a real story. I haven't been here that long but I can tell when things don't ring true.

[GreenEyedLady]

Green eyed lady, see my reply to Gwyneth.

 

I thought I was clear in the original post. What was confusing?

 

Your post was clear, but perhaps suited for the infidelity forum and not on a support board for OW/OM...It's not that it was confusing, I just don't see why you would post here, so long after the A and R...

[GreenEyedLady]

It doesn't strike me as a real story. I haven't been here that long but I can tell when things don't ring true.

 

My thoughts exactly...and I've been here a long time...

[noforgiveness]

He said that his wife had read the forum and he thought another point of view might help someone who is still unsure about whether to cheat with a married person. Seems simple enough.

 

lol sure does seem simple. It's funny the women here always wish for the mm perspective and whenever they get it they chase him away and complain that his story does not ring true.

 

Oftentimes I have read a mm viewpoint and thought it might not ring true. This one actually seems honest and real to me.

 

The things he said he has lost I agree with. Such simple things in a marriage you take for granted and they are gone now.

 

Why ow's do you not want to hear from this man? Are you afraid to hear what he may say? Are you afraid you may view his words and think they could apply to you?

 

Why not listen to him and learn from him. Give him a chance. His wife and him could offer you a whole new view into the mm/bw/owrelationship.

 

Fisherman I have to ask though. Why is your wife reading here 5 years after the fact and does that bother you? Doesn't it dredge up old wounds?

[Gwyneth]

Well I didn't think Fisherman's story was fake, but now that some of you have pointed out that, perhaps his job is to be here to make the OW feel guilty about what we are doing (or more guilty), and that maybe us OW don't think the MM has feelings and guilt.

 

Well, it is what it is. Anyone can share their story

[noforgiveness]

Well I didn't think Fisherman's story was fake, but now that some of you have pointed out that, perhaps his job is to be here to make the OW feel guilty about what we are doing (or more guilty), and that maybe us OW don't think the MM has feelings and guilt.

 

Well, it is what it is. Anyone can share their story

That's not what his purpose was though. He said he read of ow's anger that the married man just happily goes on with their life while ow is left in pain.

 

He just wanted to give his side that no the ow and bw are not the only ones in pain. The mm does not get off the hook. I think it's a great point. It actually surprises me that the ow think he just goes off into the sunset to live happily ever after.

 

I think your problem with this poster is his pain has to do with what it did to his marriage and not with your feelings. YOU went into this with your eyes wide open you knew exactly what you were doing and that he was married. His wife was clueless and had no control over herself getting hurt but the ow sure knew what she was setting herself up for.

 

Don't beat the messenger because you don't like the message.

 

If he does make you feel bad or guilty then why not examine that and look inside yourself. Would it hurt? you have a mm here. Why not ask some questions instead of doubting him.

[Gwyneth]

That's not what his purpose was though. He said he read of ow's anger that the married man just happily goes on with their life while ow is left in pain.

 

He just wanted to give his side that no the ow and bw are not the only ones in pain. The mm does not get off the hook. I think it's a great point. It actually surprises me that the ow think he just goes off into the sunset to live happily ever after.

 

I think your problem with this poster is his pain has to do with what it did to his marriage and not with your feelings. YOU went into this with your eyes wide open you knew exactly what you were doing and that he was married. His wife was clueless and had no control over herself getting hurt but the ow sure knew what she was setting herself up for.

 

Don't beat the messenger because you don't like the message.

 

If he does make you feel bad or guilty then why not examine that and look inside yourself. Would it hurt? you have a mm here. Why not ask some questions instead of doubting him.

 

I feel like I'm being singled out here. I never said I have a problem with fisherman's story. I said he can post here and that it's great to here the MM's side of the story.

[Gwyneth]

But if ow feel that they are right and justified( w isn't doing her JOB) then why should you feel guilty? And if you feel any guilt, why are you still involved with the mm?

 

I think ow know that some and I do mean some MM have feelings of guilt, but they aren't going to encourage him to go home and STAY THERE by not being available to him.

 

Well I can only speak for myself, but I have said in the past that I do not give a flying duck about his wife, and that maybe if I knew her, I'd feel different (most likely, I'd care). He doesn't feel guilty--at least that is what he tells me, and we all know what someone says and how someone really feels are two different things (sometimes). I'm sure some of the other OW's MM on this site do have guilt.

[JMC]

I feel Gwyneth's being singled out too, but why? I don't think you deserve it. I don't know why they're doing it. Just please know that behind me are probably several others reading this thread that don't think it's right either. Please don't let that stop you from posting because I like your posts.

[noforgiveness]

I feel Gwyneth's being singled out too, but why? I don't think you deserve it. I don't know why they're doing it. Just please know that behind me are probably several others reading this thread that don't think it's right either. Please don't let that stop you from posting because I like your posts.

 

not singling at all. She was the last person who expressed the ring of truth thought so she was the one quoted as the last thought on the matter. Quite simple.

[Gwyneth]

I feel Gwyneth's being singled out too, but why? I don't think you deserve it. I don't know why they're doing it. Just please know that behind me are probably several others reading this thread that don't think it's right either. Please don't let that stop you from posting because I like your posts.

 

You like my posts??? Aww, well before I get all excited, let this be confirmed

 

Thank you for clarifying that you weren't singling me out, noforgiveness. Even what you were saying to me didn't make sense because, well, it just didnt...

 

When you said:

I think your problem with this poster is his pain has to do with what it did to his marriage and not with your feelings. YOU went into this with your eyes wide open you knew exactly what you were doing and that he was married. His wife was clueless and had no control over herself getting hurt but the ow sure knew what she was setting herself up for.

[JMC]

You seem willing to be very vulnerable and open on this forum, even with the risk involved of being the target of much displaced anger from BS's. It reminds me of how I usually am in my life in general. I admire it in others.

[Gwyneth]

You seem willing to be very vulnerable and open on this forum, even with the risk involved of being the target of much displaced anger from BS's. It reminds me of how I usually am in my life in general. I admire it in others.

 

Thank you You made my day! I am a very honest and open person and tell it how it is, and really don't care much what others think. I tell my story and yeah, I'll defend myself at times, but other times I just say "whatever," like a hippie

[indianlover]

I've read with interest the reaction of women to the pain of other women especially in regard to the ending of affairs. I was a MM. I ended the affair about 5 years ago. It was my choice to end the affair. My wife did not find out and threaten me. I realized that the affair was poisonous to my life. I was not the instigator nor the pursuer. The OW was. When it began I was feeling very bad about myself. By the time it ended I was ready to kill myself. Though the other woman was the person who initiated everything it was still my fault that I agreed to her wants. As someone said here recently an affair begins as a series of bad choices. Each little step makes the next little step easier and soon you are in quicksand that will pull you under.

 

One of the steps in becoming a better person is admitting to your culpability. I have been in counseling with my ex regarding his cheating (and other things) and one of the steps is admitting your responsibility in an affair. You didn't just stand there while she jumped on your **** for no reason.

 

My ex had serious self esteem issues like yourself. Part of those issues drove him to pursue a woman that made him feel like 'sexy' or 'a man' despite the fact that he really loved me. He felt very similar to the way you discribed once he confessed to me.

 

Clearly you are not my ex, but from a logical point of view relationships are ALWAYS two way streets. Admit your part in it and you are better on your way to being a better person. IF YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE your trigger / your faults YOU WILL make the same mistakes and CHEAT AGAIN.

[LifesontheUp]

Does it really matter why Fisherman is here posting? I mean, he obviously wanted to share his own personal thoughts and insight - Maybe in hopes someone would understand, or think twice before getting involved in an affair. I don't get why some of you are irked that he's posting on here.

 

Well said.

 

Fisherman - its nice to know that some people genuinely work through adultery issues and you have indeed taken responsibility for the bad choices you made. I wish you continuing success in your marriage

[imstunned]

i felt I was being a bit singled out there too - as I expressed a question as to why to post that HERE on the OW/OM forum.

 

And to think that my exmm has any of the morals of fisherman is not a good thing for me to think - that he does love his wife, nice guy made a mistake etc. I think my exmm is a slime ball who does what he does all the time. Mine didnt end the affair he got caught. He didnt tell the wife everything he has told her nothing. I think he would be back if he thought he could get away with it. As valuable as MM postings are its not possible to apply the feelings of one MM to all MM. One size dosent fit all. Thats why some of us dont like it when we read what MM has to say - not because we dont like it because its all to do with the wifes feelings, but because it just may not be true to our own situation/MM .

 

(For Anyone reading this post of mine thinking - you got involved with a MM you need to man up and take part responsibility please remember he lied and told me he was single)

[noforgiveness]

You like my posts??? Aww, well before I get all excited, let this be confirmed

 

Thank you for clarifying that you weren't singling me out, noforgiveness. Even what you were saying to me didn't make sense because, well, it just didnt...

 

When you said:

I think your problem with this poster is his pain has to do with what it did to his marriage and not with your feelings. YOU went into this with your eyes wide open you knew exactly what you were doing and that he was married. His wife was clueless and had no control over herself getting hurt but the ow sure knew what she was setting herself up for.

 

Yes you was in the general "you" plural. Maybe I should take a page from the south and use you all or the philly, nj area yous guys.

[noforgiveness]

i felt I was being a bit singled out there too - as I expressed a question as to why to post that HERE on the OW/OM forum.

 

And to think that my exmm has any of the morals of fisherman is not a good thing for me to think - that he does love his wife, nice guy made a mistake etc. I think my exmm is a slime ball who does what he does all the time. Mine didnt end the affair he got caught. He didnt tell the wife everything he has told her nothing. I think he would be back if he thought he could get away with it. As valuable as MM postings are its not possible to apply the feelings of one MM to all MM. One size dosent fit all. Thats why some of us dont like it when we read what MM has to say - not because we dont like it because its all to do with the wifes feelings, but because it just may not be true to our own situation/MM .

 

(For Anyone reading this post of mine thinking - you got involved with a MM you need to man up and take part responsibility please remember he lied and told me he was single)

 

Your situation is totally different from the ow here he knew what they were getting into. You were lied to from the very beginning by a very good con man.

[Leia]

Asking Fisherman questions about the affair would be a brilliant idea! Why he got himself involved in the first place... although I don't quite like the fact that he said OW was the pursuer. She may have been one but if he didn't reciprocate then the affair wouldn't have happen.

 

I am no OW but I was lied by a number of married/engaged/attached men. I'm pretty sure one or two of those men told their wives/partners I pursued them where the fact of the matter was that they weren't honest at all about their status even after I asked.

[Gwyneth]

Yes you was in the general "you" plural. Maybe I should take a page from the south and use you all or the philly, nj area yous guys.

 

 

Okay Just wanted to make sure.

 

 

bentnotbrokenQuote:

Originally Posted by Gwyneth

Well I can only speak for myself, but I have said in the past that I do not give a flying duck about his wife, and that maybe if I knew her, I'd feel different (most likely, I'd care). He doesn't feel guilty--at least that is what he tells me, and we all know what someone says and how someone really feels are two different things (sometimes). I'm sure some of the other OW's MM on this site do have guilt.

 

 

 

I know you were speaking in general terms, as was I. I only used the words you wrote to point out that these points don't make a lot of sense if you are (generally) feeling guilt. Today 7:15 AM

 

 

 

Okay!

[Lyssa]

Hi Fisherman, welcome to LS. I have a question. Is your xOW still trying to keep in touch with you? She pursued you but why do you give in all the time? It felt good?