Carry on 'debriefing' yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings.
Telling your story is an important part of the healing process. Its usually necessary to tell the story a few times over, as new insights and realisations come to mind.
Carry on telling your story.
Carry on until there are no more realisations and insights to be found in it.
It is possible to get into a relationship with yourself that gives you a sense of deep satisfaction and fulfilment when you are alone, but its something that takes time to establish. It means getting to know yourself bit by bit, until you finally realise that it's ok to be happy.
The culture we live in constantly bombards us with the message that happiness is outside of us; that we can only be happy if we can find someone who loves us with a kind of fierce intensity. The real truth is that ha
Here are the stages of grief; I'll leave it to you to decide which stage you're in:
It's not a simple linear process; you can move in and out of the various stages, or up and down the ladder.
When you arrive at acceptance, you've finished your grieving.
There is nothing you can do to make her come back if she doesn't of her own free will, want to.
Not long letters of apology.
Not begging and pleading.
Not buying roses.
Not 'fighting for the relationship.'
Not writing poems.
Leave her totally alone.
It is possible that she'll miss you and will want you back.
It is also possible that she won't.
I understand what you're saying, but in my world you experience the deepest possible connection when you extend yourself to another, to the greatest degree possible for you.
Total extension of the Self.
Nothing held back.
Nothing reserved for 'maybe later.'
I don't think that the real problem is the difficulty of finding someone like her again.
I think that the real problem is that you've self-protectively closed your heart to some extent, as a result o
I woke up and started the ritual. Put on some music, shave, shower, and pick out my clothes. There are really only two looks for the game aware man: the suave seducer, or the jerk bad-boy. It's springtime, so I went for the suave look – black shoes, high quality jeans, designer knitwear shirt, overcoat, scarf, and Michael Caine glasses. Now I'm in 'state', as the pickup artists call it.
I got together everything that I need for a day on the hunt. My electronic cigarette with fully charged bat
The sadness stops when you stop 'sadding.'
Thoughts and feelings are behaviours, not something you can't change, like the weather.
When you finally decide that you've been through enough, you'll stop.
PS: You've been through enough.
No relationship is older than one day.
They need to be refreshed every day with a new investment of love, commitment, and passion.
If they aren't, they either die, or become stunted from a lack of feeding.
Sometimes people just forget to invest.
All that any of us can do is to keep pouring the best of ourselves into our relationships, day after day.
At first that sounds like a tall order, but it isn't really, because all we have to deal with is one day.
People grieve for what they had and lost, but they also grieve for what they needed and wanted, but didn't get.
Its often both.
Grief is a noble thing, but it should not become permanent, or a settled state of being.
Do your grieving and move on.
If you had a broken finger, would you try to heal it by not thinking about it?
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
— C. G. Jung
Freud and Jung concluded that most mental and emotional pain comes from:
Failure to adapt.
All you will achieve by trying not to think about this is the creation of terrific tension in your psyche.
The thoughts come, but you try not to think about them = re
A word of very well intentioned advice:
*Treat harsh speech as if it is the most deadly of all poisons. Do not speak harshly to anyone. Ever. It is poisonous to the soul and the heart, and those words can never be unsaid.
There is always a better, kinder, option.
Be respectful even when you're angry.
A lot of what we do is unknowingly done to keep the brain happy.
The brain is only at its best within quite narrow tolerances.
Too hot? Brain not happy...
Too cold? Brain not happy...
Dehydrated? Brain not happy...
Drunk? Brain not happy...
Not enough sleep? Brain not happy...
Not eaten enough? Brain not happy...
Psychoactive drugs? Brain not happy...
High stress load? Brain not happy...
This has been an informational message brought to you by your b
When someone tells you that they don't love you anymore, it usually means that they never did.
Real love is very durable and resilient, very difficult to destroy.
Many people don't know the difference between:
Those are not different names for the same thing, but many people think they are.
"First do no harm."
Those are the words of a surgeon, but they apply to relationships as well.
To profess love, whilst causing harm, demonstrates that the person speaking has no idea what love is.
One of many valid definitions of love is:
"A persons total commitment to the wellbeing of another."
Thats the bottom line benchmark for me.
Thats where real love begins.
Spend some time contemplating the differences between loving, wanting, and needing.
Its important to understand those differences.
Those three things are related, but they're not different words for the same thing.
Really reflect on that.
It will help you to understand yourself (and others) better.
A lot of what we have inside us - what we feel, what resonates for us, doesn't seem to make sense when forced into these little packages called words and dropped into the consensus reality. That doesn't mean that they are untrue or nonsensical. It just means that they can't survive the descent into language undiminished.
There's an awful lot to be said for stoic acceptance:
"This is not what I want. It is the opposite of what I want, but I will accept it, and endure the pain which comes with it."
Easier said than done, but the act of desperately trying to evade the pain only brings more pain.
So just date women who feel this way too. Not every woman likes eating out and many would probably appreciate your efforts, but if you tell a woman who is social and enjoys the atmosphere of being out to eat that you don't really like it then she's going to find you incompatible and won't want to invest more time.
Atleast she was honest with you. She even said she enjoyed it. It's just a difference in preferences.
Love or dysfunctional attachment?
There are many things that people call 'love,' which aren't love at all.
Here's a little test:
"Love is total commitment to a person's wellbeing."
If you can both meet that standard, its love.
If you can't, it isn't.