Ha...it actually happened...

December 3, 2006

so what? the Fed Govt manipulates and controlls the US people to some extent. Does that mean we all have self-esteem problems? You're forgetting that some people subconciously WANT to be controlled and manipulated....

What makes you think that they do like it?

December 3, 2006

he just turned around and says "Tess, will you shut up for a minute??" I looked at him, sighed and said "Whatever...look, don't take your anger out on me...I'm not doing anything wrong" and he said "Yes you are, TALKING!! SHUT UP!!" And then he smacked me across the head....it didn't hurt but I wanted to cry...simply cos of the shock, I think. That's when I walked away from him and started to walk home and yeah, you know the rest of the story...

F**K'N A_HOLE!

His mum and dad saw the whole thing, aoart from him hitting me (how convenient). Which just topped it off since his f*cking NOSEY-ASS mum was asking "What happened? Are you ok? Did you say something to upset each other? Is there anything I can do?"

Honestly, it's good they saw. Atleast now they can see their own son in "action" so to speak.

December 3, 2006

F**K'N A_HOLE!

Honestly, it's good they saw. Atleast now they can see their own son in "action" so to speak.

But his dad is probably proud of him since he speaks to his wife like a dog.

December 3, 2006

Tess, you know how I feel about this, so no need for me to say it again... I just hope real soon you completely end it with him. Keep distancing yourself from him - And say NO to him too. In and out of bed. He isn't learning from his mistakes and he's breaking ALL his promises he's made to you in the ever so recent past...

December 3, 2006

What makes you think that they do like it?

they probably don't "like" it on a concious level but on a subconcious level they need it for whatever reason.

December 3, 2006

they probably don't "like" it on a concious level but on a subconcious level they need it for whatever reason.

Hummm...thats interesting.

December 3, 2006

Hummm...thats interesting.

IMO, they need it because they have some sort of self-esteem problem. They lack the confidence to be a leader, so they have to be a follower, if that terminology makes sense

December 3, 2006

See, when you follow advice like this is the reason why you are having difficulties meeting women. I urge you to open your eyes and mind and realize that some kindness and consideration can go a long way.

I am a kind guy

December 3, 2006

I am a kind guy

Then you are off to a good start.

Just get rid of those women bashing myths.

December 4, 2006

F**K'N A_HOLE!

Honestly, it's good they saw. Atleast now they can see their own son in "action" so to speak.

I think....ugh, I don't know what I think.

I think, on top of everything I'm thinking "NO! I don't deserve to be treated like this and I know I don't.." but underneath it all Im thinking "You know what? I honestly don't care. I would rather let him get his own way that to cause trouble. Whatever he wants he can have, I just don't care anymore..."

And I guess those "underneath" thoughts are reflecting on how I'm reacting...

I've been doing alot of thinking and I have come down to the main reasons why I am holding onto him...

1. Scared of being alone

2. Scared of thinking it was a mistake...eg, having doubts about breaking up with him in the 1st place

3. Worried about how hurt he will feel. Whether he wants to break up with me/or not.

4. Not being with him

And I think all those reasons wrap up to one main one...

- Not being with him and being worried that I'll sink even lower cos sub-conciously I need him to be my boost. Like, ok, I'm not explaining this very well. Like, I need him there to be a "reasurrance" if you know what I mean. I get a reassuring feeling when I'm around him. In a warped way, I feel like I am loved/needed by someone. If I lose that...ugh...

December 4, 2006

Well I don't know what else to tell you but if your are getting what you need from him then stay.

Personally I think you could do without him but what I want in a relationship may not be what you want.

December 4, 2006

I think....ugh, I don't know what I think.

You do know, you just can't say it outloud yet...Or admit to yourself, yet...

You're getting there, slowly...

I think, on top of everything I'm thinking "NO! I don't deserve to be treated like this and I know I don't.." but underneath it all Im thinking "You know what? I honestly don't care. I would rather let him get his own way that to cause trouble. Whatever he wants he can have, I just don't care anymore..."

NOONE deserves to be treated like that, especially you! You have a huge kind heart, you're beautiful, sweet, loving, giving, and FUN! HE is the one who isn't worthy of you.

I know you're trying to make peace so keep things low key now, but letting him have his own way just re-enforces his abusive behaviour. I just wish you could, for like a week, tell him you're busy and keep saying no to him. JUST so you can feel some control, and gain some strength to stand up to him.

And I guess those "underneath" thoughts are reflecting on how I'm reacting...

Atleast your eyes are more open and you're seeing him for who he is, and not some fantasy man who is perfect.

I've been doing alot of thinking and I have come down to the main reasons why I am holding onto him...

1. Scared of being alone

Everybody is scared to be alone. Noone really chooses to be alone, but in a way you're not alone Tess, you have friends, you've got your parents. All you'll be missing is someone to cuddle with and have sex with. Your friends can fill in everywhere else. I think that once it ends, you WILL feel upset and cry, but at the same time you'll feel a huge relief, a weight off your shoulders. Rhys is a tiring person and he drains you in so many negative ways.

2. Scared of thinking it was a mistake...eg, having doubts about breaking up with him in the 1st place

Don't second guess yourself. It's not a mistake. You know in your heart that this it is right thing to do. He is not letting you BE who you're supposed to be and you two are NOT growing together as a couple.

3. Worried about how hurt he will feel. Whether he wants to break up with me/or not.

Ofcourse, and these thoughts are normal. I know you don't want to hurt him, but think of all the times he's hurt you and not given a crap? How many times he's smacked you and not cared? How many times he's insulted you, your family and made you feel awful? DID he care? Yeah, he said some words, a pathetic appology, made empty promises to change and NOTHING changed. Not one thing.

4. Not being with him

Just think of your freedom. Pick up and go do whatever you want, when you want and not be controlled by someone else. To date, have fun, flirt, laugh, be silly!

Trust me, you WILL be fine Tess. After some tears, and eating alot of icecream, chocolate, you will be OK. Can promise you that!

And I think all those reasons wrap up to one main one...

- Not being with him and being worried that I'll sink even lower cos sub-conciously I need him to be my boost. Like, ok, I'm not explaining this very well. Like, I need him there to be a "reasurrance" if you know what I mean. I get a reassuring feeling when I'm around him. In a warped way, I feel like I am loved/needed by someone. If I lose that...ugh...

You've gotten used to him being in your life, like a security blanket...A habit. But, he's a habit that is bad for you...Like smoking. Feels good, tastes good but is doing serious damage to you long term.

You need to find yourself, find out who YOU are without him by your side. Everything in your life is about him and that's not healthy, especially so because he is abusive and cruel.

Hope this makes sense to you, and just think about positive things too. Once the sadness goes away, you will be free.

December 4, 2006

1. Scared of being alone
2. Scared of thinking it was a mistake...eg, having doubts about breaking up with him in the 1st place
3. Worried about how hurt he will feel. Whether he wants to break up with me/or not.
4. Not being with him

Those aren't good enough reasons to stay with him.

- Not being with him and being worried that I'll sink even lower cos sub-conciously I need him to be my boost. Like, ok, I'm not explaining this very well. Like, I need him there to be a "reasurrance" if you know what I mean. I get a reassuring feeling when I'm around him. In a warped way, I feel like I am loved/needed by someone. If I lose that...ugh...

And neither is this.

He does love you Tess, but just not in a healthy way. He loves you under HIS conditions and when HE feels like it. If he says come here, you'll come running. He's not putting you first, ever and he's cruel inside. He isn't naturally a nice and loving person, it seems he has to TRY to be nice.

Hate to say it, but if someone is an a-hole most of the time, it's really hard for them to change.

December 4, 2006

I don't post too often, but I've read your last few threads ...

I don't want to scare you, but do you realize Rhys could have killed you? That day he slammed your head against the window hard enough that it knocked you unconscious and had you in such a bad way that you couldn't work the next day ... Do you realize that if he'd hit you perhaps just a little harder or maybe at a slightly different angle or some other minor tweak, that it could have been enough to kill you? I'm not at all saying that he would have intended to kill you, just that he could have killed you.

If you haven't already, it is absolutely imperative that you make an appointment with a couselor. It sounded like you were pretty well down the road toward taking this step a few days ago. If you're not sure where to turn, here is the website for a women's resource center in your country. I don't know where specficially you are located, but I'm sure that if you're not located near them, they will be able to put you in contact with some people in your area:

http://wrisc.ballarat.net.au/

(It's called the Women's Resource Information and Support Centre, so that you can Google it in case we're not allowed to post links.)

If you'd like to call someone to talk anonymously, the Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service in Australia can be reached at 1800 015 188. It's a 24-hour hotline, so you can call whenever you're ready.

Please please please talk to someone about this!

December 4, 2006

1. Scared of being alone
2. Scared of thinking it was a mistake...eg, having doubts about breaking up with him in the 1st place
3. Worried about how hurt he will feel. Whether he wants to break up with me/or not.
4. Not being with him

At the age of 17 you really have no need to be afraid of any of these things. Do you seriously believe if you break up with someone who hits you for saying you want to go inside your house to get some sleep that you will NEVER find someone better? At average you will live until the age of about 75. Keep that in mind.

You seem to be alot more mature then most 17 year olds. You have the emotions of a 25 year old and the experience and common sense of a 17 year old girl. Trust me, I know. My experiences made me more mature then all of my 19 years . But I managed to ditch my emotionally controlling boyfriend because I took a step back and realised that I was far too young for such an adult situation. I could not handle it, I didn't have to handle it. I was still a girl, not a woman.

You DO NOT have to be dependant on this jerk. He has hit you what? 3 times now? Each time is worse then the other. And they will get worse. He knocked you unconcious. You could not go to work because you felt so bad. How soon before you are concealing the bruises with heavy makeup? Before you start wearing long sleeves, pants, to cover your body.

You indulging in sexual intercourse (yes it was. Oral is a part of sex as is any type of penetration.) with his friend is a way of you acting out. You do not WANT to be with this guy. He doesn't treat you nicely even when he isn't hitting you. You are only afraid of being alone. Is that a real reason to be with anyone? To start a life with someone?

If you were not in these circumstances and someone else was writing this on LS, you would I bet be with the rest of us trying to convince them to leave their relationship.

I urge you to get one of your friends, a relative (not your parents though) ANYONE, go over to his house and break it off. Do not go alone or it will get worse. Have a witness. Do it asap. Get an AVO against him if possible. If he comes near you again then he will be arrested. There is no use in you going to a counsellor before you do this because all they will do is spend the time trying to get it in your head that this is not healthy. You have supportive parents, friends etc. Things are going to get worse with your mother soon and you need as less stress as possible. Do you really think he will be holding your hand throughout the whole ideal? NO. He will be selfish and not see at all what you are going through. You are a possession to him.

Please dump him. Go to a counsellor and grab back your youth before it is gone. Please. If you can inspire complete strangers to say all of this to you then imagine what your family will be going through when it is getting worse.

December 4, 2006

Thanks for everyones replies...

Hmmmm....well...something wierd happened yesterday...

I got home, grabbed my surfboard and headed out like any normal day. I only surfed for about 20 minutes yesterday, seeing as my Uncle was down and I had to get back in time for dinner. Anyway, on my way back, which was about 7pm, I get a phone call. It was Rhys...

I answered, but I was driving so I had to pull over...I didn't quite catch what he said to me. "Sorry, what did you say sweetheart?"

"I need to see you...now."

"What's the matter?"

"I just need to see you."

Anyway, he hung up and I started to freak...first thing that ran through my mind...he knows about Dane.

I had chronic butterflies in my tummy when I pulled up to his house. I went over to his flat and he was sitting out on his front porch....

I walked over to him and he just looked at me. Didn't smile, didn't hop up to give me a kiss (like he normally does), just sat there.

I kinda went along with the vibe and didnt' say anything either. I st down next to him. We sat there for about 5 minutes in silence, neither of us talking. I was actually waiting for him to start talking seeing as 1) I didn't know what this was about and 2) I was FREAKING out I didn't have the nerves to even speak...

"Tess....I'm not a nice person am I?"

I laughed. "What do you mean? Of course you are!!"

"Don't bullsh*t me, Tess. A nice person doesn't hit their girlfriend...the one they're meant to love and care about."

My heart skipped about 5 beats. I felt the tears well up but I held them down...I didn't know what to say. What do I say? No, you're right, a nice guy DOESN'T hit their girlfriend...??

"Rhys, is there something going on here?"

"I can't get this right. You know, the whole relationship thing. I keep screwing up every single time."

I just sat there. Gob-smacked.

He turned and looked at me and he was crying. Tears just flodding out of his eyes...

"I never mean to hurt you. I am so sorry. For everything. I just loose it. But you know I feel like absolute sh*t afterwards? I feel horrible. Like a monster..."

"Rhys, honey, it's ok. We will sort this out ok?" I put my hand on his thigh and he winced and pulled it away...I put my hand there again and he started bawling his eyes out. WTF? As he was sobbing he pulled up his shorts up his thigh and revealed 3 - 4 huge cuts up his thigh...

"Oh my God. What the hell? Rhys, what are you doing to yourself honey? Don't do this to yourself. That's what I'm here for. You gotta talk to ME. Oh Rhys, you're so silly..."

I hugged him. He squeezed me really tight back.

WTF is this sh*t? I never would have picked this....

We talked and talked about everything. He told me he's been doing it ever since he hit me the first time. That he was in the shower one night and was so close to killing himself but instead, cut his thigh...

It was alot for me to take in but I sat there and supported him as much as I could. I told him I want to take him to see someone and he told me no. We argued a bit about it and he finally came around and said he will go as long as I go with him. So I booked in for him to see a pshychiatrist on Thursday at 2pm...

December 4, 2006

Yup, he definately needs to talk to a shrink. He's got to stop cutting himself to relieve his own pain - AND the shrink can help him deal with the anger issues, his abusive behaviour towards you.

Atleast ONE good thing has come out of this. He's realized he's really messed up and is wrong...And he wants to DO something about it.

December 4, 2006

I say just dump him, this is what they always do right before they really beat the crap out of you.

December 4, 2006

Yup, he definately needs to talk to a shrink. He's got to stop cutting himself to relieve his own pain - AND the shrink can help him deal with the anger issues, his abusive behaviour towards you.

Atleast ONE good thing has come out of this. He's realized he's really messed up and is wrong...And he wants to DO something about it.

Tell me about it. *Sigh*, if it's not one bloody thing, it's another...

But I told him I am here the whole way. I will be here to support him 24/7, no matter how big or small. He seemed really relieved that he got it off his chest, I think...

December 4, 2006

I say just dump him, this is what they always do right before they really beat the crap out of you.

And you would know, would you??

No, I'm not "just going to dump him" now. He needs me here for support and it's exactly what I'm going to give...you don't throw someone out the door right after you find out they self-mutilate. You don't just walk away from that...

December 4, 2006

No he does have problems and if he wasn't willing to seek help for it then you should break up with him. Thats a no brainer.

I'm really glad that he has decided to seek help with this. It's not easy for someone to just see the errors of their ways and be willing to do something about it. Good for him.

December 4, 2006

Tess, if he hits you again - Don't say a word, just walk away. Then talk to your folks about what is going on.

He may or may not hit you again, I doubt he even knows if he will...I don't think he sits and plans it, it just happens! BUT, with the help of therapy and learning to control his anger, hopefully he can change...

December 4, 2006

And you would know, would you??

No, I'm not "just going to dump him" now. He needs me here for support and it's exactly what I'm going to give...you don't throw someone out the door right after you find out they self-mutilate. You don't just walk away from that...

Think about your self for a change. Look I know alot about violent people and the cuts on his legs are going to seem like nothing after he throws you through a wall. The best thing you can do for him at this point would be to leave him. he'll go to jail when he kills you, or hurts you really badly. He's not going to really know how wrong what he's done is if you stay with him, and he already crossed that physical barrier with you so it wont be hard to do it again.

December 4, 2006

No he does have problems and if he wasn't willing to seek help for it then you should break up with him. Thats a no brainer.

I'm really glad that he has decided to seek help with this. It's not easy for someone to just see the errors of their ways and be willing to do something about it. Good for him.

He did seek help.......me. He turned to me for help...he has never liked counsellors and all of that, and it's taken alot of begging and compromising for him to come around and actually go to one, so yes, I believe he did seek help. He could have kept cutting and cutting and not told anyone. But it's good to know that he can trust and confide in me and be man enough to tell me what's going on. It actually meant alot to me that he told me....he's a very bottled-up person and doesn't often talk about things...even to me...

December 4, 2006

He is trying to suck you back into his abusive triangle now that you put your foot down about the hitting..

He doesn't mean it.. he is going to continue to hit you until he either hurts you or kills you.. your pick

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