Ha...it actually happened...

[Anka]

You can disregard my advice if you wish, but YOUR the one getting drunk and allowing your boyfriends friend to finger you, and attempting sex on you while your passed out. This is not the kind of thing a self respecting woman does.

 

Im not trying to be harsh with you, but you should consider getting some help, and doing some soul searching.

If you continue down this path, you will only be a miserable broken, unsatisfied person.

[Walk]

Pffft, you know what? Call it what you want. I'm calling it making a mistake and learning from it.

What did you learn?

[lovestruck234]

I just wanted to say one last thing...

 

Right now Tess, if you're feeling anything like I did at the time... then you're almost feeling powerful. Feeling... uhm.. like you have full control over your life and that suddenly things are sharper, more focused and you OWN it. That you are calling the shots for the first time in years! Powerful almost..

 

That won't last......

 

Yeah well, I'm not feeling anything like you did. I'm feeling like sh*t actually. Feeling... uhm...like I have no control over my own life anymore. Suddenly things become worse and worse. My mum has been given about a year to live, my dad is on anti-depressants, Rhys hit me last week and now this...things are going really well, Walk. Yeah, really well. My life couldn't get any better. I'm f*cking up each step of it obviously...as you all seem to believe...

 

And the feeling doesn't seem to stop....

[Touche]

Of course in your book it's called pessimism. I have almost 30 years more of living experience under my belt. I would have called it pessimism and not reality when I was your age too.

 

I'll back off, Tess. I really don't mean to make you mad. It's just frustrating to pretty guess what the outcome of this will be. Please read Walk's excellent post. Maybe you like her better than me and will heed her advice even if you won't heed mine.

 

I don't want to see anything really bad happen to you. But I think you know in your heart what the right think to do here is.

 

But I'm curious...what does your mother say you should do?

[lovestruck234]

What did you learn?

 

Not to do it again...what else would I learn from it?? Oh that I'm a dirty whore?

[lovestruck234]

But I'm curious...what does your mother say you should do?

 

My mum and dad have always told me from the word go that with relationships, that they will never make my decisions for me. Mum and dad both want me to leave him but they want me to make the decision on my own.

[Touche]

This is absurd and offensive.

 

(This is not directed to Tess).

 

Being drunk is no excuse for going around and sleeping with a multitude of people. Yes, there are many young people who do this, but the append this behavior to alcohol is ridiculous. All alcohol does is release your inhibitions so that you may more easily act on things you would do without it; it just makes it easier, that's all.

 

This type of behavior come from within the person, not the alcohol.

 

And also, to assume that all young people who get drunk and behave this way is also wrong. Not everyone has the same standards.

 

That is ABSOLUTELY correct! And it's been my experience in my OWN life so I can attest to that with NO hesitation.

[the_alchemyst]

Yeah well, I'm not feeling anything like you did. I'm feeling like sh*t actually. Feeling... uhm...like I have no control over my own life anymore. Suddenly things become worse and worse. My mum has been given about a year to live, my dad is on anti-depressants, Rhys hit me last week and now this...things are going really well, Walk. Yeah, really well. My life couldn't get any better. I'm f*cking up each step of it obviously...as you all seem to believe...

 

And the feeling doesn't seem to stop....

 

 

And what is your point? That your life is bad?

 

And what are you doing to make it better? Staying in a relationship both you and he have destroyed? Why? Because if you're not with him, then you will feel lonely? Because if you come clean and tell him, he might damage your "reputation"? So, is your reputation more important that your own self-worth?

 

You are saying that you are not strong enough for a heart break? A heart break from who? A guy who has already crushed both your heart and esteem? You are also saying that your mom has been diagnosed as terminally ill? What are you going to do? Tell her you are not ready for that heart break?

 

Ok.

[Touche]

My mum and dad have always told me from the word go that with relationships, that they will never make my decisions for me. Mum and dad both want me to leave him but they want me to make the decision on my own.

 

They sound like really good parents, Tess...uhm, so WHEN are you going to actually listen to them?

[Anka]

Well, i dont think your a dirty whore, i get the impression that you are in a messed up position and reacted in a messed up way.

It really is a good thing that you feel like **** about your actions, some people do things like this all time and feel no remorse at all. I call them sociopaths;)

 

But you are kinda taking the victim role here. You are the only one that can control your life, and you make the choice on how to live your life, and how to percieve the world around you.

 

We all make mistakes, but you can wallow in it feeling like crap and hating yourself, or you can learn from it and move on. There is alot of pain and learning in life.

I believe that you are good person who is sad and lost inside, at least, thats what im getting from your posts.

[norajane]

Rhys hit me last week and now this...

 

Aw, Tess.

 

Let go of Rhys, Tess. You'll feel so relieved.

[lovestruck234]

And what is your point? That your life is bad?

 

Yeah, basically...

 

No, I'm not ready for alot of things, Alchemyst. I'm only 17 f*cking years old!! I haven't got the life experience that alot of you on here have...I REALISE THAT!

 

But when you have to pick up your dads anti-depressants from the chemist and you come home to a guy that hits you....it's not the best f*cking feeling in the world.

[magichands]

I believe that you are good person who is sad and lost inside, at least, thats what im getting from your posts.

I agree.

 

Now what?

[johan]

Yeah, basically...

 

No, I'm not ready for alot of things, Alchemyst. I'm only 17 f*cking years old!! I haven't got the life experience that alot of you on here have...I REALISE THAT!

 

But when you have to pick up your dads anti-depressants from the chemist and you come home to a guy that hits you....it's not the best f*cking feeling in the world.

 

Who hits you?

[lovestruck234]

There is alot of pain and learning in life.

 

I'm realising that...and it sucks.

[lovestruck234]

Who hits you?

 

Rhys did. He's only done it twice... but it didn't hurt too bad and he said he was sorry. He just gets angry. You all know that. He just doesn't know how to control his anger, that's all.

[the_alchemyst]

Yeah, basically...

 

No, I'm not ready for alot of things, Alchemyst. I'm only 17 f*cking years old!! I haven't got the life experience that alot of you on here have...I REALISE THAT!

 

But when you have to pick up your dads anti-depressants from the chemist and you come home to a guy that hits you....it's not the best f*cking feeling in the world.

 

You're telling me about having it rough?

 

Okay.

 

I have to pick up my own medicine for my sh*tty heart or else I'll start feeling like sh*t. And I have to pick it up all by myself because my parents are so loving and caring that they are who knows how many miles away.

 

And I'm 70 years old, too.

 

The reason I say this is because I can relate to having it hard. I really can. But what I am trying to tell you is that if you don't do something for yourself, then nothing will change. You think that you are doing a good thing by staying in this relationship, but you are not. You are only adding to your own hurt.

 

And I want you to see that. To see how much pain you are causing yourself and how much you are prolonging feeling truly cared for by staying with that jerk.

 

EDIT:

Rhys did. He's only done it twice... but it didn't hurt too bad and he said he was sorry. He just gets angry. You all know that. He just doesn't know how to control his anger, that's all.

 

That's bullsh*t. How much more are you willing to take?

[johan]

Rhys did. He's only done it twice... but it didn't hurt too bad and he said he was sorry. He just gets angry. You all know that. He just doesn't know how to control his anger, that's all.

 

Well, this changes everything for me. Having a temper and acting like a punk are one thing. I thought that was all there was to it. But hitting you is something else. I think you should get in touch with him right this minute and turn him loose. This is serious, and I'm not really willing to treat this like a kids thing, because it isn't. You're making major choices here, and this is going to be with you for the rest of your life. Trust me, this stuff stays with you and affects all your future relationships. Not in a positive way.

 

You need to get him out of your life. Touche is right to treat this seriously.

[Anka]

Not really Lovestuck. Like i said before, you can you choose how you perceive your world.

I have an aunt who was diagnosed with cancer, and spent five years fight it before she died. By the last year, she said something to me that was at the time, pretty shocking.

She said that she was glad she had gotten cancer, because it had gived her the ability to live her life, she appreciated life more, she saw it as beautiful and precious. Because she knew she was dying.

My piont is, sometimes the pain we experience in life is the universes way of helping us. We change and learn for the better. Sometimes we are on the wrong path and dont know it til we get that cosmic kick in the ass, for whatever reason, your life is up to YOU.

 

What do now? You already know you are depressed, so reach out to those that love you. Separate yourself from negitive relationships, GET AWAY FROM THE ******* THAT HIT YOU.

And stay away from MR. porkyouwhileyourdrunkandasleep, at least until you have gotten through this bumpy part.

[Touche]

Well, this changes everything for me. Having a temper and acting like a punk are one thing. I thought that was all there was to it. But hitting you is something else. I think you should get in touch with him right this minute and turn him loose. This is serious, and I'm not really willing to treat this like a kids thing, because it isn't. You're making major choices here, and this is going to be with you for the rest of your life. Trust me, this stuff stays with you and affects all your future relationships. Not in a positive way.

 

You need to get him out of your life. Touche is right to treat this seriously.

 

THANK YOU! FINALLY, someone sees what I've been trying to say. Tess, please. You DO have a choice about this. I mean the rest of it you don't. But about this creep you do. You have enough on your plate to deal with now. You don't need to add to it. That's why I said all that about an explosive situation, etc. It will only GET WORSE! I swear. I really don't mean to be negative but it's the god's honest truth. I don't want to see you any more hurt than you have been.

[lovestruck234]

Well, this changes everything for me. Having a temper and acting like a punk are one thing. I thought that was all there was to it. But hitting you is something else. I think you should get in touch with him right this minute and turn him loose. This is serious, and I'm not really willing to treat this like a kids thing, because it isn't. You're making major choices here, and this is going to be with you for the rest of your life. Trust me, this stuff stays with you and affects all your future relationships. Not in a positive way.

 

You need to get him out of your life. Touche is right to treat this seriously.

 

It was only twice. He hasn't done it since...

 

The first time was when I was in the car with him and we were driving by this bunch of girls in bikinis and I knew he was about to say something and he did. He winds down the window and yells "Yeah!! Take it off!!' When he got his head back in the car I looked at him and said "Rhys! Don't say that sort of stuff! You know I don't like it! For f*cks sake.." then he turned to me, pulled the car over and slapped me across the leg really hard and said "Don't talk to me like that ever again..." and then just kept driving.

 

And the other time was when he was dropping me off at my house late at night, and I was feeling kinda sick and just not in the mood and when he dropped me off he leant in for a kiss, I kissed him back, gave him a hug and went to leave...he grabbed me and kissed me again...lol, I thought of it as no big deal...I know he's a bit of a frisky fella, so I continued to kiss him back...we got a little heavy and he was leaning across my seat and the back of my head was against the window. I stopped kissing him and I'm like "Mmmmm, I better go now, sweetheart." and he's like "No stay" and tried to kiss me again and I'm like "Awww, I'd love to darlin, but I gotta get up early for work tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit yucky.." he's like "Plleeease stay with me?" I'm like "Awww, I really have to go Rhys, I know I'll be tired in the morning other wise.."

 

and with that, cos he had hold of my head cos he was kissing me, he was about to kiss me but when i said that he grabbed my head and threw it back against the window...I blacked out for a minute but woke up to him cuddling me saying sorry over and over...

[norajane]

No, Tess. No. There's no excuse. That's just wrong.

 

Why are you staying with him?

[johan]

Once is too many times. I don't need to hear any explanations. Having read them doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned. It only reinforces it for me. You need to get out of it. Dane is irrelevant. There is only one guy who makes this relationship the wrong one for you.

 

This is your future we're talking about. Give yourself a chance.

[Kittiecat]

Tess, get away from him. He isn't worth it and NOBODY is worth physical abuse.

 

Hate to say this but get away from his friend too. That may only exacerbate things. You need to look out for yourself.

[Bogun]

I'm f*cking up each step of it obviously...as you all seem to believe...

 

And the feeling doesn't seem to stop....

I dont think your fu**ing up at all. You're dealing with a lot crap at the moment, and you have the maturity to talk about how you feel on here and (maybe with your mum?), which is a lot better than many people twice your age that would go out and get pissed/take drugs etc, and try to run from the way they feel.

 

From everything you've said in this thread I dont think that you have done anything wrong. If we dont make mistakes and bad decisions we dont grow. Its a cliche, but the **** we have to deal with does make us a stronger.

 

By the way.....if the guy has hit you, even once, then walk away.