Ariadne Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi, He has been an ass towards those who have tried to help him. You know well that is not true. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Ariadne, I don't know Ross very well, but I always figure people are okay until I find out otherwise. So I don't doubt he's a decent person. But excuses and absolving him of any responsibility in making healthy interpersonal relationships because of SA is not helpful, and doesn't work in the real world. I can say from experience that you can only throw the anxiety card so far. Eventually you come to a point where you have to either decide to just be anxious and unhappy forever, or take the necessary steps to ensure the things that you want. Ross does not enjoy having so few relationships, and he recognizes this as a problem. There is one direct path to solving this problem. He knows it, everyone knows it. But it frightens him, and so as a defense mechanism he keeps victimizing himself and using his anxiety as an excuse to do nothing. People become frustrated because they can't make Ross see the error of this kind of reasoning. The thing is, if he doesn't want to do it, you can't make him. I just hope he gets the courage one day to do what is necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross_K Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 It was in one of his other threads that got deleted right after he showed his true colors once again. He was saying how he was trying to make changes, and people started to feel empathy for him, then out of nowhere he says how he likes to play mind games with a certain individual (who didnt even post in that thread, so the name just came out of nowhere) just to fsck with him. It was not a very nice comment. Oh ok..guess I missed that. Like I said haven't really been following all of this. I can't remember saying that, I also can't remember everyone suddenly showing me sympathey in a topic (is dgiirl sure she isn't making this crap up?) but so what if I did? It doesn't mean anything. Ever stop to think that maybe whoever I play mind games with deserves it? I'd never be bad towards a person for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Ever stop to think that maybe whoever I play mind games with deserves it? And THAT is exactly why you are disliked by many here. Nobody 'deserves' to have mindgames played on them or to be treated badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross_K Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 Ariadne, I don't know Ross very well, but I always figure people are okay until I find out otherwise. So I don't doubt he's a decent person. But excuses and absolving him of any responsibility in making healthy interpersonal relationships because of SA is not helpful, and doesn't work in the real world. I can say from experience that you can only throw the anxiety card so far. Eventually you come to a point where you have to either decide to just be anxious and unhappy forever, or take the necessary steps to ensure the things that you want. Ross does not enjoy having so few relationships, and he recognizes this as a problem. There is one direct path to solving this problem. He knows it, everyone knows it. But it frightens him, and so as a defense mechanism he keeps victimizing himself and using his anxiety as an excuse to do nothing. People become frustrated because they can't make Ross see the error of this kind of reasoning. The thing is, if he doesn't want to do it, you can't make him. I just hope he gets the courage one day to do what is necessary. Oh I am doing something, if you look on this board you'll see my topic about seeing a psychologist, also, I've pushed myself through certain situations which I find anxiety provoking, I'm also taking medication (started a new one a few days ago), I'm listening to hypnosis CD's and getting information from the net. What I'll do, is copy and paste the link to this page, so that everytime someone says I'm just making up excuses and I don't do anything to improve my situation, I can just link them to this page and tell them to find this post. No offense to you pussinheels, I think you're nice. But I'm sick of having to explain/repeat myself again and again and again, it's like whatever I say just goes over everyone's heads, so, I'm just going to start directing them to links from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross_K Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 I think the main problem is that he refuses to accept the fact that in order to change, he needs to do it himself, and there will probably be sweat and tears as a result. But that's life. He wants there to be a solution that does not involve facing his anxiety (e.g. pheromone inadequacy). He does not want to believe he is primarily responsible for the building of relationships with other people because that puts too much pressure on him. It's understandable, but the reality does not change. I feel anxiety all the time, and I've been treated for it. But I wouldn't have the things I love now if I didn't take risks. This is what I see people attempting to tell Ross. I don't think he means to be unkind to others, but he IS hurting himself with his denial. No offense, but what has lead you to these conclusions which aren't true? I see people (usually the ones I argue with) do this all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross_K Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hey, thanks for the support Ariadne. Ariadne, I don't know Ross very well, but I always figure people are okay until I find out otherwise. So I don't doubt he's a decent person. But excuses and absolving him of any responsibility in making healthy interpersonal relationships because of SA is not helpful, and doesn't work in the real world. I can say from experience that you can only throw the anxiety card so far. Eventually you come to a point where you have to either decide to just be anxious and unhappy forever, or take the necessary steps to ensure the things that you want. Ross does not enjoy having so few relationships, and he recognizes this as a problem. There is one direct path to solving this problem. He knows it, everyone knows it. But it frightens him, and so as a defense mechanism he keeps victimizing himself and using his anxiety as an excuse to do nothing. People become frustrated because they can't make Ross see the error of this kind of reasoning. The thing is, if he doesn't want to do it, you can't make him. I just hope he gets the courage one day to do what is necessary. You mean relationships as in friendships? Allthough I value them, I don't really give a crap about having so few, or even not having any at all. Yes, that may make me 'strange' or whatever, but hey, that's me. Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi, He wants there to be a solution that does not involve facing his anxiety No, he started taking medication for that and has an appt with a therapist. Ariadne I just saw this, sorry for the delayed response. I take medication for anxiety and I've seen several therapists. I'm actually studying medicine to become a psychiatrist. Any therapist who would say that in order to handle your problem, all you need to do is just take some meds and talk about stuff once week, is completely out of it. Unless the patient is out of touch with his identity or reality, that person must be an integral part of the therapeutic process; which means, that he or she, in addition to seeing a therapist and taking meds, must bring about behavioral and enviornmental changes to supplement the therapy. Medication and sessions can not work alone if the person doesn't lean to cope with the stressors that trigger his condition. This is how I improved, and it's also the first thing all of my therapists told me. It's not easy, but how can you change a psychological condition until you change your perception of it? It's not possible, and medication doesn't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hey, thanks for the support Ariadne. You mean relationships as in friendships? Allthough I value them, I don't really give a crap about having so few, or even not having any at all. Yes, that may make me 'strange' or whatever, but hey, that's me. It doesn't make you strange. I'm sorry if I misunderstand you, but if that is the case, then why is the SA such a problem for you? If you don't mind not making connections with others, in what way does it bother you? Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 No offense, but what has lead you to these conclusions which aren't true? I see people (usually the ones I argue with) do this all the time. I'm just saying what I perceive as a third party. If I am wrong, I would be glad to be corrected. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hey, thanks for the support Ariadne. You are welcome I think you are very special and adorable. I wish I could make it all ok for you, and get you married to your soulmate and all of that Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 By the way, I only argue with my mother, so that is something I am not trying to accomplish. You don't agree with what I said; that's not something that bothers me. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Maybe if he's drop the "they're all against me" attitude and didn't lash out at each person he didn't agree with he wouldn't be in this position. And I see nothing polite about him, in fact he told me to "get the **** out of his face" He never had such attitude. To me, he is adorable and the sweetest thing. Ariadne He clearly did have this attitude with some people. Why are you so blinkered against that? Fair enough you have had a good experience in dealing with Ross, but others haven't. It's here in black and white (what hasn't been deleted that is!) for you to see. It's great that you are supporting him unconditionally, but you can't as blinkered as to not see his attutide to others? PussInHeels - You seem to have a really good understanding of what Ross's issue are, and why he is failing. You've been really quite insightful. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 And THAT is exactly why you are disliked by many here. Nobody 'deserves' to have mindgames played on them or to be treated badly. Especially when that person playing "mind games" has major problems interpreting reality. Adriane, like I told Ross once, you are acting like we all just entered Ross' life and demanded him to make changes. Ross ASKED for help with these things. I dont care if he changes or not, but dont ask people for help, then act disrespectful and too inconvienced to listen to people. I told him in another thread, he has one of two choices, ask other people for help and listen and try their solutions, OR stop asking other people for help and find your own solutions. Neither is right nor wrong. But dont ask someone for help, and then say "that wont work, give me another solution".... "that wont work, give me another solution"..... "that wont work, give me another solution"..... "that wont work, give me another solution"..... And I beg to differ that Ross has been an angle. What Ross doesnt understand, he attacks. He's a bully. And the only reason you've had "good" experiences with him is you dont offer him any advice at all. Which is all fine and dandy, because apparently that's what he wants. I just got confused when he said "Help me" and I stupidly tried. Btw, just out of curiosity, did you do a lot of narcotics growing up? Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Hi, "He has been an ass towards those who have tried to help him." You know well that is not true. He writes posts so rude that they have to be deleted. He's rude to me. Why? WHat the heck did I ever do to him? I told him I was frustrated as hell that he seemed to come up with lame excuses. I told him I was putting him on ignore so I wouldn't respond any more because I was so frustrated. And instead of him behaving as an adult he responds with "La la la, I can't hear you". Meaning, he wanted to let me know he put me on ignore first. I think it's great that you are so supportive of Ross. I would love to see Ross become the great person I think he could become. But he is RUDE. I'd go back and show you the posts, but his threads keep gettign deleted due to HIS behavior. I'd show you his individual posts that are rude, but HIS posts get deleted. MINE do not! And maybe I "don't understand" poor Ross... but I think the heart of the matter is, he's childish. His perceived image got a bit tarnished and he lashed out. As long as everyone goes along with everythign he says and holds his hands and makes "poor ross" noises, then he's an absolute doll. The second he doesnt' get his way... tantrum. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 And the only reason you've had "good" experiences with him is you dont offer him any advice at all. Exactly. He will be 'nice' only if you don't challenge him in any way. Wow... sounds a lot like George W. Bush, who was just figuratively slapped across the face by the majority of voters and humbled. Perhaps we should all vote Ross into humility too. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 And THAT is exactly why you are disliked by many here. Nobody 'deserves' to have mindgames played on them or to be treated badly. I couldn't agree more. This is the reason that I seriously lost some respect for Ross. I thought he was a cool guy who just had some problems. But anyone who purposely plays mind games is not a good person in my book and I tend to not trust them. Which means, in effect, that I tend to dislike people who play mind games, even if it's a defensive tactic. You can't be friends with people like that because they could turn on you at any moment, and **** with YOUR head. Just because of some imagined slight. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 I couldn't agree more. This is the reason that I seriously lost some respect for Ross. I thought he was a cool guy who just had some problems. But anyone who purposely plays mind games is not a good person in my book and I tend to not trust them. Which means, in effect, that I tend to dislike people who play mind games, even if it's a defensive tactic. You can't be friends with people like that because they could turn on you at any moment, and **** with YOUR head. Just because of some imagined slight. People like that cannot be trusted whether you are friends with them or not. I cannot imagine working for someone who has that personality trait. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Hi, I don't see absolutely anything wrong with Ross' attitude. He is polite, open, introspective and willing to understand why he is unsuccessful with women. To the point of thinking his biology (pheromone producing) is wrong. I always saw him being very thankful to people trying to help him. Ariadne With all due respect, it seems that you also have trouble seeing reality as it is. I get the sense that your world is a novel and the people in it are tragic characters - this unrequited love of yours is a perfect example. Ross has mentioned many times that he makes lots of friends online - I suspect that, as has been suggested, the reason you get along is that you only agree with him. Try disagreeing someday and see where that gets you. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 I couldn't agree more. This is the reason that I seriously lost some respect for Ross. I thought he was a cool guy who just had some problems. But anyone who purposely plays mind games is not a good person in my book and I tend to not trust them. Which means, in effect, that I tend to dislike people who play mind games, even if it's a defensive tactic. You can't be friends with people like that because they could turn on you at any moment, and **** with YOUR head. Just because of some imagined slight. baits em and clubs em like baby seals......... Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 This is like a toothache, isn't it? One just can't help but wiggle that tooth, push it around, see what comes out and the pain feels so bad, but sooo good at the same time Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 This is like a toothache, isn't it? One just can't help but wiggle that tooth, push it around, see what comes out and the pain feels so bad, but sooo good at the same time How true....!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 This is like a toothache, isn't it? One just can't help but wiggle that tooth, push it around, see what comes out and the pain feels so bad, but sooo good at the same time Wow, there goes my appetite. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 People like that cannot be trusted whether you are friends with them or not. I cannot imagine working for someone who has that personality trait. I'd fire that person. Anyone who causes so much drama and grief would be fired. In fact, BTDT, the guy got fired. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 I'd fire that person. Anyone who causes so much drama and grief would be fired. In fact, BTDT, the guy got fired. Yeah, and if that person is your boss then it's time to hit the pavement and find other work. Link to post Share on other sites
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