dgiirl Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Didn't you read all the way through? You say he "fails to understand" yet he's looking within himself now and questioning things on HIS end. Give the guy a break! time will tell remember a4a's baby seal club analogy Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hey I'm on a crash course towards wholeness, get on the ride. If I thought there was really such a thing as a "crash course" I'd get on the ride but unfortunately it's really a life-long process with few shortcuts. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 If I thought there was really such a thing as a "crash course" I'd get on the ride but unfortunately it's really a life-long process with few shortcuts. No, I'm not talking shortcuts. I'm talking - putting aside everything else in my life to work on this one thing. Because everything else in my life depends on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 time will tell remember a4a's baby seal club analogy True but if he's finally looking within himself, and I mean beyond the superficial stuff like his clothes, then I think we should support him and encourage him in that direction. We should try to move beyond his previous reactions. It sounds like he's trying to grow. We should help where we can in that endeavor. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 No, I'm not talking shortcuts. I'm talking - putting aside everything else in my life to work on this one thing. Because everything else in my life depends on it. I can respect that. I only wanted to make a point about that we're all continuous "works in progress." Good luck with your work! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Oh and DG, I don't remember the baby seal analogy. Must have missed that one. I just went through this thread and don't see it. Can you tell us what it was or direct me to the post? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 True but if he's finally looking within himself, and I mean beyond the superficial stuff like his clothes, then I think we should support him and encourage him in that direction. We should try to move beyond his previous reactions. It sounds like he's trying to grow. We should help where we can in that endeavor. I agree 100% but I've been bitten once too many already by being supportive only to get attacked. I dont think anyone on this forum can help him. I'm very glad to see he went to a therapist tho. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 True but if he's finally looking within himself, and I mean beyond the superficial stuff like his clothes, then I think we should support him and encourage him in that direction. We should try to move beyond his previous reactions. It sounds like he's trying to grow. We should help where we can in that endeavor. I'm curious, where do you get this sense from? I can't see that in any of his more recent posts? Am I missing something? I'd be happy to hear it if I was....! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Oh and DG, I don't remember the baby seal analogy. Must have missed that one. I just went through this thread and don't see it. Can you tell us what it was or direct me to the post? Thanks! It was in one of his other threads that got deleted right after he showed his true colors once again. He was saying how he was trying to make changes, and people started to feel empathy for him, then out of nowhere he says how he likes to play mind games with a certain individual (who didnt even post in that thread, so the name just came out of nowhere) just to fsck with him. It was not a very nice comment. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 I wonder why I was doing this in the first place then without realising I was doing anything wrong? While no one else does it? It was this little post of his that everyone kind of ignored. I haven't been really involved in Ross's threads. Was this sarcasm then? I took it at face value. Like he was really looking within himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 It was in one of his other threads that got deleted right after he showed his true colors once again. He was saying how he was trying to make changes, and people started to feel empathy for him, then out of nowhere he says how he likes to play mind games with a certain individual (who didnt even post in that thread, so the name just came out of nowhere) just to fsck with him. It was not a very nice comment. Oh ok..guess I missed that. Like I said haven't really been following all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 He needs to find support within himself as well. If he doesn't, no amount of outside help will amount to anything. 3rd parties can't make personal issues just disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
Great Gazoo Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 He needs to find support within himself as well. If he doesn't, no amount of outside help will amount to anything. 3rd parties can't make personal issues just disappear. So very true, like the old saying you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi, But his whole attitude pushes people to decide they don't wish to take the time to understand him....? I don't see absolutely anything wrong with Ross' attitude. He is polite, open, introspective and willing to understand why he is unsuccessful with women. To the point of thinking his biology (pheromone producing) is wrong. I always saw him being very thankful to people trying to help him. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 I always saw him being very thankful to people trying to help him. Ariadne *cough* bull... *cough cough* zh... *cough* ...yt. *hack* Take off your rose-coloured shades and face reality. He has been an ass towards those who have tried to help him. Your obvious bias doesn't negate facts. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi, Unfortunately that's not how emotional commerce works, Ariadne. It's very rare that other people will take the time to understand others. I have noticed that in here. For example, Ross is saying that he suffers from Social Anxiety, and that the advice to go to a club wouldn't work for him (because he's basically afraid of people), and some poster tells him: People don't like people like you. We all have to learn how to more effectively manage ourselves, it's impossible to abdicate responsibility and push blame on other people -- and actually DO something about the problem. He never did that. He was always open to opinions, that's why he said he opened this and other thread. Is just that some things don't work for him because of some problems he has, or where he lives in (a small remote village) Other than that he is an incredibly profound person. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 To the point of thinking his biology (pheromone producing) is wrong. I think the main problem is that he refuses to accept the fact that in order to change, he needs to do it himself, and there will probably be sweat and tears as a result. But that's life. He wants there to be a solution that does not involve facing his anxiety (e.g. pheromone inadequacy). He does not want to believe he is primarily responsible for the building of relationships with other people because that puts too much pressure on him. It's understandable, but the reality does not change. I feel anxiety all the time, and I've been treated for it. But I wouldn't have the things I love now if I didn't take risks. This is what I see people attempting to tell Ross. I don't think he means to be unkind to others, but he IS hurting himself with his denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 You appear to be in a minority. (And no wonder this incredible and sensitive person has Social Anxiety) Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi, I have noticed that in here. Honestly, that's how the entire world is. LS is just a microcosm. For example, Ross is saying that he suffers from Social Anxiety, and that the advice to go to a club wouldn't work for him (because he's basically afraid of people), and some poster tells him: People don't like people like you. Well the truth is that the only way to b eat social anxiety is to refute the false logic behind cognitive patterns. The ONLY way to do this is to force yourself to go out and experience things, under the care of a therapist (which he has) -- you can't cure SA by sitting at home. He never did that. He was always open to opinions, that's why he said he opened this and other thread. Is just that some things don't work for him because of some problems he has, or where he lives in (a small remote village) My challenge to Ross is that the very way he thinks about the world is wrong. He has profoundly BAD coping mechanisms to deal with stress and anxiety and I've seen him act out and be rude and condescending just like every single other person has. You tend to romanticize everything, Ariadne. I don't know why, perhaps that is your way to cope with the world -- but the world is not romantic or beautiful. It just is what it is, and part of that is ugly. And EVERYONE has ugly in them. Just like everyone has pretty in them. Ross is not above this. Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Ross, if you see this, there are many people who have social anxiety, GAD with anxiety in social situations (like me ), or are just really shy. I know this has been said before, but seriously: You say you have a therapist. Ask him/her about support groups or meets. Meeting other people like yourself or just having people understand how you feel can really do wonders. The fact that you're always asking for answers tells me you would like to understand your problem more, and talking to people with the same problem is sometimes the best way. You sound like me when I was younger, so I just want to help out... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 You appear to be in a minority. (And no wonder this incredible and sensitive person has Social Anxiety) Ariadne No offense, but AFAIK social anxiety is a biochemical thing. Everyone experiences negativity in their lives. It is how they process that negativity that governs the level of pathological anxiety that the individual experiences. Those who lack appropriate biochemical mechanisms can develop SA with pretty much ANY type of social interaction , both positive and negative. That is all. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi, But this is my major problem with him. He came here looking for advice and at first people were super helpful and compassionate. And then they changed and became mean because they can't make up their minds on how to act? Or because they are not getting their way with Ross? Oh, they are frustrated... He also had the chance here to talk to people and have human contact. But instead of doing that he went ape sh*t on many posters and blocked half of the regulars. Yes, he had a chance to have human contact and you guys all jumped on him (because you don't understand him). Since he has social anxiety he became very anxious and naturally blocked those "toxic people" out, as he said. He still fails to understand that maybe he is the one in the wrong here. Ah... Well, sometimes helping another is not just telling them what to do and get angry because he doesn't do it (he has his reasons). Sometimes words are enough to help someone, something that doesn't include telling him, go take tae kwon do, or whatever else you guys wanted him to do. I think that being nice to a person with social anxiety goes a long way. But, nobody thought of that. People talked to him as if he were made out of steel. Maybe if he's drop the "they're all against me" attitude and didn't lash out at each person he didn't agree with he wouldn't be in this position. And I see nothing polite about him, in fact he told me to "get the **** out of his face" He never had such attitude. To me, he is adorable and the sweetest thing. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 And then they changed and became mean because they can't make up their minds on how to act? Or because they are not getting their way with Ross? He never had such attitude. To me, he is adorable and the sweetest thing. Ariadne I'm glad you have bonded with him. I don't like him at all but i wish him the best. Posters didn't change or start being mean, HE did, if he's so sweet why is such a large portion of his posts deleted?? And he DID have such an attitude, it's in my in box. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi, He wants there to be a solution that does not involve facing his anxiety No, he started taking medication for that and has an appt with a therapist. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross_K Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 It was this little post of his that everyone kind of ignored. I haven't been really involved in Ross's threads. Was this sarcasm then? I took it at face value. Like he was really looking within himself. No, I was being serious with that post. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts