Jessie61 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I'm looking at my flower garden that has less blooms than last year because I don't know how the hell to keep a good garden!! I'm watching what the man who lived here built, fall apart. I need to pay more attention. My life has been so crazy I let it all go. And the garden is one of the reasons I moved here!! I also miss my garden at home. I get reports that my window boxes are dying.... Anyway, I used to plant red plants (and a tiny bit of white) to celebrate........ the Gunners!!! How feckin sad is that???? OK, Sami, you might be the only one who appreciates this one.... For the rest of you, the Gunners are my favourite soccer team!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 It's 4 weeks on Thursday (Tues evening here)... I know I shouldn't. I KNOW... but I miss him so much. And maybe he needs me..? I know... I shouldnt'. But I worry so much about how he is, whether he is looking after himself, that he's sleeping ok, eating ok, and so on. I just love him so much. I know I need to keep on with this... but it is so hard... it feels so stupid when we love each other so much and all that needs to happen is one little 'send'... and I am with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 OK, Sami, you might be the only one who appreciates this one.... For the rest of you, the Gunners are my favourite soccer team!!! LOL Jessie... I think I probably will be! Did you watch the match..?????? I am sure you did! Argh.. REF!!!!! Well while I thought WBA stood for We Beat Arsenal...... heh heh. Well you will probably have noted my pic on the left... WBA is my team and MM's team... one of the things that drew us together... yeah, we've been relegated from the Premiership this season, but we WILL BE BACK! And... are you looking forward to the World Cup..???? I SO AM... I am SUCH a great footie fan! CUM ON ENGLAND!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Ben Franklin!!! Well, I guess that could be attractive, in an intelligence sort-of way. The problem is that Ben was famous for his womanizing and had many As. Probably a bad sign. Yeah, well how would you like to date Mrs. Ben? lol!!! the guy was very nice to me a few years ago, but seriously!! I mean, seriously!!!! i may be a new grandmother, but i ain't sittin in no rockin chair anytime soon!! lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 It's 4 weeks on Thursday (Tues evening here)... I know I shouldn't. I KNOW... but I miss him so much. And maybe he needs me..? I know... I shouldnt'. But I worry so much about how he is, whether he is looking after himself, that he's sleeping ok, eating ok, and so on. I just love him so much. I know I need to keep on with this... but it is so hard... it feels so stupid when we love each other so much and all that needs to happen is one little 'send'... and I am with him again. Sami, OK, almost 4 weeks, but it is still early days... (It is tuesday eve here too... remember one hour ahead of you?) But I do know how you feel. I have done a few 4-6-ish week NC's and they were awful. I would not wish them on my worst enemy! Of course you worry about how he is, but don't. In fact, wouldn't it be a good thing if he suffered... a tiny tiny bit without you...? You are strong and you can do it. You are only having a difficult moment! Remember what you say yourself sometimes... even if you did press "send" that would not mean that you are "with him"... not yet anyway.... Stay strong!!! We're all with you here! Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Of course you worry about how he is, but don't. In fact, wouldn't it be a good thing if he suffered... a tiny tiny bit without you...? Hmmmm...... OK... that is the message that did it for me. He absolutely knows that I'd be the one to pander to him in every way, love him, do everything that he needs.. he already knows that. If he wants it.. he knows where to find it!! thanks Jessie!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 LOL Jessie... I think I probably will be! Did you watch the match..?????? I am sure you did! Argh.. REF!!!!! Well while I thought WBA stood for We Beat Arsenal...... heh heh. Well you will probably have noted my pic on the left... WBA is my team and MM's team... one of the things that drew us together... yeah, we've been relegated from the Premiership this season, but we WILL BE BACK! And... are you looking forward to the World Cup..???? I SO AM... I am SUCH a great footie fan! CUM ON ENGLAND!!!!! Yes, I did notice the Brommie flag! My boss is a huge fan and we used to spend at least 30 minutes every monday morning talking soccer! And I did shout for you end of last season that very exciting afternoon when the relegation battle was being decided.... I mean that was "heart attack city" even for me!!! Yes, I did see the Champ League Final.... What a disappointment! As soon as the keeper was sent off, I knew we were in trouble. You don't play against Barca for over 70 minutes without paying for it...... We would have been better off letting the goal in and then played on with a full team.... Now isn't this totally MAD that we are both soccer maniacs! And yes, I cannot wait for the World Cup. I will watch nearly every game if 2002 tournament is anything to go by!!!! Yippie!!!! :bunny: :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Sami... Has he ever tried to contact you while you've been in NC? If the answer is no, then really, really be strong and DON'T EMAIL. I would tend to venture it is worse than a hangover, once you hit the send key you will hate yourself in the morning! Your doing Great Sami....Hold strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Sami, i felt that way about the first summer with him. Don't ask me what else that was non-HIM related I did. I think I went to the beach all of twice and I love and adore the shore. I was actually content to sit in the house talking to him on the phone sometimes. It was a magical summer though. In my mind, anyhow. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Hmmmm...... OK... that is the message that did it for me. He absolutely knows that I'd be the one to pander to him in every way, love him, do everything that he needs.. he already knows that. If he wants it.. he knows where to find it!! thanks Jessie!!! Sami, THAT'S the spirit!!! :bunny: PS. Yes, I am complete fool for pandering too!!! What else have we in common; MM's, soccer, pandering, waking up in the wrong flippin LS time zone every morning.... Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Now isn't this totally MAD that we are both soccer maniacs! And yes, I cannot wait for the World Cup. I will watch nearly every game if 2002 tournament is anything to go by!!!! Yippie!!!! :bunny: :bunny: OMG... as long as you don't say Brummie and confuse us with The Blues! AND YES! I have full intention of watching every single game I can this World Cup... NOTHING is better than a footie world cup.. the emotion... pain... the desire! omg! This is the ONE thing that I am looking forward to in life!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 OMG... as long as you don't say Brummie and confuse us with The Blues! AND YES! I have full intention of watching every single game I can this World Cup... NOTHING is better than a footie world cup.. the emotion... pain... the desire! omg! This is the ONE thing that I am looking forward to in life!!!!!!!!! Actually, do you know what I REALLY meant to say...???? The BAGGIES obviously!!! But I got so excited when I realised you were a soccer fool like myself!!! Oh dear sweet Jebus!! (as Homer Simpson would say!) Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Sami... Has he ever tried to contact you while you've been in NC? If the answer is no, then really, really be strong and DON'T EMAIL. I would tend to venture it is worse than a hangover, once you hit the send key you will hate yourself in the morning! Your doing Great Sami....Hold strong! Thanks RC... I know you've had to deal with that.. No, he never has tried to contact me in NC... I was totally the weak one, and when I texted him saying I couldn't do it any longer.. he said 'yes, you can'. I don't think he will try to break me down. But like I've said often in these threads... I am not someone who could stand that from anyone... he's not someone who would do it. It's just me, and MY weakness, I worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Actually, do you know what I REALLY meant to say...???? The BAGGIES obviously!!! But I got so excited when I realised you were a soccer fool like myself!!! Oh dear sweet Jebus!! (as Homer Simpson would say!) OMG... don't you feel the passion..??? CUM ON YOU BAGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!! Well... for now... cum on En Ger Land!!! Hey... looking forward to debating matches with you now Jess!!!! OMG... just a few weeks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Sami.... I hear you! We tend to be our own worst enemy at times. There is no doubt NC is EXTREMELY difficult! You can do this Sami! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 OMG... don't you feel the passion..??? CUM ON YOU BAGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!! Well... for now... cum on En Ger Land!!! Hey... looking forward to debating matches with you now Jess!!!! OMG... just a few weeks!!! You are a complete scream, Sami!!!! Yes, we'll get our "debating hat" on in a few weeks time!!! Passion?? It is OBSESSION!!!! (I just have to dig out those old Valiums.... just in case! MUST raid medicine cabinet... mental note! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 heh heh heh... I know that one really important factor for me in NC is going to be the footie. I've got it marked on the NC CALENDAR. Only think I'm wondering is.. will it also be a detraction for him to our situation...? Ack... maybe he's settling in for the summer... Then it's just me against his determination... I don't want to do this. Its sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Iwanttohope Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Do not cave Sami D!! Just watching you be strong has given me more strength than you can imagine. (of course if you do cave we'll still love you;) ) You've encouraged me so many times to be strong. Remember when you told me about the last time he said "I haven't even had time to start thinking about it" and how that felt? I know exactly how you are feeling about wondering if he's ok...I think about it constantly. You can do this. I printed two different entries of your encouragement to me and put them in my purse. When I'm feeling especially weak I pull them out and read them... You KNOW that NC is the only thing that will change things if they are going to change. You hang in there, friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 IWTH... but... ... I just want to talk to him... I don't give a f if he hasn't told her.. or anything... I don't care... I want to chat to him... ... what purpose is it serving that I'm not talking to him..? I'll wait... I don't care how long it takes him... I love him... I so love him,... I have no idea what is the right thing now. Can someone help..? please..? Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I am going to cave now... I know I am. Can someone talk me out of it..? please..????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Iwanttohope Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I know, honey~~I'm sitting here shaking my head because I sooooo know how you are feeling. I know that in these moments there is no price that seems to high to pay to have him, to just hear his voice. The purpose it is serving to not talk to him is your self respect, your dignity, your self worth. Please try to think about how its going to feel when the knowledge of him not leaving his W settles in....again. I'm not saying for a second that he doesn't love you...I believe that he does. A wise woman wrote the following to me a very short time ago...I think you'll recognize her.... RE-READ YOUR WORDS.... Now... why is it that your mind is telling you all the negative things and not the positive (true!) ones..? It's because it's trying to get you to cave! You know that the present pain will end if you contact him. So your mind knows this and tries everything it can to get you to do that, and end this pain. Besides which, if you're anything like me, your mind has been full of doubts and fears the entire length of the A... it's become your natural state of mind. And in the past, you've called on him to allay those fears... and you still want to do that. You want his words of comfort... and you can't have them. So the fears get out of control... AND THIS... Two days later I was with him. And... he was overjoyed, he wanted to buy Champagne... and all I could think was, what are we celebrating..? I felt absolutely awful for being so weak. For ages afterwards I thought I couldn't bring up the idea of him leaving, because I felt I'd failed. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED seeing him again... but I had achieved nothing, really. I thought... he didn't give in, didn't leave her and call me... didn't care I look back now and I realise that I did learn a lot, and that little practice NC has helped me to cope this time. I'll tell you something... after 17 long, long, looooong days of NC he said to me that: I hadn't given him enough time to even start thinking about doing it Sami D, think about how you felt... I feel like you're on the edge of a cliff and I'm hanging onto the back of your shirt to keep you from falling. Don't jump! Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I didn't read any of it... I just want to be with him... Link to post Share on other sites
Iwanttohope Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Please read it... Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I am sure I can be quiet while he does it.. i can... and I will also know that his health is ok. Oh... I just need to know you'r ok... I am sure he willl leave... he doesn't need this NC... as long as i can be quiet!!! And I will try... i will. just as long as I know he is doing it... and not turning back.. Is that bad of me..? Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Thank you for posting that. Do you think that he still wants me to continue the NC..? Link to post Share on other sites
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