Lotsgoingon Posted 23 hours ago Posted 23 hours ago OK, that fear of making a mistake is getting you into trouble. It's taking away the fun of dating. It's giving away your power to this other person. Do you have that fear of not being perfect when you interact with friends? Do you have close friends? I ask because you might want to practice relaxing with friends first. BTW: in therapy, a helpful path (it seems to me) would be to track down where this fear of not being perfect comes from. It didn't start a year ago. It began in your family and it probably was a coping pattern you developed. Get to therapist to help you track down the origin of this fear. Doing some work around that often (not always) helps people to release an old fear.
Anonymous Posted 23 hours ago Posted 23 hours ago 9 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: OK, that fear of making a mistake is getting you into trouble. It's taking away the fun of dating. It's giving away your power to this other person. Do you have that fear of not being perfect when you interact with friends? Do you have close friends? I ask because you might want to practice relaxing with friends first. BTW: in therapy, a helpful path (it seems to me) would be to track down where this fear of not being perfect comes from. It didn't start a year ago. It began in your family and it probably was a coping pattern you developed. Get to therapist to help you track down the origin of this fear. Doing some work around that often (not always) helps people to release an old fear. Is the fear of making a mistake causing men to leave me? I have really great, close friends and I’m regularly imperfect and it’s usually ok to make mistakes/ I’m very direct with repair. I have learned though with men that if I have less than perfect emotions, there’s a miscommunication or I have a negative pattern that I’m working on that they will leave. This is where the fear comes from. I have never been proven wrong- they’ve all left and I’m terrified that means I’m somehow toxic and I can’t see patterns that make people want to leave
Lotsgoingon Posted 23 hours ago Posted 23 hours ago OK, I can't really help you without knowing specifically what you mean by "making a mistake."
Anonymous Posted 21 hours ago Posted 21 hours ago 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: OK, I can't really help you without knowing specifically what you mean by "making a mistake." 1. Needing space after rupture and sometimes a freeze response initially followed by explanation and repair 1a. I have big feelings (not anger) I care a ton which means I might cry- I fear having too many emotions so I try to have the right about and mitigate/regulate the bigger upset on my own 2. not texting fast enough for the other persons liking. Trying my best to meet the need. Could go 6hrs because I’m in a meeting or I’m with friends 3. Thinking everything is good and partner feeling the total opposite and I get blindsided with everything that’s been building up within them 4. I don’t feel like I need to go through everything that upset me in a difficult work day 5. in long distance when reconnecting I had a last minute work trip and sent him a picture of the city when I landed. He was unhappy he didn’t know about it in advance although we’re not in the same city 6. Worry I don’t communicate well out of fear. I don’t want to hurt the other person ever. Hence why my therapist is reassuring me that I make sense when communicating
Gebidozo Posted 20 hours ago Posted 20 hours ago It sounds like you’re being too harsh on yourself, too apologetic, and too eager to change your habits and personality for other people.
Lisa Posted 18 hours ago Senior Moderators Posted 18 hours ago Topic has been closed. The situation is above the remit of amateur advice givers
Recommended Posts