Giving up on dating is an act of self-preservation

[sabaton]

You’re treating attraction very robotically by saying people must get with their exact physical equivalent as if that’s easy to tell anyway.

 

 

It's easy enough to tell. Say, a guy who is short. His match would be usually someone who is shorter than him. A man who is overweight. His match is an overweight woman. etc etc.

 

 

 

I’ve dated women better looking then me and vice versa.

 

 

Yes, so have I, but there's a world of difference between dating a girl who is some way better-looking than me, and dating tara emad.

 

 

If he’s going after just models I agree that’s probably not gonna work but to say don’t approach women even a little better looking then yourself is just wrong..

 

 

Attractive women are hit on by super hot guys all the time. What's the point of the guy hitting on a girl who is better-looking than him, if he can't make up for it by being rich or whatever else?

 

 

Human beings are complex..I’ve been harshly rejected by women who were nothing to write home about physically and I was objectively probably better looking then them and had women while no models but pretty women extremely into me.

 

 

Yes, but we're talking about how it is, in the majority of the cases, and rarely does it ever happen that a more attractive woman is dating a lesser attractive guy.

 

 

I'm 5'7'' and I was approached by a 5'11'' girl who had everything that is necessary to become a model. This is something out of the ordinary. It doesn't happen often to someone who isn't conventionally attractive, which is something that i am not, at 5'7'' and 132lbs and 10% body fat.

 

 

This girl was attracted to me, why. Dunno. I did strongly suggest to her to find herself some thick-rimmed eyeglasses. But would the majority of 5'7''+ women find me to be physically attractive? Or even shorter women?

 

of course not.

[Mike800]

 

 

 

 

 

Attractive women are hit on by super hot guys all the time. What's the point of the guy hitting on a girl who is better-looking than him, if he can't make up for it by being rich or whatever else?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Maybe you’re young and don’t have much life experience but once you reach a certain age your goal is not strictly to find the hottest person you can attract.

 

People meet each other and over time can develop strong feelings even if they have actually been with people better looking in the past.

 

And how exactly in depth do you get with leagues in terms of your approach or while talking to women? Do you look at a women’s face and go man she’s an 8 I’m only a 6 or 7 even though we’re hitting it off right now she’d never date me I’m gonna go find a 6 who’s my physical equivalent lol

[NuevoYorko]

 

Why is it women can write a guy off yet what you advocate is guys must go after whoever likes them irrespective whether they find them attractive.

Everybody can write off those they don't find attractive. It's not gender specific. That doesn't mean that they're entitled to date people they do find attractive, or to feel that life has done them dirty because beautiful people aren't into them.

[Normm]

I can choose to wallow and be sad about this or I can simply live my life and enjoy what I enjoy with the knowledge I am unlikely to ever date.

 

 

I suggest you choose to stop wallowing.

[Normm]

I refuse to believe what I want to achieve is impossible, if I did, Id find life quite a sad place to be. Yes, the odds of it happening are not the best but either be positive or be negative.

 

 

I used to have this fantasy that I was on a ship and it sunk, and I swam to a deserted island and ran into the only other survivor and it happened to be Madonna who over the ensuing years on the island, fell in love with me, and after we were rescued I moved into her place and things were amazing.

 

 

Who knows that could happen to you. Start booking cruises or something.

[sabaton]

Maybe you’re young and don’t have much life experience but once you reach a certain age your goal is not strictly to find the hottest person you can attract.

Yes, but I was 18 and she was 19.

 

 

 

At that age, and with the way that she looked so statuesquely and attractive, it made little sense to me why would she find me to be attractive at 5'7'' and 132lbs, when she easily had guys as tall as she was and taller and more aesthetic than me, around her - guys who modelled for a living and were on their way to one day becoming Calvin Klein models.

 

I didn't think she could possibly be attracted to me, because of the vast chasm between our levels of attractiveness, so I didn't approach.

 

She ended up approaching me. We had one class together and after spending a few days sending strong signals of interest my way, she figured I was never going to go up to her and say hello.

 

That girl was way out of my league. She was as attractive as Lamiaa Alaoui. The fact that she ended up dating me only goes to show that there's way too many women out there who suffer from extreme low self-esteem and haven't figured out how attractive they are, and that they deserve a man who is hot, rich, and tall.

 

People meet each other and over time can develop strong feelings even if they have actually been with people better looking in the past.

Yes, but I'm not interested in that. I don't want to lose time with girls if they are not attracted to me, sexually, as fast as I am attracted to them.

 

 

The attraction I feel for a woman is instantaneous. I look, and if I like what I see I become attracted. Then her personality either makes it or breaks it. I like extrovert women. Hyper feminine women. Women who flirt and tease me endlessly.

 

 

 

There were girls I met in college who were attractive but they weren't my type.

 

 

We ended up spending a lot of time together alone, and I was told later on by their female friends that those girls wanted to date me, but I never really ever managed to develop a sexual interest in someone if it wasn't there from the get-go.

 

 

And how exactly in depth do you get with leagues in terms of your approach or while talking to women?

I don't approach women.

 

 

 

Attractive women get hit on more times in 5 minutes than Pelé won Worldcups so, I don't really bother with that. I don't want to be yet another guy trying his luck.

 

 

 

I meet women either through my work, through friends, or I get approached.

 

 

 

Like, the other day I was inside the train and there was this girl there who was reading a book. I was leaning over the wall near the exit, and I'd look at her for a few seconds at a time.

 

 

 

I would do that until she would feel that someone was looking at her, at which point I would look the other way and pretend I wasn't doing what I was doing. Well, my station came up, and I left the train.

 

 

 

As I was heading to the mall I look to my left and the girl was there walking alongside me not even a meter apart, staring at me, and I said hello on reflex. she said hello back and from there we ended up spending a few hours together, walking inside that mall, getting to know each other and trading phone numbers.

 

 

 

 

Do you look at a women’s face and go man she’s an 8 I’m only a 6 or 7 even though we’re hitting it off right now she’d never date me I’m gonna go find a 6 who’s my physical equivalent lol

I evaluate her face, her body, her height, and her youth. Young women are automatically more attractive than the rest, and when those girls are thin and cute, but they lack breasts or have a flat butt - they're 7s.

 

 

Attainable if I put in some work, if I'm feeling particularly charming.

 

 

If they are young and have a big butt + those wide hips and that maddeningly gorgeous waist to hips perfect ratio and a pretty face - they are 9s.

 

 

 

I don't see the point on talking to those even if for some reason we end up talking.

 

 

10s are pretty much the girls who look like Miss Turkey 2014 and I don't even bother looking at them other than the couple of seconds I spend marvelling at how attractive they are.

Edited October 26, 2018 by sabaton

[ZA Dater]

I used to have this fantasy that I was on a ship and it sunk, and I swam to a deserted island and ran into the only other survivor and it happened to be Madonna who over the ensuing years on the island, fell in love with me, and after we were rescued I moved into her place and things were amazing.

 

 

Who knows that could happen to you. Start booking cruises or something.

 

 

 

Kudos for the sarcasm. Not something most of the dates I have had have ever been able to work out.

 

 

I suppose if one needs to self impose "leagues" and "levels' its probably no great loss to me that I don't date, at least I have from time to do been on dates with people apparently not in my "league".

 

 

Oh and I'll take your Madonna and raise you Blake Lively.

[sabaton]

Kudos for the sarcasm. Not something most of the dates I have had have ever been able to work out.

 

 

I suppose if one needs to self impose "leagues" and "levels' its probably no great loss to me that I don't date, at least I have from time to do been on dates with people apparently not in my "league".

 

 

Oh and I'll take your Madonna and raise you Blake Lively.

 

 

People don't self-impose leagues and levels.

 

 

 

There ARE leagues and levels that someone can't reach or go past because of the limitations to their looks. Brad Pitt wouldn't have dated and married Angelina Jolie if he was Steve Buscemi instead, now would he?

[Chilli]

I just simply want to be liked by someone I like for the change. But I'll take the a few good dates, perhaps someone who doesn't judge me for not having dated, perhaps someone who can add value and make me want to be better.

 

 

K is a friend, she has never been interested in me in any other way and wont ever be. But I guess with her I can live vicariously and pretend I do have a gf when I am around her so I get some of the benefit of not being all alone all of the time.

 

 

OP can feel better because I am 5.9, slim and fit and yet.....still don't do well, because I am shy, I have never approached anyone and doubt I would ever be able to.

 

 

I am pretty much doomed because while not knowing how to flirt and date is acceptable at 25 its doesn't really work at 35 and nobody is going to pick me over an experienced guy. That's just the reality.

 

 

 

 

Few thoughts.

5'9 is fine , average height l'd be guessing and in good shape even better.

You don't advertise inexperience and l don't get the flirt thing , l've never really flirted and doubt l'd be any good at it anyway, don't like it, But l'd show genuine interest if l was interested.

 

The approach thing , what is that strangers out somewhere you mean, l've never donr that either l don't think you have to or does that stuff ever even go anywhere anyway for most people.

You need comfortable surroundings like parties or events where people are just mingling naturally, that's much easier.

 

Shyness , so ya not Casanova , so what , not many are, seen and known of plenty of shy guys in great relationships and marriages . One comes to mind is only around 5ft, been married years got 4 daughters and a great life.

You only need to be comfortable with that one special lady , which will come naturally anyway when you meet her.

 

And l don't think anyone's saying you don't have to be attracted each other but attraction can work in weird and all kinds of ways , ya gotta be open.

 

But lose the down on yourself negative stuff that shyt's a killer. Sounds like you got plenty of things to feel good about , even very lucky in fact.

Edited October 26, 2018 by Chilli

[hotpotato]

I don't believe in leagues. People put people down, some of the most successful people I know started from nothing, in my mind dating is the same

 

Funny that struggling women are told never to settle yet its ok for guys to do so? Double standards much?

 

 

Escorts, I have actually take two to dinner before and found them far more worldly interesting people than miss average who pretty much live some bubble and has very little knowledge of the outside world. One of the most impressive nice people I have ever met was a Romanian stripper, I was 23 at the time, she took me out for an evening, just normal things, went to a bar, had dinner, it was a nice date, she was lovely, lots of world knowledge, very confident, happy in her own skin. I saw her for the person she was rather than what she looked like she and she didn't judge me. Unfortunately with the greatest of respect the others I went out with simply were not interesting at all in comparison and I was judged from the very first minute.

 

 

I am 5.9, tall, slim, blond, blue eyes but shy and introverted unless I have some confidence to feed off.

 

Not true at all, not even on loveshack.

[ZA Dater]

Few thoughts.

5'9 is fine , average height l'd be guessing and in good shape even better.

You don't advertise inexperience and l don't get the flirt thing , l've never really flirted and doubt l'd be any good at it anyway, don't like it, But l'd show genuine interest if l was interested.

 

The approach thing , what is that strangers out somewhere you mean, l've never donr that either l don't think you have to or does that stuff ever even go anywhere anyway for most people.

You need comfortable surroundings like parties or events where people are just mingling naturally, that's much easier.

 

Shyness , so ya not Casanova , so what , not many are, seen and known of plenty of shy guys in great relationships and marriages . One comes to mind is only around 5ft, been married years got 4 daughters and a great life.

You only need to be comfortable with that one special lady , which will come naturally anyway when you meet her.

 

And l don't think anyone's saying you don't have to be attracted each other but attraction can work in weird and all kinds of ways , ya gotta be open.

 

But lose the down on yourself negative stuff that shyt's a killer. Sounds like you got plenty of things to feel good about , even very lucky in fact.

 

 

 

I don't have to advertise it, its blatantly obvious. One awkward hug is enough to advertise it.

[ZA Dater]

People don't self-impose leagues and levels.

 

 

 

There ARE leagues and levels that someone can't reach or go past because of the limitations to their looks. Brad Pitt wouldn't have dated and married Angelina Jolie if he was Steve Buscemi instead, now would he?

 

 

 

And so, should you not aspire to something greater? The only reason what you suggest exists and still don't believe it does is that women are highly superficial much more so than men by virtue of the fact only good looking men get to choose whereas the average women has absolute choice.

 

 

I guess some of us are just luckier to be born better looking than others.

[hotpotato]

Well, I guess getting back on topic, getting out of the dating game has done wonders for me. I got back into some old hobbies as well as found new ones.

 

Looking back on the craziness, I wish I would have stopped sooner.

 

I don't need someone in my life lying to me or treating me like an object. I have a male acquaintance who loves 1000 miles away or more who has spent more time getting to know me than 90% of the guys I met.

[sabaton]

And so, should you not aspire to something greater?

 

 

Something greater? You are attracted to a girl and that same girl is attracted to you, but she's nothing special to you because she's not a 18 year old Gigi Hadid?

 

What does it matter that there are gorgeous girls out there? A girl who is crazy about you, who wants to have sex with you often and enthusiastically and a girl to whom you are sexually attracted to is not enough?

 

Conventional 10s know that they are 10s. They're used to a live of endless male attention. Rich guys pursuing them and wanting them. They're used to their daddies treating them like consort queens to the King of England.

 

These are girls that are going to expect a lot from the men who date them. They are going to be hard to keep because they're used to having everything handed to them any time they want it, and if you don't provide whatever they want, they can find a new guy in less than 5 secons who's eager to dance like a moneky for her.

 

 

What's the point of living with so much stress and drama in your relationship?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The only reason what you suggest exists and still don't believe it does is that women are highly superficial

haha. No. Women are not superficial, let alone highly superficial. Trust me, if I was a girl and if I looked like what passes for average girls around here ->

 

 

 

https://c1.staticflickr.com/2/1369/4725103873_058302e03c_b.jpg

 

 

I would only hold for men like Quaresma and André Guerreiro, and other highly physically attractive men with lots and lots of money, but the majority of the women have realistic standards in their men.

 

 

 

They are dating average-looking men and they're not expecting the guys to make much more than minimum wage, and there's lots of girls dating men without a job.

 

 

Men have the tendency to say that women are highly superficial when they are rejected by the girl that they want.

 

 

 

They believe that if a girl doesn't want them it must be because women have very high standards that only a Calvin Klein model can fulfill, it's to protect their own ego from realizing that they just didn't make the cut for that girl.

 

 

But women are so varied in the men that they are attracted to, and to a woman a guy can be ew no, get away from me, and that same guy can be Prince Charming to the next girl.

 

 

I was once rejected by a very cute girl who said that I was too short for her. I'm 5'7''. She was 4'10''. Not a week later I was approache by an equally cute girl. That one was 5'11''.

 

 

I was not the type of that shorter girl because of my height. I was the type of the tall girl because of whatever it was that she liked about me.

 

 

 

much more so than men by virtue of the fact only good looking men get to choose whereas the average women has absolute choice.

Only good-looking men get to choose the women they end up with?

 

 

 

Nah. Every man can choose. He might not end up with girl of his dreams but guys aren't dating girls that they aren't attracted to. Average men are dating the women they chose.

 

 

 

I guess some of us are just luckier to be born better looking than others.

Look, being born to be goo-looking is a bonus, yes. Attractive get treated better, make more money, get more women, get more sex etc etc. but being average isn't the end of the world.

 

 

The reality of other men being hot while you're just average doesn't mean you gonna end up alone or that you can't choose the girl you want, as long as you don't want a woman who is entirely out of your league.

 

 

There's millions of attractive women out there in the world and they aren't expecting you to be Omar Borkan Al Gala.

Edited October 27, 2018 by sabaton

[Normm]

I guess some of us are just luckier to be born better looking than others.

 

I see you're still wallowing and haven't yet made the choice to move in with your life.

 

Dude some of us are born good looking with great bodies, others are born with stumps where our feet should be, others are 6'2 and still others are midgets or dwarfs. Some are born to parents who are rock stars or billionaires and as trust fund babies they travel the world and never work a day in their lives while others risks their lives fleeing the violence in their own countries so they can work almost as slaves in a country where they have freedom. Some live to age 100 while others are stricken with fatal cancer before they reach the age of 12.

 

Do I need to go on? Do you get the point?

 

Stop obsessing what others have that you don't, and work with the cards you're dealt. We don't always get 4 aces. You're probably not the ugliest, least charming guy in the world, there are many who are worse than you but still have girlfriends, what they are doing and you are not is they don't post on forums all day about how unfortunate they are and how crappy everyone in the world happens to be.

[sabaton]

I see you're still wallowing and haven't yet made the choice to move in with your life.

 

Dude some of us are born good looking with great bodies, others are born with stumps where our feet should be, others are 6'2 and still others are midgets or dwarfs. Some are born to parents who are rock stars or billionaires and as trust fund babies they travel the world and never work a day in their lives while others risks their lives fleeing the violence in their own countries so they can work almost as slaves in a country where they have freedom. Some live to age 100 while others are stricken with fatal cancer before they reach the age of 12.

 

Do I need to go on? Do you get the point?

 

Stop obsessing what others have that you don't, and work with the cards you're dealt. We don't always get 4 aces. You're probably not the ugliest, least charming guy in the world, there are many who are worse than you but still have girlfriends, what they are doing and you are not is they don't post on forums all day about how unfortunate they are and how crappy everyone in the world happens to be.

 

 

 

 

Seriously. If he's so depressed about not being born to be a male model and he's not surrounded by male models - imagine how he'd feel if he had gone 4 years to college with 2 guys who were literally 6'3'' 220lbs at 9% body fot and with a face like a young Robert Redford

 

 

ZA dater, come on, man. Male models aren't hoarding up all of the women. We don't like in 19th century Turkey where the Sultan had access to hundreds of women and the rest of the men had to fight over for the women that were left.

[ZA Dater]

I see you're still wallowing and haven't yet made the choice to move in with your life.

 

Dude some of us are born good looking with great bodies, others are born with stumps where our feet should be, others are 6'2 and still others are midgets or dwarfs. Some are born to parents who are rock stars or billionaires and as trust fund babies they travel the world and never work a day in their lives while others risks their lives fleeing the violence in their own countries so they can work almost as slaves in a country where they have freedom. Some live to age 100 while others are stricken with fatal cancer before they reach the age of 12.

 

Do I need to go on? Do you get the point?

 

Stop obsessing what others have that you don't, and work with the cards you're dealt. We don't always get 4 aces. You're probably not the ugliest, least charming guy in the world, there are many who are worse than you but still have girlfriends, what they are doing and you are not is they don't post on forums all day about how unfortunate they are and how crappy everyone in the world happens to be.

 

Here is the thing. I am cynical yes, stupid no. I can make these supposed big "league" guys look extremely average in any debate so yes I dont really care. What I am good at doesn't matter to ladies, it's irrelevant but again I don't care.

 

Sure they have girlfriends how many of them have simply settled, my guess 95% of them have. Nobody remotely interesting has been interested in me, I get it, I ain't what they want but I am not giving up on the idea because id rather have a nice idea than an average reality.

[sabaton]

Here is the thing. I am cynical yes, stupid no. I can make these supposed big "league" guys look extremely average in any debate so yes I dont really care. What I am good at doesn't matter to ladies, it's irrelevant but again I don't care.

 

Sure they have girlfriends how many of them have simply settled, my guess 95% of them have. Nobody remotely interesting has been interested in me, I get it, I ain't what they want but I am not giving up on the idea because id rather have a nice idea than an average reality.

 

 

You honestly believe most men settle? How? How does someone settle? People's happiness depends on getting the hottest member of the opposite(or same sex if they are gay) sex to date them and if they aren't dating a 10 they must be settling?

[Chilli]

yeah , don't understand it either , and so much emphasis on looks , surreal.

Everyone must be Fabio's round here is all l can say.

Sure l have very serious preferences , but they're also versatile, gf for example has hidden treasures that the usual superficial smuck would never spot but alas, l knows about these things l saw in a split second ands l lovesss em haha, vedy happy puppy.

 

But there is so much more , yet it's as if looks are all, l never get it . Looks go anyway , and then what will you have if there was nothing else.

[ZA Dater]

You honestly believe most men settle? How? How does someone settle? People's happiness depends on getting the hottest member of the opposite(or same sex if they are gay) sex to date them and if they aren't dating a 10 they must be settling?

 

What I mean is people settle for people they don't find attractive but they don't have any other choice so they just make themselves like the person. Or justify the greatness of the person because they don't have any other option.

 

It's not about hottest it's about simply finding the person attractive to you

[sabaton]

What I mean is people settle for people they don't find attractive but they don't have any other choice so they just make themselves like the person.

 

 

And why do you believe that? What is it about people and their relationships that makes you believe that they are not honestly sexually attracted and emotionally attracted to the women and the men they are dating, or married to?

 

 

It's not about hottest it's about simply finding the person attractive to you

 

 

And you believe someone needs to be a fashion model or something to be attractive to someone????

[Garcon1986]

ZA Dater if you are so depressed about the dating options in your city, why not move to another one?

[sabaton]

ZA Dater if you are so depressed about the dating options in your city, why not move to another one?

 

 

Exactly!! I wasn't happy that most of my dating options were mostly women who were 20 years older than me, or unattractive women so I moved to the other side of the world. Sometimes a change of scenery can make you more popular with the local women, ZA DATER. Give it a try.

[elaine567]

I don't have to advertise it, its blatantly obvious. One awkward hug is enough to advertise it.

 

 

Can't you learn how to hug people.

It is not a difficult skill.

Why does it have to be "awkward"?

[sabaton]

Can't you learn how to hug people.

It is not a difficult skill.

Why does it have to be "awkward"?

 

 

 

 

Because he feels it's awkward.