Giving up on dating is an act of self-preservation

[brigit87]

I think a lot of women would. Most guy's hobbies bring nothing to her party, if we are being honest, apart from erode time that could be spent together, or time that could be spent doing something more interesting or productive...

 

Yep. When I was dating guys got massive points for Not being into sports. If it was a hobby I could share in or interested me that would be fine. But guys who were into hanging out with other guys doing guy stuff I stayed away from

[sabaton]

A lot of white guys seem to just to get dates left and right out of tinder or whatever and get girlfriends easily and they change girlfriends once a year. By the time they settle down, they've probably been with 50 women and have had about 11 ex-gfs.

 

 

Why are you looking at what white guys or black guys or Indian guys or whatever it is you are fixated on at the time do or don't do? You honestly believe there's a lot of guys out there even if they're so white Hitler gets a boner just thinking about them who have sex with 50 girls? each one of those guys?

 

 

And even if they do that.. do you want that? Fly to Europe, bring that money of yours and you can have sex with gorgeous blonde white women all you want, to your heart's content. As there's lots and lots of escorts here.

[JuneL]

First, glad that you've come back.

 

I brought up the Asian issue, since you're so adamant about two things: 1. Asian women only like Caucasian men, and 2. You're too westernized to be with a foreign-born Asian woman.

 

You seem to have conflated one's passion and his hobbies. My comment that many (I meant the stereotypical ones) Asian families want their kids to pursue a practical career was in response to your statement that most people don't like their jobs or find their jobs boring. That doesn't have to be true if one pursues his passion as his career. A guy can become an engineer because it brings in good stable income, or because he loves building things from scratch and loves learning how those mechanical/electronic stuff works; likewise, a man can choose to be a surgeon because of its prestige, but he can also choose to be a physician because he loves pathology. This has nothing to do with choosing one's hobby as his career (like Patrick Chan did). Indeed, you're right that many Asian families (again, the stereotypical ones) encourage or even force their kids to learn musical instruments or other hobbies so that they can have a nice resume. This point is related to my earlier observation that some Asian women tend not to date Asian guys, not because of their ethnic background per se, but due to those negative stereotypical traits. These Asian men may speak perfect English, and they may often hang out with Caucasian folks, but they are actually more traditional than some Asian immigrants without those traits.

 

 

I'm also baffled by your post, not to mention your ignorance on Asian families.

 

Hobbies are hobbies. Career is your career. Yes Asian parents tend to frown upon mixing the two. But they aren't against you pursuing your hobbies/interests. In fact, they're super supportive. Asian parents are known to invest a lot of money in sending their kids to learn the arts like playing an instrument, dance, learning new languages, or any assortment of extracurricular activities.

 

And if your hobby happens to also be your passion, then they aren't against it either. How do you explain people like Michelle Kwan, Patrick Chan, Paul Kariya, and other Asian athletes? I wouldn't say figure skating or dance or anything of sort is practical yet there exists Asian athletes.

 

I frankly find your generalization ignorant.

 

As for TFY's post, he said women don't care about a man's hobbies. Only his looks, personality and his demeanor matters. I was disagreeing with that.

 

Yes, looks matter. Personality matters. How well you vibe together matters. But you a lot of your "personality" and your general "vibe" is an extension of what you're doing with your life. A guy who just goes to work and then goes home to play video games isn't gonna have the kinda personality that is gonna vibe well with a woman. I'm not against guys playing video games. I'm just using it as an example.

 

When your horizons and life experience is limited, then so is your personality and your confidence.

 

I personally know this guy who has pretty much no career but he's this world traveller. He's able to backpack all over the place in foreign countries on a shoestring budget and experiencing adventures. He's extremely strong, both mentally and physically and is street smart and knows how to overcome challenges. He's got a beautiful girlfriend who is also kinda supporting him financially (or at least letting him live with her). They go on vacations together where she pays for most of it but they have a lot of fun and have a lot of adventures together cause he knows how to pretty much go anywhere and get anywhere and is super street smart and he speaks like 4 languages.

 

A lot of people say she can do better and find a more responsible guy. But wtf, they're probably boring whereas this guy is interesting cause he's well-travelled, has lots to talk about and has loads of confidence.

 

Yeah you could say maybe that's his natural personality but then it's a chicken or egg first situation. Is it because he's confident/interesting that he went travelling in the first place? Or did all that travel/adventure help make him confident/interesting?

[EthanBlack]

First, glad that you've come back.

 

I brought up the Asian issue, since you're so adamant about two things: 1. Asian women only like Caucasian men, and 2. You're too westernized to be with a foreign-born Asian woman.

 

You seem to have conflated one's passion and his hobbies. My comment that many (I meant the stereotypical ones) Asian families want their kids to pursue a practical career was in response to your statement that most people don't like their jobs or find their jobs boring. That doesn't have to be true if one pursues his passion as his career. A guy can become an engineer because it brings in good stable income, or because he loves building things from scratch and loves learning how those mechanical/electronic stuff works; likewise, a man can choose to be a surgeon because of its prestige, but he can also choose to be a physician because he loves pathology. This has nothing to do with choosing one's hobby as his career (like Patrick Chan did). Indeed, you're right that many Asian families (again, the stereotypical ones) encourage or even force their kids to learn musical instruments or other hobbies so that they can have a nice resume. This point is related to my earlier observation that some Asian women tend not to date Asian guys, not because of their ethnic background per se, but due to those negative stereotypical traits. These Asian men may speak perfect English, and they may often hang out with Caucasian folks, but they are actually more traditional than some Asian immigrants without those traits.

 

What bothers me is the self-stereotyping and self-racism Asian women apply to Asian men. Especially since Asian women themselves are well aware of what it feels like to be stereotyped but they do so to Asian men.

 

I'm an outlier as far as Asians are concerned. I grew up with suburban whites growing up. I listen to alternative/heavy rock music. I have a tattoo. I'm liberal and open-minded in thinking and I've dated girls from ALL ethnicities. And I don't mean just WHITES. I dated an arab muslim girl for awhile before she had to go back to her country.

 

I certainly know the Asian folks you are referring to. The ones who seem to fit perfectly into western society but inside, they're traditional. I'm not like that at all. I'm liberal because of my own beliefs and also due to the fact that I grew up in a white suburb and I didn't know any Asians growing up.

 

My parents forced me to learn music but I love music naturally. I play guitar, bass and piano. I'm grateful they exposed me to music early on. And it wasn't so I can have a nice resume. I'm successful career wise and I can tell you nobody gives a ****.

 

Back to my point, what I despise about Asian girls is that they judge me for me being just another typical Asian guy when I'm not. Instead of trying to get to know me, they just assume I'm one of those Asian guys who have a nice career, stable, makes good money, doens't drink and go out much, and just wants to settle down and have a nice family.

 

Honestly, I could give less of a **** these days. I was attracted to Asian girls in my 20's cause I wanted to explore my heritage more but I find that I have FAR more in common with white girls.

 

What's funny is Asian girls, the type who only date white guys, are super conservative themselves and have a lot of rules on how a guy should behave.

 

Take me, I grow my hair long. I have tattoo. I spend my free time on the couch playing guitar and rocking it out. I drink. Sometimes experiment with drugs. I have the personality of a loser white rocker. EXCEPT I also make over six figures and have a good career and I know how to divide my personal time vs my working life.

 

But yah, Asian girls aren't into that. Instead, they think they're super liberal and progressive for dating white guys and only whtie guys, not arab guys or indian guys or any of the "lesser races." Yeah have fun with that. Have fun with the white guys who are only into you cause they want to satisfy their pedo Asian fetish.

 

I could honestly give less of a ****. I'll date white girls who don't mind my tattoos, don't mind that I play loud guitar late at night, and that I like to drink.

As long as I can do these things, I could honestly give less of a ****. I am who I am.

 

My point is, there is always exceptions to the rule. I'm an exception to the rule. I'm part of the Asian guys in that 1%. And so I hate being stereotyped. Yes white people stereotype me too but they tend to be less judgmental and give you benefit of the doubt in the beginning. With Asians, its judgement upon first sight.

Edited November 6, 2018 by EthanBlack

[JuneL]

 

[...]

 

I'm an outlier as far as Asians are concerned. I grew up with suburban whites growing up. I listen to alternative/heavy rock music. I have a tattoo. I'm liberal and open-minded in thinking and I've dated girls from ALL ethnicities. And I don't mean just WHITES. I dated an arab muslim girl for awhile before she had to go back to her country.

 

I certainly know the Asian folks you are referring to. The ones who seem to fit perfectly into western society but inside, they're traditional. I'm not like that at all. I'm liberal because of my own beliefs and also due to the fact that I grew up in a white suburb and I didn't know any Asians growing up.

 

My parents forced me to learn music but I love music naturally. I play guitar, bass and piano. I'm grateful they exposed me to music early on. And it wasn't so I can have a nice resume. I'm successful career wise and I can tell you nobody gives a ****.

 

 

Okay, thanks for clarifying. I like the bolded sentences. If I may ask, did you follow your passion when you chose your career, too?

 

At the end of the day, it might be harder for you to find your match because of a variety of reasons. But the woman who eventually finds you would love you for who you are, instead of all those superficial things.

[EthanBlack]

Okay, thanks for clarifying. I like the bolded sentences. If I may ask, did you follow your passion when you chose your career, too?

 

At the end of the day, it might be harder for you to find your match because of a variety of reasons. But the woman who eventually finds you would love you for who you are, instead of all those superficial things.

 

Dad wanted me to go into either accounting or finance because it's a safe, boring profession that would pay well and be stable. I hated numbers. I actually didn't know what I wanted to do. I only got average grades in high school. Not the typical Asian whiz kid. There was a coding class in my high school and I wasn't half bad at it and I didn't hate it so I went into computer science.

 

Would I say it's my passion? No. But I like it enough and it pays well.

 

My real passion is music. But I'm glad I hadn't gotten into that. I play in a band now just for fun but I have music friends who went hardcore into and majored it in college and they all regretted it because it's really a boom or bust profession. A lot of them gave up in their late 20's after realizing they weren't gonna be able to make a decent living off of being a musician and they switched into other fields. Some became so traumatized by the disappointments of the music industry that they gave up playing altogether. One guy I know, he locked up all his guitars and equipment in some storage space and that's it. He doesn't play anymore and now he just focuses on work.

 

Anyways, back to the topic, Asian girls are an insecure, nasty bunch. I was an Asian guy who genuinely was interested in reconnecting with his heritage and wanted to genuinely get to know Asian girls and date them but they took it almost upon as an insult. This one Asian girl who I was friends with for awhile, her boyfriend is a white guy. He's directionless in his career and he's pushing 40. He spent most of his youth teaching english in Asia and so he has no specialization. Anyway, she mentioned once to me in a conversation how it's unfair that "Asian guys have such good careers" and how white guys like her boyfriend can't find anything. It's like, uh wtf? You think the system is somehow against white men?

 

Asian guys spent a great deal of effort establishing themselves professionally. Some say they need to work harder in order to get the same position as a white guy. I don't know if that's true or not but to say Asian guys somehow have an advantage over white guys is bull****.

 

Asian girls love dating white guys to the point that they'll even admonish Asian guys for their accomplishments and say they don't deserve it. That's how bad it's gotten. Asian guys can't win. If an Asian guy is successful in his career, she'll say he's selfish, only knows how to study and workaholic and doesn't know how to have fun. If an Asian guy is unsuccessful, she'll think he's a loser. Can't win.

 

Contrast this with my experience dating white girls. I've dated white girls who made a lot less money than me but on dates, they insisted on splitting the bill and sometimes even paying for it. When they hear about my career, they express respect for it and at no time did they ever question whether or not I "deserved it."

[Amiko]

I think that like dating, single life is not for everyone.

My reasons are similar to the original post. I am trans, even though most wouldn't pick it. I am don't fit the conventional "good looks" and I don't care to, I am not getting breast, thigh or butt implants... etc.

People say they they are fine with GLTBIQ, but ask them if they'd date a transgender person and they will generally say no. That's ok, that's their choice. Then there's the fetishists that if they find out, won't leave trans people be.

 

I am sick of it, I am sick of being fetishised, I am sick of the meritocracy I am sick of relationships being more like a business deal. I am sick of being expected to fit certain requirements based on what society says we have to be and do. I don't pursue money for example.

I have enough to live off, put some away and I am comfortable. I'd rather have time to myself than be a wage slave so I can buy crap I don't really need to impress people I don't really like.

 

 

As for relationships nowadays it's all about you give to them. Worst yet is if they don't get what they need or want when they want it, they feel entirely justified in cheating. According to every survey I have seen the majority of people would cheat if they were guaranteed to get away with it. (60-70% of people in most surveys)

 

Right now I am just finding methods to make my life more pleasurable. It's my life, 100% of it. I have turned down multiple people for dates and unfortunately lost two friends because I said no and they took offense. People don't accept that I just don't want to date anymore, they always look for other reasons, perhaps because they themselves feel compelled to pair off.

 

There's not a lot of tips out there as most people think relationships are a requirement. I hear things like, "Oh you will feel better soon", "You'll get out there", "Just wait, you'll meet the right person" and so on.. not one single comment suggesting I should just do what makes me happy.

 

If you want to be single, do it for the right reasons and remember to look after yourself.

Edited November 8, 2018 by Amiko
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