Giving up on dating is an act of self-preservation

[ZA Dater]

So basically you're going to trick women into dating you and use them because they're good looking and you like to hang out and be seen with a beautiful woman.

 

Do you realize you're turning those women unknowingly into unpaid escorts? It's so wrong.

 

 

 

I don't see anything wrong it at all. Its their choice. Its like the really sweet guy trying to compete with the rich overweight narcissist. He stands no chance because the allure of money and glamour makes it worth putting up with, versus the normal sweet guy who doesn't have that economic advantage.

[ZA Dater]

Everyone needs to find and accept their level, that is the bottom line.

We(gen) have to do that in all aspects of our lives, dating is no different.

Women and men write off people every day that do not tick enough boxes, yes, but those that "struggle", need to reassess their situation honestly.

Why are they struggling?

 

All very well to say "I need to find her attractive"... but if the only truly attractive ones in your eyes are stunning head turners then that is totally unrealistic... that is never going to work.

I get your "experience" anecdote, but it is actually what you would prefer and nothing then matches up, how could it?

It is fantasy, and fantasy can be good, but when fantasy interferes with real life, there is a problem...

 

 

I disagree, one would never accept any level at all, one should always look to surpass that and keep going, to accept a level is to accept standing still and history is littered with examples of what happened when people did exactly that.

 

 

I don't believe people are truly attracted to each other, they are attracted to an "idea", what can that person do for me, what can they bring to my life, almost ALL of that is objective. You aren't going to be able to take someone who doesn't dress well to a ball for example, nor will you take someone who speaks poorly to a business dinner full of industry heads. I hate to turn this completely cold but "fit for purpose" does spring to mind.

 

 

People struggle for reasons beyond their control, I believe this to be mostly true. OP seems to struggle because he is being judged because he is 5.5. My guess is intellectually he is ahead of the average guy yet gets passed over.

 

 

As for looking at each situation I believe there are common elements amount all people who struggle to lesser or greater degrees, perhaps inflexibility is on BUT the thing is why should you be when everyone around you actually gets to choose to date people they like, too often its been a case of "concentrate on those who like you" what happens if you don't like those people?

 

 

Then what?

 

 

I'd rather spend life trying to make a fantasy reality than living it with "oh well that's my level I cant do better".

[brigit87]

I don't see anything wrong it at all. Its their choice.

 

NO. It's not their choice. You put up a picture that is so altered that when they walk in and see the real you they think "crap he doesn't look like his picture." Then they suffer through the date because they're being polite and don't want to hurt your feelings.

 

You're playing with fire. One day you'll come across a woman who isn't polite And she might humiliate you in ways you never even thought of. Maybe she'll post your picture on facebook and talk about how deceived her. Then send your pretend picture and a real picture to lots of websites warning other women. People do stuff like that all the time.

 

Every action has a reaction.

[sabaton]

It's not racism. It's preference. Short Asian guys simply aren't attractive aesthetically.

Lee Tae-il, known as Taeil from the South Korean boy band Block B is 5'5'' and he's.. in a boy band, which means he's considered to be highly attractive by girls because who do you think is the major demographics for BOYBANDS?

 

The South Korean singer, who is very popular in Asia, Woozi, from the boy band Seventeen is 5'3'' and there's lots of girls throwing themselves at him.

 

 

Jonghyun, from the incredibly popular band SHINee, stands at 5'6'' and he can't go anywhere without girls trying to take him home.

 

 

EXO's D.O. isn't exactly a dwarf, but when you're only 173cm (5'6) tall in a group where every other member is between 180-188cm, you're going to look way shorter by comparison!

And there are many other short Asian men who are short and are still major hearthrobes or have no trouble dating women, and getting women to want to sleep with them, because they're charming, funny, and a blast to spend time with.

 

 

And that's true. I'm 5'7'', I'm an ethnic Southern European through my great-grandfathers bloodline, also I have Greek blood, Gypsy blood and Turkish blood and I'm surrounded by 5'11'' + men and there's still enough girls for me to meet. Because women have a wide variety of men they are sexually attracted to, so go out there and meet girls and stop comparing yourself to other men.

 

It's not cause I'm Asian. It's cause I'm not attractive. If a white woman doesn't want to date me cause she doesn't find me attractive ,it doesn't make her a racist.

Then maybe you should realize that attractive people want attractive people and that you should consider dating women who match you in looks, and if you aren't attracted to women who are the female equivalent of what you look like - hire escorts or move to Asia and buy yourself a wife, I dunno what to tell you dude. Edited October 26, 2018 by sabaton

[Chilli]

But isn't shooting too high standing still in the end anyway?

Sorry man but l don't get the analogy. lt's as much mutually liking each other, being into each other, as anything, without that you have nothing between you in the end. But that could be anyone, any package , ya gotta stay open to that.

 

ps , that was a joke btw Brigit but eh , l can't complain.

[sabaton]

Pretty has never usually been enough for me, pretty is useless if she cant have a conversation but more and more I going to chase an experience, I want to take someone out who is absolutely stunning, she must make people turn and look, I have done this once before and it was really nice, though I was lucky in that she had the whole package but also a bf...

Unrealistic standards results in people ending up alone. And that makes no sense to me at all. why do you want a super model of a girlfriend?

 

 

 

Do you know how many guys are trying to get with her and the kind of competition you're up against? A pretty girl - who is already far better looking than most women btw - isn't enough because you're trying to impress other men by wanting to date a girl who is as gorgeous as Sara Sampaio.

 

 

I don't see anything wrong it at all. Its their choice. Its like the really sweet guy trying to compete with the rich overweight narcissist. He stands no chance because the allure of money and glamour makes it worth putting up with, versus the normal sweet guy who doesn't have that economic advantage.

Catfishing is wrong. Making oneself look to be someone else, let it that be in terms of looks, height, muscularity, age, social status, money or whatever else, is severely wrong.

 

 

There's millions of women in the world. Some women will go for Donald Trump over a guy who isn't rich, but there's also an immense number of women that don't care about money all that much, only that he makes enough to support himself.

 

 

I'd rather spend life trying to make a fantasy reality than living it with "oh well that's my level I cant do better".

 

 

The more guys think like that and take themselves off the dating world, the easier it becomes for the rest of the guys - so thank you. In the name of every other guy in the world who doesn't need a girl to be a 18 year old Angelina Jolie to be attracted to her

Edited October 26, 2018 by sabaton

[elaine567]

But isn't shooting too high standing still in the end anyway?

 

Good point, where does he then go from there?

 

lt's as much mutually liking each other, being into each other, as anything, without that you have nothing between you in the end. But that could be anyone, any package , ya gotta stay open to that.

I don't think we have got anywhere close to that here, it is all apparently stuck at the first meet stage, and goes nowhere...

[sabaton]

Good point, where does he then go from there?

 

 

He can start by lowering his standards. How can he do this? he can stop watching porn/masturbating to porn, and go at it for a long period of time and the women he wasn't attracted to before will suddenly start looking like hotties.

[elaine567]

I disagree, one would never accept any level at all, one should always look to surpass that and keep going, to accept a level is to accept standing still and history is littered with examples of what happened when people did exactly that.

 

But isn't shooting too high standing still in the end anyway?

Sorry man but l don't get the analogy.

 

The point being that even if he reaches "the top", he will have to stand sitll as there is nowhere else to go...

 

He can start by lowering his standards. How can he do this? he can stop watching porn/masturbating to porn, and go at it for a long period of time and the women he wasn't attracted to before will suddenly start looking like hotties.

 

ZA dater doesn't *want* to lower his standards, he has made that very plain over years on the forum, but we keep trying....

Trouble is that "stunning head turner", he mentioned is probably K, his work colleague and long term crush, who he attended some work dinner with a while ago.

She is his perfect woman, so not only is he a struggler he has a bad case of "oneitis" and we need to add a touch of "unrequited love" too...I suggest no-one else is really good enough... but she has the "classic" popular and fit bf.

I guess she likes the attention but has never really expressed any true romantic interest in ZA Dater apparently.

He also due to his interest and involvement in super cars, is often in the presence of models, so there is that too...

[ZA Dater]

But isn't shooting too high standing still in the end anyway?

Sorry man but l don't get the analogy. lt's as much mutually liking each other, being into each other, as anything, without that you have nothing between you in the end. But that could be anyone, any package , ya gotta stay open to that.

 

ps , that was a joke btw Brigit but eh , l can't complain.

 

 

 

I still disagree. There is a double standard being advocated here, ladies, they must wait till they find someone they like. Guys, well even if you don't like the person you should try to like them because well, they like you.

 

 

If there is no mutual attraction the entire thing falls flat for me and yes I have been out with people I didn't find attractive, gave them the benefit of the doubt and didn't find them any more attractive after meeting them.

 

 

The point is if you cannot have what you like doesn't mean you must have what you don't want. People can look at why they struggle BUT I think there is one universal truth, struggling guys never get attention, struggling ladies CAN get attention, simply because there is always some desperate guy happy to give them that attention. The reverse is never true in my opinion.

 

 

I never mentioned models either but I happen to like tall and athletic but I wouldn't say no to shorter and curvy both need to have exceptional personalities.

 

 

The best thing OP is to simply find anything in life to like, treasure each day, I will forever regret not getting the experiences I wanted so badly in terms of dating but I don't regret life itself because of those disappointments. You need to keep positive, its a brutal thing rejection but I keep saying you only need one win to wipe out all rejection, how you choose to define that is up to you.

[sabaton]

The point being that even if he reaches "the top", he will have to stand sitll as there is nowhere else to go...

So what does he want? Does he want a girlfriend he's attracted to at all, or he just wants to get the hottest girl there is?

 

ZA dater doesn't *want* to lower his standards, he has made that very plain over years on the forum, but we keep trying....

Then he should focus on becoming wealthy, and then marry a girl who is extremely stunning who doesn't mind that he's not in her league.

 

 

 

Trouble is that "stunning head turner", he mentioned is probably K, his work colleague and long term crush, who he attended some work dinner with a while ago.

Oh... he has a long-term crush on a woman who isn't interested in him, and who has a boyfriend. That ain't good. Maybe he should get a new job and leave this situation behind him.

 

 

 

She is his perfect woman, so not only is he a struggler he has a bad case of "oneitis" and we need to add a touch of "unrequited love" too...I suggest no-one else is really good enough... but she has the "classic" popular and fit bf.

Then why isn't ZA Dater in the gym working hard on becoming aesthetic like Henry Cavill in the movie Immortals(2011)and then going for girls who are as attractive as the girl he has a crush on?

 

 

 

 

 

I guess she likes the attention but has never really expressed any true romantic interest in ZA Dater apparently.

Oh, I know that feeling. If that girl is anything like this girl I went to college with. She would come after me, flirt with me, either with words or by acting ''sexy'' like, we're sitting on the campus area reserved for the coffee shop,

 

 

and then she takes hold of her skirt and pulls it over and up while looking at me, letting me see the string of her panties, and smiling, and other stuff that would give the indication that she was into me - only for me to hit on her and for her to tell me she has a boyfriend

 

 

But I don't know the girl ZA dater is interested in. I don't know if she's a tease like my ex-classmate was, or if the girl was never a tease, never led him on, never flirted with him, and just talked to him like she'd talk to any other guy and he got it in his head that they went on a date when to her, it was a just a dinner between co-workers.

 

 

 

He also due to his interest and involvement in super cars, is often in the presence of models, so there is that too...

haha, there are models, and then there are models.

 

 

 

You see models who look like nothing out of the ordinary and that are more than open to dating the guy who doesn't look like the cover page of the Men's Health fitness magazine, and then there are models who look like Joana Duarte who at the age of 35 looks hotter and younger than most 20 year old women - that sort of model requires you to look like Jon Kortajarena, or for you to be rich for them to consider sleeping with you/dating you.

[ZA Dater]

The point being that even if he reaches "the top", he will have to stand sitll as there is nowhere else to go...

 

 

 

ZA dater doesn't *want* to lower his standards, he has made that very plain over years on the forum, but we keep trying....

Trouble is that "stunning head turner", he mentioned is probably K, his work colleague and long term crush, who he attended some work dinner with a while ago.

She is his perfect woman, so not only is he a struggler he has a bad case of "oneitis" and we need to add a touch of "unrequited love" too...I suggest no-one else is really good enough... but she has the "classic" popular and fit bf.

I guess she likes the attention but has never really expressed any true romantic interest in ZA Dater apparently.

He also due to his interest and involvement in super cars, is often in the presence of models, so there is that too...

 

 

 

I am quite happy in the friend zone with her, he makes her happy and that's good enough for me. I enjoy spending time with her so for me that's a win, I can see being rejected as negative or I can see having a friend I wouldn't normally have as a positive. That she comes to events is a bonus, that we work on events together is nice. Her bf is actually round, bald and unfit and unemployed. She fits the chubby description well too.

 

 

Lowering of standard, will not happen ever. NOBODY should ever do that in my view unless there expectations are unrealistic to begin with, neither mine nor the OP seem to be unrealistic.

 

 

K doesn't turn heads at all, her intellect does turn heads though as does her knowledge and vocab.

 

 

I refuse to believe what I want to achieve is impossible, if I did, Id find life quite a sad place to be. Yes, the odds of it happening are not the best but either be positive or be negative. Yes, like any guy who struggles I walk around wondering "what if".

 

 

I did try my luck with a secretary the other day, unsurprisingly she was not single, the only way I could even get into a conversation was because of a mutual interest.

 

 

Being shy and being unable to make people laugh are the two biggest dating killers in my opinion, all the guys I know who do well are outgoing, humorous, they at least get dates.

[sabaton]

I still disagree. There is a double standard being advocated here, ladies, they must wait till they find someone they like. Guys, well even if you don't like the person you should try to like them because well, they like you.

 

 

If the guy can't attract any woman he's attracted to, it's because he's going for women out of his league.

 

 

 

There's another website that I visit that it's mostly visited by young men, and not a day goes by without dudes saying that they are going to end up alone because they are not attractive, and then they mention how the girl they want to sleep with is dating a 6'4'' chiseled greek god with the face of a young Adonis.

 

 

Sorry, dudes, but doesn't that kinda imply that the girl who is sleeping with literally a son of Zeus is.... as attractive as he is, or close to it?

 

 

Many young guys have a hard time wanting women who are way out of their league.

 

 

 

The point is if you cannot have what you like doesn't mean you must have what you don't want. People can look at why they struggle BUT I think there is one universal truth, struggling guys never get attention,

 

 

Struggling guys GET attention. They get plenty of female attention. The problem is that the attention they get comes from women they aren't attracted to.

 

 

And why aren't they attracted to those women? Because they feel they deserve young, attractive, fit girls with extrovert personalities and who love make-up, and perfumes and all that sort of feminine stuff.

 

 

 

Struggling guys only struggle because they want to struggle. Either date the women who want them, or don't date at all.

 

 

 

There's lots of porn a guy can watch, and there's escorts the guy can use the services of, or he can work on himself and improve himself to the point the women he wants begin to notice him.

 

 

 

struggling ladies CAN get attention, simply because there is always some desperate guy happy to give them that attention. The reverse is never true in my opinion.

 

 

I met guys in college who were not attractive at all and they got plenty of female attention. There's more to a man's attractiveness(and a woman's) than just his looks.

 

 

 

I never mentioned models either but I happen to like tall and athletic but I wouldn't say no to shorter and curvy both need to have exceptional personalities.

 

 

And are you tall and atheletic? Or average-height/not abnormaly short and fit?

 

Are you handsome or funny or charming or do you have anything else that would sexually appeal to the women you want that are literally considered to be the most attractive women in the world regardless of where that place in the world is?

[sabaton]

I am quite happy in the friend zone with her, he makes her happy and that's good enough for me.

You are quite happy being the guy who gives her attention, takes care of her emotional needs, and you're content with being the guy she complains to about her boyfriend when it's that guy who sleeps with her while you get nothing at all in return?

 

 

 

 

 

I enjoy spending time with her so for me that's a win,

That makes no sense to me. If a woman isn't interested in me and I'm extremely attracted to her I'm going to suffer from this uh, condition, called blue balls that prevents me from feeling comfortable around her.

 

 

 

 

 

I can see being rejected as negative or I can see having a friend I wouldn't normally have as a positive. That she comes to events is a bonus, that we work on events together is nice. Her bf is actually round, bald and unfit and unemployed. She fits the chubby description well too.

Okay, I'm confused. You talked about the girl being stunning and tall. But her boyfreind overweight, bald, and nothing special in terms of facial aesthetics? And he doesn't have a job? And she is overweight herself and you are pinning after someone who isn't single? Why??

 

There's tons of women out there for you to meet, who are single and wanting to date. Go talk to them.

[ZA Dater]

So what does he want? Does he want a girlfriend he's attracted to at all, or he just wants to get the hottest girl there is?

 

 

Then he should focus on becoming wealthy, and then marry a girl who is extremely stunning who doesn't mind that he's not in her league.

 

 

 

 

Oh... he has a long-term crush on a woman who isn't interested in him, and who has a boyfriend. That ain't good. Maybe he should get a new job and leave this situation behind him.

 

 

 

 

Then why isn't ZA Dater in the gym working hard on becoming aesthetic like Henry Cavill in the movie Immortals(2011)and then going for girls who are as attractive as the girl he has a crush on?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, I know that feeling. If that girl is anything like this girl I went to college with. She would come after me, flirt with me, either with words or by acting ''sexy'' like, we're sitting on the campus area reserved for the coffee shop,

 

 

and then she takes hold of her skirt and pulls it over and up while looking at me, letting me see the string of her panties, and smiling, and other stuff that would give the indication that she was into me - only for me to hit on her and for her to tell me she has a boyfriend

 

 

But I don't know the girl ZA dater is interested in. I don't know if she's a tease like my ex-classmate was, or if the girl was never a tease, never led him on, never flirted with him, and just talked to him like she'd talk to any other guy and he got it in his head that they went on a date when to her, it was a just a dinner between co-workers.

 

 

 

 

haha, there are models, and then there are models.

 

 

 

You see models who look like nothing out of the ordinary and that are more than open to dating the guy who doesn't look like the cover page of the Men's Health fitness magazine, and then there are models who look like Joana Duarte who at the age of 35 looks hotter and younger than most 20 year old women - that sort of model requires you to look like Jon Kortajarena, or for you to be rich for them to consider sleeping with you/dating you.

 

 

 

I just simply want to be liked by someone I like for the change. But I'll take the a few good dates, perhaps someone who doesn't judge me for not having dated, perhaps someone who can add value and make me want to be better.

 

 

K is a friend, she has never been interested in me in any other way and wont ever be. But I guess with her I can live vicariously and pretend I do have a gf when I am around her so I get some of the benefit of not being all alone all of the time.

 

 

OP can feel better because I am 5.9, slim and fit and yet.....still don't do well, because I am shy, I have never approached anyone and doubt I would ever be able to.

 

 

I am pretty much doomed because while not knowing how to flirt and date is acceptable at 25 its doesn't really work at 35 and nobody is going to pick me over an experienced guy. That's just the reality.

[elaine567]

Her bf is actually round, bald and unfit and unemployed. .

~

Sorry I remembered wrongly I thought he was a rugby player with a host of friends. Is this a different bf?

[ZA Dater]

If the guy can't attract any woman he's attracted to, it's because he's going for women out of his league.

 

 

 

There's another website that I visit that it's mostly visited by young men, and not a day goes by without dudes saying that they are going to end up alone because they are not attractive, and then they mention how the girl they want to sleep with is dating a 6'4'' chiseled greek god with the face of a young Adonis.

 

 

Sorry, dudes, but doesn't that kinda imply that the girl who is sleeping with literally a son of Zeus is.... as attractive as he is, or close to it?

 

 

Many young guys have a hard time wanting women who are way out of their league.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Struggling guys GET attention. They get plenty of female attention. The problem is that the attention they get comes from women they aren't attracted to.

 

 

And why aren't they attracted to those women? Because they feel they deserve young, attractive, fit girls with extrovert personalities and who love make-up, and perfumes and all that sort of feminine stuff.

 

 

 

Struggling guys only struggle because they want to struggle. Either date the women who want them, or don't date at all.

 

 

 

There's lots of porn a guy can watch, and there's escorts the guy can use the services of, or he can work on himself and improve himself to the point the women he wants begin to notice him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I met guys in college who were not attractive at all and they got plenty of female attention. There's more to a man's attractiveness(and a woman's) than just his looks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And are you tall and atheletic? Or average-height/not abnormaly short and fit?

 

Are you handsome or funny or charming or do you have anything else that would sexually appeal to the women you want that are literally considered to be the most attractive women in the world regardless of where that place in the world is?

 

 

 

I don't believe in leagues. People put people down, some of the most successful people I know started from nothing, in my mind dating is the same

 

 

Funny that struggling women are told never to settle yet its ok for guys to do so? Double standards much?

 

 

Escorts, I have actually take two to dinner before and found them far more worldly interesting people than miss average who pretty much live some bubble and has very little knowledge of the outside world. One of the most impressive nice people I have ever met was a Romanian stripper, I was 23 at the time, she took me out for an evening, just normal things, went to a bar, had dinner, it was a nice date, she was lovely, lots of world knowledge, very confident, happy in her own skin. I saw her for the person she was rather than what she looked like she and she didn't judge me. Unfortunately with the greatest of respect the others I went out with simply were not interesting at all in comparison and I was judged from the very first minute.

 

 

I am 5.9, tall, slim, blond, blue eyes but shy and introverted unless I have some confidence to feed off.

[sabaton]

I just simply want to be liked by someone I like for the change.

Dating isn't easy.

 

 

I knew guys who looked like a young DiCaprio who have gone years without girls liking them for more than just sex, and I've known guys who were just average-looking guys who got themselves a girlfriend who was crazy about them, when they themselves were crazy about the girl at the age of 18. It's all so random, it's all about luck in many cases.

 

 

And of course the more a guy puts himself out there - the more he increases his chances of finding what he's looking for.

 

 

 

 

 

But I'll take the a few good dates, perhaps someone who doesn't judge me for not having dated, perhaps someone who can add value and make me want to be better.

No one is going to figure out you aren't experienced.

 

 

No one is thinking about, ''oh, I wonder how many girls this guy has slept with?'' Women will take what they feel when they're around you, how comfortable you are with them and with yourself and they'll base their desire to see you again or not on that.

 

 

K is a friend, she has never been interested in me in any other way and wont ever be. But I guess with her I can live vicariously and pretend I do have a gf when I am around her so I get some of the benefit of not being all alone all of the time.

Listen, life is t0o short for us to waste it on someone who isn't interested in us, and having a severe crush on someone happens to all of us, and no matter how much we feel that girl is the one for us when she clearly isn't interested in us results only in massive personal frustration and feelings of being inadequate.

 

 

 

I'm sure K is a wonderful person and that you enjoy spending time with her, but the more in contact you are with her the more emotional torture you're putting yourself through even if you don't feel like it is - it is. Seeing someone you are so attracted to kissing the guy she loves, or talking about him and about how happy she is with him..

 

 

That's torture, and what's the point? There's millions of women in the world. Millions of possible relationships that will be mutually satisfying for you and for the woman you become involved with.

 

 

 

OP can feel better because I am 5.9, slim and fit and yet.....still don't do well, because I am shy, I have never approached anyone and doubt I would ever be able to.

But you don't understand? You don't have to approach anyone. Life makes it so that dating opportunities will always spring up, if you take it upon yourself to become as social as possible, even if you are shy, opportunities will present themselves.

 

 

 

Listen, years ago, the City I was visiting decided to go on strike, the subway at least, and I didn't know that. So I'm there waiting for a train that takes an hour to arrive, and when it arrives it's packed full like we're sardines in a can.

 

 

 

I'm pressed against the wall and there's this girl who looks so uncomfortable, like she can't breathe because of how many people are around her. I just leaned over and said, ''Miss, are you feeling well?''

 

 

She giggled and very shyly said that she was, and when we arrived, and concidence had it that we were both going to the same place, she pointed at a restaurant and said that she usually eats there everyday.

 

 

Guess who showed up the next day there at lunch time?

 

 

I am pretty much doomed because while not knowing how to flirt and date is acceptable at 25 its doesn't really work at 35 and nobody is going to pick me over an experienced guy. That's just the reality.

 

 

But flirting isn't a science that you have to spend decades studying. Flirting is like how you talk to your guy friends. You banter, you joke around, you just talk and if there's chemistry the girl will feel that anything you say is funnier than a dave chappelle stand-up routine.

 

 

Man, you are not old at all. Your life isn't over just because you didn't spend the last 10 years dating and hooking-up with girls, and no one is taught how to talk to girls. Guys just figure out with time and effort, and it's never too late to start.

Edited October 26, 2018 by sabaton

[ZA Dater]

You are quite happy being the guy who gives her attention, takes care of her emotional needs, and you're content with being the guy she complains to about her boyfriend when it's that guy who sleeps with her while you get nothing at all in return?

 

 

 

 

 

 

That makes no sense to me. If a woman isn't interested in me and I'm extremely attracted to her I'm going to suffer from this uh, condition, called blue balls that prevents me from feeling comfortable around her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I'm confused. You talked about the girl being stunning and tall. But her boyfreind overweight, bald, and nothing special in terms of facial aesthetics? And he doesn't have a job? And she is overweight herself and you are pinning after someone who isn't single? Why??

 

There's tons of women out there for you to meet, who are single and wanting to date. Go talk to them.

 

 

Yeah sure tons...I have never met one who wanted me ever. All can choose of more stereotypical better guys than me.

 

 

Stunning and tall is my ideal, she is ideal because of her personality which I really, really like. I have chased trying to find a personality like that but its fruitless so I may as well just chase looks only and try make the best of whatever sort of personality accompanies them. The reality is a 35yo never dated, never kissed guy isn't going to have any attraction to anyone but the most desperate person who themselves have no options.

 

 

My expectations are modest, honestly I'd settle for a nice dinner. Maybe take some interest in me but what I generally never really connect with people ever, I have less than five friends so that pretty much tells the story.

 

 

What I get from her is friendship which I have never had with a lady before, I get support for our mutual projects and its just nice to keep building these projects. I get challenged which is also great, challenged to be better. So yes when I go and sit with an au pair and the most she can tell me about what a 5yo did on any given day, she cant relate to me and I cant relate to her. Or I sit and get asked why I don't do a b or c because everyone else does that. Mostly I never get asked anything at all.

[brigit87]

Escorts, I have actually take two to dinner before and found them far more worldly interesting people than miss average who pretty much live some bubble and has very little knowledge of the outside world. One of the most impressive nice people I have ever met was a Romanian stripper, I was 23 at the time, she took me out for an evening, just normal things, went to a bar, had dinner, it was a nice date, she was lovely, lots of world knowledge, very confident, happy in her own skin. I saw her for the person she was rather than what she looked like she and she didn't judge me. Unfortunately with the greatest of respect the others I went out with simply were not interesting at all in comparison and I was judged from the very first minute.

 

 

I am 5.9, tall, slim, blond, blue eyes but shy and introverted unless I have some confidence to feed off.

 

OK, so maybe escorts are the way to go for you. You pick someone pretty and interesting and pay them.

[sabaton]

I don't believe in leagues. People put people down, some of the most successful people I know started from nothing, in my mind dating is the same

 

 

Some of the most successful people you know started from nothing? What do you mean? in their careers?

 

 

Yes, but when it comes to dating when there's a genuine sexual attraction between them, and not a situation where there's profit to be made from thating that person $ - leagues do exist.

 

 

Sajal Aly, is not going to date me because I don't look like the men that she's used to being around, the men who are as sexually attractive as she is, no matter how good my career is(which I don't have, a career) because what would be the point of dating me when she can have rich, handsome as hell men?

 

 

 

 

Funny that struggling women are told never to settle yet its ok for guys to do so? Double standards much?

 

 

It's men who complain a lot more about not getting women than women who complain about not being able of finding a mate. Guys get violent even if it's just in words, while girls are more chill about it and find other stuff to worry about.

 

 

 

Escorts, I have actually take two to dinner before and found them far more worldly interesting people than miss average who pretty much live some bubble and has very little knowledge of the outside world.

 

 

That's because escorts aren't just there for sex, but to provide a girlfriend experience to the guys who will take them out on a date/social event/work convention.

 

 

 

 

I am 5.9, tall, slim, blond, blue eyes but shy and introverted unless I have some confidence to feed off.

 

 

 

 

There you go bro, I'm sure lots of women find you to be attractive. You just need to work on becoming more comfortable with yourself and then go out and talk to girls, dating apps, dating coaches, social events made for bachelors, or ask your friends to introduce you to their single friends.

[ZA Dater]

Dating isn't easy.

 

 

I knew guys who looked like a young DiCaprio who have gone years without girls liking them for more than just sex, and I've known guys who were just average-looking guys who got themselves a girlfriend who was crazy about them, when they themselves were crazy about the girl at the age of 18. It's all so random, it's all about luck in many cases.

 

 

And of course the more a guy puts himself out there - the more he increases his chances of finding what he's looking for.

 

 

 

 

 

No one is going to figure out you aren't experienced.

 

 

No one is thinking about, ''oh, I wonder how many girls this guy has slept with?'' Women will take what they feel when they're around you, how comfortable you are with them and with yourself and they'll base their desire to see you again or not on that.

 

 

Listen, life is t0o short for us to waste it on someone who isn't interested in us, and having a severe crush on someone happens to all of us, and no matter how much we feel that girl is the one for us when she clearly isn't interested in us results only in massive personal frustration and feelings of being inadequate.

 

 

 

I'm sure K is a wonderful person and that you enjoy spending time with her, but the more in contact you are with her the more emotional torture you're putting yourself through even if you don't feel like it is - it is. Seeing someone you are so attracted to kissing the guy she loves, or talking about him and about how happy she is with him..

 

 

That's torture, and what's the point? There's millions of women in the world. Millions of possible relationships that will be mutually satisfying for you and for the woman you become involved with.

 

 

 

But you don't understand? You don't have to approach anyone. Life makes it so that dating opportunities will always spring up, if you take it upon yourself to become as social as possible, even if you are shy, opportunities will present themselves.

 

 

 

Listen, years ago, the City I was visiting decided to go on strike, the subway at least, and I didn't know that. So I'm there waiting for a train that takes an hour to arrive, and when it arrives it's packed full like we're sardines in a can.

 

 

 

I'm pressed against the wall and there's this girl who looks so uncomfortable, like she can't breathe because of how many people are around her. I just leaned over and said, ''Miss, are you feeling well?''

 

 

She giggled and very shyly said that she was, and when we arrived, and concidence had it that we were both going to the same place, she pointed at a restaurant and said that she usually eats there everyday.

 

 

Guess who showed up the next day there at lunch time?

 

 

 

 

 

But flirting isn't a science that you have to spend decades studying. Flirting is like how you talk to your guy friends. You banter, you joke around, you just talk and if there's chemistry the girl will feel that anything you say is funnier than a dave chappelle stand-up routine.

 

 

Man, you are not old at all. Your life isn't over just because you didn't spend the last 10 years dating and hooking-up with girls, and no one is taught how to talk to girls. Guys just figure out with time and effort, and it's never too late to start.

 

 

 

They figure out I am useless at dating very quickly because I am so awkward, no matter how hard I try to hide this its always there, be it an awkward hug.

 

 

I get most of what I want from K, what I don't get is the infinite irritation of meeting yet more apathetic people and going on yet more awkward dates which never go anywhere because there is never anything in common or because the person is incapable of talking on more than half a dozen subjects. The reality is I don't find most people that interesting, as I said I found the stripper interesting because of her outlook on life and her approach to people which was very warm and friendly.

 

 

Social, like doing what exactly, I can go for a run on the beach, nobody will talk to me, the tall brunette running past me, why bother she wont be single and if she were there are better guys out there than me. Remember guys who struggle have no confidence gained from success.

 

 

Guy friends, I have perhaps 3 of them one isn't interested in dating, the other is married and the other can get any girl he wants by virtue of looks, charm and success. I don't joke around, because when I do it dry humour which people don't get anyway.

 

 

I agree in theory on K but there is nobody else out there for me and she fills some of that void I feel most days.

[ZA Dater]

 

 

That's because escorts aren't just there for sex, but to provide a girlfriend experience to the guys who will take them out on a date/social event/work convention.

 

 

There you go bro, I'm sure lots of women find you to be attractive. You just need to work on becoming more comfortable with yourself and then go out and talk to girls, dating apps, dating coaches, social events made for bachelors, or ask your friends to introduce you to their single friends.

 

 

They don't find me attractive because of my face, well that's what I think anyway based on how I do when I don't show my face its remarkable how much more interest I get.

 

 

I am fine with being me but I just know they aren't into me so I don't bother do anything at all, I'll go on Tinder and try match, which I wont with anyone vaguely attractive. I have NEVER been complimented on a conventional date EVER.

 

 

Why would they be into me when they can get guys with lots of friends, great social lives, who drink and have fun. Why pick me a guy with no social life, few friends and who is not fun? I can choose to wallow and be sad about this or I can simply live my life and enjoy what I enjoy with the knowledge I am unlikely to ever date. Logically there is no reason to pick me, even less when these sort of girls have tons of choice to begin with.

[ZA Dater]

I often thing the solution for struggling guys would be for one person, just one to actually boost their confidence with a good experience. Lets be honest a person can take only so many bad experiences.

 

 

A friend of mine can pick his dates and he moans he dating life is bad, he has lots of interest whereas I have none. Successful dating people don't realise how bad it can be for others.

 

 

For years I believed in giving people a chance but actually I accomplished nothing doing this because all I ended up doing was throwing my hands metaphorically up in despair such were the people I was meeting.

[Mike800]

Lee Tae-il, known as Taeil from the South Korean boy band Block B is 5'5'' and he's.. in a boy band, which means he's considered to be highly attractive by girls because who do you think is the major demographics for BOYBANDS?

 

The South Korean singer, who is very popular in Asia, Woozi, from the boy band Seventeen is 5'3'' and there's lots of girls throwing themselves at him.

 

 

Jonghyun, from the incredibly popular band SHINee, stands at 5'6'' and he can't go anywhere without girls trying to take him home.

 

 

And there are many other short Asian men who are short and are still major hearthrobes or have no trouble dating women, and getting women to want to sleep with them, because they're charming, funny, and a blast to spend time with.

 

 

And that's true. I'm 5'7'', I'm an ethnic Southern European through my great-grandfathers bloodline, also I have Greek blood, Gypsy blood and Turkish blood and I'm surrounded by 5'11'' + men and there's still enough girls for me to meet. Because women have a wide variety of men they are sexually attracted to, so go out there and meet girls and stop comparing yourself to other men.

 

Then maybe you should realize that attractive people want attractive people and that you should consider dating women who match you in looks, and if you aren't attracted to women who are the female equivalent of what you look like - hire escorts or move to Asia and buy yourself a wife, I dunno what to tell you dude.

 

You’re treating attraction very robotically by saying people must get with their exact physical equivalent as if that’s easy to tell anyway.

 

I’ve dated women better looking then me and vice versa.

 

If he’s going after just models I agree that’s probably not gonna work but to say don’t approach women even a little better looking then yourself is just wrong..

 

Human beings are complex..I’ve been harshly rejected by women who were nothing to write home about physically and I was objectively probably better looking then them and had women while no models but pretty women extremely into me.

 

Attraction isn’t a mathematical formula where only your physical equivalent this is gonna be into you.