newyorker11356 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) This was part of my point in my OP. Imagine how foolish a guy would feel to drop hundreds of dollars paying for both meals, only to have the girl text him later saying she just “doesn’t feel a spark”. I’ve read threads describing this situation. Never pay for your date’s meal. Guess what? That is dating in a nutshell. If you're really worried about that, then do drinks as a first date, which is cheaper, or some other cheap/free date. Nobody (man or woman) is obligated to go out with you again just because you spent money on them. I've done just fine paying for my date's meal (as have most guys/people around the world). Has it always meant that sometimes a woman doesn't feel the spark? Sure, but that would have happened regardless of what kind of date it was. Which is why I usually don't always do dinner as a first date, but when I do, I always pay. Even if I have no plans to see the woman again myself. Edited March 16, 2018 by newyorker11356 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Days later, I peek in and this thread is still going strong. If only OP’s dates had that kind of lasting power. Lol. Ok, question. What does the title mean that he has an ‘experiment’ for LS? I’m thinking this thread might be a joke to wind everyone up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I gave a relationship a shot and she suddenly decided to ghost for three days only to come back and try to pretend nothing happened. I gave her another shot, then she ghosted again. After that I said, “I’m never doing this relationship thing again.” From then on, no strings attached sex only. So you're gonna throw this tantrum forever? Is it working for you? Why aren't you answering whether or not you inform women ahead of time that you're only looking for sex? Perhaps because you actually DO want a relationship? But your insecurity is falsely informing you that unless a girl spreads her legs on the first date she's going to ghost you forever? Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I gave a relationship a shot and she suddenly decided to ghost for three days only to come back and try to pretend nothing happened. I gave her another shot, then she ghosted again. After that I said, “I’m never doing this relationship thing again.” From then on, no strings attached sex only. Fair enough, thanks for the reply. It does sound like a dysfunctional relationship and it must be hard to regain trust after something like that, I agree. Do you not think, though, with a little of perspective, that you are 'punishing' all women for what this one woman did it to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I gave a relationship a shot and she suddenly decided to ghost for three days only to come back and try to pretend nothing happened. I gave her another shot, then she ghosted again. After that I said, “I’m never doing this relationship thing again.” From then on, no strings attached sex only. You had one fail and you're out? Doesn't say much for your resilience. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 This was part of my point in my OP. Imagine how foolish a guy would feel to drop hundreds of dollars paying for both meals, only to have the girl text him later saying she just “doesn’t feel a spark”. I’ve read threads describing this situation. Never pay for your date’s meal. On a first date it's best to keep things low cost. However, never is ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Days later, I peek in and this thread is still going strong. If only OP’s dates had that kind of lasting power. Lol. Ok, question. What does the title mean that he has an ‘experiment’ for LS? I’m thinking this thread might be a joke to wind everyone up. I honestly thought this was an experiment where OP throws out some insane standard just to see how many people get triggered. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 There's been several threads lately where guys have been strung along for multiple dates even though the girl had no intention of ever going to bed with them. As I've said to my friends on LS before, unless a woman gives up sex on the first date, sex will never occur in most cases. I've also said that dates are an awful drain financially and psychologically, if sex isn't on the menu. Last night I had what was an okay get together as far as dates go with woman I met on tinder. We met at a sushi restaurant. The girl told me she had great time, but she had to head on home to finish some work related project. She suggested that we get together at my place the next night (tonight) to watch a movie. I said sounds good. Of course when I followed up with her this evening, she said she couldn't make it, which frankly I predicted would happen the minute I climbed back into my car the night before. I predicted I would never see her again. I said, well if she were interested, there would've been sex tonight. I was right. On the one hand, I feel awful, because I dropped probably $20 on the meal (thank God we went dutch), and no sex occurred . Nothing to show for all that time, effort and money. It's money and time I will never get back . On the other though, I'm somewhat glad because I'm able to cut ties with her before wasting any more dollars on senseless dates that lead nowhere. This is how I recommend guys reading this view this type of date before they waste energy falling into despair or worse attempting to set up another date with a woman who is lukewarm about them. My point is, this is exactly what I've been talking about when I say sex should occur early on. I welcome any questions. I have to admit you are the first guy I have heard complain about the cost of a meal they bought themselves on a Dutch date. Next time I suggest you order a side salad and water. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 Days later, I peek in and this thread is still going strong. If only OP’s dates had that kind of lasting power. Lol. Ok, question. What does the title mean that he has an ‘experiment’ for LS? I’m thinking this thread might be a joke to wind everyone up. I've been saying for months that if a woman doesn't agree to sex within 1-2 dates, sex will never occur in most cases. That's the hypothesis. People told me I was nuts for believing that and offering that advice to guys who are going on multiple dates with women who are lukewarm about them. The experience I described in my OP backed that up. In the back of my mind as I was on this date, I thought "If sex doesn't occur tonight, she probably isn't interested and sex will never occur." I couldn't have been more accurate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 You had one fail and you're out? Doesn't say much for your resilience. I let her into my life and she betrayed me. I never want to experience that again, so I like to limit things to sex. Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 You need to get sex the old fashioned way -- pay for it with your debit card. Craigslist casual encounters section and sensual massage parlors are what you're looking for. What you're describing isn't dating, it's prostitution. You're just cheaper than most Johns. Have you considered a onesome? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 I have to admit you are the first guy I have heard complain about the cost of a meal they bought themselves on a Dutch date. Next time I suggest you order a side salad and water. You have to understand that I hate dates. Most guys do. Setting a time, getting dressed, agreeing on a place, sitting across a table from someone tell boring stories about their boring lives isn't fun. I would never agree to a date unless I thought there might be sex at the end of the night. If I thought there was no chance of sex that night, I would've stayed home instead of driving downtown and spending my hard-earned money on eating out. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I let her into my life and she betrayed me. I never want to experience that again, so I like to limit things to sex. So how's that working for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coledvids Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 On the one hand, I feel awful, because I dropped probably $20 on the meal (thank God we went dutch), and no sex occurred . Nothing to show for all that time, effort and money. It's money and time I will never get back Sounds like you want to pay for sex. Hire a prostitute, then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 (edited) Got it - you tried to have a relationship once, failed miserably, so now you are throwing in the towel forever. Do you do this in other parts of your life? Give up after one failed attempt? Has this path been fulfilling for you? Makes you happy? You are fine with living alone for the rest of your life, never having a family, or a partner in life? No loneliness or other concerns? A bit during the occasional sex dry spell, but it's better than being involved with someone who just pretended to care about me. That's what that my last attempted relationship was and I'm not interested in repeating that experience. The way that ended just made me feel bad about myself, so I said "never again." Edited March 17, 2018 by Redguitar35 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Life is complicated. It is. As I age, however, I realize many a thing that was so clear before and that I didn't know way back when. And in the world, be it dating or otherwise, you will encounter a lot of people who you will get different vibes from. Some are bad, some are good. And that person doesn't feel the same way you do, or vice versa. My only true suggestion to you in these situations is to go out for a drink or coffee rather than a meal in order to save money. You might be better off financially rather spending on a meal if you are only going to be with a woman for one night and then she'll go poof. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 From your description of your date that prompted this post, you were bored with it. You didn't enjoy her, you didn't enjoy the date, the food, the ambiance...nothing. She was "okay." The entire date was doomed from the start. You didn't really like her. You just wanted to plant your penis somewhere, and through all that, you felt personally wounded and dejected you had to cover the cost of a meal and the time it takes to eat it. Poor you. You didn't enjoy the date, meeting someone, getting to know them, and then felt positively wounded and put out when you paid for your own meal and didn't even have to fork over any money for hers. You were nonplussed from the start...nothing was going to spring from the gate...she knew it, you knew it...she gave you platitude in order to eject herself...she knew you weren't interested in her personally. It wouldn't surprise me if you pushed things too far in the "goodnight kiss" in parking lot, trying to get a BJ or car sex, and this is when she planted the "netflix and chill" invitation...it worked. If you're only after hookups, you need to be clear on your profile as such, and be honest with your potential partner as such. I have encountered many who define this, and I appreciate their honesty, and I'm not up for it. Long-term, there is a friendship factor that is very important. You, as a couple, and a "team" and a unit, have to be on the same page, friends, conflict, disagreements, compromise, and friends. Sex is important, but sex doesn't always happen and can run dry, in addition to romance running dry...married people experience ruts, and you have to have that core of friendship and comraderie...you have to deal with with toilet paper and changing a tire and diapers and dog logs and why wasn't the electric bill paid, the car insurance doubled, we need to investigate a new plan...can someone find time to unload the dishwasher, and am I really the only one that knows to put the trash out on Thursday?...seriously?...and Bobby needs braces and yearbooks are running the cost of a mortgage, and your sister really needs to learn how to manage her life, I don't know why you need to save her from being a grownup, and the grass doesn't cut itself. There's just little sh*t in everyday life that you have to be friends over. Friends. If you're not interested in long-term, then be clear about the fact you only want "casual" and "hookups." You stated that after the first date, if there's sex, you might decide you're not happy with it, so you dump and never call again. The ONS is the very thing most women avoid. If you like me enough for a SECOND date, we'll consider some sex. I can't tell you how hot and bothered I am to "take me to bed" on the first date, but you have to like me enough as a person to want to see me two times, three times...if you're not interested in me as a brain and a human, and your only goal is my vagina, I'll take a pass. You seem really uninterested in these women as human beings and friends, you just want the sex. Just go for the sex. Be clear on the fact you only want "casual dating" or sex only. Don't compare apples to oranges. You don't want a relationship or long-term. The dynamics are different. Many men run away because if a woman sleeps with him on a first date, she sleeps with all her first dates, which isn't necessarily true, and it's a double standard, as he is also dipping his stick on a first date, but it is what it is, and this plays a role in whether or not first date sex happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Wave Rider Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 If your expectation for the date was to functionally trade money for sex, why didn’t you just hire a prostitute? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Not sure why everyone keeps bringing up prostitutes and him paying for sex. He made it clear, at least to me, that he wants sex for free. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 A bit during the occasional sex dry spell, but it's better than being involved with someone who just pretended to care about me. That's what that my last attempted relationship was and I'm not interested in repeating that experience. The way that ended just made me feel bad about myself, so I said "never again." Now we know what and why the real reason is that you think this way. Point is, you need therapy to get over this. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Yomachi Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I gave a relationship a shot and she suddenly decided to ghost for three days only to come back and try to pretend nothing happened. I gave her another shot, then she ghosted again. After that I said, “I’m never doing this relationship thing again.” From then on, no strings attached sex only. ...how long was this into the relationship? You realize that sometimes people are busy, and don't have the energy to respond to messages? Three days is annoying, but if it's at the start of the relationship I'd hardly count it as ghosting. You feel it's a betrayal when people don't immideately respond to your messages, which scars you so much that you turn off relationships completely. Not that relationships would be for you, because you seem incapable of enjoying someone else's company except for sex. Which is fine if you find like minded people, but you don't see how maybe your situation isn't really applicable to most people? We 100% believe you when you tell us that people can sense you didn't give a **** about them, so that if they don't have sex with you directly they will never. But generally functional human beings have a different experience. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 What a great experiment. Here is another: Dated: 20 1 date only: 12/20 2 or more dates: 8/20 Relationships: 4/20 1st date sex: 0/20 Eventual sex: 6/20 (give it about 5 dates) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeKid101 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 The only real relationship I had in college didn't end in sex on the first night... Now that I'm in grad school, I really respect girls that don't go to bed with me right away. I think it shows maturity and respect for themselves. I don't have much to say to you, OP. However, meaningless sex won't make you happy and if it does, kudos to you...But I doubt you'd be on LS if that were the case... Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Now we know what and why the real reason is that you think this way. Point is, you need therapy to get over this. Right. Now I just feel bad for him. He actually does want a relationship but has built this sex wall around himself because he's too afraid of getting hurt again. Therapy, OP. You won't get what you want (a relationship) until you heal some parts of yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
planb1973 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 You have to understand that I hate dates. Most guys do. Setting a time, getting dressed, agreeing on a place, sitting across a table from someone tell boring stories about their boring lives isn't fun. I would never agree to a date unless I thought there might be sex at the end of the night. If I thought there was no chance of sex that night, I would've stayed home instead of driving downtown and spending my hard-earned money on eating out. Most guys hate dates?!! First off stop lumping most guys in with your sh*** attitude towards dating. Dating can be fun when you get a good mindset around it. I personally love getting to know new people, and I have awesome stories to tell about my life while sitting across the table. Maybe that is your main problem. You find your life boring, hence the lack of success in dating. Even down to your disgust in spending $20 on your own meal 10 Link to post Share on other sites
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