newyorker11356 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 1-2 dates is reasonable, so you would have been fine. That says you were interested in him. Guess you must have also missed her post where she says she didn't have sex with a long-term boyfriend until the 5th date. Really, if nobody's experience changes your mind, then nothing will. There's no point to this thread since you'll believe whatever you want to believe based on cognitive dissonance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Plenty of people wait for 4-6 dates to have sex (and even after), and it happens. The main difference is all you're looking for is casual hooking up/sex. If I was just looking for that, then yeah, I would agree with you that I'd want sex within 1-2 dates. There’s too much focus on the hook up aspect. I don’t think relationships versus hook ups is important. I think this goes for either. I think there is no need for these guys we’ve read about to tolerate going out on dates with women who are still undecided about them for 4-6 dates. Early sex is a great way to weed out these women instead of investing all that time and money on dates that lead nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Something for me is if a guy wants, seriously wants, sex on a first date and you know they seriously want it but the option falls flat for them on the date then it's always all given away in flickered facial gestures and my impression of him is that he's desperate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 There’s too much focus on the hook up aspect. I don’t think relationships versus hook ups is important. I think this goes for either. I think there is no need for these guys we’ve read about to tolerate going out on dates with women who are still undecided about them for 4-6 dates. Early sex is a great way to weed out these women instead of investing all that time and money on dates that lead nowhere. That’s all I’ve got to say on this. Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 There’s too much focus on the hook up aspect. I don’t think relationships versus hook ups is important. I think this goes for either. I think there is no need for these guys we’ve read about to tolerate going out on dates with women who are still undecided about them for 4-6 dates. Early sex is a great way to weed out these women instead of investing all that time and money on dates that lead nowhere. Except early sex doesn't always mean anything. Plenty of people have had early sex, and the other person just disappeared afterward. The other person is disappointed since they were looking for a relationship, not just a hook-up or a one-night thing. Also, again, you seem to be ignoring the fact that plenty of people have waited for a few dates to have sex. Plenty of people (men and women) tend to be undecided within the first couple/few dates. It's perfectly normal to be so. Sure, it could mean the other person is ultimately not into you, but that's how dating is. You don't go out with a woman if she doesn't have sex with you in 1-2 dates tops, but you don't know if she eventually would have if you continued going out with her. Maybe on date 3 or 4, she would have. Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 That’s all I’ve got to say on this. And like I said, you clearly have a much different opinion on this than most of us that have experience that refutes your thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Early sex is a great way to weed out these women instead of investing all that time and money on dates that lead nowhere. What will sex on a 1st date teach you about a woman? A couple of times I had sex on a 1st date and it's not because I wanted to see them again or date them, I was just in the mood for it. Having sex on a 1st date will teach you nothing. It doesn't mean she's interested in you, doesn't mean she is compatible with you, or share any common interests or common values to build a relationship on. If you don't want to spend money on women then don't. I have never been on a 1st date that the man had to spend more than $5 for both of us together. First dates are at coffee shops or parks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 There’s too much focus on the hook up aspect. I don’t think relationships versus hook ups is important. I think this goes for either. I think there is no need for these guys we’ve read about to tolerate going out on dates with women who are still undecided about them for 4-6 dates. Early sex is a great way to weed out these women instead of investing all that time and money on dates that lead nowhere. Nope, it doesn't. And I'm wondering why you even care about this if you believe this to be true and only want hookups. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 If you don't want to spend money on women then don't. I have never been on a 1st date that the man had to spend more than $5 for both of us together. First dates are at coffee shops or parks. That’s almost worth making a whole new thread over. A guy should never pay for the woman’s meal on the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 That’s almost worth making a whole new thread over. A guy should never pay for the woman’s meal on the first date. Most women do NOT want to have dinner as a first date. We're meeting a stranger, it's not a date it's a first meeting. Chances are we won't like him then we will be stuck looking at him chew with his mouth open for 2 + hours. Restaurants are bad dates, in my book anyway. I don't like having a table in between us, our movements are limited, we're far apart. I much, much, much prefer a walk in a park and a stop at the ice cream. You are free to move and show your personality, you can more assess the other person's mannerisms etc. I remember a first date we met in a park by a lake, it was an amazing 1st date, we end up laying in the grass side by side and having a great time. Cost of the date? 2 bottles of orange juice he picked for us at the entrance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 That’s almost worth making a whole new thread over. A guy should never pay for the woman’s meal on the first date. I guess this is your new topic? Most guys pay for a woman's meal on the 1st date. I also do it because I want to, not because I have to. I also don't always do dinner or food as a 1st date. I usually tend to do drinks, but sometimes, it's been getting coffee/tea and then a walk in the park. That was one of my best first dates. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Like someone else said, this boils down to a communication issue. If Red is upfront in the beginning and makes it clear he's only interested in sex, and he'll only wait until the second meeting max, he won't end up being frustrated. If he's being deceitful and making women think he's interested in a relationship, then getting mad when they won't settle for just hookup sex, then that's on him. If he IS clear that he only wants sex and it's still not happening, either the woman lied about being down for that OR was turned off by him in some way so she changed her mind. I'd be willing to bet it's usually the latter. Red, I wish you'd answer whether or not you're telling these women up front that all you want is sex and not a relationship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 One of the main reasons women who wait wait is to filter out guys like you. It's like you're mad because they're not all $20 meal prostitutes. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
CatMinx Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I mean honestly, you’re not actually listening to any of the women who post real responses to what you’re complaining about anyway, so my new advice is to stock up on lube and expect a very long dry spell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 One of the main reasons women who wait wait is to filter out guys like you. It's like you're mad because they're not all $20 meal prostitutes. studies show that the better looking a woman is the longer she waits to have sex Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 There’s too much focus on the hook up aspect. I don’t think relationships versus hook ups is important. I think this goes for either. I think there is no need for these guys we’ve read about to tolerate going out on dates with women who are still undecided about them for 4-6 dates. Early sex is a great way to weed out these women instead of investing all that time and money on dates that lead nowhere. Doesn't it depend a little on the frequency of the dates? 4 dates in a month isn't the same as 2 dates a week? In any event, are you open to discussing this or you're just asserting this as a universal truth? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 On the one hand, I feel awful, because I dropped probably $20 on the meal (thank God we went dutch), and no sex occurred . Nothing to show for all that time, effort and money. It's money and time I will never get back . I welcome any questions. Did you not eat the sushi? You got what you paid for. Since you look at sex as an economic transaction, what do you feel it is worth? An hour or so of your time? How much is an hour or so of your time worth? What effort did you make? Arranging a date via tinder and meeting up for dinner? What do you have to offer a woman to want to have sex with you when she could have sex with many other dudes that are blowing your $20-self-serving game out of the water? I'm honestly confused. How is buying yourself a cheap dinner and having company to eat it with for an hour or so a lot of money, time, and effort? Why don't you just ask her if she wants to have sex right away? This way you can avoid making even the most minimal of efforts. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 studies show that the better looking a woman is the longer she waits to have sex That could possibly also be because she already has people waiting in queue. So she'll start with the one she might be the most attracted to and see if she likes him, then get around to any other of the interested men at her leisure. And it's true she knows they'll wait for her if she's that attractive. You can't go by my crowd as the exemplar, but there were some very attractive women and they didn't make anyone wait just to be doing it, but more because they had other options they were pursuing, so someone she might like or might not would be on the backburner awhile before getting quality time. Link to post Share on other sites
CatMinx Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 studies show that the better looking a woman is the longer she waits to have sex So you’re saying that the OP should start seeing exceptionally unattractive girls. OP, keep this in mind, it’s valuable advice! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 (edited) Is it really that unreasonable for a man to say he will pay half and half on first dates? Are women that modern yet that behind. Sounds like its a money thing rather than sex. no it isnt unreasonable...what is more class less, less chivalrous,less manly i guess...is a man who thinks sex on a first date is given when he pays for a dinner....treating a whore like a whore...is bad enough....but treating a woman like a paid for proxy masturbation ideal is not on.if that is modern dating then modern dating truly sucks ass... a guy accepts a date and then that guy who should be happy a beautiful woman is giving him a go.....believing in him enough to accept a dATE the guy then laments spending any money says he is glad he didnt spend money because he didnt get any...and laments a woman who may have possibly grown to like him....its not gentlemanly behavior.....and its not the way real men roll.. maybe it is modern dating....my twenty year old daughter went on her first real date a couple of months ago where the guy paid for her...introduced her to his mother and drove her home by curfew and kissed her at the door... very rare occurence for my daughter who has been involved with more men like op unfortunately which has in turn given her the lowest self worth of any young woman i know...sh ehas hardly ever been shown respect and honor from a man....and it kills me....i just want her to marry a god fearing guy and be loved by a man ....then i hope she has amazing sex three times a day........fi that is what they(fuiture hopes) both want.... op should keep his penis in his shorts.....and respect women more than he does ....grow up a little before he claims manhood or enters the dating arena....... i also have sons...who would be generous and giving in regards to dating.....my second oldest son....has had women chase him when he dated.....many interested women.... ...why...because i taught him how to treat a woman what to do on a date and his respectful nature ......is attractive.....he can maintain a relationship when he is the son i know and love.........if my son told me what op has posted....i would feel an utter failure as a mother......which i do ...because my daughter who no matter how many times i have told her how beautiful she is that she is priceless and that not to let men use her...hasnt heard me....breaks my heart......and continues to play with horny boys....not true men. ....deb Edited March 15, 2018 by todreaminblue 10 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 You are not a failure of a mother, Deb. Keep reminding her of her worth, and hopefully someday she will believe you <3. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 (edited) You are not a failure of a mother, Deb. Keep reminding her of her worth, and hopefully someday she will believe you <3. if and when that happens cautious.....my heart will be so huge and the happiest heart any mother could ever have....i would float ...i know i would like a big helium filled balloon with wings...just that one thing...that she saw what i see when i look at her and feel that love that i have for her lift her up to feeling strong beautiful and worthy of respect..i would do anything for that day to come.....thankyou cautious...xo...deb. Edited March 15, 2018 by todreaminblue 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I like how the OP claims to be an authority on this subject yet..... How is this method really panning out for him? Doesn't seem like it is working much at all based on his posting history. But yet those of us who have had... 6 month, 3 year, 15 year relationships, we are the ones that are wrong when we describe how it happened for us? OP, why don't you tell us about the girl that slept with you after you both paid dutch at a cheap restaurant and it bloomed into a long term wonderful relationship? Or if you "don't do relationships" about the great FWBs that you have landed this way. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Bro, I might hold hands on a first date. Maybe a kiss on the cheek. And believe me I crush on dudes I like, HARD. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Bro, I might hold hands on a first date. Maybe a kiss on the cheek. And believe me I crush on dudes I like, HARD. Well, then you're just a game player, obvi. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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