Finally met someone great, but I'm getting cold feet?

[Cookiesandough]

psa: Drop all wishy-washy guys

[Mkn1010]

It honestly kinda sounds like he is trying to get some sort of immature revenge on you because you took a long time to reply to him about the 3rd date. His double text where he asks you if everything's okay when he hadn't heard back from you revealed his insecure side and maybe he doesn't feel good about that and now is pulling right back.

[mortensorchid]

Sounds like self-sabotage like a previous poster said. Give him a shot. Who knows? Maybe this will be something good. I go into every situation thinking "here's to hoping this will be a good man". I've been disappointed many times, I try to be courteous to them even when there is a hostility or if within minutes I know if this man is clearly not a good match for me. And especially if I never hear from them again after the first encounter.

 

Answer him.

[Lorenza]

Sorry for abandoning my thread without answering to some posters! Had so much to do at the uni.

 

The guy keeps on texting me, so not sure if it's revenge or he's truly busy (my friend reminded me of the local mentality, people feel and act busy even if they aren't and they won't give you their time until you become more important to them. She's married to one of the locals besides).

 

Either way I'm very sceptical, but I might go just on one more date next week, i don't know.

 

There's just one thing - he texts me everyday sending links and pictures of his activities, never really asking me about me (except for "What do you think about this song?" etc). Does he expect that him sharing about his day is an open invitation for me to share about mine? This just makes me more sceptical.

[olivetree]

There's just one thing - he texts me everyday sending links and pictures of his activities, never really asking me about me (except for "What do you think about this song?" etc). Does he expect that him sharing about his day is an open invitation for me to share about mine? This just makes me more sceptical.

 

For this reason alone I wouldn't be interested.

[Cookiesandough]

Sounds like stringing along. He might have lost interest. Unless you really enjoy hearing about his day, I'd drop him.m. I know bc this guy I was dating when he wasn't interested vs now he is was night and day. Before he was texting me a lot but hard to nail down but kept suggesting we should meet, now he's always trying to get a date(he even tricked me into moving our date up which is annoying) and txt a little less(still too much :/)

 

 

I thought he was just busy before never falling for that one from any guy again.

Edited September 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Lorenza]

For this reason alone I wouldn't be interested.

 

He's sending me pictures of nature on his way to work, photos from his training, all kinds of links with acoustic music, pictures from childhood etc or asking me to send links with my favorite music and videos of me singing. But never just asking "how was your day"

[Lorenza]

Sounds like stringing along. He might have lost interest. Unless you really enjoy hearing about his day, I'd drop him.m. I know bc this guy I was dating when he wasn't interested vs now he is was night and day. Before he was texting me a lot but hard to nail down but kept suggesting we should meet, now he's always trying to get a date(he even tricked me into moving our date up which is annoying) and txt a little less(still too much :/)

 

 

I thought he was just busy before never falling for that one from any guy again.

 

We kinda have a day "booked" next week and he also suggested a closer date yesterday, but as it was this Sunday, I had to decline. Sundays aren't for dates, Sundays are for relaxing at home before the next week's madness

[Cookiesandough]

We kinda have a day "booked" next week and he also suggested a closer date yesterday, but as it was this Sunday, I had to decline. Sundays aren't for dates, Sundays are for relaxing at home before the next week's madness

 

Oh okay.I was mostly referring to how he said that he was busy for a week and reschedule, and then he says he wants to see you but gives a general day not much detail...that exact thing almost happened to me before with this same guy but I did not stick around. You are more patient and understanding and willing to give him a chance. I just know I am done with people like that even if it is a first meet. But I hope it goes well and you have a better understanding of how you feel about him.

Edited September 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[olivetree]

He's sending me pictures of nature on his way to work, photos from his training, all kinds of links with acoustic music, pictures from childhood etc or asking me to send links with my favorite music and videos of me singing. But never just asking "how was your day"

 

Sounds like he is trying to get to know you but his style isn't really resonating with you.

He could be nervous and is trying to impress you/connect with you by sharing about himself and avoid bland conversation.

 

We kinda have a day "booked" next week and he also suggested a closer date yesterday, but as it was this Sunday, I had to decline. Sundays aren't for dates, Sundays are for relaxing at home before the next week's madness.

 

Try to keep an open mind, not get too far ahead and just enjoy yourself on the date.

Or pretend he is mentally unstable distant relative.

[Cookiesandough]

He's sending me pictures of nature on his way to work, photos from his training, all kinds of links with acoustic music, pictures from childhood etc or asking me to send links with my favorite music and videos of me singing. But never just asking "how was your day"

 

 

He's one of those people!!! I think they are just desensitized from overstimulation from technology or something. They can't get enough links, videos, pics lol. They're probably on social media a lot. A simple" how is your day "doesn't do it for them anymore xD I didn't know you sang!! Cool

[Lorenza]

Oh okay.I was mostly referring to how he said that he was busy for a week and reschedule, and then he says he wants to see you but gives a general day not much detail...that exact thing almost happened to me before with this same guy but I did not stick around. You are more patient and understanding and willing to give him a chance. I just know I am done with people like that even if it is a first meet. But I hope it goes well and you have a better understanding of how you feel about him.

 

Yeah the rescheduling and his supposed busyness was of course not a good sign, but I'm giving him a chance not because I'm very understanding (if fact I'm not haha) but I'm just really lazy getting new dates. It's not like I have a burning desire for this to work out either, have so much on my plate right now with work and uni that I literally don't care at all.

Do you mean that guy who kinda ghosted you and then came back and you two had a date? Is he acting like he's busy now or is he trying to get new dates with you?

[Lorenza]

He's one of those people!!! I think they are just desensitized from overstimulation from technology or something. They can't get enough links, videos, pics lol. They're probably on social media a lot. A simple" how is your day "doesn't do it for them anymore xD I didn't know you sang!! Cool

 

Weirdly enough he's on no social medias and we bonded over being two eco crazed vegans haha

[Lorenza]

Or pretend he is mentally unstable distant relative.

 

Hahaha this made me laugh much more than it should so on point, seems like you've been paying attention to my other messed up threads )

[Cookiesandough]

Yeah the rescheduling and his supposed busyness was of course not a good sign, but I'm giving him a chance not because I'm very understanding (if fact I'm not haha) but I'm just really lazy getting new dates. It's not like I have a burning desire for this to work out either, have so much on my plate right now with work and uni that I literally don't care at all.

Do you mean that guy who kinda ghosted you and then came back and you two had a date? Is he acting like he's busy now or is he trying to get new dates with you?

 

 

Well that's probably a good attitude to have and I'm the same way at the moment. Very low expectations leave room for you to be pleasantly surprised. �� Yes that's exactly the one. He was texting me A LOT, huge text walls, music, saying "when are we going to meet?l, but not planning details( just the day and approximate time of day) So I started ignoring him when he asked me for my Instagram then he started ignoring me!!! Then he was busy but maybe not next week. Even when we matched again months later, he was like"let's meet this week. next Monday evening perhaps?" no solid plans or time. I almost gave up. He Eventually solidified plans the day before. I knew it was low interest, But I was like you and figured WTH and it was like curiosity on how he was going to flake. He didn't but I discovered he was a little on the fence about meeting me. And I see this all the time on here, weeks of busy

 

 

We had a date and it went pretty well and now he is always free and keeps trying to make me plan specific dates but now I'm on the fence!.

 

Anyway, what have we got little to lose?

Edited September 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[brandon26003]

I'm not trying to be rude, but I really don't blame him at all. You didn't reply to him for longer than a day when he asks about a date. That throws up red flags that you are going to flake. Flaking happens... I get that, but being flaked by someone that you see potential in is a blow to the manhood. The obvious, albeit wrong response, is to flake back. You got a taste of your own medicine, and you don't like it.

 

The best thing to do is own up to flaking on him. Be honest to him about why you did it. Tell him your concerns. He may give you another chance, and he may not. You do owe him an honest explanation. Whatever happens, happens. If he wants nothing to do with you, learn from it and move on. Best of luck.

[Lorenza]

I'm not trying to be rude, but I really don't blame him at all. You didn't reply to him for longer than a day when he asks about a date. That throws up red flags that you are going to flake. Flaking happens... I get that, but being flaked by someone that you see potential in is a blow to the manhood. The obvious, albeit wrong response, is to flake back. You got a taste of your own medicine, and you don't like it.

 

The best thing to do is own up to flaking on him. Be honest to him about why you did it. Tell him your concerns. He may give you another chance, and he may not. You do owe him an honest explanation. Whatever happens, happens. If he wants nothing to do with you, learn from it and move on. Best of luck.

 

That's very childish to be honest. If someone needs to play those kind of games they still have a lot of growing up to do.

Actually I did explain to him why didn't get back to him about the date. I said that the second date got me a bit overwhelmed and I've got loads of things happening right now, so I got kinda scared I can't handle it. He answered it's no problem and that dating is a complicated thing at best. There's no place for revenge here unless his mind is that of a 15 year old and I highly doubt that. He seemed like a very spiritual person actually.

 

Oh and I really don't care about any "second chances", you're missing out the fact I'm not sweating at all about the outcome of this. The thing that got me writing this thread was "Why the hell do I want to run away from this guy"

[brandon26003]

That's very childish to be honest. If someone needs to play those kind of games they still have a lot of growing up to do.

 

Was it not childish to wait more than a day to respond to his date request? If you did not care about the outcome of this, you wouldn't have been offended when he said he had other plans.

 

The moral of the story is to treat others the way you expect to be treated. If you flake, expect the other person to flake. If you want someone to be honest with you, be honest with them the entire time.

 

As another poster suggested, it doesn't seem like you are ready to date. Counseling may help you figure out why you're subconsciously pushing a guy away that has all of the qualities that you want. Until you figure this out, the cycle will repeat itself.

[Lorenza]

Was it not childish to wait more than a day to respond to his date request? If you did not care about the outcome of this, you wouldn't have been offended when he said he had other plans.

 

The moral of the story is to treat others the way you expect to be treated. If you flake, expect the other person to flake. If you want someone to be honest with you, be honest with them the entire time.

 

As another poster suggested, it doesn't seem like you are ready to date. Counseling may help you figure out why you're subconsciously pushing a guy away that has all of the qualities that you want. Until you figure this out, the cycle will repeat itself.

 

There's a difference between doing something out of revenge and out of confusion. It's not like I ghosted him, so no, I wasn't acting childish by taking a day to respond. I was genuinely confused. Also, I explained honestly why I was taking my time. He keeps on texting me everyday, sending all kinds of photos and links and telling me he wants to hear me sing. Doesn't seem like that's someone wanting to get revenge, I'm going for the explanation that he has the mentality of the local men (which isn't good news either).

 

What's with the counseling advices? I keep repeating that it is not an option in my country. You need to have serious psychological problems to get into therapy, like wanting to kill yourself or struggling with anxiety to the point of disability. If I go there and say "oh hi, I have problems with finding a suitable guy and a tendency to fall for weirdos" they will literally kick me out of the room private counseling is soooo expensive I can't even begin to tell you. I don't know where you guys live that it's as easy as abc, but here you'll probably sooner die single rather than get counseling for your dating problems

[Cookiesandough]

If he's doing it for revenge, he's the one that needs therapy! That kind of fragile ego + passive aggressiveness towards a woman he likes who fell off for 1 day and explained herself has to be bleeding into other areas of his life.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[brandon26003]

If he's doing it for revenge, he's the one that needs therapy! That kind of fragile ego + passive aggressiveness towards a woman he likes who fell off for 1 day and explained herself has to be bleeding into other areas of his life.

 

Both of them were wrong and now have to live with the consequences. Let's put this into perspective. If a man ignores a woman's text about a date and doesn't respond for more than 24 hours, you would find fault in the man.

[Cookiesandough]

Not really if I really wanted to date him , he came back with a valid excuse/apology + attempt to set up a date in 24 hours and it was 1 time thing I would not. its a 1 day.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Lorenza]

Well, a new week began and it's still troublesome to find time for a date. So I just wrote to him that it doesn't feel like it's meant to be and that I wish him luck. He wrote back how unfortunate this is cause he doesn't often meet people like me but I answered that it just doesn't seem we match. I'm thinking all my reluctance was due to this inner knowledge that he, just like his countrymen, doesnt truly suit me. We have different mentality and I think I knew this all along. All these great characteristics I mentioned in the beginning, but I realized I never felt comfortable sharing any of my deepest thoughts, stories of my past struggles or many other things that make me ME. Funny how we know deep inside, that it's not right

[No_Go]

We have different mentality and I think I knew this all along

 

L, I think I was right that it is not a picker issue but your gut is telling you something before your mind does.

 

I had this feeling all along with my ex but because he was right on paper, I spend 2 years in a relationship that was ultimately making both of us miserable.

 

I know that this is against the grain of modern psychology, but I really think intuition shouldn't be overlooked. It is nothing supernatural, it is just that we sometimes forget we're an evolving species with built-in survival mechanisms and reproductive strategies that are there for a reason.

 

Well, a new week began and it's still troublesome to find time for a date. So I just wrote to him that it doesn't feel like it's meant to be and that I wish him luck. He wrote back how unfortunate this is cause he doesn't often meet people like me but I answered that it just doesn't seem we match. I'm thinking all my reluctance was due to this inner knowledge that he, just like his countrymen, doesnt truly suit me. We have different mentality and I think I knew this all along. All these great characteristics I mentioned in the beginning, but I realized I never felt comfortable sharing any of my deepest thoughts, stories of my past struggles or many other things that make me ME. Funny how we know deep inside, that it's not right

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, a new week began and it's still troublesome to find time for a date. So I just wrote to him that it doesn't feel like it's meant to be and that I wish him luck. He wrote back how unfortunate this is cause he doesn't often meet people like me but I answered that it just doesn't seem we match. I'm thinking all my reluctance was due to this inner knowledge that he, just like his countrymen, doesnt truly suit me. We have different mentality and I think I knew this all along. All these great characteristics I mentioned in the beginning, but I realized I never felt comfortable sharing any of my deepest thoughts, stories of my past struggles or many other things that make me ME. Funny how we know deep inside, that it's not right

 

I think there are a lot of us who may tend to over-analyze and over-think things, but think of the alternative.....would you rather be a woman who gets in/stays in a relationship just to not be alone? No. So embrace your discernment <3. Sorry this one didn't work out, but I agree it is probably for the best.