I'm not sure what is happening with this guy ?

[Lorenza]

I suppose its really over. I truly don’t understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesn’t want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I can’t figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around

 

The way other people speak, act and behave is a reflection of their own reality and has nothing to do with you. I know it's hard to comprehend this, but that's what I try to tell myself when someone rejects me and the reminder of it helps me a lot (even at the very moment). When a guy doesn't want to pursue you any further, it's because of what's happening in his own mind...

 

I think there is no bad or good enough, just people with different preferences and visions of what they want for themselves. It sounds like your guy envisions being single at the moment, or just fooling around. He's young after all.

[amkxoxo]

I'm sorry you're hurting. Just an observation: Your text exchanges seem pretty dull. Of course, text messaging is not a good way to talk about something too deep or too personal. But it'd be more engaging and fun to have some witty comments, instead of the generic how's your weekend...

 

I try not to be dull but I an unsure what to say. I feel like he started off with the dullness and I picked it up too. He doesn't ask about me or anything to start a conversation.

 

I feel bad if he felt I wasn't interesting enough. We seemed to hit it off at first, so I don't know why that would be. I am talking to another guy right now and we have plenty to talk about. Even when the conversation seems to fade, he always keeps it going and asks me questions or changes the subject.

[olivetree]

I am sorry you are hurting.

 

I think if you find yourself in the position of always being left it oftentimes (not all the time - sometimes they really are just after fast sex) has something to do with your mindset.

 

In each new dating scenario, if you are always overly focused on whether or not they like you rather than assessing whether they are right for you and meet your standards, then you are starting off on unbalanced footing.

 

Men can sense this.

It makes you less interesting because you're going to find it harder to be yourself and you'll find yourself playing the nice people pleasing girl.

This is why you feel guilty not responding to a text that doesn't even deserve a response.

A man also knows he doesn't have to step up to keep you and he will lose interest.

A man will not value you unless it seems like you value yourself.

 

I am glad you are finally moving on.

I wouldn't reply to any more texts he sends if he does get back in touch.

[amkxoxo]

I feel so guilty. So so guilty still about the way I acted when I came back from vacation.

 

I should have let him know I was back myself instead of waiting on him to chase me and text me and make plans with me. Then maybe we would have talked and things wouldn't have been the way they were. And then I assumed he wanted a booty call, when I think he just wanted to see me when I was back and it just happened that it was late at night. I don't think he was just after sex. And then I was being very caddy and telling him to text ME tomorrow to make plans with ME for the weekend. And he said "You can text me too you know"

 

And then I pretty much told him that I wished he would ask ME out before someone else snatches me up, like this expectant girl. And by then he probably thought I was such a jerk. This is not the impression I wanted to give him and I didn't mean to come across this way. I thought he would be chasing me when I got back, and I acted like he should have been, when I was the one that left and maybe should have been excited to make a plan and see him and when I totally wasn't down to see him and acted like I was denying him totally, it turned him off. I feel so bad and wish I could fix this.

 

I could cry because I think he thinks I'm not a good girl at all. And I am. I liked him so much. If he only knew. I was so excited to see him all week long and I think I was trying to act way too cool for school so he didn't see how much I was actually into him. I was so afraid of scaring him away and getting hurt, but I essentially did exactly what I didn't want.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, what's really going on here? Why so much heartbreak and self-loathing for a guy you had a grand total of 6 dates with?

 

Why are you so attached to this guy?

 

I ask becasue there seems to be a lot more to this than this near-stranger's fading interest.

[Usename12]

My observation is that OP doesn't seem to get it. She is writing a diary here and ignoring any relevant advise. Olivetree nailed it but it doesn't look like she wants to address or even acknowledge her low self esteem mindset. Guy seems to be immature and she's giving him a pass and still pining over him. Oh well.

[olivetree]

[]

 

To be honest, telling a guy to ask you out before another guy snatches you up seems desperate, not like a jerk.

 

The desperation is the turn off.

The continuing to hang on even though he send you boring texts about himself is the turn off.

 

Stop acting and thinking like a doormat and you won't be the one always being left.

Edited August 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Unnecessary

[amkxoxo]

I feel bad because I feel like I scared him away with my behavior and that wasn't my intention and I feel an innate need to make it right. Because at one time he did like me and wanted to see me and pursue me. And I feel like by me denying him when he probably just was excited to see me, made him turned off. Because he probably got the impression that I thought the worst of him and immediately didn't trust his intentions even though he has assured me time and time again that he isn't just looking for a booty call through his words and actions, he proven it, and I still don't trust him. He's probably got fed up. And on top of it I sort of acted like an expectant diva that he should be asking to see me. This isn't me at all. And now he doesn't want anything to do with me, and I still like him and think we had a good connection and now its gone because of me. I can't handle rejection that I caused. I can't stand that I am un-trusting and immediately thought the worst of him, because of my past experience with other guys.

 

I was desperate and I probably freaked him out. Again, I feel like I need to make it right. He got so turned off, but I didn't mean to. I wanted to see him and I didn't know what else to do. He wasn't asking to see me. And I felt like I needed to make up for denying him on friday.

Edited August 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[olivetree]

Honestly, you will never know why he lost interest for sure.

I highly doubt it was for turning him down.

 

You could have corrected your desperate behaviour by leaning back as soon as his interest seemed to be dropping instead of advancing forward.

This is what I suggested right at the start of your thread.

 

Just learn to lean back and let a guy show you how much he is into you.

Be receptive and fun to be with.

That's it!

 

When a guy starts to back off, you don't start putting in more effort to close the distance.

You let him create that space.

Sometimes that is all they need to regain interest again... to know you value yourself more than to chase.

 

Anyway, regardless of what this guy SAYS, he may have just been after sex.

Who knows, who cares.

He's not the guy for you.

[Cookiesandough]

Him: "Uhm well meet me"

Me: "Meet you where?"

Him: "In my room"

Me: "You know that's not how I roll Mister"

Him: "Welp"

Me: "welp what?"

Him: "Thats unfortunate"

Me: "To be honest, I'm really tired from the trip, but I do really want to see you, so how about something tomorrow?"

Him: "Aaaahhhh, I already told the guys I'd go with them."

 

...

 

If that's not a booty call I don't know what is. He seems like an arrogant douche from all I've seen. Don't feel guilty about having boundaries.. You didn't have sex with this guy because you didn't feel comfortable. Honestly, if you ended up having sex with him I bet good money the only thing that would have changed and this story is you would be that you had slept with this guy and he faded on you. Let him go.

[William]

Gentle reminder from moderation... All posting is voluntary

[Lorenza]

My speculation is it's much simplier than you think, OP. He was after sex and when you turned him down he realized it will take too much effort to get it from you. He's probably busy looking for some easier access. Is this really worth grieving so much over, in that case?

[ExpatInItaly]

I feel bad because I feel like I scared him away with my behavior and that wasn't my intention and I feel an innate need to make it right. Because at one time he did like me and wanted to see me and pursue me. And I feel like by me denying him when he probably just was excited to see me, made him turned off. Because he probably got the impression that I thought the worst of him and immediately didn't trust his intentions even though he has assured me time and time again that he isn't just looking for a booty call through his words and actions, he proven it, and I still don't trust him. He's probably got fed up. And on top of it I sort of acted like an expectant diva that he should be asking to see me. This isn't me at all. And now he doesn't want anything to do with me, and I still like him and think we had a good connection and now its gone because of me. I can't handle rejection that I caused. I can't stand that I am un-trusting and immediately thought the worst of him, because of my past experience with other guys.

 

And herein lies the crux of the problem.

 

I think this all has far less to do with this particular guy (because really, you hardly know him) and much more to do with how you feel about yourself in general. You're taking this episode out of proportion because you feel this re-affirms whatever negative beliefs you already have about yourself.

 

You need to work on this before dating again.

[JuneL]

I've already said it once, but let me repeat: it's quite rude of him to summon you to his room after you just got back from a tiring trip, booty call or not.

 

 

Him: "Uhm well meet me"

Me: "Meet you where?"

Him: "In my room"

Me: "You know that's not how I roll Mister"

Him: "Welp"

Me: "welp what?"

Him: "Thats unfortunate"

Me: "To be honest, I'm really tired from the trip, but I do really want to see you, so how about something tomorrow?"

Him: "Aaaahhhh, I already told the guys I'd go with them."

 

...

 

If that's not a booty call I don't know what is. He seems like an arrogant douche from all I've seen. Don't feel guilty about having boundaries.. You didn't have sex with this guy because you didn't feel comfortable. Honestly, if you ended up having sex with him I bet good money the only thing that would have changed and this story is you would be that you had slept with this guy and he faded on you. Let him go.

[Gaeta]

I feel bad because I feel like I scared him away with my behavior and that wasn't my intention and I feel an innate need to make it right. Because at one time he did like me and wanted to see me and pursue me. And I feel like by me denying him when he probably just was excited to see me, made him turned off. Because he probably got the impression that I thought the worst of him and immediately didn't trust his intentions even though he has assured me time and time again that he isn't just looking for a booty call through his words and actions, he proven it, and I still don't trust him. He's probably got fed up. And on top of it I sort of acted like an expectant diva that he should be asking to see me. This isn't me at all. And now he doesn't want anything to do with me, and I still like him and think we had a good connection and now its gone because of me. I can't handle rejection that I caused. I can't stand that I am un-trusting and immediately thought the worst of him, because of my past experience with other guys.

 

I was desperate and I probably freaked him out. Again, I feel like I need to make it right. He got so turned off, but I didn't mean to. I wanted to see him and I didn't know what else to do. He wasn't asking to see me. And I felt like I needed to make up for denying him on friday.

 

You need to stop this self-flagellation.

 

Why are you convinced it has to be your fault! Now, think for a moment. Chances are all of this good time you had before your trip was ONLY an elaborate plan to take you to bed and when you got back from your trip you blew his plan by standing your grown. So now he lost face, he didn't get what he wanted from the beginning so he has no reasons to stick around any longer. Why could THAT not be the truth??

 

Again, when a man likes a woman he will not let something as small as 'not seeing you tonight' turn him off.

 

Now that I see how things are unfolding my opinion is this man is out and about just to seduce women and nothing more.

 

You have seen him a total of 6 times over ONE month, he's nothing to you. sure it sucks you wasted that time but he's a no-body to you.

[knabe]

I think his interest dropped after you shut down his offer to "meet him in his room". He probably realized it takes too much work to get intimate with you, since it's already been 6 dates and nothing happened.

 

Not that I think you should have gone and slept with him, not at all. But it seems like he didn't want to risk investing more for something uncertain.

 

I don't think you read closely enough. SHE was the one who said she wanted more than a cuddle buddy. SHE was the one surprised he hadn't made the move. He's the one who was not making it.

[whatnot]

he likes you (or did lol) probably still does.

 

 

At some point...people need to be honest. In my mind, you may be telling us stuff that you outta be tellin' him.

 

 

When you turned him down....he's thinking ... "OK...I know the type. Needs chasing. Writes the rules. etc..etc...blah blah blah". "Prove you like me..."

 

sometimes people are just more laid back than others. He sounds like a decent sort to me. but, I've not dated the guy ...

[whatnot]

this is for YOU....not him....

 

but if you can find a way to share your fears....admit possible mistakes....without coming across as making it his responsibility....and without making yourself "less than". Don't apologize for who you are. But you can find a way of letting him know....how you are....without being "heavy'.....you can do that....you'll find a way....

 

You've then been honest....head held high....proud of yourself...and the ball's in his court.

 

 

KEEP IT LIGHT....BUT KEEP IT REAL

 

:)

Edited August 14, 2017 by whatnot

[whatnot]

Tell 'em about that family bash if you want him to go....*while*...loosenin' up on the syllabus.

[Gaeta]

whatnot: She contacted him later and told him she'd like to see him and invited him out, he refused and did not offer another date.

 

This is past 'sharing her feelings' with him.

 

He's just a guy she had a few dates with, not a bf. She needs to move on.

[whatnot]

whatnot: She contacted him later and told him she'd like to see him and invited him out, he refused and did not offer another date.

 

This is past 'sharing her feelings' with him.

 

He's just a guy she had a few dates with, not a bf. She needs to move on.

Ok... thanks Gaeta. The last thing I want to do is to make anyone feel worse about themselves than they do. that's not my intent. Upon reading your post....I carefully read over the last couple of pages again....with the intent of deleting my posts if they were out of line. (although, as I type this....it's occurs to me that would have been impossible)

 

that's all moot though...because.... After re-reading the posts....I would have let my posts stand to let the OP do with them as she will.

[amkxoxo]

I'm feeling weak and confused. Part of me just wants to move on. Part of me is thinking of texting him asking if he still wants to see me etc...

 

I just can't understand it. He texted me all during my vacation. Seemed happy I was home, and texted me way more than I texted him last week. I truly don't understand why the sudden stop. Its driving me crazy not knowing. I feel like asking him.

[Gaeta]

I'm feeling weak and confused. Part of me just wants to move on. Part of me is thinking of texting him asking if he still wants to see me etc...

 

I just can't understand it. He texted me all during my vacation. Seemed happy I was home, and texted me way more than I texted him last week. I truly don't understand why the sudden stop. Its driving me crazy not knowing. I feel like asking him.

 

Is his busy week over?

 

When did he text last?

[Cookiesandough]

i'm feeling weak and confused. Part of me just wants to move on. Part of me is thinking of texting him asking if he still wants to see me etc...

 

I just can't understand it. He texted me all during my vacation. Seemed happy i was home, and texted me way more than i texted him last week. I truly don't understand why the sudden stop. Its driving me crazy not knowing. I feel like asking him.

 

DELETE. His. Number

[amkxoxo]

He told me his busy week was over yesterday. I don't know what his day had in store for him today. He did send out a snapchat around dinner time and he was at work, but it didn't look necessarily like he was working or hanging with the work guys. I couldn't tell.