I'm not sure what is happening with this guy ?

[olivetree]

See like right now, he's texting me wanting to chat with me about his day and mine.

 

Not sure how to handle this. He's keeping in contact and keeping a connection, so maybe he is just tied up at work this week.

 

You need to stop this thinking that you didn't do enough.

If he wasn't asking you deep questions either, then he either isn't deep or doesn't care to know you like that.

 

If you're still interested in him, you can respond and be pleasant, but I wouldn't be overly chatty.

Otherwise you're going to turn into his texting buddy instead of the cuddle buddy.

You need to get busy and move on with your life so that you're not super available to chat.

 

You also need to get in a head space where you lose interest in a man that is giving you crumbs, because that is what he is doing right now.

Based on what you've said about feeling bad about everything, you're way too nice.

[Gaeta]

amkxoxo this guy isn't for you. He can't see you this week and you're all disappointed about it waiting by your phone. How will you survive when he leaves for the winter?

 

This guy does not have the time (or interest) to offer you the relationship you want.

[Gaeta]

He will most likely keep doing that ...keep talking to you..stringing. Better to ask Him and nail down your date with him and if not just say it's not gonna do that/if he can't plan a week in advance you have your answer...and you can say you don't think it's gonna work .

 

 

The thing about this is your already invested and banking on this guy, emotions don't just turn off, focusing on other guy won't do much good if you've got hopes set on this one.

 

What I fear is she will ask him, he will tell her he is still interested just to keep her around because he's got nothing more exciting, then she'll hung on to that and again find herself dating a man that barely knows she exists.

[Cookiesandough]

I agree, gaeta . But it might get her some closure and even if it doesn't she'd be in the same boat, being strung along by a guy who is not interested. People suggested she contact him because he felt he was doing most of the pursuing (I disagree) and he says he's busy this week I think she should have asked him when he'll be free and ideally he would tell her when and they can nail a date down now that it's mid week. At worst he is ambiguous like I'm not sure, which is telling itself, and she can say "alright well text me when you're free to hang out" and not play text tag with a guy who has no intentions to see her again

 

Idk

[olivetree]

I agree, gaeta . But it might get her some closure and even if it doesn't she'd be in the same boat, being strung along by a guy who is not interested. People suggested she contact him because he felt he was doing most of the pursuing (I disagree) and he says he's busy this week I think she should have asked him when he'll be free and ideally he would tell her when and they can nail a date down now that it's mid week. At worst he is ambiguous like I'm not sure, which is telling itself, and she can say "alright well text me when you're free to hang out" and not play text tag with a guy who has no intentions to see her again

 

Idk

 

He declined so it's up to him to suggest an alternative day that would work.

He is communicating his lack of interest with his lack of actions.

[amkxoxo]

Yeah I mean I see things from all sides. I keep looking back at my messages and I really don't think I did anything terrible or wrong. The only thing that could have been misconstrued is the me turning him down on Friday for coming over. I don't want someone to think of me as an afterthought for plans. And I took it as that and I turned him down, which could have shot his ego. I like him and I didn't mean it that way. Texting doesn't mean much to guys so I am not banking he even remembers that conversation.

 

I do think he is extremely busy with work. I think if he didn't want to see me or talk to me anymore, he would simply not text me at all, or give me half ass answers. The last guy I dated just stopped trying all together, wouldn't answer or initiate. It was very clear. Passive ghosting if you will, until he was gone. When you don't message someone and they don't follow up with you in due time, you can see how they feel about you. An ex from years ago didn't call me for 6 months. 6 MONTHS! Clearly he was wondering where I was all that time...NOT.

 

I don't think he's a bad guy. I think he is just really busy. Can I handle it? I don't know. Knowing that he is working makes it better. My ex was "busy," but was out with friends etc... but pretended it was like a mandatory thing he had to do.

 

I'm trying not to be nagging, and supportive of his career. I talked to a guy friend of mine, he's older 32ish. He's a co-worker. But he was telling me that I should be supportive of his career. He said as a man, being successful is so important, especially at a young age. Men want to feel like they can provide and be accomplished, and any guy is going to want a girl who wants them to do that. He said, what guy is going to want a girl who begs them to stay around for them and not try to better themselves career wise? I didn't think of it like that until my friend mentioned it.

 

He texted me this morning saying "Nights need to stop turning into blurs"

 

I responded "ooh that bad huh?'

 

He said " Its everyday now"

 

I responded" I'm sorry work is been hard. Let me know if I can do anything to help you (added emoji of girl with hand under her chin) lol"

 

He didn't respond. Which is fine. I didn't think what I said warranted a response. Maybe a thank you, but whatever. I was trying to be nice.

[KBob]

He could be genuinely busy with work and doesn't know how that's going to carry into next week, so he's waiting to see how that's going to line up his schedule. I'd say be patient for a couple more days and chat with him. If he hasn't mentioned anything by the weekend about meeting up next week then you can start thinking he's not interested.

[Gaeta]

I completely agree with supporting a man 100% in his work and professional challenges.

 

What I am skeptical about is the amount of 'effort' he's been showing since you are back.

 

Does he work physically? You said he works in the sport industry, Is he an athlete or a coach?

 

If he is physically exhausted I get he won't make plans after a long day that ended at 9 pm but is it really the case? Doesn't he have days off?

 

My bf is busy, I mean real busy! He works physically from 7 am to 3 pm then he runs to school and he's in class 3 pm to 11pm ! He STILL takes time to call me when he's in his car, on his breaks, when he's done at 11. He even finds the time to get away for lunch with me and to drive to me at 11 pm just so we sleep next to each other. Where there is a will there is a way.

[Lorenza]

Why are you making excuses for this guy?

 

"He's really busy"

 

"He didn't answer, but that's OK"

 

"I'll just be nice and supportive while he doesn't put any effort"

 

Or you could just stop being a doormat to this guy and move on. He's not that into you. We women tend to make all kinds of excuses while in men's world everything is simple - when they don't want to find time for someone they won't.

[Cookiesandough]

Agree olive but op is still wondering if he is interested just busy or she hasn't done enough. She's not convinced that's enough sign he lacks interest. One question might clear that up for OP. It could be very revealing. She could wait indefinitely for him to ask her. Thats up to OP but I see little to lose bc I don't believe anything as insignificant as asking him when he's free to meet up again is gonna make or break his interest and don't think it's clingy to ask someone that's texting you that you'd rather arrange a date and if he can't move on ...

[amkxoxo]

I think I would be okay if he left for the winter if we were exclusive, if he was my boyfriend. I'd have that validation that he and I are together. If he leaves for the winter and we are in limbo, then I am definitely moving on at that point. He is free to see other girls there, and I am free to see men here. Nothing to hold on for.

 

"He could be genuinely busy with work and doesn't know how that's going to carry into next week, so he's waiting to see how that's going to line up his schedule." To quote KBob, I literally think this is what is going on. He warned me of this on our second date that in August his schedule is going to be crazy and he won't have any time and we might barely see each other, but that it passes. I question if he had issues with women in the past due to his schedule, because he felt the need to give me a disclaimer very early on. I mean he literally said to me "August gets so busy. I might not have a day off for weeks. There is one week in particular where I will probably be working morning until nights for days on end. Its rough, so nights like this won't be possible." We were out to dinner.

 

I feel guilty, being disappointed with him, when he is just genuinely busy and warned me ahead of time. I feel like he wants someone who can handle it and I need to be handling it better. I wish I could be stronger and not care. Then I wouldn't be waiting around and thinking about him. I am trying just to live my life. And I have a good life. I think I need to keep my life going and not halt it waiting for him to come around. He may never. I think he will though. I still have some hope. I just talked to my guy co worker again and he literally said that its not his feelings or my feelings that have changed its the tempo of life. So the tempo is now that he's working like crazy and I need to adjust to the tempo and continue living each day. He said he thinks it will fall back into place again. He said I need to live for each day. So what am I going to be doing tonight? And focus on that.

 

I'm planning on seeing how the weekend goes. I'm thinking next week he will have some more time freed up. This week is full of tournaments, practices, and long days for him.

 

He works doing coaching in the sports industry. He is low on the totem pole right now, so he gets bad hours. They let him live for free in the space, but he has to pretty much work when they want him. I think he's been working some days like 7am-9pm or 10am-9:30pm. With little to no breaks. He used to text me when he had down time, which was more frequent. Now he texts me when he gets a few minutes. He usually has Monday's off only. But this week he didn't.

[MiracleGift]

He's a weirdo.. Forget him and find someone who will appreciate you. Guys like this take advantage of the long distance thing and use it as an excuse. I know it's heartbreaking but please save yourself a ton of grief and move on.

[olivetree]

OP, you are trying to mold yourself into someone who is okay being low priority.

This relationship isn't worth it.

You haven't even made a deep connection, and now you're making more small talk that's all about him whining about how busy he is (he is placating you) and you're eating it up and offering sympathy.

Holy boring!

This is what most girls do when a guy says he is busy... think they need to be all understanding, roll over and play a nice doormat.

 

There is no need to offer support for his busy career.

You aren't in a relationship.

You just say, hope it goes well for you and fall off the radar till he decides he wants to make plans, if you're even interested at that point.

Act like you have value.

 

Honestly, I think he is physically attracted to you, but there doesn't sound like much spark/witty banter/depth/emotion to your interactions.

I'm not sure why this is enough for you to consider having a super busy bf.

[Gaeta]

Like I said in your other threads...

 

Again you find yourself in a relationship with a man that cannot give you the relationship you wish for. Here you are again hanging on to a phone, here you are again wondering when he'll be free, here you are again wishing he'd come up with time to see you. Sounds familiar?

 

I don't think you want a relationship. If you did, you would have said 'no thank you' to this guy when you met him and went on to find a good guy that has time and interest in you.

 

You are addicted to this drama, this constant wait, this wondering, the hoping. You need to get out of that pattern.

 

This guy may be a good guy, I don't doubt it, but he is not good for you.

 

Aren't you tired of always wondering?

 

You think you will be ok dating this man when he's gone for the winter. That's wishful thinking. And I say that with a lot of respect. My daughter is exactly like you!! always putting her eggs in the wrong basket and going for the guys that are half-hearted always keeping her on her toes.

 

This man told you when you met him that he's busy, so busy that he'll have no time to see you for days and even weeks, then he told you he'll leave for the winter and maybe - maybe - you can visit him! So that means an entire winter with no boyfriend................and you said OK! Why? He was a nobody in front of you, with no connection, and you said OK I will date you even if you have no time to see me..........That's NOT wanting a boyfriend!

Edited August 9, 2017 by Gaeta

[olivetree]

This man told you when you met him that he's busy, so busy that he'll have no time to see you for days and even weeks, then he told you he'll leave for the winter and maybe - maybe - you can visit him! So that means an entire winter with no boyfriend................

 

This was your first red flag.

He was managing your expectations from the get-go.

 

A guy that was super intrigued by a woman would be packaging that bomb with a ribbon and a bow so that it sounded more appealing to her - so as not to scare her away.

 

For his dream woman, he'd be focusing on how he would try to make the distance/busyness work to meet her needs.

Instead he is saying this is how it is and you need to accept it.

[Gaeta]

I think he's been working some days like 7am-9pm or 10am-9:30pm. With little to no breaks.

 

On some days he works till 9 pm.

 

Tell me why he can't see you on the nights he finishes earlier? and why can't he see you even on a night he finishes at 9 pm?

 

Out of curiosity, did you meet him on line? Is he still showing active?

[amkxoxo]

I'm not sure why he can't see me after 9pm, but he usually passes out for bed soon after that. So I'm thinking that is why. I met him on Bumble. His profile is still up, so I'm assuming active ?

[Gaeta]

I'm not sure why he can't see me after 9pm, but he usually passes out for bed soon after that. So I'm thinking that is why. I met him on Bumble. His profile is still up, so I'm assuming active ?

 

How old is he?

 

Can you see last time he was online?

[amkxoxo]

I'm 25, and he's 24. It doesn't really tell me when he is on or not. Bumble doesn't really work that way. It does show location. So his does say he is in the town that he works and lives in right now and mostly all the time. When he went out with his buddies this past weekend, his location changed to a nearby town that is known for bars etc...

[Gaeta]

I'm 25, and he's 24. It doesn't really tell me when he is on or not. Bumble doesn't really work that way. It does show location. So his does say he is in the town that he works and lives in right now and mostly all the time. When he went out with his buddies this past weekend, his location changed to a nearby town that is known for bars etc...

 

 

Sorry but at 24 you don't crash and burn because you finish working at 9 pm.

 

How far does he live and work from you?

[amkxoxo]

He lives at his work. They provide housing for him there. He lives about 35-40 minutes from me.

[KBob]

When i posted last I thought you meant he works like 16 hour days or something. I work 12 hour days and I've gone out for dates with women after work when I had to get up at 4:30am the next day. My current gf has driven 35 minutes to spend the night with me after working 16 hours...

 

Work shouldn't be an excuse for him unless he's lazy.

[Gaeta]

I'm 25, and he's 24. It doesn't really tell me when he is on or not. Bumble doesn't really work that way. It does show location. So his does say he is in the town that he works and lives in right now and mostly all the time. When he went out with his buddies this past weekend, his location changed to a nearby town that is known for bars etc...

 

A 24 year old is not ready to settle down and do the long distance dating especially when he's working in a field full of guys and probably lots of partying.

 

You should aim at meeting a man a couple of years older than you. A man ready to invest in a relationship. I don't care this guy said he wants a relationship, his actions are saying something else. And now learning he's only 24, on top of that evolving in sports, meh...you are wasting your time.

[kidm]

He wasn't looking for a relationship from the onset. He was looking for something casual.That is why he gave you all those disclaimers right off the bat. A guy can take you out on 10 dates and pay for all of them and still turn it out into a casual sex relationship. Some guys show their true colors at the beginning and don't even bother with the dates but make no mistake there are some who will wine and dine and not pressure you for sex - it does eventually led to sex and then they will hit you with the "not looking for a relationship" line. I believe the "come to my room" invitation was in fact a booty call and once you said no (you handled yourself well), he realized he could no longer keep up the charade. Too much work.

[MiracleGift]

He lives at his work. They provide housing for him there. He lives about 35-40 minutes from me.

 

That's very close, if he really cared he would drive to see you every chance he could! You deserve better than this!