I'm not sure what is happening with this guy ?

[Gaeta]

amkxoxo: Don't avoid my questions.

 

Why do you insist on dating a man that has no time for a relationship?

 

Do you want a relationship or not? IF SO then why don't you continue your search till you find a man available body and soul for a relationship?

[amkxoxo]

I don't see it as no time. This might be one week of his life that he is super busy. He did tell me its always crazy this one week. I went away last week. When you are in a relationship with someone, which he and I aren't, yet, I'm hoping, you are going to have things in life that come up that are going to make it hard to see each other.

 

I see it as hopefully this passes after this weekend and he has some more time freed up. If not, then I move on. But I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's communicated with me, warned me, and to me, for him to do that means he knew ahead of time that he would not see me and he would be preoccupied with his work and he cared enough to let me know and try to text me. This weekend in general yesterday, today, tomorrow, and Sunday is the actual tournament and he did tell me he is going to be swamped and out of touch.

 

I haven't heard from him since his message Wednesday morning. Its a little concerning, but again, I am trying to stay calm, fill my life up and hope next week he comes around when this is all over. I have a lot of hope now that he will. I don't think he is a bad guy. I think he leads a tough work life. Maybe I will decide if things like this happen all the time, which so far they haven't, only this one week, that I don't want to settle of deal with this and I can find someone that has more time and energy for me.

Edited August 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Gaeta]

I don't see it as no time. This might be one week of his life that he is super busy. He did tell me its always crazy this one week. I went away last week. <snip>

 

Didn't you say he only has 1 day off and it's Mondays? and that he's gone all winter to another state. I don't call that having time.

 

Lets see how it unfolds.

Edited August 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[amkxoxo]

The only thing that I still feel bad about is that maybe if I hadn't turned him down for the last minute plan on Friday, or handled the situation differently, maybe he would have asked me to come over later after one of his shifts this week, but he is probably too afraid to now, after I clearly said I don't do that.

 

But I don't know. Maybe things would still be the same. We can't say for sure. And at this point there is nothing I can do. I just feel bad, because I don't want him to think that I expect these perfect plans at perfect hours etc... I have expectations, but I also know that life isn't perfect and things may not always be what I think is perfect in my head, but it doesn't mean it isn't good. I still don't know if he was trying to booty call me or not. I think he may have just been excited to see me. So I feel bad if that was it. I mean this is also through texting so things can easily be misconstrued and errors can occur, which may have been what happened here. I just felt like even if he wanted to have me over to cuddle up and see me he could have asked me the day before or earlier that day. The on the spot "get here" makes me weary of people, like I am an afterthought. But again, I won't know his intentions yet and I might not know ever. He did say he just realized he hadn't spoken to me and wanted to know if I was back or not.

 

We will see what happens. Praying he comes around when he has time.

[Cookiesandough]

he's benched you and your solution to that is to get his interest again by hooking up with him? Yeah, good luck w that.

 

 

Edit: oh and he's a career athlete on bumble. great. As if any more proof he's looking for 'fun' was needed

Edited August 11, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

Why don't you just ask him "Hey, let's meet at xxx time on xxx day at xxx location. It is doens't work for you, can you propose an alternative time?"

 

And that's it. If he responds positively, you meet. If not, or doesn't respond - you move on.

 

Seems like you enjoy drama or feel powerless (putting it all on him to set dates).

[Gaeta]

Why don't you just ask him "Hey, let's meet at xxx time on xxx day at xxx location. It is doens't work for you, can you propose an alternative time?"

 

And that's it. If he responds positively, you meet. If not, or doesn't respond - you move on.

 

Seems like you enjoy drama or feel powerless (putting it all on him to set dates).

 

She has done that already. She offered to see him this week at his convenience and he declined he said he was busy all week and did not offer an alternative. It would be too much for her to invite him again.

[Cookiesandough]

Why don't you just ask him "Hey, let's meet at xxx time on xxx day at xxx location. It is doens't work for you, can you propose an alternative time?"

 

And that's it. If he responds positively, you meet. If not, or doesn't respond - you move on.

 

Seems like you enjoy drama or feel powerless (putting it all on him to set dates).

 

I kind of want her to do this...(yes, again) straight-forward just as you wrote it..especially the "can you propose an alt time?" I think she already knows how he will respond though

[Gaeta]

I kind of want her to do this...(yes, again) straight-forward just as you wrote it..especially the "can you propose an alt time?" I think she already knows how he will respond though

 

 

That would be trying to corner him into a date. When you're down to doing that might as well give up of your own will.

[No_Go]

That would be trying to corner him into a date. When you're down to doing that might as well give up of your own will.

 

Not to corner him - if I invite a friend out that's exactly what I'd say. Why it should be different for a date?

[Gaeta]

Not to corner him - if I invite a friend out that's exactly what I'd say. Why it should be different for a date?

 

In this story here it would be.

 

She asked him if they could go out this week, her treat and he declined without offering an alternative date.

 

Then she would invite him AGAIN a couple of days later but ask for a definite date?

 

Girls...when we're down to doing this it's because it's not meant to be.

 

He's a grown man with a full brain. He doesn't need her to spell it out step by step for him.

[No_Go]

But she wasn't specific - if someone doesn't give me date+time+location that's not an invite. She's playing coy and this behavior is playing against her.

 

Even if it is not meant to be, she'll get closure if she receives no response.

 

In this story here it would be.

 

She asked him if they could go out this week, her treat and he declined without offering an alternative date.

 

Then she would invite him AGAIN a couple of days later but ask for a definite date?

 

Girls...when we're down to doing this it's because it's not meant to be.

 

He's a grown man with a full brain. He doesn't need her to spell it out step by step for him.

[amkxoxo]

Just feeling like I need to vent. I feel like if I hadn't turned him down in the way that I did, then tonight I would be there cuddling with him and spending time with him, but because I suddenly seemed so adverse to us cuddling up and sleepovers that he feels he can't ask me over for that. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him, sleepover, and be with him in that way. I think I just wanted it to be more thoughtful and less like a booty call. I guess after me being away on vacation all week, I thought he would have wanted to see me for more of a date setting so we could have caught up and talked, and then sleepover.

 

I'm just feeling guilty right now and need to get it out. I do think he is truly busy with work. I hope he does come around. I just feel bad because we had regular sleepovers and dates, and now nothing. He told me this week is no good. But I am shocked that he didn't even want a sleepover all week. Just makes no sense to me. Even if you were busy, wouldn't you like to fall asleep next to the girl you like, even if thats all the time you had? Maybe he just wants some time alone after long days to pass out and re-coop. I will never know. And he's been liking stuff on social media all day, from work, but not texting me, and I don't get it.

 

I tried. Last time we texted he messaged me Wednesday, we went back and forth. He stopped responding. I messaged him Thursday, and he never responded. But went on social media. Haven't heard from him all day. Its Saturday.

Edited August 12, 2017 by amkxoxo

[Gaeta]

But I am shocked that he didn't even want a sleepover all week. Just makes no sense to me. Even if you were busy, wouldn't you like to fall asleep next to the girl you like, even if thats all the time you had?

 

Sweetie, this cuddling gets old pretty fast with men, especially 24 years old men. It's better to not sleep next to each other if you don't intent on having sex.

 

A guy that likes you will not give up on you because you clarified things with him. If that's all it took for him to be turned off and not want to see you again than he was not THAT interested to start with. You did fix things right away by inviting out on a date so the incident on text is a thing from the past.

 

You are not gf-bf, he said he was busy, wait it out.

[amkxoxo]

I talked to him today. I sent a message this morning "good Morning"

 

he responded with "hey!"

 

I said "How is everything going?"

 

He said "Oh its going. Final day of mayhem"

 

I did not respond. My mother urged me not to, saying it didn't warrant a response. But I think it does. I feel conflicted.

[Cookiesandough]

I like the part where he asked how your day was going

[amkxoxo]

I thought the same thing. That is why my mother suggested I don't respond.

 

I'm bummed for sure. It reminds me of talking to my ex. And he's an ex for a reason. Its just sadly not what I am looking for. I like him. Yes. But I don't want to feel like I am not important. I am currently talking to man through texting whom I met online. He messages me every day, asks all about me. In detail too, down to what I ate for dinner and how I cooked it. Its nice to feel like someone cares.

Edited August 13, 2017 by amkxoxo

[Cookiesandough]

You should just stop responding for eternity. And Delete his number so you're not tempted to. Focus on this other guy. He sounds way better

[Usename12]

I didn't read the whole thread but OP, why are you so hung up on a guy you met a month ago who isn't giving you attention? The dude looks like he is playing games and if he's butthurt and sulking over one sleight, that's some maturity right there. What a winner. Have some self respect. Like Beyonce said, "To the left, to the left".

[ExpatInItaly]

I talked to him today. I sent a message this morning "good Morning"

 

he responded with "hey!"

 

I said "How is everything going?"

 

He said "Oh its going. Final day of mayhem"

 

I did not respond. My mother urged me not to, saying it didn't warrant a response. But I think it does. I feel conflicted.

 

Your mom is right. There's nothing to respond to. Notice he didn't ask you anything?

 

He's not interested anymore, girl.

[guest569]

Way too much time spent analysing this guy you went on 6 dates with! Stop making excuses and forget him.

[amkxoxo]

I suppose its really over. I truly don’t understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesn’t want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I can’t figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around

[JuneL]

I suppose its really over. I truly don’t understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesn’t want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I can’t figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. Just an observation: Your text exchanges seem pretty dull. Of course, text messaging is not a good way to talk about something too deep or too personal. But it'd be more engaging and fun to have some witty comments, instead of the generic how's your weekend...

[SwordofFlame]

I suppose its really over. I truly don’t understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesn’t want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I can’t figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around

 

You really need to stop blaming yourself for why this relationship didn't work out. A lot of times the reasons why have nothing to do with what you did or didn't do.

[Redhead14]

I suppose its really over. I truly don’t understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesn’t want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I can’t figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around

 

 

I can’t figure out anything that I did wrong.-- Why do people always seem to think that they did something wrong or something is wrong with themselves?

 

Just because you aren't right for that other person doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You just have to be yourself all the time and hope that that works for the next one. You can't be a chameleon and change yourself in any aspect to hold on to a particular person. In other words, even if you could read this guy's mind, know that he didn't like Xthing and then change that to keep him, you wouldn't be being yourself and likely struggle to keep that up and feel resentful over time.

 

Forget about him. You're fine, he's fine, just not for each other. It is what it is. Don't get negative about yourself. Keep positive and always be you.