Ex acts like nothing ever happened ***Updated***

[preraph]

I don't know what's going on with him.

All I know is he keeps asking me to come over...

My house phone , if you send a text to it the phone rings and reads out the text. 5am in the morning at that.

 

Why is he still doing this ??? It's been a month

 

You need to block him with an app or options if it's a landline OR you need to change your phone numbers so you don't have to put up with this. Please. He's just trying to wear you down. I'm certain whoever's phone it is wouldn't mind you blocking him. So is he talking to whoever's phone it is when they answer the phone??? Most phone companies will block someone if you write down dates and times. Most companies have options you can do it yourself, too. And on a cellphone, you get Mr. Number.

Edited August 25, 2017 by preraph

[Vanity1]

Me and my ex have been broken up for a while, but our situation is a little different...

 

during our break up we found out that I was pregnant. We were getting along for a while but I guess my hormones went all crazy for that fact that when I refused to go see him he would get so mad at me that he would cuss me out. Because of that I told him not to talk to me unless it has to do with the pregnancy . Mind you he wanted it to work all that time .

 

At this point he wants nothing to do with me . He resents me for the way that I act. I get crazy when I'm trying to make plans for the abortion and he won't talk about it unless I come over , that made me go off . It gives me anxiety like I'm trapped, there's no reason for me to go over, I have that choice . He got upset because that's all I would talk to him about and not "us"

 

Read my threads for the reason why we broke up and don't want to see him. He kept cheating on me, was physically abusive and verbally which is why I refuse to go see him.

 

Theres no clinics in my city I have to travel over an hour and since I don't want anyone but him and I knowing i can't ask anyone to take me.

 

At this point he says he can't handle my mood swings and will hardly talk to me.

 

What should I do at this point ? Leave him alone ? I have been nagging him and he calls me annoying and says I find a way to fight over everything .

[d0nnivain]

He's already abusive. The same reasons that drove you to break up with him are the reasons you can't rely on him to help you now.

 

Confide in somebody -- your mom, your BFF, somebody. Get them to drive you. Call the clinic & ask them for suggestions. You can't be the 1st woman in this situation who doesn't have much support.

 

Best wishes.

[Vanity1]

He's already abusive. The same reasons that drove you to break up with him are the reasons you can't rely on him to help you now.

 

Confide in somebody -- your mom, your BFF, somebody. Get them to drive you. Call the clinic & ask them for suggestions. You can't be the 1st woman in this situation who doesn't have much support.

 

Best wishes.

 

I have thought about that believe me, but its not so easy I can't tell my mom and everyone in close to is close to my family and it will get around .

 

All I'm asking from him is a ride. Why can't he put his feelings aside and just help me out. It's his responsibility no one else's.

[d0nnivain]

He can't put his feelings aside & help you for the same reasons he abused you. He's an unfeeling selfish cad.

 

Even if your family is close & you can't tell them, tell a BFF. Tell somebody. You have a ticking clock & you need help.

[Vanity1]

He can't put his feelings aside & help you for the same reasons he abused you. He's an unfeeling selfish cad.

 

Even if your family is close & you can't tell them, tell a BFF. Tell somebody. You have a ticking clock & you need help.

 

That's the thing I don't really have anyone hes really been the only one .

 

Do I just wait and give him space I overwhelmed him with my mood swings...kinna my fault

[SoleMate]

No, you can't wait. It's urgent that you deal with your pregnancy now. If you choose to terminate time is of the essence. If you choose to continue it, prenatal care is also urgent. Start taking a multi-vitamin to prevent birth defects. How old are you?

[Vanity1]

I'm well aware that it's urgent but he's the only one who I can depend on.

[d0nnivain]

I'm well aware that it's urgent but he's the only one who I can depend on.

 

You CAN'T depend on him. That is the problem.

 

I think you are going to have to break down & tell your parents. The will probably be more supportive then you think.

[ToGoFruit]

Me and my ex have been broken up for a while, but our situation is a little different...

 

during our break up we found out that I was pregnant. We were getting along for a while but I guess my hormones went all crazy for that fact that when I refused to go see him he would get so mad at me that he would cuss me out. Because of that I told him not to talk to me unless it has to do with the pregnancy . Mind you he wanted it to work all that time .

 

At this point he wants nothing to do with me . He resents me for the way that I act. I get crazy when I'm trying to make plans for the abortion and he won't talk about it unless I come over , that made me go off . It gives me anxiety like I'm trapped, there's no reason for me to go over, I have that choice . He got upset because that's all I would talk to him about and not "us"

 

Read my threads for the reason why we broke up and don't want to see him. He kept cheating on me, was physically abusive and verbally which is why I refuse to go see him.

 

Theres no clinics in my city I have to travel over an hour and since I don't want anyone but him and I knowing i can't ask anyone to take me.

 

At this point he says he can't handle my mood swings and will hardly talk to me.

 

What should I do at this point ? Leave him alone ? I have been nagging him and he calls me annoying and says I find a way to fight over everything .

 

 

There's obviously a ton to think about and process here, but I'd like to ask what an ideal situation looks like for you? All the outside noise on mute; all the distractions and anxieties aside...what do you want out of this? What is an outcome you would find joy in? What resolution would be best for you?

 

And then, what needs are not being met at this time?

 

No doubt, this is one of the most challenging situations you could experience. There is nothing annoying or crazy about you...you're dealing in the best way you know how. However, I feel as though answering some of those questions could alleviate the stress and anxiety you're going through right now.

[Zahara]

I'm well aware that it's urgent but he's the only one who I can depend on.

 

This is a man that has cheated on you, physically and verbally abused you.

 

Why do you think that this is someone that can be depended on? Why do you think he is someone that can support you? It's time you start working on a different plan. Remove him as your support system. It's unrealistic.

 

Time is of the essence. Talk to a friend or your parents. Call the clinic and ask for suggestions i.e. how long is procedure, can you travel on your own, etc. If this is something you have to endure on your own, then you have to find the strength to do it. If you need someone by your side, tell your parents or reach out to a close friend.

 

This man is not an option.

[Vanity1]

I don't like my ex, the relationship was nothing but Rocky, stressful full of lies and cheating. We didn't even enjoy each other's company...yet I was the one he always wanted to spend most time with ( and still does) we will spend a whole week just sitting there hating eachother . But then I feel sad when he's gone for a while....

 

It doesn't make sense. Is it just in my head ?? What is it that I think I'm missing??

[Zahara]

It's because you are addicted to drama and dysfunction. You don't know what healthy, nurturing and loving is like so toxicity keeps you drawn. Plus, you're so emotionally dependent on having someone in your life that anyone is better than no one. And that is because you need another to feel whole. When you don't love yourself, you tend to seek validation from others even when it's in the form of abuse.

 

Are you still seeing your ex?

[A_New_Earth]

Welcome to the world of relationships and crazy brains. I didn't enjoy the relationship that I was in. It was all drama, negativity and bad vibes. It only lasted six months. Yet here (18 months later!!) I've only just cut her completely from my life. It's madness, but you're not alone.

 

'Psychologically' there are two main reasons why you miss your ex. First, we project fantasies onto our partners (especially in the early days). We idealise them and they inevitably fail to meet these requirements. If you are aware that the relationship was terrible, then it's the projection of who you 'thought' he was that you miss. Crazy but true.

 

The second reason is that the constant drama that is prevalent in toxic relationships actually creates a chemical reaction in the brain (not unlike endorphin that is released following exercise). When we end these relationships, we literally go 'cold turkey' from that chemical. No drama = craving for drama. We are creatures of habit and even if you drank a certain poison for ten weeks straight, your body would get used to it and would 'crave' it once you ceased ingesting it.

 

So those are the two main reasons. You are missing the 'projection' of who you would like him to be and you are missing the drama and 'action' of the toxicity.

 

The third reason (and this is a secret so don't tell anyone) is that we're all f**kin mental when it comes to matters of the heart. :-)

 

Best of luck to you. It will get easier.

 

 

I don't like my ex, the relationship was nothing but Rocky, stressful full of lies and cheating. We didn't even enjoy each other's company...yet I was the one he always wanted to spend most time with ( and still does) we will spend a whole week just sitting there hating eachother . But then I feel sad when he's gone for a while....

 

It doesn't make sense. Is it just in my head ?? What is it that I think I'm missing??

[Vanity1]

It's because you are addicted to drama and dysfunction. You don't know what healthy, nurturing and loving is like so toxicity keeps you drawn. Plus, you're so emotionally dependent on having someone in your life that anyone is better than no one. And that is because you need another to feel whole. When you don't love yourself, you tend to seek validation from others even when it's in the form of abuse.

 

Are you still seeing your ex?

 

He says I'm addicted to drama also, I mean I wouldn't be so resentful and mean and dramatic if he didn't confuse me.

 

I still see him I'm pregnant. He was at my family's for Thanksgiving but I kicked him out last night because he added one of the girls that made problems for us on to Facebook.

 

No I'm not keeping the baby. He's the only one that can help me out with this ....but we can't stand each other . Oh and that's another thing that we have been fighting about ...his lack of urgency . He doesn't get it and I look like the dramatic one.

[Zahara]

He says I'm addicted to drama also, I mean I wouldn't be so resentful and mean and dramatic if he didn't confuse me.

 

I still see him I'm pregnant. He was at my family's for Thanksgiving but I kicked him out last night because he added one of the girls that made problems for us on to Facebook.

 

No I'm not keeping the baby. He's the only one that can help me out with this ....but we can't stand each other . Oh and that's another thing that we have been fighting about ...his lack of urgency . He doesn't get it and I look like the dramatic one.

 

If you have decided terminate your pregnancy, you need to really get your act together and take care of what you need to do. This is no playing matter.

 

The thing is YOU don't get it either. You're just as dysfunctional as he is and the reason as to why you are where you are is because you've allowed it and you've enabled it because there is some part of you that wants it.

 

Please speak to your family about your pregnancy. Call the clinic and seek answers as to what kind and how much support you will need after the procedure. Find a friend to go with you. Come up with some kind of plan. Stop depending on this man to determine your fate and life decisions.

 

Please start taking accountability for the choices you have made for yourself and take action. You have posted over and over about this guy, and you're now at a point where you are pregnant, procrastinating as to your next steps and still in contact with this abuser.

 

When do you wake up?

Edited October 10, 2017 by Zahara

[Vanity1]

If you have decided terminate your pregnancy, you need to really get your act together and take care of what you need to do. This is no playing matter.

 

The thing is YOU don't get it either. You're just as dysfunctional as he is and the reason as to why you are where you are is because you've allowed it and you've enabled it because there is some part of you that wants it.

 

Please speak to your family about your pregnancy. Call the clinic and seek answers as to what kind and how much support you will need after the procedure. Find a friend to go with you.

 

Please start taking accountability for the choices you have made for yourself and take action. You have posted over and over about this guy, and you're now at a point where you are pregnant, procrastinating as to your next steps and still in contact with this abuser.

 

I made a thread as to why I'm still in contact with him check it out.

[Zahara]

I made a thread as to why I'm still in contact with him check it out.

 

I read that thread and posted on that thread. You received/receive advice but it falls on deaf ears.

 

No one can help you if you do not want to help yourself.

[Vanity1]

I read that thread and posted on that thread. You received/receive advice but it falls on deaf ears.

 

No one can help you if you do not want to help yourself.

 

Zahara I do take in everyone's advice but your solution isn't easy, I can't just tell a family member if it was that easy I would do that .

 

I did call the clinic for Friday. I'm tripping out because it's so close and he's ignoring me .

[galamoosh]

I don't like my mum very much but I'm still sad I don't get to see her very often.

 

That's attachment.

[Vanity1]

It's so hard .

 

Idk how some people have the strength.

[Frostedflake]

You're not giving yourself enough credit.

What is contact doing for you that you can't do for yourself?

[A_New_Earth]

Experience has taught me the following:

 

The first bout of No Contact (as in your first relationship) is virtually impossible.

 

You will make mistakes. You're human.

 

2nd/3rd/4th relationships etc...it does become 'easier'. The act itself is still difficult. But you will have learned that the pain of continued contact is just too much to bear.

 

If this is your first relationship/no contact attempt...you'll end up going full No Contact ONLY when you can't take it anymore. It doesn't matter if you read 4 million online threads about how much pain you're about to cause yourself...you'll still probably need to experience it first-hand.

 

It's like the saying: "No one ever got wet from word water..." Experience is key. A child can be told fifty times that the 'fire is hot'...but after he/she touches it, they don't tend to make that mistake again in a hurry.

 

Go easy on yourself.

[A_New_Earth]

It's so hard .

 

Idk how some people have the strength.

 

P.s. When you really 'think' about it...what takes more strength? To continue to put yourself in pain, wondering when the next message is coming/what it will say/whether they have 'moved on'/whether they've changed their mind... Or sweet blissful ignorance.

 

It's about time we flipped this whole notion of 'will power' on it's head. My friend is four stone over weight (56 pounds to our American friends). She says she hasn't got the will power to lose the weight. Yet she works two jobs in order to buy all this food. She takes time out of her day to buy the food, cook the food etc. It takes a tremendous amount of 'will power' to do all that. Same with smoking/drinking. It makes us feel ill, costs a lot of money and has us walking the streets for another 'fix'. That takes a lot of will power to continue to do it. Saying 'f**k it' and stop doing it is pretty simple in comparison.

 

No contact will come naturally the moment you can't bear it anymore. It's just a shame that it has to get to this level. But as I say in most of my posts, we're only human.

[Beachead]

The New Earth summed it up perfectly.

 

Once you've gone through an experience or two where you've tried to keep an ex in your life, you'll know first-hand how painful it is. It's something your heart can only experience once..maybe twice if you are stubborn. After that, you'll know why walking away is better.

 

I found a balance between the two. I let a month or two go by after the breakup knowing my initial healing will be limited by lack of closure and hope. I'll be weak and want to contact my ex again to get closure so I'll go in and talk to them preparing for the worst, get my questions answered, knowing I won't ever come back again. And then I'm gone for good. After that, in my head, I'll know I've done everything I could and they were the ones who didn't. It's on them. No Contact then becomes easier.

 

Hope this helps.