Ex acts like nothing ever happened ***Updated***

[d0nnivain]

Stop listening to him. Get him out of your head & your life.

[Blanco]

I get that being entangled in an abusive relationship can break down a person to a point where it's no longer as easy as someone saying, "Break free and leave that person behind."

 

But you have to understand that this guy has broken you down to the point where you now believe you don't deserve any better than emotional and physical abuse. You are now willing to chase him. Instead of standing tall and affirming that you deserve more, you feast on whatever scraps he drops down at your feet. In other words, he's accomplished exactly what he wanted to.

 

He is just one person. Who he says you are does not define you unless you allow it.

[Vanity1]

yay guys I went two days without contacting him, that's a miracle I have not went this long since I met him sucka.

[SammySammy]

Imagine how you'll feel when it has been two years.

 

Think about what you're going to do in the next two years to put yourself in a better place.

[kgcolonel]

He says things like, guys only like you for your looks.

You have a face and then what?

He says I'll end up with a fat old rich guy who will cheat on me with hookers.

He says guys will stick around until they actually get to know me.....but anytime I've acted out of line or nasty was for legit reasons, for the way he has treated me. He sees I'm really nice to other people, he says I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm " proper".

 

This guy is definitely toxic to you and your well being. He is showing signs that he is so insecure that he's abusive. He's trying to tear you down to the point that you think this is the best you can do. I have seen this so many times, a beautiful (both physically and emotionally) person being treated this way so an SOB like this can hold them captive.

 

Please exit this situation for your own well being!

[Vanity1]

This guy is definitely toxic to you and your well being. He is showing signs that he is so insecure that he's abusive. He's trying to tear you down to the point that you think this is the best you can do. I have seen this so many times, a beautiful (both physically and emotionally) person being treated this way so an SOB like this can hold them captive.

 

Please exit this situation for your own well being!

 

No it may be true, if I had enough good qualities then I wouldn't get cheated on or he wouldn't have the desire to see other people plain and simple. Also I think he has alot off resentment towards me because he's still in love with his ex or has a soft spot for her and looks at me like ugh, she hurt him and no longer wants him and he takes it out on me or something . When I wanted to talk about the situation he yelled at me never wanted to talk about anything that was bothering me, just called me an idiot ....but all along still wanted a relationship with me . Rebound girl next best thing.

 

I'm the one he did wrong to, somehow I'm the immature idiot. Strikes a nerve with him when I want to talk about the things that has hurt me in order to move on with him- just got told to STFU. I'm the one who should be calling him names , telling him why girls won't want him due to his drug and alcohol problems ect but I never scoop to his level. He can remember me as the girl who was really there for him and I'll remember him as the toxic *******, his loss. Even tho he says he's not losing anything " get that straight "

 

Blocking him is the best thing ever, I miss him a bit but it's better than that cloud hanging over my head , really I wasn't even happy in relationship .

[Vanity1]

Also, I've been told that before by a friend of mine ....that I'll end up with someone not having to work. And then my ex says I'll end up with basically a guy taking care of me. So there must be some truth to that. But I knowing and good person very forgiving none judgemental , giving. I dont smoke or drink , don't do drugs . Why is it his business he doesn't see a future with me anyway so why does he have to be mean about.

[BC1980]

Also, I've been told that before by a friend of mine ....that I'll end up with someone not having to work. And then my ex says I'll end up with basically a guy taking care of me. So there must be some truth to that. But I knowing and good person very forgiving none judgemental , giving. I dont smoke or drink , don't do drugs . Why is it his business he doesn't see a future with me anyway so why does he have to be mean about.

 

Looks have little to do with wanting a relationship with someone. You can look around at other people's relationships and see that. They might want you for a FWB or a fling, but people can smell low self-esteem and desperation a mile away. Those two qualities make you unattractive no matter what you look like on the outside. Your behavior exudes desperation and low self-esteem. Most of us have exhibited that type of behavior at some point, so I'm not singling you out and pointing a finger.

[Vanity1]

Looks have little to do with wanting a relationship with someone. You can look around at other people's relationships and see that. They might want you for a FWB or a fling, but people can smell low self-esteem and desperation a mile away. Those two qualities make you unattractive no matter what you look like on the outside. Your behavior exudes desperation and low self-esteem. Most of us have exhibited that type of behavior at some point, so I'm not singling you out and pointing a finger.

 

How embarrassing. Everyone says you're beautiful you don't need this ...or what are u doing with him looking at you I'd think you would be the one cheating but looks are nothing it can only get you so far. He's actually the type of person you should listen to and take his bad delivery into consideration to make yourself a better person .

[whatnot]

No it may be true, if I had enough good qualities then I wouldn't get cheated on or he wouldn't have the desire to see other people plain and simple.

My brother is 62 years old. I'm 58. My brother has been a thief all of his life. Anyone who's ever gotten involved with him financially has taken it in the shorts. They've been conned. He's a con artist. A GREAT salesman with ALOT of charisma and charm. WONDERFUL sense of humor. Even the people he steals from...a lot of them still like him. He's an almost impossible man to not like. But....he's a con artist. Always has been...always will be.

 

I've been conned by him a few times myself. The first time was when I was 12 and he was 16. He asked if he could borrow 20 dollars. I did not have it on me....but I had about 300 dollars in my checking accounts. I gave him my security code for the ATM so he could get his 20 dollars. The next day...I found out my checking account balance was zero. He had taken every cent.

 

 

This is how he makes his living. Conning other people out of their money. (as we've aged....it's turned into big money). A few of his victims have prosecuted him....and he's been in and out of the Federal pen a couple of times .... not a lot.....but here and there. It's never stopped him from conning others. It's his make up. He will never change. It's who he is. A nice guy....but a thief....through and through.

 

 

Hurt.......if he steals from me....is it because *I'm* a bad person? If I were a *better* person...would he not steal from me because I'm a *good* person? (He's stolen from some very good men...men who let the debt go...unpaid .... forever.....and never prosecuted him...me being one of them).

 

 

 

Hurt...this man *LOOKS* for good people to con. They're the one's that are the most trusting....and also the one's that are the most likely to forgive him after he steals from them.

 

ARE THEY BAD PEOPLE BECAUSE THIS MAN CHOOSES TO STEAL FROM THEM?

 

My brother is a psychopath. He doesn't have a normal conscience. It doesn't matter to him that he takes from others. As a matter of fact...it makes him feel good about himself when he DOES take from others....and gets away with it.

 

 

What you are saying is....because someone who is not a good person....treats you badly....that makes the one who was treated badly because....if they were a good person....they wouldn't have been treated badly in the first place.

 

 

That's faulty thinking Hurt. This man you want to treat you differently....treats no one differently. IT IS HIM. NOT YOU. Do not think you are different or bad...because he treats you badly. You are not. YOU ARE NOT. The man who's abusing you will abuse anyone...who will let him.

 

Just like my brother will con anyone....who will let him

[whatnot]

How embarrassing. Everyone says you're beautiful you don't need this ...or what are u doing with him looking at you I'd think you would be the one cheating but looks are nothing it can only get you so far. He's actually the type of person you should listen to and take his bad delivery into consideration to make yourself a better person .

 

 

Should I listen to my brother in order to make me richer Hurt? He's always coming at me with ways of making more money. Should I listen to him Hurt? Should I listen to him so he can take me for a ride again Hurt?

 

 

People see my brother...who's never had financial dealings with him before...as a trustworthy .... nice.....giving....helpful....smart business man.....HONEST. lol

 

That's for people who don't know him. Same as the people who's telling you to listen to this guy who's approval you seem to so badly need.

 

 

I'll just tell ya flat out Hurt. You ain't NEVER gonna get your man's approval. NEVER. That's a fact. take it to the bank.

Edited August 9, 2017 by whatnot

[Vanity1]

Although I have broken up with my ex and been ignoring him....

 

He told a mutual who invited us over for drinks that we were just fighting alot and taking sometime.

 

This is what I mean when he never takes what I say into consideration . He's delusional and his brain is in a different world

[BC1980]

Although I have broken up with my ex and been ignoring him....

 

He told a mutual who invited us over for drinks that we were just fighting alot and taking sometime.

 

This is what I mean when he never takes what I say into consideration . He's delusional and his brain is in a different world

 

Why are you concerned with what he tells the mutual friend? Most people are going to give a generic response about a relationship ending. He doesn't need to get into details with people. I doubt the mutual friend cares anyway.

 

Besides, you can't control what he thinks, says, or does. That is a fool's errand. The only person you can control is yourself.

[preraph]

You can't make sense of nonsense. This guy is used to getting his way no matter how crappy he treats people, and he does it by acting like nothing has changed -- like YOU'RE the only thing wrong with this picture. Like if you weren't upset, then things would go back to normal. Like he is entitled to just juggle exes and lie to every one of them and string them along and keep that going. Apparently neither of his parents taught him empathy or that he has to earn someone's love.

 

And you need to stop banging your head against the wall trying to figure him out. he's an entitled chronic liar who will say anything to get his way and then try to make you being mad YOUR fault. He's a piece of crap. Stop thinking he's a puzzle to figure out. He's a thousand pieces of garbage, not anything that's ever going to come together and work out.

[Vanity1]

Here we go.

 

Back and forth.....these crazy phases I want him I don't want him, I miss him, I hate him.

 

I called him. Facepalm !

Edited August 16, 2017 by Hurtx10

[Zahara]

Here we go.

 

Back and forth.....these crazy phases I want him I don't want him, I miss him, I hate him.

 

I called him. Facepalm !

 

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you learn. When the pain of NC becomes far more tolerable than the memory of pain and abuse. When the clarity and realization that you deserve better outweighs the need for anyone just to have someone.

 

You're addicted and you still need something from him. You mentioned (I may be wrong) that you changed your number? If so, block him.

 

The next time you are emotional, do not react on your emotions. Find other ways to deal with your anxiety rather than reaching out to someone that is the cause of it. He is your pain. He cannot provide you comfort.

 

Reach out to your friends, family, LS to help you off the cliff. He can't do anything for you, then or now.

[Blanco]

Next time you go to call him, just look at your phone and think about how many phones you've owned in the last couple of years BECAUSE HE FREAKING LITERALLY DESTROYED YOUR OTHER ONES.

[Vanity1]

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you learn. When the pain of NC becomes far more tolerable than the memory of pain and abuse. When the clarity and realization that you deserve better outweighs the need for anyone just to have someone.

 

You're addicted and you still need something from him. You mentioned (I may be wrong) that you changed your number? If so, block him.

 

The next time you are emotional, do not react on your emotions. Find other ways to deal with your anxiety rather than reaching out to someone that is the cause of it. He is your pain. He cannot provide you comfort.

 

Reach out to your friends, family, LS to help you off the cliff. He can't do anything for you, then or now.

 

Thank you so much. What would rock bottom be??

[Zahara]

Thank you so much. What would rock bottom be??

 

It's your own journey. No one can decide what your rock bottom is going to be. Only you can come to that realization. When does it become enough for you?

 

The next time you want to reach out to him -- step back, go to a quiet place, take a few deep breaths and sit yourself down and think, think with your brain. Ask yourself questions that will help you rationalize and calm yourself rather than emotionally react and panic:

 

- Why do I want to talk to him?

- Will I get what I want from talking to him?

- How will I feel after talking to him?

- What do I need from him?

- Will he be able to give it to me?

- What do I deserve?

 

 

The answers will help you off the ledge. When you start realizing your truth, you'll stop trying to resurrect this.

[Redhead14]

Thank you so much. What would rock bottom be??

 

Rock bottom wouldn't actually happen if you continue to reach out to him. It will be a continuous downward spiral. He could eventually get really mean and real with you out of frustration over the fact that you are not respecting his wishes and not leaving the situation with dignity and strength and then you will be feeling embarrassed when you look back on it all with fresh eyes. Which in turn will bring you to a new low point and starting the grieving process over again.

 

The "comfortable" rock bottom would be acceptance which can happen sooner if you get really busy and focused on your life as a single, independent, secure woman.

[Vanity1]

It's your own journey. No one can decide what your rock bottom is going to be. Only you can come to that realization. When does it become enough for you?

 

The next time you want to reach out to him -- step back, go to a quiet place, take a few deep breaths and sit yourself down and think, think with your brain. Ask yourself questions that will help you rationalize and calm yourself rather than emotionally react and panic:

 

- Why do I want to talk to him?

- Will I get what I want from talking to him?

- How will I feel after talking to him?

- What do I need from him?

- Will he be able to give it to me?

- What do I deserve?

 

 

The answers will help you off the ledge. When you start realizing your truth, you'll stop trying to resurrect this.

 

I have been doing that, I've been pretty strong I just felt so weak, and of course he texted back " you called" and said he loves me and wants to work things out but said all the things I needed to change ! He said he needs to change too BUT ....theres always a but. And he says I always rub it in his face and it's unfair and that people make mistakes, but he keeps making the same mistakes !

 

Also he's been asking about other guys ....yes I blocked him

[Zahara]

I have been doing that, I've been pretty strong I just felt so weak, and of course he texted back " you called" and said he loves me and wants to work things out but said all the things I needed to change ! He said he needs to change too BUT ....theres always a but. And he says I always rub it in his face and it's unfair and that people make mistakes, but he keeps making the same mistakes !

 

Also he's been asking about other guys ....yes I blocked him

 

So, there you go. He has a basket of goose eggs to give you. There is nothing you can get from him.

 

The next time you are having a panic attack, keep practicing what you have been doing or reach out to those that can and will help you get past that temporary bump. Yes, the urge is just a temporary bump. It will come, and it will go but you have to learn how to manage the way you react to it. And reaching out to him is counter-productive -- read this the next time you have itchy fingers.

[preraph]

Why does he choose me to abuse when I been there for him .

 

This is just who he is. He doesn't know how NOT to abuse people. He will stay around whoever will put up with him.

[preraph]

Why am I not worthy in his eyes .

 

If a scumbag like him can't see anything in me then really....

 

He isn't looking for someone "worthy" because he is either a narcissist or a sociopath who really doesn't CARE how other people feel and has no empathy. He is just looking for whatever he can get off people, whether that's him getting to slap you or have sex with you or you making a meal or giving him a place to hang out. He only cares about what you will do for him. He treats you like utter crap. He doesn't care if you like it or not. He doesn't and probably cannot change. He probably had a terrible childhood, whatever. And he keeps you there by blaming you for HIS bad acts.

 

He is NEVER going to treat you right because HE is messed up.

[preraph]

No it may be true, if I had enough good qualities then I wouldn't get cheated on or he wouldn't have the desire to see other people plain and simple. Also I think he has alot off resentment towards me because he's still in love with his ex or has a soft spot for her and looks at me like ugh, she hurt him and no longer wants him and he takes it out on me or something . When I wanted to talk about the situation he yelled at me never wanted to talk about anything that was bothering me, just called me an idiot ....but all along still wanted a relationship with me . Rebound girl next best thing.

 

I'm the one he did wrong to, somehow I'm the immature idiot. Strikes a nerve with him when I want to talk about the things that has hurt me in order to move on with him- just got told to STFU. I'm the one who should be calling him names , telling him why girls won't want him due to his drug and alcohol problems ect but I never scoop to his level. He can remember me as the girl who was really there for him and I'll remember him as the toxic *******, his loss. Even tho he says he's not losing anything " get that straight "

 

Blocking him is the best thing ever, I miss him a bit but it's better than that cloud hanging over my head , really I wasn't even happy in relationship .

 

Oh, my God -- He doesn't care if you have "good qualities." He would still cheat on anyone. He doesn't care about "quality." He only cares about himself and right this moment. He doesn't have any real emotional capacity.