Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 uh NG!!! you must chill!!! Dunk your head in some ice water,maybe. How can you go through the rest of the relationship panicking like this??:eek: Will there be 'the rest'? That's my only 'panic'........ time is passing i'm losing hope Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 I will admit something: I somewhat like the emotional amplitudes that my mind send me in. It is so rare that I enjoy it as something special. But I can understand it can be disturbing for others. And that's why I'm venting to only very close friends and in anonymous forums The guy in question... will never be aware how anxious I have been... Unless he sticks with me long term - then we'll ave some laaughs about it after few months It's not cute when a woman goes all Fatal Attraction on a guy. Sorry. Not saying OP is anywhere near that level of crazy, but it's that same anxious personality that turns a lot of guys off. OP, I get it, you're more serious than a lot of giggly women out there and that's okay. But I'm wondering if this anxiety is something you want to address regardless of the guy. Your partner will sometimes, even often, do things you don't like or agree with. By this thread it seems you've actually done a good job insulating the guy from your anxiety by not blowing up his phone or what not, but do you want to go through relationships like this as the above poster said? Link to post Share on other sites
rushed Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Who asked whom out last time? If you haven't asked him out yet, I'd just shoot him a text asking if he wants to go grab dinner/see a movie/go hiking on whatever day. (You haven't been bombarding him with texts, right?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 13, 2017 Author Share Posted August 13, 2017 Who asked whom out last time? If you haven't asked him out yet, I'd just shoot him a text asking if he wants to go grab dinner/see a movie/go hiking on whatever day. (You haven't been bombarding him with texts, right?) No bombarding The 4 times so far he initiated but I finalized the details for 2 and 4. Shall I wait till tomorrow ? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 Yes, wait for his response at this point. If he doesn't answer then you can wait another day or so before proposing to meet if you want. Is it honestly expected to text someone daily after just a few dates? I didn't reach daily texting status with my fiancé until about six weeks in, and even that was after years of friendship. For what it's worth the comment about not dating for two years made me wonder if he's a widower. Grief is a good reason to stay off the dating market. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 13, 2017 Author Share Posted August 13, 2017 Not expected of course, just nice. My last one was just 'thank you for the nite' type of message and his (just before mine) was of similar nature ('safe one blabla' )... but still. It is logistically his turn if that matters. He's not a widower, never been married, but who knows, he may have lost a loved one. One of his exes I know and she's fine and happy with someone else. The 2nd one - no idea. I'm calming down, one day off is fine:) Yes, wait for his response at this point. If he doesn't answer then you can wait another day or so before proposing to meet if you want. Is it honestly expected to text someone daily after just a few dates? I didn't reach daily texting status with my fiancé until about six weeks in, and even that was after years of friendship. For what it's worth the comment about not dating for two years made me wonder if he's a widower. Grief is a good reason to stay off the dating market. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 13, 2017 Author Share Posted August 13, 2017 Ok... all is good I'm admitting my anxiety is idiotic, he of course returned, he's great, wonderful, and I'm an anxious ball. All is good - will update after next date 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 Light hearted is over-rated. I'm naturally not and I'm not attracted to people that are...so no point in acting that way. Plus this guy has no clue what's going on in NG's mind. She is not bombarding him with texts. As for "sensing it", I doubt it. Men generally have terrible intuitions 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 I'd also recommend to lower your, so to say, sexpectations. You're all bursting in flames but what if the sex act itself (when you get to it) will be mediocre? Will you not be disappointed? I don't really think nerdy, calm and shy guys are stallions in bed, or at least not in my personal experience. He might be sensing that you're so excited and having his own anxieties about it. Guys are "supposed to" perform and take the lead which can put a huge load of pressure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 13, 2017 Author Share Posted August 13, 2017 I'd also recommend to lower your, so to say, sexpectations. You're all bursting in flames but what if the sex act itself (when you get to it) will be mediocre? Will you not be disappointed? I don't really think nerdy, calm and shy guys are stallions in bed, or at least not in my personal experience. He might be sensing that you're so excited and having his own anxieties about it. Guys are "supposed to" perform and take the lead which can put a huge load of pressure. Oh I'm not worried for the sex at all (and I know he's very worried ). This is something learnable - with each of my (3) partners, thinks we're questionable in the beginning to great in the end. It just takes patience IME, the rest is ... biology. But yes, he's worried and apologetic for lack of action, I don't know how to relieve this pressure of his. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 You guys talked about?? How'd that come up? Whatd he say 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 13, 2017 Author Share Posted August 13, 2017 You guys talked about?? How'd that come up? Whatd he say He was at first apologizing for lack of action . Then about how we enjoyed yesterday. And then something very specific we were talking he'll do and he did in great detail 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 ::fans self:: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 He was at first apologizing for lack of action . Then about how we enjoyed yesterday. And then something very specific we were talking he'll do and he did in great detail So happy for you! He's lucky to have someone so understanding of his worry in that department. I'm sure you guys will make a cute couple 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 He's definitely pulling back Saturday he blasted my phone at night (only) and Sunday he was unusually quiet and we haven't finalized plans for the next meet although I started testing the waters asking him for availability in the next days. I *know* it is early but I'm really looking for change of velocity here and it is obvious. Now, I heard men pulling back to rethink and coming again stronger, but in my limited experience... when the guy starts the process of pulling away, it is the beginning of the end... Ball is in his court now, I'm just curious for opinions / experiences from people here. I'm NOT over-dramatizing this time... He does NOT know I'm freaking out. Was this it? Any men have ever returned from this dreaded pull-back mode? (honestly, my last hope is he's looking for ideas to break the suspense with the physical stuff and that's why he's pulling back but I think is unlikely) Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 NG, it sounds like you won the jackpot. A guy that is not sexually agressive and even admits to being nervous? Don't read too much into subtle change in contact. He sounds like an over-thinking type. I predict marriage and babies 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) I dunno....not too much of it sounds like normal adult relations to me....and he's not acting like any guy I know that had serious interest in a woman....Not from the beginning or now...Several dates, and NOTHING physical??? Hot and cold behavior?? My only guess is that if you found him on OLD, that he may be juggling another(or a couple) of women and is waffling with you a bit...Again, who knows..?? Or it maybe it's what I said earlier, he has some sexual performance hangup or situation and is fearful of being put in the position where he has to get it done and can't...But then I would wonder why someone would even date at that point....At least get that resolved before hand so it doesn't become an issue....Again, I dunno..Just speculation.. I've never heard of "pulling away then coming back".....That doesn't seem to make much sense... Good luck either way...Maybe its just jitters or some other issue, but I can understand why you don't feel confident here.. TFY Edited August 14, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 I highly doubt he's juggling a few women - he's way too nerdy for an average taste... But I suspect some kind of performance hangup. It will be sad if that's the case because I would have been 100% understanding if that's the case... Hot and cold - no, but after the last (6h) date he decreased contact a lot... I dunno....not too much of it sounds like normal adult relations to me....and he's not acting like any guy I know that had serious interest in a woman....Not from the beginning or now...Several dates, and NOTHING physical??? Hot and cold behavior?? My only guess is that if you found him on OLD, that he may be juggling another(or a couple) of women and is waffling with you a bit...Again, who knows..?? Or it maybe it's what I said earlier, he has some sexual performance hangup or situation and is fearful of being put in the position where he has to get it done and can't...But then I would wonder why someone would even date at that point....At least get that resolved before hand so it doesn't become an issue....Again, I dunno..Just speculation.. I've never heard of "pulling away then coming back".....That doesn't seem to make much sense... Good luck either way...Maybe its just jitters or some other issue, but I can understand why you don't feel confident here.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 That's why I'm so nervous - I feel I really won the jackpot by finding him so it will suck big time to lose him... And I can safely say I had no final game with this guy - I just immensely enjoy his company and wanted it to last... ES, I remember you said you're good at sensing relationship potential - I SO much hope you're sensing it right Even if it all falls through the cracks - this experience made me believe I'm emotionally ALIVE which is a huge success for me... NG, it sounds like you won the jackpot. A guy that is not sexually agressive and even admits to being nervous? Don't read too much into subtle change in contact. He sounds like an over-thinking type. I predict marriage and babies 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I highly doubt he's juggling a few women - he's way too nerdy for an average taste... But I suspect some kind of performance hangup. It will be sad if that's the case because I would have been 100% understanding if that's the case... Hot and cold - no, but after the last (6h) date he decreased contact a lot... Fair enough, but I think you are probably at the point of "having the talk"...You know, the one where you press him for where you all are going with this..Maybe he'll share with you why he's not really going in with both feet..so to speak... I certainly am pulling for you ...and hope it all works out... I see why you are on edge, though... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Thanks for understanding! When/if he responds - I have no choice but to initiate 'the talk'... Or a kiss Although in his profile he said he doesn't like overtly sexual women... I have no idea what he means... Hopefully a kiss won't be 'overtly sexual' for him Fair enough, but I think you are probably at the point of "having the talk"...You know, the one where you press him for where you all are going with this..Maybe he'll share with you why he's not really going in with both feet..so to speak... I certainly am pulling for you ...and hope it all works out... I see why you are on edge, though... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I think that the men on here are suspicious because this guy is the complete opposite of a pick up artist model (sexually aggressive and cocky). Pick-up artist types repel me, yet many men on here believe that women like me are "just saying that" and deep down that's what they all want. This guy sounds like the exact personality type I have always been attracted to. Even down to being single for 2 years...I would take a nerdy guy with performance anxiety any day over a smooth "stud in bed". Sex can be learned, personality traits are forever. Maybe it's just the cultural difference between Eastern European and American people... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I think that the men on here are suspicious because this guy is the complete opposite of a pick up artist model (sexually aggressive and cocky). Pick-up artist types repel me, yet many men on here believe that women like me are "just saying that" and deep down that's what they all want. This guy sounds like the exact personality type I have always been attracted to. Even down to being single for 2 years...I would take a nerdy guy with performance anxiety any day over a smooth "stud in bed". Sex can be learned, personality traits are forever. Maybe it's just the cultural difference between Eastern European and American people... 6 dates......nothing....home alone with her......nothing......(despite her showing interest)...one day all in....next day...blah... This is not just "sexually aggressive men" finding it not in the flavor of PUA(Heck, I just found out what that means a few days ago:laugh:).... It's just not considered normal behavior by anyone that is above the age of 15...No one(least not me) expected him to be swinging her from the chandeliers, but its just very odd...I don't care how nerdy he is.... If it all works out, great...you found the Unicorn... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Thing is he's a pure American breed (well with some Scandinavian), I'm Eastern European though so I can see the cultural difference part... Btw the "stud in bed" does nothing for me sexually... actually it is a massive turn off when a guy THINKS he knows how to 'please' me sexually... I'm probably not explaining it right but when I hear someone saying how much he's giving me in bed... I'm just laughing... I think that the men on here are suspicious because this guy is the complete opposite of a pick up artist model (sexually aggressive and cocky). Pick-up artist types repel me, yet many men on here believe that women like me are "just saying that" and deep down that's what they all want. This guy sounds like the exact personality type I have always been attracted to. Even down to being single for 2 years...I would take a nerdy guy with performance anxiety any day over a smooth "stud in bed". Sex can be learned, personality traits are forever. Maybe it's just the cultural difference between Eastern European and American people... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 I hope he's an Unicorn, I hope it so much... It was 4 dates. 5th I hope to be in his place if any, I'm sure he'll be most relaxed there and I regret I didn't suggest this on Friday... 6 dates......nothing....home alone with her......nothing......(despite her showing interest)...one day all in....next day...blah... This is not just "sexually aggressive men" finding it not in the flavor of PUA(Heck, I just found out what that means a few days ago:laugh:).... It's just not considered normal behavior by anyone that is above the age of 15...No one(least not me) expected him to be swinging her from the chandeliers, but its just very odd...I don't care how nerdy he is.... If it all works out, great...you found the Unicorn... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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