lana-banana Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 For what it's worth, I'm on Team Relax And Enjoy It But Don't Get Carried Away (Not That I Necessarily Think You Are). Hmm, that name could use some work. It is great that you've met someone who excites you so much, especially when so many dates are duds. There is good advice all over this thread. Yes, when things are very intense very early on, there's a high risk of it going up in flames. Yes, you're also a grown woman who knows what she's doing. You haven't exhibited any foolish or dangerous behavior. I do think statements like "things will never be the same" and worries about why he hasn't been more physical after two dates are over the top. But you're over the moon about a new guy and some level of over-the-top is to be expected. So just roll with it. You should only worry if you feel like you're losing control, whether over yourself or the situation, or if your friends express concern. Barring that you should have fun, relax, and enjoy all the emotions as they come and go. The beginning is always such an intense rush! I remember experiencing a very powerful surge of emotions with two men I dated, and in both cases I was just certain beyond all rational explanation that I had met the man I would marry. The first one went up in flames after just months, but I was right the second time around! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 27, 2017 Author Share Posted July 27, 2017 OP you seem like an intense person and if someone excites you, it consumes a lot of your mind..... And if a guy you're seeing is scared off by or feels smothered by your intensity, he's probably not right for you anyway so it might as well show early. So I'd say enjoy the early stages getting to know someone. That is so true - I think that's why my past relationship was so rocky - I was stubborn to admit we have just had completely different/incompatible emotional spectrums... Best odds are if people align on this things from the start - with this guy we very much do, so far 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 27, 2017 Author Share Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) And Lana - the best part is that you're indeed marrying the second one - it is dreams come true story As mentioned I had this irrational intense rush 2x before, non of them became an actual boyfriend though - for the first one just the circumstances were all wrong, the second one lasted very short. I haven't been intimate with any of them. This is the first time around when there is an actual potential to get from fantasy (pre/dating) to reality (relationship). Yeah, I feel like I'm old and rational enough to spot red flags. I have notoriously bad history with boyfriends though and I was old&rational then as well (all three guys that I lasted long time with). I think reason being - they pushed too much and I didn't manage to say no when I saw things not clicking. Here is almost the reverse 'problem' - things feel so right Not making any crazy expectations but having someone that 'gets' me with all my quirks (that I didn't even try hiding from the start ) is unheard of. Or it just feels unreal after my previous meh experiences. For the physical stuff I'm worried just because it is a different pattern than before ...... And when I said things won't be the same - I didn't mean my world is upside down:) I'm just shocked/impressed that I'm still capable of *intense* emotion - something that I though I lost in the past three years (I was set that's the entry of the 30s but it seems like it was just not meeting the right man) I'm so so lucky with my dating this time - all the guys that I chatted with were the opposite of duds - each of them I can put in my friends' circle based on the exchanges. And this one - basically the first person that I met this time around is just insanely attractive to me (I don't mean just appearance, the whole vibe I'm getting)... Just thinking about it I should stop worrying and thank my lucky stars that I met someone so exciting, whatever happens.... For what it's worth, I'm on Team Relax And Enjoy It But Don't Get Carried Away (Not That I Necessarily Think You Are). Hmm, that name could use some work. It is great that you've met someone who excites you so much, especially when so many dates are duds. There is good advice all over this thread. Yes, when things are very intense very early on, there's a high risk of it going up in flames. Yes, you're also a grown woman who knows what she's doing. You haven't exhibited any foolish or dangerous behavior. I do think statements like "things will never be the same" and worries about why he hasn't been more physical after two dates are over the top. But you're over the moon about a new guy and some level of over-the-top is to be expected. So just roll with it. You should only worry if you feel like you're losing control, whether over yourself or the situation, or if your friends express concern. Barring that you should have fun, relax, and enjoy all the emotions as they come and go. The beginning is always such an intense rush! I remember experiencing a very powerful surge of emotions with two men I dated, and in both cases I was just certain beyond all rational explanation that I had met the man I would marry. The first one went up in flames after just months, but I was right the second time around! Edited July 27, 2017 by No_Go 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bene Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Hope you're right! He did yesterday, and texted to meet again as well like 30 min after getting back home , but we haven't yet set time, and the lack of physical escalation is a bit worrying but probably better to slow it down anyway:love: I wouldn't worry about friendzoning (actually you shouldn't WORRY about anything at this point). Maybe he just wants to be a gentleman and not come across as too pushy or only wanting sex. It would be an odd way to make new friends Keep us updated, this is a very exciting thread! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 28, 2017 Author Share Posted July 28, 2017 Eh trying not to worry but... tomorrow is coming, I know it will be fun but my stomach is in a knot. Now the weird part: the last time I felt so insanely drawn to someone was 9 years ago, same town (that may not have been weird but I moved across the world in the past years ... ending up in the same place). They work in the same location. There is exceptional similarity in their eyes (although this one is even more attractive overall haha). And they are exactly the same age at the time of meet (obviously I'm 9 years older now). So many parallels - I don't believe in anything but all these coincidences... Anyway, I'm just hyper this week but getting better - if nothing else, it has been the most epic 10 days for me in a loooong while... I wouldn't worry about friendzoning (actually you shouldn't WORRY about anything at this point). Maybe he just wants to be a gentleman and not come across as too pushy or only wanting sex. It would be an odd way to make new friends Keep us updated, this is a very exciting thread! Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Omgosh no go this is so exciting!!!! I am subscribed and find myself anxious for the next update when you go on dates. It gives me hope in the while OLD thing and just very happy for you x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 29, 2017 Author Share Posted July 29, 2017 It is so exciting indeed - my heart is melting... It was the loveliest morning that I have had in years... We continued the nature trend and were birdwatching! This was an old hobby of mine that brought me into biology (read: changed my life for good) and now - so many years later - I'm doing the same with a fantastic guy next to me who make me weak in the knees. We ended up lying on the grass and talking for few hours He actually addressed the two fears that I had about him/relationships in general. Not to go into specifics but I think he guessed by things I've written in my profile - because I wouldn't ask if he didn't volunteer to tell me. It is so good it is unreal. Except... We can't pass this physical barrier... He was lingering for a long while before we left and I though time is coming but... ended up in a hug again. I really hope he's just the nicest guy in the world not uninterested and that's why he's moving slow... From my end it feels like I'll burst in flames very very soon. He's off for the week to his family, he said we'll do it again once he's back. I really want so much this to happen... I don't know how to escalate here - I won't be a pest while he's away of course, I just want to see him again so much it hurts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 31, 2017 Author Share Posted July 31, 2017 He's away for the week... I'm a little restless 1) How to keep him 'warm' without suffocating him? He's with family so I feel like I should keep texting to minimum unless he initiates ... Yesterday he was initiating A LOT but I was just responding to him instead of giving open questions because I wanted to give him choice to have some privacy. I hope this wasn't interpreted as lack of interest from my end.. 2) Our next meet will be in-house - he suggested and I invited him over. It won't be an, ahem, date because we have a loooong way to get there. We need to kiss first! So I need somehow to break the ice... We're both introverted and a little awkward... last date there was some edging towards prolonged goodbye hug and I thought it is coming.... ugh not yet. How to break the physical barrier?? IME nothing good will be coming if we keep physical distance for longer (I had one case like this and we became platonic friends ughhh) Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 1) Mirror. If he texts a fair amount, you can do the same, but you don't have to. At this stage I would probably wait until Wednesday or so, maybe with a funny picture or something, but if he is texting daily then go with the flow. I'd avoid texting during mealtimes as he's likely to be with family. 2) Go for it when the moment is right. There will be something, at some point, when somebody's hand lingers or the conversation gets unexpectedly flirtatious or you just laugh a little too long. It will take care of itself from there. And don't forget to have fun! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 1, 2017 Author Share Posted August 1, 2017 Getting a bit worried... After the initial message blast when he left now there has been radio silence... Following Lana's advice not to pester him before mid week but I can't help myself but wonder - was this it?? Will we still meet when he's back?? I hate my own anxiety but it doesn't sound good... or maybe I'm just impatient? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Getting a bit worried... After the initial message blast when he left now there has been radio silence... Following Lana's advice not to pester him before mid week but I can't help myself but wonder - was this it?? Will we still meet when he's back?? I hate my own anxiety but it doesn't sound good... or maybe I'm just impatient? Yes, you are being impatient! There's nothing to gain by stressing out about all this right now. You'll know if you are going to get together when you actually do or do not get together next week once he's back. Nothing you can do about it in the meantime. If he loses interest after a week away with his family, then it just wasn't meant to be. You've only known him two weeks. It's really not realistic to expect him to be texting you constantly when he's gone on vacation. He's likely busy. Just chill out and relax. I would personally let him reach out to me and just keep myself busy with other things for the week. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Getting a bit worried... After the initial message blast when he left now there has been radio silence... Following Lana's advice not to pester him before mid week but I can't help myself but wonder - was this it?? Will we still meet when he's back?? I hate my own anxiety but it doesn't sound good... or maybe I'm just impatient? I think you're just being impatient, which is understandable! If he's visiting his family, that should be his focus right now and not being on his phone texting a woman he doesn't really know that well - even if he likes her a lot 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 1, 2017 Author Share Posted August 1, 2017 Hah, true - I'm trying to put myself in his shoes because I'll be in exactly the same situation next month (away for a week with family)... One message mid week though won't be too much, right? Or I should probably just write it and don't send it :lmao: to calm myself down. I realized the bunch of messages that he sent me were while he was on the road and then subsided upon arrival, which I guess is normal... But nevertheless, phew, I'm such a nervous ball right now... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Hah, true - I'm trying to put myself in his shoes because I'll be in exactly the same situation next month (away for a week with family)... One message mid week though won't be too much, right? Or I should probably just write it and don't send it :lmao: to calm myself down. I realized the bunch of messages that he sent me were while he was on the road and then subsided upon arrival, which I guess is normal... But nevertheless, phew, I'm such a nervous ball right now... NG, calm down! Why are you worrying so much? Just let everything unfold naturally. It feels like you're in need to control every aspect of it and it's killing you that you can't really do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 1, 2017 Author Share Posted August 1, 2017 True... I'm very insecure I'll mess things up by being too eager/too passive, and so far it has been a great connection I don't want to severe it... I remember dating before I'd never initiate and let things go (bleh, I was trying to be 'proud') but thinking in retrospect - I didn't care that much of the outcome so i has been easier But also partially professional deformation on my end:) NG, calm down! Why are you worrying so much? Just let everything unfold naturally. It feels like you're in need to control every aspect of it and it's killing you that you can't really do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 True... I'm very insecure I'll mess things up by being too eager/too passive, and so far it has been a great connection I don't want to severe it... I remember dating before I'd never initiate and let things go (bleh, I was trying to be 'proud') but thinking in retrospect - I didn't care that much of the outcome so i has been easier But also partially professional deformation on my end:) The easiest way to mess things up is to be afraid of it. I'm a firm believer in subliminal messeges we're sending to ourselves by thinking about possible failure. You're programming yourself to mess things up if you're constantly repeating that. Destructive thoughts lead to destructive actions. Besides, we tend to sense anxiety! It's some kind of unconscious knowledge we humans have. And it's not attractive. Just relax and be yourself! Tell yourself that you're still you, still interesting and awesome despite if this works out or not 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 The "radio blast" may have been linked to travel. When I am traveling and find myself at an airport for two, three, maybe five extra hours, I get pretty chatty out of sheer boredom. Vacation doesn't start until you actually get where you want to be! A woman as successful and busy as you does not have time to think so much about a guy she's only known for a few weeks! Keep yourself occupied until he comes back. Maybe one midweek text is fine but if he hasn't said anything since then you don't have to. Don't put so much stress or importance on this guy, not yet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Hmmmm guys I'm fairly confident I'm dealing with ghosting ... Too bad I got so excited to start with ... I bruised my ego a bit by pursuing too much but hey, it was an experience that I never had before (the pursuing from my end hah, usually I'm on the passive side with dating). I'm not closing the door but my intuition is telling me it's done. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Hmmmm guys I'm fairly confident I'm dealing with ghosting ... Too bad I got so excited to start with ... I bruised my ego a bit by pursuing too much but hey, it was an experience that I never had before (the pursuing from my end hah, usually I'm on the passive side with dating). I'm not closing the door but my intuition is telling me it's done. What! What makes you think this?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 What! What makes you think this?? Mainly intuition. I send one message with no response but that's not the main reason to think it is over because it hasn't been long. But my gut tells me Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 I know that "Feeling" but he could just be busy with his family. I think it's too soon to jump to the worst conclusion 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Hmmmm guys I'm fairly confident I'm dealing with ghosting ... Too bad I got so excited to start with ... I bruised my ego a bit by pursuing too much but hey, it was an experience that I never had before (the pursuing from my end hah, usually I'm on the passive side with dating). I'm not closing the door but my intuition is telling me it's done. I highly doubt it. Didn't you guys already set up another date? Initiating a text is perfectly fine. How are you pursuing too much? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 I think the "feeling" is caused by anxiety. I have anxiety too and the thoughts tend to jump to the worst case scenario even though that is not the case. The pull back from communication bc he is away prob triggering it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Mainly intuition. I send one message with no response but that's not the main reason to think it is over because it hasn't been long. But my gut tells me Nah, seeing how extremely anxious you were about this all the time, I wouldn't trust your gut 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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