Author No_Go Posted August 6, 2017 Author Share Posted August 6, 2017 Where is the fear coming from? ... Back in 2008 I met someone that I instantly clicked with (before meeting him, long story). The chemistry was mutual and palpable, the circumstances were not permissive (I was completely inexperienced, he was about to get divorced but still legally married). Long story short - he divorced and remarried, I was going through motions with 3 relationships (last one with a lot of marriage talk). Nothing matched the emotion that I had with the unavailable man. Until now. This is not sexual. I don't have an end game. I just hope this to continue because I finally, finally feel alive. My energy and inspiration are back. I feel stronger and uplifted. I don't want to lose this feeling again... Those thoughts aside, L & ML, sure, you're right. We need to build track record. Enjoy. Explore. He's a great guy. It all comes from my skewed time perception Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 How was your meeting? Or is that this weekend? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 update time 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 Aiiii guys help!! 4th date was yesterday (few days after he got back from vacation) - it was awesome as always!! We were in my house actually and cooking and he was trying to teach me to make homemade dough and bake! We had lots of laughs, it was messy, real, my cat approved him, we discussed science and life until well after midnight:love: But omg we are not passing first base. I'm dying! I was semi- conscious in the end because I was up on my feet for 20 h straight, so last hug I was just resting on his shoulder. We NEED to escalate or I'll burst in flames! Or he doesn't like me that way??? What's going on here??? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 He may be a passive guy or just being very careful. How about you initiate the first kiss? Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 He may be a passive guy or just being very careful. How about you initiate the first kiss? How to do it?? What if he pulls back ? Am I scaring him or something? How to say if he's interested that way without asking?? Or shall I ask?? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 NG this is adorable! Have you tried being flirty? Like touch him when you are talking, stand or sit a bit too close to him, smile while making prolonged eye contact, play with your hair? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Aiiii guys help!! 4th date was yesterday (few days after he got back from vacation) - it was awesome as always!! We were in my house actually and cooking and he was trying to teach me to make homemade dough and bake! We had lots of laughs, it was messy, real, my cat approved him, we discussed science and life until well after midnight:love: But omg we are not passing first base. I'm dying! I was semi- conscious in the end because I was up on my feet for 20 h straight, so last hug I was just resting on his shoulder. We NEED to escalate or I'll burst in flames! Or he doesn't like me that way??? What's going on here??? This is weird....4 dates?? not even a grab?? What the hell is wrong with this dude?? All kidding aside, and understand, I am the last one to suggest guys not honor a woman's boundaries and desires, but this seems highly unusual...Maybe suffering from performance anxiety? that would be my only guess at this point... TFY 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 Tried a bit - we were curled up like cats on my couch, eye contact yes, some hugs yes, but omg I'm myself shy (well, when I care )... I REALLY hope he sticks around... he texted me at night and I responded super sleepy so we haven't set the 5th and now... maybe I should wait him responding... NG this is adorable! Have you tried being flirty? Like touch him when you are talking, stand or sit a bit too close to him, smile while making prolonged eye contact, play with your hair? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 How to do it?? What if he pulls back ? Am I scaring him or something? How to say if he's interested that way without asking?? Or shall I ask?? He won't pull back. He might just not be sexually 'forward' guy. And you are not a sexually forward woman. Was there ever any sexual tension/chemistry between you two on the whole home date? If not...next time you guys are together privately, try to touch him in a flirty way, like place your hand on his forearm when he says something funny. Brush up against him a bit when you're next to him. Then when there is a lull in conversation for a moment, a trick is to get closer than normal (so a within personal space), look down at his lips, and concentrate on them for a few seconds (bonus point if you bite or wet your own) like they're the most delicious things you've ever seen. Then look back up in his eyes. If there is sexual tension(and there should be) he should either go into kiss you or you you can look back down and go in farther for the kiss. If he's like not staying still/focusing enough for you to do that, then hell, girl, I don't know. Those type of guys drive me absolutely crazy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 I have no idea we both have experience (2 live in RL in the past for each of us)... we're both nerdy and strange people though I would be happy if it's performance anxiety I have zero rush except I want to keep seeing him and let it unfold ... Just... want to know if he's interested but he's keeping me guessing This is weird....4 dates?? not even a grab?? What the hell is wrong with this dude?? All kidding aside, and understand, I am the last one to suggest guys not honor a woman's boundaries and desires, but this seems highly unusual...Maybe suffering from performance anxiety? that would be my only guess at this point... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 Chemistry from my end - YES - I was feeling flames barely keeping it.... I'm so used to guys intitiating like in almost rapy way that I'm now stuck ... I'll try your strategy hope it works I almost tried when we were watching the town from my backyard ... he'd show me things, internally I was near bursting but I kept straight face I think I'm an idiot ... I could have done it 100 times... Now how long to wait?? I should initiate next or wait - it is just like 10 h since departure but I'm already anxious he'll disappear arghhhh this anxiety He won't pull back. He might just not be sexually 'forward' guy. And you are not a sexually forward woman. Was there ever any sexual tension/chemistry between you two on the whole home date? If not...next time you guys are together privately, try to touch him in a flirty way, like place your hand on his forearm when he says something funny. Brush up against him a bit when you're next to him. Then when there is a lull in conversation for a moment, a trick is to get closer than normal (so a within personal space), look down at his lips, and concentrate on them for a few seconds (bonus point if you bite or wet your own) like they're the most delicious things you've ever seen. Then look back up in his eyes. If there is sexual tension(and there should be) he should either go into kiss you or you you can look back down and go in farther for the kiss. If he's like not staying still/focusing enough for you to do that, then hell, girl, I don't know. Those type of guys drive me absolutely crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 I have no idea we both have experience (2 live in RL in the past for each of us)... we're both nerdy and strange people though I would be happy if it's performance anxiety I have zero rush except I want to keep seeing him and let it unfold ... Just... want to know if he's interested but he's keeping me guessing C'mon, though...This stuff usually gets worked through during HS, no?? It seems like you and him might be locked in the proverbial "Mexican Standoff"...You probably should just go make a move and see what happens..Hopefully he decides to take it from there... But yeah, maybe it's what I said before...Maybe he thinks if things get started and progress to sex, and he can't get it done, then he may worry that you will bail out on him, or think less of him...I dunno... I still say weird....And not typical of any guy I know of.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 Aiii I absolutely wont mind if things sexually take some time - my ex had problems first 2-3 times and I was super patient. Physiology... once we get there things will move on their own, know what to do But ... yeah! It's the Mexican standoff - he's 36!!! Gawd I can't wait! If he doesn't disappear I'm moving forward! I will! C'mon, though...This stuff usually gets worked through during HS, no?? It seems like you and him might be locked in the proverbial "Mexican Standoff"...You probably should just go make a move and see what happens..Hopefully he decides to take it from there... But yeah, maybe it's what I said before...Maybe he thinks if things get started and progress to sex, and he can't get it done, then he may worry that you will bail out on him, or think less of him...I dunno... I still say weird....And not typical of any guy I know of.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 (edited) This is unusual, but not necessarily a bad sign. It could be performance anxiety, a physical issue, he might have a condition or some disability he's nervous about, whatever. You need to initiate since he clearly won't. Go for it, girl! Edited August 12, 2017 by lana-banana 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 This is unusual, but not necessarily a bad sign. It could be performance anxiety, a physical issue, he might have a condition or some disability he's nervous about, whatever. You need to initiate since he clearly won't. Go for it, girl! I'm pretty sure he's physically ok- I could tell But he's MIA today - I'm getting anxious... Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 He could have herpes, a micropenis, a birthmark he thinks is embarrassing, a traumatic recent experience, you have no idea. Ultimately the reason why doesn't matter. You need to make a move and see what's going on here. I am sure he'll be all over you; he just needs you to lead the way. Also, it's been ten hours, and he was presumably sleeping for some (most?) of those. Give him a break. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 Ok, listening - I'd give him a break I was just referring he was getting physically excited and I have a damn good periferal vision Maybe there is something though because in his initial messages he said he didn't date in the past 2 years. 2 years!! I'm not the biggest dater on the planet either but he's good looking, he's physically fit, he's interesting, he's wicked smart - I wonder how he kept it up for so long... Aiii... I'm getting into trouble here... I'm wondering what is going on and is it something real bad (sounds worse than him just not being interested :lmao:) He could have herpes, a micropenis, a birthmark he thinks is embarrassing, a traumatic recent experience, you have no idea. Ultimately the reason why doesn't matter. You need to make a move and see what's going on here. I am sure he'll be all over you; he just needs you to lead the way. Also, it's been ten hours, and he was presumably sleeping for some (most?) of those. Give him a break. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Usename12 Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 I don't know about this guy but the OP seems to express a lot of anxiety throughout this thread. Relationships early on should be fun, not stressful. I'm wondering if this anxiety and possible need for control is something the OP should be working on. He might or might not be sensing it, but as a dude, that would scare me off a bit. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 I don't know about this guy but the OP seems to express a lot of anxiety throughout this thread. Relationships early on should be fun, not stressful. I'm wondering if this anxiety and possible need for control is something the OP should be working on. He might or might not be sensing it, but as a dude, that would scare me off a bit. I'm not a lighthearted person and never pretended to be. I wrote it explicitly. I don't date for fun I seek meaning in every connection. He knew what he's getting into since 1st message... I just wish he'd tell me if he wants to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 I don't know about this guy but the OP seems to express a lot of anxiety throughout this thread. Relationships early on should be fun, not stressful. I'm wondering if this anxiety and possible need for control is something the OP should be working on. He might or might not be sensing it, but as a dude, that would scare me off a bit. If the guy himself is secure and self-assured, your acting nervous can look cute to him On the other hand, if the guy has insecurities, he might also be wondering if you are that into him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 If the guy himself is secure and self-assured, your acting nervous can look cute to him On the other hand, if the guy has insecurities, he might also be wondering if you are that into him. Thing is he's insecure... but I was quite explicit with all my attention that I'm interested. Now I'm getting withdrawal-like symptoms. It's hard! Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 Ouchhh I'm getting the full on crazy lady response... he is vanishing on me! If I initiate now I'm immediately sending the crazy vibes but WTH after the last night I was expecting at least to comment or something... and I see he's on fb so he's not dead or anything ... I guess what happened is he came over because we made the plans earlier but he didn't make the move because he was planning to vanish?? I need strategy of some sort to maintain sanity... Maybe even if it is 'not interested' explicitly I'd call it a day... but now I'm NOT reaching out (I reached out last) and boiling in my own sweat. I don't know why I got so hyped up, it is NOT my normal response, and yes it has been only... i don't know 18 h or so... BUT my gut is screaming 'he's gone for good'... Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 (edited) uh NG!!! you must chill!!! Dunk your head in some ice water,maybe. How can you go through the rest of the relationship panicking like this??:eek: Edited August 12, 2017 by Cookiesandough 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Usename12 Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 If the guy himself is secure and self-assured, your acting nervous can look cute to him On the other hand, if the guy has insecurities, he might also be wondering if you are that into him. It's not cute when a woman goes all Fatal Attraction on a guy. Sorry. Not saying OP is anywhere near that level of crazy, but it's that same anxious personality that turns a lot of guys off. OP, I get it, you're more serious than a lot of giggly women out there and that's okay. But I'm wondering if this anxiety is something you want to address regardless of the guy. Your partner will sometimes, even often, do things you don't like or agree with. By this thread it seems you've actually done a good job insulating the guy from your anxiety by not blowing up his phone or what not, but do you want to go through relationships like this as the above poster said? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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