So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

How many times, Protec? How many times?

 

I have no idea... And the fact i actually feel bad about sending angry message to her. Again i blame myself for getting angry to her. Like this is all my fault.

 

Her behaviour is not normal. To me her words are real the good and bad ones.

Again she used the excuse "but i meant it then, at that moment".

 

But that is not how it works...if you say someone you love them, you don't take it back next day. Or call someone darling or any other nice words if you don't mean it. To me it was real. I believed every word she said.

 

I feel terrible...i feel like i am a failure as a human being. And again she got me thinking that this is all my fault.

 

Her saying things like i cannot raise the kids, be head of a family and cannot financially support them...but that's something she has said ever since the beginning almost.

 

It is not my duty to support them financially. I don't need to be the kids father. I don't need to be anything. We have known each other just for 6 months. And i thank god i did not move into her place. Because now i would be homeless, without any furniture etc.

 

"yes, just sell everything." she said. Thank god i did NOT. I would be in really deep mess.

 

And it started raining...can't even go running now. And i feel too weak to lift weights. yes, this is also physically affecting me. Emotional stress eats my physical strenght as well.

 

ANd why do i feel bad for sending a nasty message to her? If i would treat someone like that i would expect a person to get angry at me.

 

It's like she wants me to hate her, so she can feel sorry about herself again. "all i ever do is mess things up and everyone hates me". Well look into the mirror woman!

 

It's like i want to desperately believe there is some good in her...i wait and wait to see the glimpse of her "old self" again. And i did see her, for 2 days.

I just don't know which one is her real self.

 

This is downright scary. There is 2 different personalities in her. The tone of her voice, eyes, personality, it all changes.

 

I am having so hard time to believe that just at monday we played a ring toss game with her and kids. It was perfect summer day, we all had fun.

I am her darling etc. she takes care etc.

 

And just 24 hours later she wants to get rid of me because i am not the man she is looking for and finds me repulsive.

[Simon Phoenix]

Once again, she's not the problem, you're the problem. Now, she seems like an awful person, but you can't control that. You can only control you. But you come up with every excuse in the book not to do that. You know this woman is no good, yet you keep going back like a mindless slug. It's not her fault that you can't control yourself. It's not her fault that you are addicted to drama and that you don't have the good sense to stay away. It's not her fault that you put up with being treated like crap.

 

Sorry dude, this is all on you. The sooner you take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming her or blaming some unknown force, then you'll actually start to make progress. But until then, you're going to be chasing your tail. Unfortunately, I feel as if that will take a while because you don't have any initiative to take care of yourself.

[Sunshine8]

Why would you want to be with someone who has no respect for you? Who is playing with your mind, and sending manipulating messages, like 'are you ok', and her 'regretting' - no she does not regret it at all. And stop asking for her empathy/sympathy for how she is hurting your feelings, she won't give it to you because she only cares about herself and more important why do you need it?

 

She drops a messages and knows sooner or later you will give in. The only way to get her back (if thats what you want): don't let her play her games, have boundaries, and totally don't care how she feels (why would you, did she felt sorry when she cheated on you: no). Go to a dating site and meet other gorgeous and nice woman, distract yourself with sports, activities or whatever gives you a good feeling and forget her for now! Her being bipolar is an lame excuse to treat you poorly, people always know the difference between right and wrong. She will always be like this and treat you poorly (because YOU LET HER) unless you decide to stop putting up with her BS

Edited June 16, 2016 by Sunshine8

[Protec]

Why would you want to be with someone who has no respect for you? Who is playing with your mind, and sending manipulating messages, like 'are you ok', and her 'regretting' - no she does not regret it at all. And stop asking for her empathy/sympathy for how she is hurting your feelings, she won't give it to you because she only cares about herself and more important why do you need it?

 

She drops a messages and knows sooner or later you will give in. The only way to get her back (if thats what you want): don't let her play her games, have boundaries, and totally don't care how she feels (why would you, did she felt sorry when she cheated on you: no). Go to a dating site and meet other gorgeous and nice woman, distract yourself with sports, activities or whatever gives you a good feeling and forget her for now! Her being bipolar is an lame excuse to treat you poorly, people always know the difference between right and wrong. She will always be like this and treat you poorly (because YOU LET HER) unless you decide to stop putting up with her BS

 

I told her many times her behaviour is unacceptable and she is hurting me. What i got? "I don't care about your feelings. I only care about mine."

 

Like this morning she said all those things without blinking an eye, knowing she hurts me. She knows i have feelings towards her so hearing something like "sorry, you don't fit in my criteria" is something you don't want to hear for someone who called you "darling" and "you are the nicest guy" just few days ago.

 

That's why i walked out. Actually this was the first time i have walked out.

USually i have stayed and tried to reason with her, but it really doesn't help. When she in that state, she does not listen. It's all ME ME ME.

 

I don't think she would help me if i was about to die.

 

There is no way to set boundaries on that person. She does what she wants, when she wants. Only way is to walk out.

 

And at the moment i really don't want to date anyone else. I am a mess. I don't even know who i am anymore. All the blaming she has done to me...i feel i am the bad guy here. I just blame myself again. What if i did everything wrong and she was right all along? What if i was the abuser and the way i acted caused her to act like that?

 

I have no idea anymore. I feel like i am going crazy. I love you. Not. I love you. Not. I love you. Not.

 

Never in my life i have experienced anything like this...i did not believe this kind of behaviour would be possible from a human being.

 

I can only imagine what her ex's have been trough...i mean she was not even on medications before.

 

Scary part is that when i met my ex i remember her saying "i would fulfill any dream of yours... ANY dream". And i had a feeling she meant a child as she knew having a kid of my own is something i dream of.

 

God, how can one person cause this much damage?

 

I will survive this, somehow.

Edited June 16, 2016 by Protec

[SoulCat]

I told her many times her behaviour is unacceptable and she is hurting me. What i got? "I don't care about your feelings. I only care about mine."

 

 

Yet you keep coming back for more. Over and over and over again.

 

You're a real glutton for punishment.

 

 

I really don't think anyone on these boards can help you, since you are nowhere near wanting to help yourself.

[Protec]

Yet you keep coming back for more. Over and over and over again.

 

You're a real glutton for punishment.

 

 

I really don't think anyone on these boards can help you, since you are nowhere near wanting to help yourself.

 

Why people stay in abusive relationships? Some people stay for years. Why? Other one is hurting them, yet they still stay.

 

This is hard for me. All that jekyll / hyde behaviour confuses me. I am the perfect man for a while, just to find out i am not.

 

I still have feelings for her, because all of that behaviour. She was so wonderful to me last sunday and monday. That was the women i fell in love to. She was so sweet to me, those eyes, the way she even looked at me. That's the woman i know. And i start feeling "Wow. This feels great. I am so happy with her when she is like this". And i start having stronger emotions towards her.

 

Then she suddenly changes to something else and i am hurt.

 

I don't enjoy this. I just don't how how to cut ties...It's like i hope she is getting better, but deep inside me i know it will be the same.

 

I am not enjoying this situation. It is easy to say "just cut ties with her". Yeah it's easy to say. I know if i delete her number now etc. i will get the urge to find her number again...

 

Also i feel this is all my fault. She has turned everything against me. I am bad at raising kids, i don't help her financially, i don't do this, don't do that...

It doesn't matter what i do or don't everything is my fault anyway.

 

You can call me weak, whatever, "grow balls" etc. like my sister said.

For some reason i love that person. I have no idea why anymore. Because we have 2 good days in a month?

 

I believe i am more afraid of being alone again. Being afraid i cannot find anyone like her or who could like me as i am. I had so much fun with her last weekend.

 

We talked, laughed, watched movies, etc. Why would i want to leave someone like that? That is what my brain says to me. For some reason i find it illogical to cut ties with a person i enjoy being with when she is "normal".

 

And other part of me says, leave her. She is abusive and toxic. I can't make up my mind.

 

Sigh.

[keiji]

Being afraid i cannot find anyone like her or who could like me as i am.

 

But she doesn't like you as you are, Protect. She just doesn't. You have to accept that. What you both are involved in is a crazy game and you've already burnt your hands a thousand times.

 

That's exactly what you have to look for: someone who likes you as you are. But first you need to work on yourself, develop some self-esteem and self-respect, and that takes some willpower. Are you sure you can't find any? Are you gonna give in and let her treat you like that forever? What will you do when she finds someone else and you don't even "enjoy" her company for two days? Quit before that happens or you'll regret it for a long, long time.

[SoulCat]

I don't enjoy this.

 

 

I beg to differ. You do enjoy it. The drama of it.

 

I just don't how how to cut ties...

 

 

You do know how to. You've been told how to by numerous posters over the past 13 pages of this sorry-ass saga.

 

You just choose not to listen. Or act.

 

 

It is easy to say "just cut ties with her". Yeah it's easy to say. I know if i delete her number now etc. i will get the urge to find her number again...

 

 

It is as easy or as hard as you choose to make it.

 

You choose to make it hard.

 

 

You keep hoping that next time things will be different. That she will be different.

 

It won't, and she won't either.

 

Also i feel this is all my fault. She has turned everything against me.

 

 

Because you let her.

 

 

 

For some reason i love that person.

 

 

Whatever this messed up situation is, it certainly isn't love.

 

 

We talked, laughed, watched movies, etc. Why would i want to leave someone like that?

 

 

Because the other 98.9% of the time she is treating you like shyte, like a doormat and like a mental punch bag.

And you let her.

[BlueIris]

You say you want a dog. She’s a cat. You know that.

 

When the cat acts like a cat, you get angry and hurt.

 

Then you blame it and try to convince it to be a dog. You “reason” with it. You tell it it’s unacceptable to be a cat. It should really be a dog and you know better- be a dog, dammit!

 

Then you get angry and hurt again because it acts like a cat. It just won’t be a dog.

 

The problem isn’t the cat.

 

The problem is-- you won’t accept that it’s a cat.

 

Do you really want a dog?

 

Or do you want a cat so that you can get angry and hurt over and over and blame the cat and yell at the cat?

Edited June 16, 2016 by BlueIris

[Itspointless]

Also i feel this is all my fault. [...] I believe i am more afraid of being alone again. Being afraid i cannot find anyone like her [...] We talked, laughed, watched movies, etc. Why would i want to leave someone like that?

You remember what I wrote a few pages ago?

Because staying in a (familiar) bad bond is always better than yet instability and uncertainty again. That is the conviction you need to take to therapy. Just as the conviction that you need to be kind and boundlessly forgiving to be loved. It may have brought you a bit of safety in the past ...

Doing all that effort, all that pleasing is not going to help with that woman.

[Blanco]

This thread is like Bill Murray's Groundhog Day.

 

Protec, she hasn't told you anything you didn't already know she felt. She told you last week that you were an insufficient partner for her. I'm not sure why you feel like what she just told you is somehow a shocking revelation.

 

I agree with others. Therapy will be an utter waste if you continue to engage with her. Unfortunately, your history shows that to be the most likely outcome despite you not being able to enjoy more than two or three days without another episode.

[Protec]

Yeah...it's very hard for me not to contact her.

 

This is all because i don't really have support group... I don't have that many friends to hang out with.

 

Why i am having such hard time letting go is because i really kept my ex also as my friend. We did all kinds of stuff together and always had fun.

 

So yes, this is my fault for not having a proper support group. I just feel so lonely without her.

 

It's not actually shocking revelation...but i am dissapointed. I actually wanted to believe her this time, how naive from me. Can't help myself, i blindly believed when she said those beautiful words at me again. And i cannot understand how someones mind can change so rapidly and i just wonder "is it her mental illness causing it?"

 

I still remember that time she got mad at me for not giving her a massage. She was mad for 3 days ! She immeaditely took distance from me, she stopped kissing, etc. just because i was too tired to give her a massage that night. All intimacity stopped, she stopped talking etc...

 

Also i've been thinking is this her tactic for trying to show my emotions better at her?

"I leave you, better buy me something or treat me nicely....maybe i come back."

 

Because i know if i would have lots of money and buy her stuff, take her to vacations etc. even that wouldn't be enough. And honestly, relationships should not be about buying stuff to others just to keep them happy.

 

"Treat me like a princess or else..." That's how it usually felt. "All my ex's have done this...and that..." I told her many times "i am not your ex".

 

She even wanted me to dress like her ex. some fancy pants and collar shirts. That is not me and i hated it that she tried to change me to something else i am not.

[Protec]

Friday night. i know she is out there.hitting on some guys .while i am sitting home alone. I hate this feeling. Why can't i go to nightclubs..have some fun? No... here i am alone at home...feeling like ****.

[LD1990]

Then go do it. Look, I was in the same place as you after my relationship ended. My ex cheated, moved on to some other guy, and I was left alone. I've always been a loner, and the few friends I had I neglected during my relationship. So I forced myself to step outside my comfort zone. I'd go out to bars by myself. I reached out to old friends and rekindled things.

 

Just find a way to have fun. Maybe for now that's watching a movie on Netflix to take your mind off things. Maybe that's reading a book. Maybe that's going to a bar, pulling up a chair, and having a couple drinks (I'd recommend bars over night clubs, easier to go alone and strike up a conversation with someone). Find something new in your life to focus on, set a new goal for yourself. It's not an instant fix and you're not going to suddenly go from miserable to happy, but it will at least help.

[VeveCakes]

Friday night. i know she is out there.hitting on some guys .while i am sitting home alone. I hate this feeling. Why can't i go to nightclubs..have some fun? No... here i am alone at home...feeling like ****.

 

Go for a run.

Open a book.

Take a walk.

Watch a documentary.

Go for a coffee.

Take a drive.

 

If you refuse to do any of these things so you can sit home depressed then you seal your own fate.

[Itspointless]

No... here i am alone at home...feeling like ****.

You have to ride this out Protec, and that will take time. Running, books, binge watching netflix, music, friends and reading other stories on Loveshack was what helped me through the day.

[Art_Critic]

Friday night. i know she is out there.hitting on some guys .while i am sitting home alone. I hate this feeling. Why can't i go to nightclubs..have some fun? No... here i am alone at home...feeling like ****.

 

You should be out hitting the bars, different ones of course..

She is no longer your GF, time to move onto someone healthy for you..

 

How much more pain do you need to feel before you realize that contact with her is bringing on the feelings you have tonight and she no longer brings good feelings.

[Protec]

Go for a run.

Open a book.

Take a walk.

Watch a documentary.

Go for a coffee.

Take a drive.

 

If you refuse to do any of these things so you can sit home depressed then you seal your own fate.

 

I have tried to watch movies, played videogames, running helps and being at the gym helps too. But i cannot run and spend all days at gym. Still my brain constantly thinks about her. Even when watching a movie "oh..she would've loved this movie".

 

And i am definitely not in the mood for going to a bar. I have never been "clubber". I went with my EX because it was fun going with her, but alone? Naah. That's why i liked her because she got these different sides out from me. Me dancing on a club? Never. But with her i enjoyed so much. Something in my brain unlocked when i was with her. I was open, i felt alive, i did things i never thought i would do. Like dancing

 

I am actually quite shy so that's why i don't dance usually. And i really feel like an outsider in clubs. But with her i didn't feel lonely. And i've been in clubs with my friends sometimes and always just felt lonely and awkward.

 

That is also why i miss her. Maybe it's just an excuse, but no other GF in my life has made me feel that way. When i was with her i felt i could do ANYHING. She was always open for new ideas, hiking, camping, going into a forest..etc. anything from bowling to baseball.

 

That is why i am messed up. I am truly sad that i lost this person. I've searched someone like her for a long long time. All my other GF's have been boring. I once asked my ex-gf "let's go hiking?" "naah. I'm not interested". "let's go bowling?" "naah.". Definitely i've been dating wrong kinds of women in my life.

 

Last winter she took me into the forest near her home, and showed me a place where she played when she was young. I couldn't even get my one ex into a forest xD "my shoes will get wet..."

 

I have never met a woman like this in my life. And part of me is afraid will i ever find a woman who is as varied as her? Every woman after her will feel grey and boring...that is what i am afraid.

 

And i don't know why i cannot enjoy things alone. If i go club alone: Boring. If i go to movie theater alone: Boring. If i go camping alone: Boring. I need someone to share things with, otherwise i find pretty much everything boring.

 

I do enjoy gym a lot and physical exercise. Those are pretty much only things i actually enjoy doing alone. Of course watching movies at home and gaming is fun sometimes too.

 

I've been reading tons and tons about mental illnesses. Unfortunately it seems people with bipolar and so on have tendencies to act this way. One day they love you, next day they think "what the hell i am doing with this person?" and they blame you for everything. Not all. But definitely a pattern on bipolar people.

 

I have read several similar stories to mine and reading those stories about other people who has been treated badly because of their bipolar BF/GF, has helped me at least a bit to understand it's not all my fault. But still i am confused as hell. Just monday we planned a vacation together, spent intimate time on sofa, watched movies, laughed, had fun. Then BOOM! All gone next morning when she wakes up as a different person. It's just so hard to imagine something like that can exist.

 

I just can't fit it into my brain.

[VeveCakes]

You need to stop reading and trying to diagnose her. First off you are not a psychologist and second of all you are just feeding your obsession.

 

I get it dude. A few months ago I found out my boyfriend who was someone I loved to tears was cheating on me with two women, one being an escort. He was also a closet cross dresser and when I confronted him he beat me up and tried to kill me.

 

Not only did I have to deal with that but at the same time he went to jail and as much as I hated him I still loved him. I couldn't go 10 minutes without crying for hours. I was suicidal. I entered therapy and surrounded myself with friends. Started running again, writing. Then one day I realized I hadn't cried. Then it was two days, then a week. I still struggle, but I worked hard to move on and put the pain behind me.

 

You need to do the same. Stop allowing yourself to wallow. Stop looking for reasons why she is like she is. It doesn't matter. If you want a healthy relationship in your future, you need to do everything you can right now to put this behind you and never look back.

[Itspointless]

I have tried to watch movies, played videogames, running helps and being at the gym helps too. But i cannot run and spend all days at gym. Still my brain constantly thinks about her. [...] I just can't fit it into my brain.

Hack man, I still think of my ex often and she was the reason I joined here. It took me two years to feel emotionally sound again. Sometimes we have to accept that we cannot understand it and cannot go back. That really sucks and is a hard way to go. Do what you used to like to do and sometimes force yourself a bit.

[Protec]

I definitely should call my friends more often. But i am quite a mixed bag. I need emotional connection and unfortunately i don't have such connection with my friends. So i tend to feel alone even with my friends.

 

This has always been a major problem for me. I just feel that people don't understand me and i do even have that problem with opposite sex, but usually i get along better with females because they are more "sensitive". IT's not with many guys i can talk about something else than cars, games or movies.

 

I really loved talking with my ex. We could talk about anything without feeling stupid.

There was so much good in her, so much. That's why i am struggling. It takes a rare person that i feel like myself around.

 

So that's why i usually am rather alone at home than with my friends. They are nice friends and all, but i just feel sometimes i have nothing to talk about with

 

My ex jus as them...

I miss the deeper kind of emotional connection. I cannot even act like myself with my friends. I am holding myself back a little. Wrong kind of friends most likely because i have one friend who is 6 years older than me, and he is really a nice friend. Unfortunately he lives most of the time in another place so rarely have time to meet him.

 

Oh wow! My Ex just asked me to go movies with her... Interesting...

[Art_Critic]

Oh wow! My Ex just asked me to go movies with her... Interesting...

 

You say..no thanks..

I've already got plans...

 

Any other response shows her you are a doormat

[Blanco]

You may not emotionally connect with your male friends, but how often have they explicitly told you that you're not good enough? That you're not rich enough? That you can't make breakfast? That you're like a child?

 

With this woman, and your previous girlfriend, you are so desperate for "connection" and validation that you willingly exchange self-respect and pride.

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh wow! My Ex just asked me to go movies with her... Interesting...

 

This is the opposite of interesting. In fact, this is boring. This is what she does -- she uses you to fill a temporary void and then tosses you away once that void is filled. Everyone seems to realize this but you, which makes me think you're being intentionally obtuse.

 

Either way, have fun at the movies and have fun enjoying the emotional devastation that will come again once she rips you apart. I hope being addicted to drama and dysfunction is worth it.

[Itspointless]

This has always been a major problem for me. I just feel that people don't understand me and i do even have that problem with opposite sex, but usually i get along better with females because they are more "sensitive". IT's not with many guys i can talk about something else than cars, games or movies.

Perhaps it is just a feeling that you are not understood and not as accurate as you might think? There are also other options. You perhaps are an introvert, there is that option you did not want to hear about, or some other reason why you like to be alone.

 

I for one definitely like to be alone and when I meet friends I usually dislike parties or crowds larger than four. Those are draining my energy, people usually are. Also talking about cars, games, sorry again, that really is not my thing. Lasergaming or things like that, pass. I am an introvert and discovered some years ago, I am not as weird as I thought But, it is important to gain self-knowledge to find our way in the world and the right people.