So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

I think you qualify. As was suggested earlier, just print out all this crap you've written here and you'll be first in line.

Why don't you focus on finding a job?? Instead you're sitting at home playing video games, reading up on mental illness and other rubbish. Find. A. Job.

 

Hey. That is going little too far now. Calling i have borderline? WTF does my job situation have anything to do with this? You think i don't try to find a job?

And i was at work for 3 months until got laid off again. It was these "seasonal" jobs at tax office. I've been unemplyed for 3 weeks now.

 

 

I work out. I go to gym. I go running. I make music. And now i was out with my friend in a movies and actually i relaxed a bit. Forgot about her for at least 3 hours.

 

Why i read about mental illnesses is that i can understand this situation better. She has BIPOLAR. need to read about it to understand that all this is not just my fault.

 

And yes. I am heartbroken. Calling me insane, borderline etc. that really doesn't help.

 

I don't need any more attacks coming from you guys. I have enough pain already. This has been great place for me to write about my feelings and thouhghts. Some people have helped me more, some less. So thanks to all those who have helped me.

[VeveCakes]

So you call her Bipolar no problem but I suggest you might have Borderline Personality disorder and you freak out? Why... no one is saying you are crazy. You exhibit many MANY of the traits. Perhaps if you spoke to someone they might help you understand why it is so hard for you to let go and forget about this.

 

FYI a common action of someone with borderline is to obsess over the sex. Another is to be attracted to other unstable people like those who are bipolar.

 

It wasn't meant as an insult but to help you maybe get some insight.

[LD1990]

She has BIPOLAR. need to read about it to understand that all this is not just my fault.

 

Oh come on, it has been all your fault for the last month, you're the one who has been enabling her lousy behavior by bending to her every whim after she cheated on you. Your problem is you refuse to take any responsibility for your own life, and you're going to be miserable until you do.

[ChocolateRain]

Hey. That is going little too far now. Calling i have borderline? WTF does my job situation have anything to do with this? You think i don't try to find a job?

And i was at work for 3 months until got laid off again. It was these "seasonal" jobs at tax office. I've been unemplyed for 3 weeks now.

 

 

I work out. I go to gym. I go running. I make music. And now i was out with my friend in a movies and actually i relaxed a bit. Forgot about her for at least 3 hours.

 

Why i read about mental illnesses is that i can understand this situation better. She has BIPOLAR. need to read about it to understand that all this is not just my fault.

 

And yes. I am heartbroken. Calling me insane, borderline etc. that really doesn't help.

 

I don't need any more attacks coming from you guys. I have enough pain already. This has been great place for me to write about my feelings and thouhghts. Some people have helped me more, some less. So thanks to all those who have helped me.

 

i went through the hassle and read the whole thread ... and really , at the end i felt like i had been on a Merry-Go-Round it was ground hawk day all over and over again as someone mentioned here .

 

You have been given very good advice from so many people but you must do the walking no one can do it for you . There is a time to talk and a time for action !!!

 

i know it will probably fail like all the other advice that has been given here but i want to ask you a genuine question ...

 

imagine your story was mine , what advice would you give me ?

 

i hope you will get help soon , best regards CR

[Blanco]

Protec, you give off the aura that you live life in an extremely passive manner. From life aspirations to relationships, it seems like you have taken few proactive measures. You keep yourself in the passenger's seat of your own life. Everything that happens in your life happens to you. You defer to others and let them assume all decision-making responsibilities, even when you are directly involved.

 

Aside from everything else, I believe the above mentality is what will ultimately prevent you from having a quality relationship, because quality men and women want a partner who is not so blase about life.

[BlueIris]

Protec, you give off the aura that you live life in an extremely passive manner. From life aspirations to relationships, it seems like you have taken few proactive measures. You keep yourself in the passenger's seat of your own life. Everything that happens in your life happens to you. You defer to others and let them assume all decision-making responsibilities, even when you are directly involved.

 

Aside from everything else, I believe the above mentality is what will ultimately prevent you from having a quality relationship, because quality men and women want a partner who is not so blase about life.

 

Passive in some ways yet ready to blame external forces and assign blame to others. It's a formula for despair.

 

Protec, I think you're making this way too complicated because the complication itself is your way of absolving yourself.

 

Either you love, like and accept someone as they are, or you don't. You don't love, like and accept her as she is.

 

Being blamey and condemning while continuing to see her just doesn't make sense- and it isn't nice. It doesn't make you the good guy or victim.

 

I can understand being shocked and angry when someone first does something mean, or the first few times, but you know now how she will treat you and you're agreeing to it.

[Itspointless]

I think you qualify.

Despite the fact that I do not want to diagnose people who I only know via the internet and despite, my earlier suggestion to Protec (which I still think he should investigate), I disagree with this particular suggestion.

[Emilia]

I don't need any more attacks coming from you guys. I have enough pain already. This has been great place for me to write about my feelings and thouhghts. Some people have helped me more, some less. So thanks to all those who have helped me.

Meh you will just keep posting about the same thing until the internet dies. It's not like you every follow through with anything.

[Blanco]

Hey. That is going little too far now. Calling i have borderline?...

 

I don't need any more attacks coming from you guys. I have enough pain already. This has been great place for me to write about my feelings and thouhghts. Some people have helped me more, some less. So thanks to all those who have helped me.

 

You have started three threads since joining the forum that have exceeded at least 225 replies; one exceeded 300. And they have all followed the same pattern:

 

1) You lay out a problem

2) People give you advice

3) You ignore or don't follow that advice

4) You lament how the problem isn't getting solved

5) Repeat Steps 2 and 3

6) Repeat Step 4

 

If you feel like you're being attacked it's because I'm sure many people are at their wit's end trying to be sympathetic to your situation and providing potential answers and paths of action, only to watch you disregard it and keep engaging in the same self-destructive behaviors over and over.

 

Personally, I've followed each of the three aforementioned threads as they've unfolded and can recall being gobsmacked by how intent you seem to be to keep yourself associated with toxic situations and people.

 

I'm sorry to break it to you, but your pain is not special nor unique. All of us contributing here have experienced heartbreak and seemingly insurmountable obstacles in the name of love. I doubt we'd be here if we hadn't.

 

What I'm saying is that sooner or later, if any of this is to improve, you need to man up and show some gumption to get past this. Even if this woman actually cared about you (spoiler: she doesn't), you cannot rely on her or anyone else to fix it for you. It's your life.

[Protec]

Sorry about my outburst. I know you mean well. I am just too tired..

 

I am just going between "i love her, i don't love her".

 

She has many good qualities, but also very bad qualities and i am fighting against myself.

 

Sometimes i think "yeah, better leave that woman be" then suddenly "but i feel like this and that with her..." Just like last sunday. I had fun with her, but still inside of me i felt hurt. I knew it was wrong. But i had fun making sushi with her but at the same time i was devastated by the fact that we were not a couple anymore.

 

And again last night she sent me message. Without me sending first.

"Oh, i didn't get any fish. I wonder if that x-men movie is still playing?"

 

That message came to my phone while i was in the movies with my friend.

 

Again...what should i think of that message? She clearly thought about me.

 

I wish i had money to go abroad for few weeks. Just go.

[Itspointless]

She has many good qualities, but also very bad qualities and i am fighting against myself.

My ex also had many good qualities, but I had to come to the conclusion that her habit of her pushing me away when stressed is no foundation for a healthy relationship. Especially as she told me she always did this and was not open for help. It had to be done, as the could be never would have come. Her story and other things she told me together made me conclude this. Do you think I wanted to say, stop contacting me? Hell no Protec, I still miss what could have been. She was everything I waited for more than thirty years, except her emotional skills. It was a recipe for disaster, where I probably must thank her that she pushed me away (with some promises) before we had children, to name just an example.

 

Good qualities are of no importance considering the rest you have told us.

[frigginlost]

Sorry about my outburst. I know you mean well. I am just too tired..

 

I am just going between "i love her, i don't love her".

 

She has many good qualities, but also very bad qualities and i am fighting against myself.

 

Sometimes i think "yeah, better leave that woman be" then suddenly "but i feel like this and that with her..." Just like last sunday. I had fun with her, but still inside of me i felt hurt. I knew it was wrong. But i had fun making sushi with her but at the same time i was devastated by the fact that we were not a couple anymore.

 

And again last night she sent me message. Without me sending first.

"Oh, i didn't get any fish. I wonder if that x-men movie is still playing?"

 

That message came to my phone while i was in the movies with my friend.

 

Again...what should i think of that message? She clearly thought about me.

 

I wish i had money to go abroad for few weeks. Just go.

 

Dude, what is your major malfunction?

 

For 15 pages folks have been telling you *exactly* what you should think about those messages. Why on earth can you not see the fact that she sees you as a weak little whipping boy who will cower to her at a moments notice?

 

Going abroad would do absolutely *nothing* for you as you would continue looking for communication from her.

 

You answer every single bit of advice given to you with questions on why this, and why that, regarding every single thing she does. You simply refuse to believe that she does not give a crap about you and uses your massive insecurity about yourself as a nuclear weapon against you...

 

Instead of thinking of things like "she must be thinking about me" think about her taking it in the a$$ from another guy why you were at home sucking your damn thumb. Knock her off that damn pedestal you have put her on. You deserve waaaay better than her. Until you start to realize that, you will not move forward.

 

Sorry to be so rude, but you really need to man up...

Edited June 22, 2016 by frigginlost

[Protec]

Okay...now i received the final blow. No more. Now i need to keep myself together and not contact her. I really want to do this now. No more pain. No more confusing, mixed messages.

 

Yesterday, i went to my ex's place. Unnoticed. She let me in, we talked this and that. I brought her some coffee, etc. I was confident, fun. She was little nervous but that was expected. I helped her install a darkening curtain and fixed a door from her clothes cabinet.

 

She had to leave for her kids dance show so i left too. We were supposed to go eat after that but she cancelled. Then she sent a message "it's so nice day to BBQ"

 

"I can bring some steaks...better ones this time?" No reply for a moment but then:

 

"Bring some white wine. I want to BBQ this fish".

 

So i got some white wine, we BBQ'd food and eat well, had some white wine and she started getting all flirty again. I stood up, kissed her. Her reaction was "Oh you're evil..." "this is what you've been waiting for right?" Well, things lead into bedroom again and we spent 1,5 hours having sex. We stopped many times but every time we got out of shower we just jumped on each other again.

 

After that we cleaned her apartment. I helped vacuum and washed floors etc.

Everything was fine. We shouted jokes to eachother, we laughed, had fun.

"You've been real helpful today...so maybe we could go to a shop and get few drinks :)"

She said.

 

In the shop we again were having fun, running in aisle, i almost tackled her into snacks shelf "I'm gonna be first!!!". She laughed, i laughed. And in the shop i touched her and she was playfully "omg some unknown man is touching me!"

 

Anyway, after that she took me on the nearby beach. We sat on a cliff, enjoying scenery, drinking our drinks and we sat next to eachother and i kept her warm.

 

We talked about this and that. Everything between heaven and earth. We were both relaxed...had fun. Enjoyed our company. She even told that "my friend's man has a boat with cabin. I could ask her if we could join them sometime? :)" I was like "ok! Of course that would be fun!" Then after we have been at the beach for a while we went back to her house.

 

Got on couch, started watching series from netflix.She sits close to me, holding my hand. Just like how we used to be. And at one point she didn't hold it anymore. She suddenly became distant again..

 

We went to sleep, talked this and that and had sex one more time...

 

And at the morning she was all awkward. And said "ok. I need to do my own things now. Bye".

 

Then i asked "What the hell is this thing we have going on right now? I are barely doing any "friends" stuff. You hold my hand, you kiss me, we have fun, have sex...etc."

 

"Well. We are just friends."

 

Then i asked about "how would you feel if i'd tell you i have a new GF?"

"Well i would be shocked. it would make me very anxious"

 

"So you think about who i am with and what i do when i don't contact you?", i asked

"Well...yes...but then i realize that it's not my business."

 

I was like WTF??? If she thinks i am just a friend... I explained to her i cannot keep this going on. I want more. And i personally don't want to experience the moment where she says "sorry we cannot meet anymore. I have a new man.". I don't want that to happen.

 

She tells everything about "I can have sex with anyone, but of course it will not feel the same as with you. I would like to have you. And i'd rather be close to you than anyone else".

 

"But we are just friends? IT doesn't make any sense".

 

Then she started again, the same things i've heard for past 5 months.

"You are not ambitious enough. And i cannot even ever visit you. You don't even have a couch! I used to live in a great house for 10 years of my life. I had EVERYTHING. I had all new kitchen aplliances and everything. I won't settle for any less."

 

"Well...you are on rebab yourself, unemployed and live on rental, like me. Just accept you past is past and be happy what you have now?"

 

So guess she lives in the past. She once said "i live like this because i refuse to be poor". Yes. She lives on credit and loan. She lives over her income every month.

She refuses to be poor...because she had it all. Her SO at that point, had it all.

 

So, again i was confused...because she knew who i was when she met me.

TOld me "well, past 6 months i have just been seeing if anything would change, i hasn't"

 

So she hasn't even dated me in last 5 months? I've been in this alone? That explains her partying though...

 

But i had enough. No more. My heart cannot take this, my brains cannot take this anymore. I need to bite my lip and ENDURE. Every time i want to call / text. I will do 10 pushups.

 

I had fun with her again. But this has to end. I cannot take this anymore. I deserve stability. I love her, i love her kids, but i cant be friend to her.

 

ANd she said to me when i asked "so what are you doing tomorrows when the midsummer party is?" "Well i don't want you anywhere near here. I want to keep you and kids separate so they don't get confused".

 

That's another thing what i don't want. What kind of friend is that who you meet only when kids are not at home...?

 

I suggested her that if we would take it easy, see each other few times a week...take it slow if she needs more space. No, just friends.

 

So there is really nothing i cannot do anymore.

[Protec]

My ex also had many good qualities, but I had to come to the conclusion that her habit of her pushing me away when stressed is no foundation for a healthy relationship. Especially as she told me she always did this and was not open for help. It had to be done, as the could be never would have come. Her story and other things she told me together made me conclude this. Do you think I wanted to say, stop contacting me? Hell no Protec, I still miss what could have been. She was everything I waited for more than thirty years, except her emotional skills. It was a recipe for disaster, where I probably must thank her that she pushed me away (with some promises) before we had children, to name just an example.

 

Good qualities are of no importance considering the rest you have told us.

 

I noticed the same thing in my ex. Everytime she got stressed or received bad news, i was the one to have to leave. SHe got cold, distant, "i don't love you anymore". Almost every time.

 

And just last night when we were on sofa. We had nice time going on, but she received a text that she has some unpaid loans. After that: Cold. Distant.

 

But it's over now. If she contacts me, the only reason i will answer is if she is interested being dating again. OTherwise i have nothing to do with her anymore.

 

God she messed me up good! After a fantastic day, she turns into a horrible monster kicking you around leaving you as a bloody mess on the floor (not literally).

 

Last night she complimented me again:

 

"You are so nice man. You have never yelled at me like my other ex's, you have never called me with evil names. I've never had to get so mad at you as i've been with my ex's. MAybe it's because of my medication".

 

"You are always smiling...you have such a nice smile". Yes. I smile because I WAS HAPPY.

[Itspointless]

You better enjoy your friends with benefits arrangement as you are not going to stop anyway.

[SoulCat]

Don't kid yourself, you'll go back to her when she comes calling.

 

 

It's just another ride on the Protec merry-go-round.

Same crap, different day.

 

 

Everybody here is telling you to dump this woman, for your own sanity. But you refuse to listen, refuse to take action, refuse to take the necessary steps to break away from this dysfunctional, toxic 'relationship'.

 

 

That's on you Protec, that's is 100% on you.

[ExpatInItaly]

You are not being honest with yourself, OP.

 

This absurdity will only stop when she finds your replacement and no longer speaks to you at all.

[frigginlost]

I noticed the same thing in my ex. Everytime she got stressed or received bad news, i was the one to have to leave. SHe got cold, distant, "i don't love you anymore". Almost every time.

 

And just last night when we were on sofa. We had nice time going on, but she received a text that she has some unpaid loans. After that: Cold. Distant.

 

But it's over now. If she contacts me, the only reason i will answer is if she is interested being dating again. OTherwise i have nothing to do with her anymore.

 

God she messed me up good! After a fantastic day, she turns into a horrible monster kicking you around leaving you as a bloody mess on the floor (not literally).

Last night she complimented me again:

 

"You are so nice man. You have never yelled at me like my other ex's, you have never called me with evil names. I've never had to get so mad at you as i've been with my ex's. MAybe it's because of my medication".

 

"You are always smiling...you have such a nice smile". Yes. I smile because I WAS HAPPY.

 

She didn't do anything. She was just being herself.

 

Quit lying to yourself, and get some help.

[Protec]

Don't kid yourself, you'll go back to her when she comes calling.

 

 

It's just another ride on the Protec merry-go-round.

Same crap, different day.

 

 

Everybody here is telling you to dump this woman, for your own sanity. But you refuse to listen, refuse to take action, refuse to take the necessary steps to break away from this dysfunctional, toxic 'relationship'.

 

 

That's on you Protec, that's is 100% on you.

 

No more. I will not go back. I will not go. I am gonna do anything else than go back to her.

 

I love her, yes. But i need to really think about myself right now. I have to.

I cannot let her keep messing with my head again.

 

She says so many things that contradicts each other all the time it's insane.

 

NO MORE.

 

Oh, and i have the appointment with psychological nurse next month. That is a good news. I will need it.

 

I have one fun day with her, next day she beats me down (mentally).

I don't care anymore if it's her illness or not, no human being should act that way.

 

She gives compliments to me one day and beats me down the next. It's a pattern. She uses me to make herself feel good then kick me out. I am better than that.

 

No more lies.

No more mixed messages.

No more hurt feelings.

 

She looked so confused today when i said "IT's funny, you say you want to keep me as sex partner so you don't have to go for unknown..yet you still cheated on me just month ago".

 

It doesn't make ANY SENSE.

[Protec]

You better enjoy your friends with benefits arrangement as you are not going to stop anyway.

 

I will stop it. No more. I admit sex with her is phenomenal. But it's not worth losing my mental health. I felt miserable last night at times. As i tried to kiss her after sex "Sorry. You have kissed me enough today".

 

And then just moments after she came and kissed me.

 

**** it. No more. She has caused enough damage to me already.

 

I can't be any friend with benefits guy. I enjoy the sex...oh i really do, but i want more.

 

I cannot ever move forward or get over her if i continue this.

[Blanco]

It is almost incomprehensible to me that this is not all some long social experiment you're conducting to see how long strangers on an internet forum will continue to respond to what boils down to slightly different versions of the same post.

[VeveCakes]

She's using you.

 

She doesn't love you.

 

You are not good enough for her in her eyes.

 

You are there for company and help, that's all.

 

Don't you think you deserve better? Don't you want to be with someone who wants you as bad as you want her?

[Protec]

24 hours NC.

 

My friend called me last night so at least she was out of my mind for the most of the evening. Having a hangover, stupid me. I really shóuld learn to be without alcohol.

 

And for some reason ex sent me a good night message. She hasn't sent me any good night messages in months and has not even replied to my good night messages.

So now she sends me "good night and warm dreams about palmtrees and sandy beach"

 

But yes. I deserve better. Even my friend said me last night "come on man. You are young, good looking man there should be no problem for you to find a woman. You deserve a better woman, where do you always find these nutcases? I don't mean to insult, but seriously, let that woman be and get yourself someone who treats you right."

 

My problem is that i am way too naive... I just don't understand why someone would want to use you and hurt.

 

Still miss her though...she had so many good sides on her. That's why i tolerated the bad behaviour. I could still list all the good sides she has. I loved being with her, but because i have feelings for her i got hurt. Actually she didn't do anything wrong to me last time i saw her. It's me hurting me for being around her. I am still confused what kind of friends have sex, make food and spend night over, hold hands and go to movies etc. To me it sounds like dating.

 

Oh well. I hope this will ease with time. I am just so confused about everything...

Edited June 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to deleted post ~T

[LD1990]

And for some reason ex sent me a good night message. She hasn't sent me any good night messages in months and has not even replied to my good night messages.

So now she sends me "good night and warm dreams about palmtrees and sandy beach"

 

So you haven't blocked her, meaning you still aren't serious about going NC.

 

Still miss her though...she had so many good sides on her.

 

"Besides the fact that she cheats on me, uses me, degrades me, is self-centered, and doesn't take very good care of her kids, she's a hell of a gal!"

 

I am still confused what kind of friends have sex, make food and spend night over, hold hands and go to movies etc. To me it sounds like dating.

 

You two were never friends. You were just her whipping boy, there to satisfy her needs, take abuse, and then leave.

 

Here's a quick test to go over in your head so you can confirm whether you're friends with someone:

Your car breaks down on the side of the road and you need a hand. You call your "friend." Do they show?

 

If she called you, you'd show for sure, probably with wine and sushi, even if she was on her way to go rail some other guy. If you called her in this scenario? She'd tell you how useless you are and chastise you for having a cheap car.

Edited June 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to deleted post ~T

[Itspointless]

I will stop it. No more. [...] **** it. No more. She has caused enough damage to me already. [...] I cannot ever move forward or get over her if i continue this.

In my view it is even more important to prevent a next psychosis. Or is she worth next a psychosis?