So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Jenmarie]

I'm someone who is suffering from bipolar disorder, and it has ruined relationships. However, being someone who has refused treatment... I still never cheated. Bipolar disorder is not an excuse. At all. Don't believe that bull****.

[Protec]

I'm someone who is suffering from bipolar disorder, and it has ruined relationships. However, being someone who has refused treatment... I still never cheated. Bipolar disorder is not an excuse. At all. Don't believe that bull****.

 

May i ask how did it ruin your relationships?

 

I just wonder why cannot my ex say to me directly "do not contact me, i don't want to see you anymore". But she keeps saying "oh..i will be busy next week".

 

Just say it darnit I survived the cheating and all other bull**** so i can take one "don't contact me anymore"-message.

 

Last night she sent me a picture of the front yard from her mothers place. They had this "pool party" there and she sent the pic to me at 00:50... why?

[Itspointless]

why?

Because you give her attention and an ego-boost whenever she wants.

[Protec]

Because you give her attention and an ego-boost whenever she wants.

 

I just don't know what kind of ego boost is if i ask her "how's it going? Is it warm there?" and she replies with a picture of her mothers front yard....

 

I see nothing ego boosting there?

 

Now i am having thoughts of asking her to a new "first date". I would love to take her go karting...

[Itspointless]

would love to take her go karting...

Do it yourself, not with her.

[Protec]

I still hate the fact that i am low on money all the time. I would love to go out and spend some time...but hard to go out with little money. Last night i was so bored, i thought that i should go and try to go a bar alone. And once i get used to bars...i should move to nightclubs. But i still don't think i am able to find woman from nightclub. I personally don't know anyone who has met their GF or wife in a bar / nightclub. It's usually been from work / school, trhough friends or from hobbies.

[Protec]

Do it yourself, not with her.

 

I don't want to go alone. It's boring :/ I would like to show her that i can be fun too. I never had the chance at winter. The track is not open at winter and then we started having these problems.

 

I hate this. I feel like everything i do alone goes to waste. I want to share things...

[Itspointless]

I still hate the fact that i am low on money all the time. I would love to go out and spend some time...but hard to go out with little money.

Well I have little money too, as I lost my job last year. Money can make a difference, but it is also possible to enjoy yourself without. Like just now I went out for a walk.

hate this. I feel like everything i do alone goes to waste. I want to share things...

I have learned to enjoy things alone. It is important for you to learn that too.

Edited July 3, 2016 by Itspointless

[Simon Phoenix]

I just don't know what kind of ego boost is if i ask her "how's it going? Is it warm there?" and she replies with a picture of her mothers front yard....

 

I see nothing ego boosting there?

 

Now i am having thoughts of asking her to a new "first date". I would love to take her go karting...

 

Of course it's an ego boost -- you really need to remove your head from your butt. She cheats on you, she disrespects you, she insults you and yet you keep communicating with her and now are wanting to ask her out again. It's a huge ego boost, because she feels that she can do anything she wants to people and they'll continue to want to spend time with her. The more you act pathetic, the better she feels about herself. And you are being pathetic in a way that I've rarely seen on this board.

 

Stop being obtuse, stop being pathetic, be an adult and show some self-control and dignity. I'm embarrassed for you in reading what you've written.

[Protec]

I haven't sent her single message today. still she is 24/7 in my mind. I saw dreams about her, i was at the mall today, all i did was think of her. I compare every woman to her.

 

Problem is that i have never met a woman so beautiful she was. Never. Physically she was PERFECT. I fell for her ever since i saw the first picture of her. She is that beautiful.

 

And unfortunately i am a shallow guy..outlook wise. OF course it matters what is inside (yes, it matters, believe me or not). But i never knew she would be person like that.

 

I am the victim here, yes, i allowed her but i am not ok myself. I was the perfect target for her. This article is good read: The Dance Between Codependents & Narcissists | World of Psychology

 

"They dare not leave their narcissistic dance partner because their lack of self-esteem and self-respect makes them feel like they can do no better. Being alone is the equivalent of feeling lonely, and loneliness is too painful to bear."

 

I am not ok. I think i am codependent and quite badly. I hope next friday i will get forwarded to proper psychiatrist. I need help with this because it will ruin my every dating/relationship i enter.

[Itspointless]

I am the victim here, yes, i allowed her but i am not ok myself. I was the perfect target for her. This article is good read: The Dance Between Codependents & Narcissists | World of Psychology

 

"They dare not leave their narcissistic dance partner because their lack of self-esteem and self-respect makes them feel like they can do no better. Being alone is the equivalent of feeling lonely, and loneliness is too painful to bear."

 

I am not ok. I think i am codependent and quite badly. I hope next friday i will get forwarded to proper psychiatrist. I need help with this because it will ruin my every dating/relationship i enter.

Protec, perhaps the most important thing here is not what role you think you are in but that you were upset about your previous ex when you started dating her via Tinder. You need to learn to be alone and not depend upon others to be happy. It wasn't love or attraction what brought you two together.

[Protec]

Protec, perhaps the most important thing here is not what role you think you are in but that you were upset about your previous ex when you started dating her via Tinder. You need to learn to be alone and not depend upon others to be happy. It wasn't love or attraction what brought you two together.

 

but there must be a reason why it's so hard for me to be alone.

 

We were attracted to each other, that is a fact. I don't see why else we would have spent so much time together, visited each others parents, done stuff together etc.

 

I did not take her just to fill my loneliness. I even rejected women before i met her. I don't accept just anyone. She was interesting, fun and beautiful. I got attracted. I found her interesting.

 

I don't spend time with people i don't like. I don't think anyone does.'

 

But what i hate now is i cannot turn this anxiety and sadness into anger.

When my other ex broke up with me, i managed to turn that anxiety and sadness into anger. And anger to physical exercise. Now i am just sad and anxious...stressed out if she is dating someone new and wondering how could i get her back. I cannot turn this feeling into anger.

 

SOme one suggested me a rebound relationship...but i cannot do those. I will just hurt myself by thinking i hurt the other person using as a rebound.

 

Yes. This is me. I just constantly think about how others feel, forgetting about my own needs. IT came pretty clear. And i have no idea why i don't care about my own needs and why i accept such abuse.

 

I have the appoitment this weeks friday.

 

Now i try to go to gym. Maybe lifting some weights help me get my mind stabilized...

[Protec]

Gym helped. I always feel fantastic after being hour in gym. And it doesn't hurt to see some pretty females there either

 

But again i've been thinking...i was way too clingy when i was with my ex. I didn't give her enough space. I forgot all about my own hobbies (making music, gym, gaming).

 

But i got so confused! Every time i tried to take some distance it felt like she got hurt.

So i thought she wants me to be there. "you never say when you go back home.."

 

But i didn't know we need to make a plan. I usually spent mondays and tuesdays alone and she always acted strange when i wanted my own space.

 

Hmm...

[Protec]

But some good news: My 2nd single will get released soon =)

 

So happy about it. I love making people happy with my music.

[sooshi]

its like she wants me to go berserk. I won't.

 

I'm sorry to say that your posts in this thread show otherwise.

 

Keep making music. I'm glad you have something in your life that you enjoy. Find another thing to add to the list. And then another.

[NewLeaf512]

But some good news: My 2nd single will get released soon =)

 

So happy about it. I love making people happy with my music.

 

Making music is one of the most cathartic things you can do. Now you have not only a single which is a thing most people ever get to dream of but a second! What type of music do you make? I would love to hear a sample of your music. Who do you find influential?

[NewLeaf512]

Ah Protec my apologies I have just heard your single. Is that a Korg? It's so ambient like a hybrid Darkwave/Industrial madness kind of like Frontline Assembly and KMFDM and the New En Esch only slowed. I can tell that is purely your creation, such a statement.

 

Have you studied music theory at all ?

 

I myself have. Roland JD-XA which I love as it's an analogue / digital hybrid

 

Are you self-released?

[Protec]

Ah Protec my apologies I have just heard your single. Is that a Korg? It's so ambient like a hybrid Darkwave/Industrial madness kind of like Frontline Assembly and KMFDM and the New En Esch only slowed. I can tell that is purely your creation, such a statement.

 

Have you studied music theory at all ?

 

I myself have. Roland JD-XA which I love as it's an analogue / digital hybrid

 

Are you self-released?

 

Thank you for listening my track

 

It's a small finnish label who released my track. You can find it from spotify and itunes etc. I am 100% self learned. I started making music with Dance Ejay long time ago After i learned some basics, i just "studied" real music and songs i liked. I do music purely with my ear. I don't even know the notes...I just do it.

 

And to be honest, it was the happiest moment of my life when i got my 1st single released. I was smiling like a insane person the whole day, and when i heard my track playing in radio...i was in extacy. Greatest moment of my life so far and a dream i finally managed to fulfill.

 

This is the single i released (a part of it): (URL removed by moderation for anonymity)

The second one will not be as "rough" but it will be nice! So i think you will enjoy it.

 

I am using Digital Synthesizers as i don't have room for actual equipment.

 

Also here is one of my "unofficial" tracks: (URL removed by moderation for anonymity)

Yes...music has been part of me a long time. Love creating those worlds.

Edited July 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
(URL removed by moderation for anonymity)

[Itspointless]

Thank you for listening my track

 

It's a small finnish label who released my track. You can find it from spotify and itunes etc. I am 100% self learned. I started making music with Dance Ejay long time ago After i learned some basics, i just "studied" real music and songs i liked. I do music purely with my ear. I don't even know the notes...I just do it.

 

And to be honest, it was the happiest moment of my life when i got my 1st single released. I was smiling like a insane person the whole day, and when i heard my track playing in radio...i was in extacy. Greatest moment of my life so far and a dream i finally managed to fulfill.

 

Yes...music has been part of me a long time. Love creating those worlds.

Well done man. It is no surprise your music is dreamy. A couple of years ago I used to be active in the tracker scene with Jeskola Buzz (a Finnish tracker). I mainly listen to more experimental electronic music, but I can hear you know how to write music, nice!

Edited July 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Protec]

Well done man. It is no surprise your music is dreamy. A couple of years ago I used to be active in the tracker scene with Jeskola Buzz (a Finnish tracker). I mainly listen to more experimental electronic music, but I can hear you know how to write music, nice!

 

I never used trackers...they looked so complicated but i love music created with trackers. And you listened my music right. It's supposed to dreamy As i am a dreamer myself.

 

Thank you so much! It made me feel better about myself Apparently i do something right

[Itspointless]

I never used trackers...they looked so complicated but i love music created with trackers. And you listened my music right. It's supposed to dreamy As i am a dreamer myself.

 

Thank you so much! It made me feel better about myself Apparently i do something right

Of-course you do, and also with the music, but it is important that you start to believe it yourself!

[veggirl]

Hopefully she will get a new boyfriend soon because at this point, HER ignoring YOU is the only way you will get over her. You expect to feel better after a week or something...dude it takes TIME. you will feel ****ty for MONTHS and then you will start to feel better on the regular. Fingers crossed SHE moves on to a new sucker soon...for your sake.

[Protec]

I am still thinking about trying to surprise her some way...

 

I could dress nice in a blazer and get bottle of wine and roses with me...

i dunno. I feel bad i never dressed nice when we dated. I just wore my casual clothes every day and she usually put on her best when we went somewhere.

 

I saw dreams about her again. And i did call her yesterday. She hang up on me and sent message "i am driving to Mellila. I have low battery." That's all.

 

But again she told me where she was going, i did not even ask.

 

I just would like to win her back somehow. I know all of you say "just leave it". But hell, i have never felt like this in my whole life. 32 years and this is the first time i feel i want to do EVERYTHING to get her back. I still haven't made a song about her...but currenly my brain is in a state not to create anything. I have few ideas though.

 

I should rather spend my time and effort for the new love of my life. I should dress nicely for her and get roses and wine for her (whoever she might be).

 

But god i loved this woman. I am starting to see what i did wrong and i overreacted to many things. Of course she did stuff wrong too, i didn't deserve to be cheated.

 

I still think it was her way to tell me "I want you out of my life, i don't love you".

She used to tell me lots of times "i know you will leave me at some point anyway. I always ruin all my relationships." So it's coded inside her. She wants to ruin them so she can create the drama in her life she needs and give her self a permission to cheat etc.

 

And i still think one of the reasons she left me is to protect me...as funny as it sounds. In some way she cared about me and she knew if i am with her she will just hurt me.

 

"I am a snake. I always hurt those i love. I have made my exes lose their hair". It was a warning. I took it as a joke.

[keiji]

I never used trackers...they looked so complicated but i love music created with trackers. And you listened my music right. It's supposed to dreamy As i am a dreamer myself.

 

Thank you so much! It made me feel better about myself Apparently i do something right

 

Don't give up on your passions. I spent a couple of weeks without reading, painting or listening to much music (I usually listen to at least 10 albums a day), just being lazy, and my mood wasn't right. As Albert Ayler said, "music is the healing force of the universe".

 

I've listened to your music. It's not the kind of thing I listen to (I'm more on the experimental side of things, just like a previous poster), so I don't have a well-formed opinion to give to you, but just keep it up. Do it for yourself. If you dress up, do it for yourself too, not for a potential lover.

 

I think music can truly be a fantastic therapy. Invest more hours on it. Instead of planning your new message to your ex, try to come up with a nice melodic line. It's way more profitable. There's some wonderful music coming out of Finland (check Fonal Records if you don't know them; not exactly easy-listening, but awesome music anyway). Try to be a part of it.

[ExpatInItaly]

You can't win someone back when she doesn't want to be with you in the first place.