So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

Just on a curious note, do you have any history of depression or any mental health issue ???

 

 

Well, i was diagnosed with depression when my mother died. And i could not go to army because i had a...what's it called..physcohis? Too big change too soon and i will go nuts. Like suddenly having to go to army, different enviroment, i couldn't sleep in 3 days. Bed was too hard, i was annoyed by roommates, etc. So i finally had to get out of there.

 

It has something to do with my feeling of security. As when i was young we lost our apartment few times (poor family, no money to pay the rent). So it had effect on me. And i have a feeling all these current events lead to that as well.

 

Every major life change, losing apartment, suddenly changing enviroment (vacations are ok, they are planned), but basically every NON PLANNED event in life gets me f-d up, badly. You have seen me here.

 

Even in everyday life, if i have planned like "i go to gym at 12". and if something comes up and i cannot go to gym. my whole day gets ruined. I have troubles adapting to changes in my "schedule".

 

SO i need security and stability into my life, just like the all of us do, but i react very very badly.

 

And also i used to have panic attacks as younger when i was in a middle of big crowds. It's gone better as i've aged.

 

So yes, there are some issues definitely i need to sort out. These are things that can be solved with therapy. At least i hope.

 

And i think it's good that i notice these things in myself. I know i have flaws. I have just tried to solve them myself as well i can. Like shift work it's poison to me. I just cannot adapt to constantly changing rhythm. I need stable "9-5" job. Or maybe 2 different shifts is ok.

 

But like in my last job for example week would be like this:

 

Monday 7-15

Tuesday 14-21

Wednesday 9-17

Thurday 12-20

Friday 11-19

 

I was a mess. I could not do anything. i could not get into rhythm. That is a huge issue for me. And definitely will talk about this with therapist etc.

 

So now i have:

 

-Co dependency

-Anger management

-Schedule management,

-Non planned changes in life mess me up

 

But, time to hit the road. Running keeps mind fresh.

 

I really appreciate you all of the help. I am weak individual...

[keiji]

Well, i was diagnosed with depression when my mother died. And i could not go to army because i had a...what's it called..physcohis? Too big change too soon and i will go nuts. Like suddenly having to go to army, different enviroment, i couldn't sleep in 3 days. Bed was too hard, i was annoyed by roommates, etc. So i finally had to get out of there.

 

It has something to do with my feeling of security. As when i was young we lost our apartment few times (poor family, no money to pay the rent). So it had effect on me. And i have a feeling all these current events lead to that as well.

 

Every major life change, losing apartment, suddenly changing enviroment (vacations are ok, they are planned), but basically every NON PLANNED event in life gets me f-d up, badly. You have seen me here.

 

Even in everyday life, if i have planned like "i go to gym at 12". and if something comes up and i cannot go to gym. my whole day gets ruined. I have troubles adapting to changes in my "schedule".

 

SO i need security and stability into my life, just like the all of us do, but i react very very badly.

 

And also i used to have panic attacks as younger when i was in a middle of big crowds. It's gone better as i've aged.

 

So yes, there are some issues definitely i need to sort out. These are things that can be solved with therapy. At least i hope.

 

And i think it's good that i notice these things in myself. I know i have flaws. I have just tried to solve them myself as well i can. Like shift work it's poison to me. I just cannot adapt to constantly changing rhythm. I need stable "9-5" job. Or maybe 2 different shifts is ok.

 

But like in my last job for example week would be like this:

 

Monday 7-15

Tuesday 14-21

Wednesday 9-17

Thurday 12-20

Friday 11-19

 

I was a mess. I could not do anything. i could not get into rhythm. That is a huge issue for me. And definitely will talk about this with therapist etc.

 

So now i have:

 

-Co dependency

-Anger management

-Schedule management,

-Non planned changes in life mess me up

 

But, time to hit the road. Running keeps mind fresh.

 

I really appreciate you all of the help. I am weak individual...

 

You are not weak. We all have issues.

 

What you say sounds like anxiety more than psychosis. I'm exactly the opposite: whenever I have a very organized schedule, I get bored first and anxious afterwards. I guess that's why I'm a freelancer. I start and finish work at different times every day, I can't deal with someone telling me what to do, etc (my girlfriends got exasperated, to be honest). I've been trying to get around to planning a trip to Morocco this summer and I always find an excuse not to do it.

 

I've had anxiety for 20 years now, and it gets better as I grow older, but certain things I find overwhelming. My friends know that asking me what I'll be doing this weekend is pointless. I don't know and, what's more, I don't want to know. You're the opposite, ok, but I'm pretty sure it's an anxiety problem.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. You're on the right track now. Start therapy and don't despair if the first brain doctor you see doesn't meet your expectations. It's just like a physiotherapist. They're well-prepared, but you need to find the right one for you.

 

Keep it up!!

[Art_Critic]

And yes, will stay away from Tinder, any dating sites etc.

 

Honestly you would be better off by staying away from her.. dude...

[Itspointless]

Hi Protec, I am not surprised you have been through a lot. I also know how it is to feel insecure and loose your mother. I lost my mother as an adolescent to ALS. I have been depressed for years afterwards. It is now 18 years ago and I feel better with each year that I am getting older. I am so happy I am not in my teens and twenties any-more.

 

It also sounds you have an insecure attachment, which isn't surprising considering the losses and insecurity (I have a bit of that too). I do wonder though with what you write about planning. Have you ever thought about Aspergers? Perhaps I am wrong, but it might answer some of the things you write about here: as in not picking up certain signs with other people, being a bit strong-headed. If you do, it perhaps even gives you access to some extra benefits in your country.

[Blanco]

Protec, a lot of what you describe sounds like Asperger's. It would definitely explain your sense of panic when there's a change in your life, be it a different schedule or the loss of someone, regardless if they're good for you or not. I would definitely look into that.

 

If you do have some form of it, it's even more important that you get this woman out of your life. People with Asperger's thrive on routine and stability. The absolute last thing they need or can handle is someone who exhibits such erratic, unpredictable behavior as your ex.

[keiji]

Of course it's a specialist who must determine a prognosis, but I wouldn't discard a case of severe, long-lasting anxiety. As I said before, one of the symptoms is the need to have everything under control because even minor changes can be perceived as overwhelming, and that obviously includes a breakup, a change of job or residence, etc. My case is the opposite, but in a way, I'm having control by making as many last-minute decisions as I can. Planning is overwhelming to me. I also overcame a case of OCD, which is also a sign of an overly controlling mindset. It took a lot of work for me to think that stepping on a floor tile line wouldn't bring Armaggedon, but I made it.

 

Let us know about your progress!!

[Itspointless]

Protec, a lot of what you describe sounds like Asperger's.

That indeed was what I was thinking Protec, also when including your list of things you say you now have. It all can point to Aspergers. You know they discovered with a friend of mine he had Aspergers after he had a Psychosis. We always knew that he was a bit different, but at the time in the beginning of our twenties we were not very familiar with the label. For him it worked out quit well, as he now has a job especially arranged for him were people mind him and his need for steady schedules.

[Escobar95]

Hi OP,

 

i have been reading your thread on/off. It really seems like you're addicted to drama your ex clearly cheated on you, that mean she has no respect towards you or herself and you purchased her roses? listen to everyone man honestly its for your best walk away when you can you will thank us later.

 

- sometimes you need to walk away not to make someone else realize how worthy you are, but for you to understand and acknowledge your own self worth.

 

P.S take care stay strong man!

[Protec]

Protec, a lot of what you describe sounds like Asperger's. It would definitely explain your sense of panic when there's a change in your life, be it a different schedule or the loss of someone, regardless if they're good for you or not. I would definitely look into that.

 

If you do have some form of it, it's even more important that you get this woman out of your life. People with Asperger's thrive on routine and stability. The absolute last thing they need or can handle is someone who exhibits such erratic, unpredictable behavior as your ex.

 

I think teachers, etc. would have noticed if i had aspergers. As my behaviour is completely normal and i have excellent eye/hand coordination.

 

But i do have problems to get my life in rhythm if my job. etc has very unpredictable hours. Or maybe it's just lazyness?

 

Finally starting to find my own rhythm again. Going running, actually got myself nice pair of running shoes and i am hitting the gym again.

 

And the bad news.... I was weak.

 

EX GF sent me a text last night "this loneliness is eating me. It would be so nice to sit with someone and watch the movie..."

 

So i had 2 options. Be home alone sulking and feeling like crap, or spend nice evening with the person i enjoy being with.

 

She did not ask me directly to "come over." I just said "i can bring the pizza?" and she replied with a single ":)" But unfortunately pizzerias were closed so i just got some eggs. She wanted to boil some eggs.

 

And we spent a nice evening. We watched movie and we did not talk about our relationship or anything. It felt like our very first dates actually... all the tension and excitement. But we had nice night. Which is weird because we haven't spent a evening like that in months. It was strange.

 

And yes...we fooled around. Kissed each other...etc.

 

I slept over at her place and she slept the whole night very close to me.

 

I know last night did not mean anything. I know she used me just to ease her own feelings / pain. And in a way i used her. I got what i wanted. To spend a nice night, get some intimacy and sleep well. Yes. She has amazing bed. It's so comfortable.

 

But it seems like the only way to get rid of her is to start a fight so bad, she will hate me the rest of her life. I have never had a friendly breakup. And i guess i know why. Unless they hate me, or i hate them, i just keep taking contact. If i hate someone, i don't want to talk with them or see them. And if someone hates me it's a fact they won't call me or want to see me.

Edited June 9, 2016 by Protec

[ExpatInItaly]

You mentioned you would try to see a therapist in the coming weeks, or at least a doctor.

 

Print out this thread and take it to them.

[broodneach]

I have never had a friendly breakup. And i guess i know why. Unless they hate me, or i hate them, i just keep taking contact.

 

I'm the same way. I think it's very emotionally needy and I'm not happy that I act that way.

[LD1990]

But it seems like the only way to get rid of her is to start a fight so bad, she will hate me the rest of her life. I have never had a friendly breakup. And i guess i know why. Unless they hate me, or i hate them, i just keep taking contact. If i hate someone, i don't want to talk with them or see them. And if someone hates me it's a fact they won't call me or want to see me.

 

No, the only way to get rid of her is to step up and take responsibility for your own actions instead of looking for pitiful excuses like "she has a comfy bed," "I like spending time with her," and "I'm a weak individual." Wonder how many guys from Tinder have been in that comfy bed of hers? Hope she washes the sheets before you come bring her food (how nice of you, bringing food to the girl that cheated on you).

 

You act like you have some condition that makes it impossible for you to stop contacting your ex. Come on man, have some pride. You're acting like her lapdog.

[Itspointless]

I think teachers, etc. would have noticed if i had aspergers.

In a perfect world ...

[Blanco]

But it seems like the only way to get rid of her is to start a fight so bad, she will hate me the rest of her life. I have never had a friendly breakup. And i guess i know why. Unless they hate me, or i hate them, i just keep taking contact. If i hate someone, i don't want to talk with them or see them. And if someone hates me it's a fact they won't call me or want to see me.

 

That's not true. Your last girlfriend hated you and told you as much, and you kept contacting her. You even sent her a Christmas card. The only reason you stopped finally contacting her was because this new woman came into your life and distracted you.

 

In short, you don't leave toxic women alone until you can replace them with another toxic woman.

[Blanco]

You also need to stop lying to yourself. You didn't "use" her. That would imply that you are at least somewhat in control of your behavior, which doesn't seem to be the case at this point. You want a relationship with this woman and you're hoping that these little meetups will eventually make her cave and come calling you back.

 

The thing you need to realize is that you will never have this woman's respect. She has done it all to you and you've stayed. She's treated you like trash, demeaned you, cheated on you, told you that you're not good enough, not rich enough, not prestigious enough. She knows that in you, she has a warm body to occupy her wretched little life until she finds the next dope to fill your seat.

 

You've got a lot of female minds around here able to provide insight. I can guarantee that not one of them would find you remotely appealing after reading about this relationship. That isn't to say you're a bad guy. You seem like a swell, albeit totally naive chap. But you've completely bottomed out. I thought your last breakup exhibited some shameful behavior, but that's mere child's play compared to what's happened here. You've tossed away every last ounce of self-respect just so you don't have to sit by yourself for one night and do anything about the mountain of issues you keep ignoring.

[scorpiogirl]

This is the hardest breakup in my life yet. I really did care about her. Never in my life i have cared this much about someone. Not even my 1st GF who i dated for 2,5 years.

 

I really don't think anyone cares anymore. Really seriously.

[William]

Noting the post above and trends towards online diagnosis of psychological disorders of the thread starter, I've made a report to moderation to look at this thread in more detail and, in the interim, will request members treat postings from the thread starter in a civil and collaborative manner. This thread is located in our Breakup forum and breakups are often difficult and each of us is different so, if members find a lack of constructive and civil content to add, that's OK. Simply move on to the next discussion. Thanks!

[Mind-Chants]

Well, i was diagnosed with depression when my mother died. And i could not go to army because i had a...what's it called..physcohis? Too big change too soon and i will go nuts. Like suddenly having to go to army, different enviroment, i couldn't sleep in 3 days. Bed was too hard, i was annoyed by roommates, etc. So i finally had to get out of there.

 

It has something to do with my feeling of security. As when i was young we lost our apartment few times (poor family, no money to pay the rent). So it had effect on me. And i have a feeling all these current events lead to that as well.

 

Every major life change, losing apartment, suddenly changing enviroment (vacations are ok, they are planned), but basically every NON PLANNED event in life gets me f-d up, badly. You have seen me here.

 

Even in everyday life, if i have planned like "i go to gym at 12". and if something comes up and i cannot go to gym. my whole day gets ruined. I have troubles adapting to changes in my "schedule".

 

SO i need security and stability into my life, just like the all of us do, but i react very very badly.

 

And also i used to have panic attacks as younger when i was in a middle of big crowds. It's gone better as i've aged.

 

So yes, there are some issues definitely i need to sort out. These are things that can be solved with therapy. At least i hope.

 

And i think it's good that i notice these things in myself. I know i have flaws. I have just tried to solve them myself as well i can. Like shift work it's poison to me. I just cannot adapt to constantly changing rhythm. I need stable "9-5" job. Or maybe 2 different shifts is ok.

 

But like in my last job for example week would be like this:

 

Monday 7-15

Tuesday 14-21

Wednesday 9-17

Thurday 12-20

Friday 11-19

 

I was a mess. I could not do anything. i could not get into rhythm. That is a huge issue for me. And definitely will talk about this with therapist etc.

 

So now i have:

 

-Co dependency

-Anger management

-Schedule management,

-Non planned changes in life mess me up

 

But, time to hit the road. Running keeps mind fresh.

 

I really appreciate you all of the help. I am weak individual...

 

You have been through a lot in your life but you are still out there. This doesn't sound like a weak person rather just a person who is not aware of his inner strengths.

 

You said you like things planned. Do the same in case of this relationship you mentioned. Take one day at a time. Forget long term. Plan you next day before you go to sleep with targets. By targets I mean write down things in your life you want to improve. Set a timeline. You are a planner so do it for yourself and stick with the plan. Start with one day then gradually move ahead. If you feel anxious to call her, keep a pocket dairy where you write down whatever you want to say instead of calling her. Also if she calls move with targets like how many calls you will miss before receiving. The more missed calls the better.

 

Remember the only way you could find happiness is by finding happiness by yourself. Don't leverage your relationship for your happiness. You know they say it "Give a Man a Fish, and You Feed Him for a Day. Teach a Man To Fish, and You Feed Him for a Lifetime". You are dependent (extreme codependency) on her for your happiness, the day she stopped you are struck. By knowing how to find happiness by yourself, you could really end up with a solid relationship.

[Protec]

You also need to stop lying to yourself. You didn't "use" her. That would imply that you are at least somewhat in control of your behavior, which doesn't seem to be the case at this point. You want a relationship with this woman and you're hoping that these little meetups will eventually make her cave and come calling you back.

 

The thing you need to realize is that you will never have this woman's respect. She has done it all to you and you've stayed. She's treated you like trash, demeaned you, cheated on you, told you that you're not good enough, not rich enough, not prestigious enough. She knows that in you, she has a warm body to occupy her wretched little life until she finds the next dope to fill your seat.

 

You've got a lot of female minds around here able to provide insight. I can guarantee that not one of them would find you remotely appealing after reading about this relationship. That isn't to say you're a bad guy. You seem like a swell, albeit totally naive chap. But you've completely bottomed out. I thought your last breakup exhibited some shameful behavior, but that's mere child's play compared to what's happened here. You've tossed away every last ounce of self-respect just so you don't have to sit by yourself for one night and do anything about the mountain of issues you keep ignoring.

 

I am not ignoring my issues anymore. I am going to meet doctor next week, gonna ask to get me into therapy or whatever. I need to find out why i stay in toxic relationships. Breakup just happened so of course i am bit messed up atm. THis was a major change for me. Spending time with a woman and 2 kids almost daily, then suddenly i am alone. And on top of that the cheating etc. And i was dating mentally ill person.

 

It's a huge change into my life, but i am feeling much more stable than let's say week ago.

 

I got myself some new running shoes, so i will start concentrating on my physical well being again. And with physical exercise also your brain feels better.

[Blanco]

I am not ignoring my issues anymore. I am going to meet doctor next week, gonna ask to get me into therapy or whatever. I need to find out why i stay in toxic relationships.

 

But don't you see that you're still part of a toxic relationship? Toxic relationships aren't exclusive to romantic pairings. By staying in contact with her; by spending time with her; by engaging with her physically, you are still deeply part of a toxic relationship.

 

So while it's commendable that you're seeking treatment, continuing a bond with this woman is akin to sneaking a flask into an AA meeting.

 

Breakup just happened so of course i am bit messed up atm. THis was a major change for me. Spending time with a woman and 2 kids almost daily, then suddenly i am alone.

 

Yes, it sucks. No one disputes that. But this forum is filled with people who have been through breakups they didn't want and pushed through to the other side of recovery. In that sense, your pain is valid, but it is not unique. You aren't experiencing anything that millions of people haven't experienced already.

 

You can't continue to use this woman to fill the void in your life. It's a death by a thousand paper cuts. You think, "Eh, this isn't so bad." Those cuts add up.

[Itspointless]

I am going to meet doctor next week, gonna ask to get me into therapy or whatever. I need to find out why i stay in toxic relationships.

Because staying in a (familiar) bad bond is always better than yet instability and uncertainty again. That is the conviction you need to take to therapy. Just as the conviction that you need to be kind and boundlessly forgiving to be loved. It may have brought you a bit of safety in the past, unfortunately those schema's are not best for mature relationships.

[Protec]

IT's always been my problem that i feel lonely. I have always felt lonely. And then i finally find someone who makes me feel different (girlfriend). I feel complete, i feel i belong somewhere.

 

That's my problem. Even when i am with my friends i feel lonely. It's hard.

And definitely something i need to solve.

[Itspointless]

IT's always been my problem that i feel lonely. I have always felt lonely. And then i finally find someone who makes me feel different (girlfriend). I feel complete, i feel i belong somewhere.

 

That's my problem. Even when i am with my friends i feel lonely. It's hard.

And definitely something i need to solve.

It is possible to work on that, therapy is a good step as you will get into a process where you learn some tools and understanding why you do certain things the way you do. If it is cognitive therapy you probably will hear things much alike what I wrote in the previous post.

[Protec]

Wow. She drunk texted me

 

"I have confused feelings. I think about you. But you are the 3rd child who cannot make breakfast".

 

That is something she always complained about. Me not being able to do breakfast. I can do breakfast. Maybe not a fancy breakfast she always does, but she does not accept my way of doing breakfast.

 

-1 or 2 Slices of bread with cheese, lettuce, cucumber etc. whatever on it

-1 soup plate of porridge

-1 glass of milk

-1 glass of orange juice

-Some yoghurt

- 1 Banana

 

That is healthy breakfast. I've calculated it contains around 500 calories, which is plenty enough for a breakfast.

 

That is my breakfast this morning. No, i rarely fry bacon or eggs etc. Bacon is not that healthy but it is GOOD. Sometimes i do fry bacon or boil egggs.

 

But the fact is, i can make breakfast. I have no idea why she thinks i cannot do breakfast. Maybe just because i don't do it like she does. She always makes juices herself, fries bacon, boils eggs, makes smoothies etc. Yes, that is fine. But i have my way of doing breakfast. Why cannot she respect that?

 

Maybe because she is selfish to the bone. She is the living proof of saying "My way, or the highway"

 

So you see how stupid things has ruined the relationhips?

 

I made breafast few times at her place, and one time she complained "This bread is too toasted", "You put wrong cheese on my bread", "i don't like that butter!" etc.

She requiress perfection in every god damn thing. That's why stopped trying.

 

And about steaks... "It's better i cook them so you don't overdo it". Again. I can cook my steaks just fine. But she requires ULTIMATE PERFECTION even in them. OVercook it, you're dead. Undercook it, you're dead again. Nothing is good enough! No matter what you do or how you do it, it's not good enough, Jeez.

 

HAve a nice and sunny sunday everyone Lots of hugs

[Protec]

Well... i have spent last 2 days with her. I seem to be her darling again, but i have my Defense Wall operational.

 

"I missed you so much...i am sorry what you have been trough because of me. It seems that it doesn't matter what you do or not, my head is living the world of it's own"

 

Again she feels so good being near me, i am a nice man etc.

Her kids missed me too...they said to her "it's so nice that he is here again".

 

And i went to doctor today. So i will get appointment to further places. Which is good. As i do have issues with jealousy etc.

 

But i've really had very nice 2 days with her now...again, for change. She has asked me several times "are you sure you are ok? I have treated you in such horrible ways. What makes you go trough all this?"