Author Andrew42 Posted June 4, 2016 Author Share Posted June 4, 2016 once she's gone out the house this is gonna be a whole lot easier, in my mind the relationship has gone, it's just whilst she's still here it's a constant reminder. The only way to get her out quickly is to put the house up for sale, but then that puts me and Ben out too Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 In the UK both parents have to be present to register a child's birth, if they want the father's name on the birth certificate. Andrew42 can refuse and the section for father's details will be left blank - unless the OM decides to step up. His wife will have a great deal of difficulty in getting child support for this child if Andrew42 is not on the birth certificate. And by the time it gets to that stage, Andrew42 will be able to ask the court for a DNA test to prove the child is not his anyway. Really? I've heard otherwise if they're married, it's certainly is where I live. You need to ask an attorney about this ASAP. Can't you file yourself, even a separation at the very least? My post wasn't meant to make you feel bad, just that there are more pressing issues than your emotions at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 once she's gone out the house this is gonna be a whole lot easier, in my mind the relationship has gone, it's just whilst she's still here it's a constant reminder. The only way to get her out quickly is to put the house up for sale, but then that puts me and Ben out too NO NO NO This is not a relationship, it's a MARRIAGE.. the law will come down on you if you don't act. You said she's seen an attorney, her intentions are not good. While you're sobbing she's planning! Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Hey Andrew just checking in. I have read the latest and am so sorry. I hope you are going out and surrounding yourself with friends. If she isn't leaving I would live your life as if you were divorced and single. Please let us know how you are doing :-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Did you file for divorce yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Hi there, first day back at work today, it's been really hard to keep things together but I'm trying. She's still in the house, there's zero communication now between us. The atmosphere is terrible. I've made enquiries to sell the house but as I'm sure your aware it's a slow process. No, I haven't filed for divorce, my attorney has suggested I wait and let her have the expense Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Starting the divorce and getting it finished will be the best money you'll ever spend. Now that you've made the decision you may want to consider taking action to make sure that decision happens. Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Hi there, first day back at work today, it's been really hard to keep things together but I'm trying. She's still in the house, there's zero communication now between us. The atmosphere is terrible. I've made enquiries to sell the house but as I'm sure your aware it's a slow process. No, I haven't filed for divorce, my attorney has suggested I wait and let her have the expense She doesn't sound like she is in a financial place to do so. Add to it she is pregnant and likely her AP has left the "scene of the accident". She has NO incentive to file. She is likely sorting how she can play on your emotions to take her back and raise another man's child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 She doesn't sound like she is in a financial place to do so. Add to it she is pregnant and likely her AP has left the "scene of the accident". She has NO incentive to file. She is likely sorting how she can play on your emotions to take her back and raise another man's child. I think that's the last thing on her mind the way she is acting Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Hey OP - terrible situation really feel for you. I'm sure at the moment you are thinking WTF just happened? How did the women I married who seemed so normal for 20 years suddenly go bat **** crazy. Would recommend a good book that will give you some good insight if you want to understand how this all unfolded. Women's Infidelity | Why Women Cheat And Have Affairs Worth the 40 odd dollars it will cost you. Also no Im not a salemen just will help you make sense of the current madness you are experiencing. Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I think that's the last thing on her mind the way she is acting How is she acting? Can you tell if she is still communicating with the other man? Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I think that's the last thing on her mind the way she is acting Your STBXWW has never had remorse for what she has done. This is not surprising. I do understand the whole "Who is this person I married." Keep plowing forward Andrew one day your heart will catch up with your head and you won't care one way or another what the hell your WW thinks or does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Your STBXWW has never had remorse for what she has done. This is not surprising. I do understand the whole "Who is this person I married." Keep plowing forward Andrew one day your heart will catch up with your head and you won't care one way or another what the hell your WW thinks or does. Today has been really hard, work sent me home because my head is in the wrong place right now, I've a meeting with a counsellor tomorrow. I've decided that I've got to take the lead here before I loose everything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 How is she acting? Can you tell if she is still communicating with the other man? Oh get this, when I said I didn't want her communicating with him while she's still here, her response was 'I'm being unreasonable' Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 My suggestion is to file. That way at the minimum YOU feel as though you are taking control of YOUR future. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Especially since your wife continues to be disrespectful toward you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 My suggestion is to file. That way at the minimum YOU feel as though you are taking control of YOUR future. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Especially since your wife continues to be disrespectful toward you. I agree with you there, she has no respect for the last 20 years we've been together Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 As hard as it is, and as expensive as the prospect is, I agree that you should file yourself and get the process under way. As she is pregnant, depending on the laws where you are, you could end up being financially responsible for that child unless you push forward with the divorce right away. I agree also with other posters that it gives you control over the situation (real or imagined, sometimes it doesn't matter), it's all about taking control over your own life. Good that you are seeing a counselor. That will definitely help. I would file the D and deal with the financial consequences later. The alternative is to stay in limbo and end up spending the money later anyway - which doesn't sound any better to me. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Oh get this, when I said I didn't want her communicating with him while she's still here, her response was 'I'm being unreasonable' Wow. I am speechless. That is unbelievable. I am sorry you are going through this. One day she will realize what a mess she has made and she will regret it. They always do... In some strange way these unbelievably hurtful things they tell you are actually helpful. I know, I know... sounds crazy but whenever I used to think about saving my marriage I would replay the awful things he said and did in my head to keep me on track (divorce). So yes, in a weird way these little nugets are helpful in keeping you from being tempted to ever go back. Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Wow. I am speechless. That is unbelievable. I am sorry you are going through this. One day she will realize what a mess she has made and she will regret it. They always do... In some strange way these unbelievably hurtful things they tell you are actually helpful. I know, I know... sounds crazy but whenever I used to think about saving my marriage I would replay the awful things he said and did in my head to keep me on track (divorce). So yes, in a weird way these little nugets are helpful in keeping you from being tempted to ever go back. Link to post Share on other sites
Kwacker39 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Andrew , when I told my wife it was unacceptable for her to keep living in our house but continuing to see the OM she said '' for how long ?'' - as though if she left it a week or so it would then be ok ! I'm still feeling your pain man as I go through the same sort of s...t that you do . I actually think another entity as invaded the body and mind of my wife - totally different person . Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 (edited) I'm still feeling your pain man as I go through the same sort of s...t that you do . I actually think another entity as invaded the body and mind of my wife - totally different person . I know it seems that way - but this type of behavior is so common for cheating women. A brief read through the forums will show you that as crazy as their behavior seems .... its really kind of par for the course in these situations. In their 30-40's women have some pretty major hormonal changes with testosterone going through the roof. Guys have no idea about this - they are going the other way with their's dropping. Women in long term relationships where the "spark" has faded and they have been starved of the chemicals produced by attraction, infatuation and lust - just go bat **** crazy when they get into an affair. It literally appears like they are on drugs - because their body is actually dumping heaps of chemicals associated with those feelings into their systems. The chemicals the body produces are essentially the same as those you get when smoking crack. I'm not kidding they really are. They stop making logical decisions and act like crazy teenage girls. I know its small solace but no that your not alone. Also know that this does wear off - unfortunately it normally takes 6-12 months before the woman come to her senses and start resembling a normal human being again. Essentially this is what people now call the women's "eat, pray, love" mid life crisis. Edited June 8, 2016 by Justanaverageguy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 She owns half the house so he cannot force her out of her own home very easily. I guess her best case scenario would be for Andrew42 to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 I know it seems that way - but this type of behavior is so common for cheating women. A brief read through the forums will show you that as crazy as their behavior seems .... its really kind of par for the course in these situations. In their 30-40's women have some pretty major hormonal changes with testosterone going through the roof. Guys have no idea about this - they are going the other way with their's dropping. Women in long term relationships where the "spark" has faded and they have been starved of the chemicals produced by attraction, infatuation and lust - just go bat **** crazy when they get into an affair. It literally appears like they are on drugs - because their body is actually dumping heaps of chemicals associated with those feelings into their systems. The chemicals the body produces are essentially the same as those you get when smoking crack. I'm not kidding they really are. They stop making logical decisions and act like crazy teenage girls. OK but 30-40s is also the time when men tend to have affairs too. Marriages getting boring and predictable, money, kids and jobs having taken their toll on the core relationship. Am I still attractive to the opposite sex? I need to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 I just wish I could have my wife back but that's not going to happen now Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 I just wish I could have my wife back but that's not going to happen now I know how you are feeling. I remember looking at my ex H and seeing a familiar face but he had no life behind his eyes. It was bizarre. He is back... more or less... 2 years post divorce. Full of regret, apologies, anger (now directed at himself instead of me thankfully) and he says he will never be happy again and never love anyone as much as he loved me. I am completely shut off from him. Once they put you through what they do, even if they come "back" your heart is protected from them. I love him, as the father of my kids and the man I spent many happy years with, but I know my heart will never feel safe with him, therefore I would never take him back. He was a selfish and stupid man to throw away what we had. He isn't the first and won't be the last... mid life crises is pretty common and usually occurs when kids are leaving the house or close to... mine were high school and college age and we had been together 30 yrs. The up side is he looks like he has aged 10 years and I look 10 years younger. It is amazing how poor decisions can show on a person's face. Stay strong. Focus on you and your sons future. You WILL find joy again. You WILL experience love again. You WILL become the best version of yourself after getting through this and it WILL NOT BREAK YOU 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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