Author AMJ Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Well, I don't make my dating so complicated. I put accurate pictures of me online so showing up looking like myself is the easiest. When they meet me I look exactly like my pictures so they never have bad surprises. If they like the natural looking gal in my profile they will like me in real. To me dating is not a competition against other women. I am me, you like me or you don't, end of story. A coffee date that last 2 hours is a coffee date. It's a first meeting. Whether it's 1 hour or 3 hours it's a first meeting. About men not wanting to get to know you online, not sure why you're telling me this. It's off topic. They ask you quickly on a coffee date because men are being lied to all the time from women looking super good online and not so good in real. Also they want to meet quickly because it's where you will know if there is an attraction or not. I worked that way as well. I often went on a coffee date on the same day we connected online. I was also not interested in interacting online. I want to see the real thing. It's not off topic, it's the entire point. This guy walked away from me because I'm liberal politically and didn't want to join in his discussion of judging the homeless people in our town for having drug problems. If he had spent an ounce of effort sending me an email, he would have discovered that long before we both went to the trouble of meeting in person. All in all, a 30 minute date took up most of my day, when you factor in driving time, the time I spent getting ready, and the fact that I couldn't get other work done. I'm so happy for you that you've had such amazing success in online dating, that you can post photos of yourself with minimal makeup and hundreds of men still find you attractive. That's fantastic. Try that in southern California. I will try to make my dating less complicated in the future, whatever that means. Dating is complicated. That's why this is the busiest topic on Loveshack.org. Again, our date lasted 30 minutes. I'm saying, if I put in the effort to come meet with you, I deserve at least an hour. Or let me finish my iced tea. In my opinion it's extremely rude to walk away from someone less than an hour into a date. That's not a real date. These are my feelings and opinions, I'm not quite sure why they bother you so much. But I'm certainly entitled to have them. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 It's not off topic, it's the entire point. This guy walked away from me because I'm liberal politically and didn't want to join in his discussion of judging the homeless people in our town for having drug problems. I don't think you have a look problem, more probably an attitude problem. If I'd meet a man for the first time and he'd want to debate politics, drugs, homeless I'd walk away too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMJ Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 With the amount of negative vibes you're spreading, I wouldn't want to get coffee with you either. Lighten up. Don't assume! I was all positive vibes today. He was not. Why? I'm doing really well in my life and he's unemployed. I was chatty, smiling, positive, and then he gets up and walks away. He's conservative and I'm liberal, he wanted to throw shade on certain aspects of the program I'm starting and wanted to discuss what drugs the homeless people in our town are on. I didn't even like this guy either after about 30 seconds. I just think it's rude to walk out in the middle of a date. That's all I'm trying to say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 People who are passionate about politics most likely will find it hard to make something work with a person who feels the opposite but he shouldn't have walked out in the middle of a date. I once walked out on a woman because she went on a rant and wouldn't stop no matter how much I tried to steer the conversation and even then I still paid the check and told her to lose my number. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I too have never had any success with coffee dates. All of my success have come from grabbing drinks at a bar first date. I always suggest drinks or coffee for a first date. I don't know why I still continue to agree to go on coffee dates... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 It's not off topic, it's the entire point. This guy walked away from me because I'm liberal politically and didn't want to join in his discussion of judging the homeless people in our town for having drug problems. If he had spent an ounce of effort sending me an email, he would have discovered that long before we both went to the trouble of meeting in person. All in all, a 30 minute date took up most of my day, when you factor in driving time, the time I spent getting ready, and the fact that I couldn't get other work done. I'm so happy for you that you've had such amazing success in online dating, that you can post photos of yourself with minimal makeup and hundreds of men still find you attractive. That's fantastic. Try that in southern California. I will try to make my dating less complicated in the future, whatever that means. Dating is complicated. That's why this is the busiest topic on Loveshack.org. Again, our date lasted 30 minutes. I'm saying, if I put in the effort to come meet with you, I deserve at least an hour. Or let me finish my iced tea. In my opinion it's extremely rude to walk away from someone less than an hour into a date. That's not a real date. These are my feelings and opinions, I'm not quite sure why they bother you so much. But I'm certainly entitled to have them. Girl, listen. I live in L.A. I have a big butt and thick thighs, I'm not girly, I don't wear that much makeup and hate dresses. And I do ok. I get your frustration, but really, it doesn't have to be that way. Again, I think you are in the driver's seat much more than you assume. Nothing is stopping you from getting to know these guys a little more before you meet them. Then again, you don't need to be busting out the politcal debates on date one, either. Here's a cliche for you: be yourself. Dress how YOU want. Spend the amount of time getting to know someone pre-date that YOU feel comfortable. Go on the kind of first dates that interest YOU. Believe me, we're all just fumbling around in the dating world, so being more self-assured as to the direction you're headed will only make for better dates. Sure, you may have a smaller available pool of interested men, but they will be of better quality. As a so-cal resident, I can assure you there are plenty like that out there. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Girl, listen. I live in L.A. I have a big butt and thick thighs, I'm not girly, I don't wear that much makeup and hate dresses. And I do ok. I get your frustration, but really, it doesn't have to be that way. Again, I think you are in the driver's seat much more than you assume. Nothing is stopping you from getting to know these guys a little more before you meet them. Then again, you don't need to be busting out the politcal debates on date one, either. Here's a cliche for you: be yourself. Dress how YOU want. Spend the amount of time getting to know someone pre-date that YOU feel comfortable. Go on the kind of first dates that interest YOU. Believe me, we're all just fumbling around in the dating world, so being more self-assured as to the direction you're headed will only make for better dates. Sure, you may have a smaller available pool of interested men, but they will be of better quality. As a so-cal resident, I can assure you there are plenty like that out there. Did I ever tell you how much I love you! ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Did I ever tell you how much I love you! ;-) Oh, you. Link to post Share on other sites
Httm Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 It is so strange. I though you meant teens to college age. Btw t shirt and jeans is OK if you're going on a nature hike. Else it is an interesting choice for mature women... Why? I want someone to feel comfortable and at ease. I want to see the real them, not a performance. I just want a comfortable and easy going feeling and nothing fake. It is the best way to start to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
babycrapgreen Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I hate- seriously hate- coffee dates. Guys invented the coffee date because they don't want to spend money, I get it. There are more creative ways to go on an inexpensive date. They also don't want to commit an entire hour or two or whatever period of time is normal for a first date, until they're absolutely sure they're going to like you. But the thing is, women will spend- and are expected to spend- just as much time preparing for a stupid coffee date that we will spend on a real date. I've been dating for...thirteen years now. I think I've gone on maybe five coffee dates in that time. Which is because I've never liked them to begin with. Not a single coffee date has ever resulted in anything worthwhile. I went on 1 coffee date and I knew from that point on, it's a cheap date. Guy's who have coffee dates are usually wanting that type of relationship. Quick and over with. After that, only really dinner or activity dating... OLD unfortunately, has a ton of coffee date guys, but, so whenever someone asked me to go grab a drink, I said, I'm sorry, but, I rather do something else than drink for the first date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I went on 1 coffee date and I knew from that point on, it's a cheap date. Guy's who have coffee dates are usually wanting that type of relationship. Quick and over with. What's with California women tonight? Of course it's a cheap date! it's not even a date, it's a first meeting. You are 2 strangers who know nothing of each other so why would him or you spend $100 on dinner? Can you imagine if men had to take out to dinner every woman they meet online! It would ruin them. It sounds like you are more interested in what the date is about than who the date is with. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Spending a lot of time. As in, putting on makeup, fixing my hair, figuring out what to wear, etc. It's a process for women to get ready for a first date. Guys just throw on a shirt and head out the door. So my point is, it's frustrating to spend so much time from my day to go on a half-assed date. I'm over it. If other women love coffee dates- great for them! It's not for me. The reason for the coffee date is so you have a quick out of the date fir both dudes. On the flip side are you wanting a fee meal? Or more expense tickets to an event fir a 1st meet??? If you gave gone on a few online dates snd they haven't gone well...ehey tuck the investment in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMJ Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 I have never said that I expect anyone to spend $100 or any certain amount of money on a first date. I DO expect someone to spend a certain amount of time on a date, given the effort that I've put into meeting with this person in the first place. It's not about money, it's about effort. Gaeta, if you have no problem going on dates that last 30 minutes, GOOD FOR YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 A coffee date is like a meeting to determine if you actually want to go on a date. I loved first meetings at coffee shops when I was doing online dating. It was a quick and painless way to see if there was any type of connection. I love coffee and it was only an hour or so of my time. Even if I didn't like the guy and knew I wouldn't want to ever see him again, I always tried to learn something new from my date at every meeting whether it be a good restaurant I had never tried, a fun place to visit, a book or movie I hadn't read or seen, etc. In other words, I tried to make the experience as positive as I could. Btw, personality and attitude play a huge part in initial attraction. First meetings should be easy, breezy FUN. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMJ Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Look I am not saying he needed to stay for two hours to learn my life story. This guy stood up in the middle of a conversation after 30 minutes and just walked away. How is that not considered rude? Hippie, Gaeta, you both are missing my point completely. But I'm so happy that you both love coffee dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Gaeta, if you have no problem going on dates that last 30 minutes, GOOD FOR YOU. Here it is again. Like I said you have an attitude problem. No wonder men leave in the middle of your dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Here it is again. Like I said you have an attitude problem. No wonder men leave in the middle of your dates. OP I don't mean to triple team on you, but I think this might be what's going on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Look I am not saying he needed to stay for two hours to learn my life story. This guy stood up in the middle of a conversation after 30 minutes and just walked away. How is that not considered rude? Hippie, Gaeta, you both are missing my point completely. But I'm so happy that you both love coffee dates. The man left because you wanted to debate politics, drugs and homeless with him !!! Who wants that type of debates on a first meeting! You have an attitude problem!! When men get up and leave you in the middle of your dates and even leave when you're in the middle of a men that's because you are unpleasant and abrasive to them !! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMJ Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Here it is again. Like I said you have an attitude problem. No wonder men leave in the middle of your dates. If my problem is my attitude, then what is your problem that's caused you to go on hundreds of dates over the past four years with no end in sight? Link to post Share on other sites
babycrapgreen Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 What's with California women tonight? Of course it's a cheap date! it's not even a date, it's a first meeting. You are 2 strangers who know nothing of each other so why would him or you spend $100 on dinner? Can you imagine if men had to take out to dinner every woman they meet online! It would ruin them. It sounds like you are more interested in what the date is about than who the date is with. First, my location doesn't represent anything. The mere over-generalization of being superficial is abhorrent and ignorant of you. But, let me educate, Gaeta, and clarify why I decided not to do coffee dates. This is what you should've been questioning instead of ASSuming. 3 of my dear guy friends plainly explained. Guys who want to get laid and not date seriously, would rather spend $40 dollars on 4 dates with 4 different girls than $40 dollars with one woman. I'm not a casual dater, but, by all means, don't take my advice and go on date coffee dates. Lastly, men shouldn't be asking every women online out to dinner, only certain ones. Where's the value in dating? You sound like a tinder dater, I don't do that. But, again, if you want to date the guy that does ask out everyone, it's your prerogative. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 What with FaceTime and Skype, I kind of think the "first meeting" should be via one of those since, shallow though it may be, seeing the person is at least two-thirds of why they're going to be rejected or accepted. That way it's like, "Oh, I need to get going" off the computer instead of working up the nerve to leave a coffee or other first date. But then if the first meet is via Skype, it should be a proper first date. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 If my problem is my attitude, then what is your problem that's caused you to go on hundreds of dates over the past four years with no end in sight? It just took me a long time to meet the kind of someone I was looking for and I finally met him. I dated for a long time and I went on 100s of dates but I had FUN! I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. I had great dates, I made friends through this process, I learn about men, learn about myself. It was a journey I knew would take time and I faced it with a positive attitude. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMJ Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Gaeta you have a reading comprehension problem. Never did I say that I debated this guy. Not once. He wanted to make fun of homeless people, and I changed the subject. He disagreed with certain aspects of the program I'm creating for high school students because he is politically conservative. I did not debate, I just explained the other side of view. Why are you assuming that I was unpleasant on this date? Just because I'm venting my frustrations here? Why are you attacking me over this issue? What stake do you have in this discussion? I said I hate coffee dates. You like them. Go on ahead and keep enjoying your coffee, I could care less what you do with your life. As "we californians" like to say, Bye Felicia. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Look I am not saying he needed to stay for two hours to learn my life story. This guy stood up in the middle of a conversation after 30 minutes and just walked away. How is that not considered rude? Hippie, Gaeta, you both are missing my point completely. But I'm so happy that you both love coffee dates. Of course that's rude! There is no excuse for that, and I wouldn't say otherwise. My point is that your attitude may come across negatively on your dates. You SAY you're happy and positive, but some of us are sensing a lot of negativity and hostility in your posts that very likely come across on your dates. It's not something you can fake. Also, 5 coffee dates over several years is not really a large enough reference sample to say they're bad. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Gaeta you have a reading comprehension problem. Never did I say that I debated this guy. Not once. He wanted to make fun of homeless people, and I changed the subject. He disagreed with certain aspects of the program I'm creating for high school students because he is politically conservative. I did not debate, I just explained the other side of view. Why are you assuming that I was unpleasant on this date? Just because I'm venting my frustrations here? Why are you attacking me over this issue? What stake do you have in this discussion? I said I hate coffee dates. You like them. Go on ahead and keep enjoying your coffee, I could care less what you do with your life. As "we californians" like to say, Bye Felicia. I have to say, this one particular fellow sounds like a charter member of the douche brigade. Have all your coffee dates been this bad, though? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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