Online Dating - The Good, The Bad, The Ridiculous

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yeah well if it feels fishy ....you know the drill sister.

 

Just thinking out loud, not editorializing, but sth about the anonymity thing as a prerequisite to interaction seems depressing.

 

No arguments from me there. But unfortunately that's the way it has to be done online especially for women. I've had too many encounters in the past to NOT be careful and be anonymous with men I barely know.

 

OLD is getting old very fast. Another couple of weeks and my membership ends and so will I.

 

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yeah well if it feels fishy ....you know the drill sister.

 

Just thinking out loud, not editorializing, but sth about the anonymity thing as a prerequisite to interaction seems depressing.

 

I hate to break it to you, but I would have to guess a lot of men, probably the 40+ crowd aren't on top of the "latest thing in keeping in touch". I was like KiK? WTF is that? Viber? Huh?

 

Call me old-fashioned *shrug* I wouldnt really want to download crap on my phone just to waste space. It would hardly even be used as most women typically have given me their #

[Michelle ma Belle]

I hate to break it to you, but I would have to guess a lot of men, probably the 40+ crowd aren't on top of the "latest thing in keeping in touch". I was like KiK? WTF is that? Viber? Huh?

 

Call me old-fashioned *shrug* I wouldnt really want to download crap on my phone just to waste space. It would hardly even be used as most women typically have given me their #

 

The guy I'm speaking about was 31 not 40+. He knew what Kik was but didn't seem eager to download it yet had every other messaging app that required a phone number.

 

Just thought it was strange.

 

But yes, some of the older men aren't too knowledgeable regarding the hip techno gadgets for keeping in touch, then again many are.

 

[LookAtThisPOst]

The guy I'm speaking about was 31 not 40+. He knew what Kik was but didn't seem eager to download it yet had every other messaging app that required a phone number.

 

Just thought it was strange.

 

But yes, some of the older men aren't too knowledgeable regarding the hip techno gadgets for keeping in touch, then again many are.

 

 

LOL...yeah, did you know that Facebook is considered for "old people" now days? It's not hip as it once was.

[Giggle]

Idk. It seems like the guys that want to get you on kik are way more interested in picture sharing than anything else. It does have an interesting feature though that lets you know if they took the picture just then. Rather than a picture from their camera roll.

[bluefeather]

This is in fact very true. I've posted about this in other threads. There is a British documentary that did an expose on this very thing. OKCupid was named as one of many. If they aren't "planting" fake profiles they have staff who are specifically hired to string non-paying members along until they buy a membership.

 

Ashley Madison also came under fire about "planting" fakes which was revealed to be the majority of their female membership.

 

It's diabolical.

 

That's messed up. Really sad for the people who are on there trying to find people. Not cool.

 

LOL...yeah, did you know that Facebook is considered for "old people" now days? It's not hip as it once was.

 

I considered facebook for old people the moment everyone who wasn't a college student started using it.

 

oh also, I've never heard of vibo or w/e.. kik yes but never used it. just skype, you pansies..

[thecrucible]

OMG it's HUGE on dating sites. Most non-paid members use it as their profile name/heading. EVERY GUY asks me to jump on Kik within 30 seconds of connecting.

 

Yup. I'm in two minds about it but I might actually download it. I see why people use as it's not like giving out your phone number. I hate it when a guy on a dating site asks me for my phone number. I do not want to risk him giving me a phone call or trying to start a text conversation when I don't know him from Adam. I hate texting anyway and I only like phone calls for close friends.

[thecrucible]

I enjoy your posts in general:) With your doing the picking, you can choose with whom you feel some compatibility. I just send a general hello and mention something in their profile which resonates with me. So far so good.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I will definitely try that. It can get really confusing reading that advice out there telling you that you have to come up with some kind of amazing message. But what you said would work for me if it was sent from a guy. Oh and they should spell correctly too!

 

Still don't know if I'll want to talk with guys before we actually meet...I'd really rather not. Then if we meet and it's not a match, I just walk away...no blocking, no drama, no build up to disappointment...just "thank you had a nice time" and be done.

 

I agree. I deliberately only think of it as a meet-up with nothing happening as a result from the get go - anything else is a bonus. I don't think all guys think like that as I can tell they are wanting to escalate quickly whereas I find it totally impossible to get attached at all if I haven't even met them. I know this sounds weird because obviously I would like to find the real deal; but I also like the kind of date where you meet up and realise that from both sides it isn't actually going anywhere but no one has to vocalise it. Then you have a good time, just say thank you and goodbye haha. At least then there's no awkward endings and you can both just move on and meet other people.

 

I think you'd do better with choosing with whom you make contact...just keep it casual and don't come across as pursuing/chasing too much...a casual hello and mention something in their profile and let them take the lead from there.

 

I will try that. I don't think I send out a desperate vibe as there is always someone irl interested in me. I've also been in the game for a while now so I know that I don't have to pursue intensely if the guy is actually interested in me. I'd rather just put my best forward and move on and message the next person if I don't get a reply in a certain time frame. I don't put a guy on a pedestal. I used to pedestal men too easily and I'd end up with arrogant dudes. The arrogant dudes started to really make me annoyed once I developed more self-confidence. So now I try and avoid doing anything that blows smoke up a guy's arse. I hate the thought of massaging the ego of guy who is not reciprocating.

 

You're a very attractive girl and well spoken...hoping the best for you:)

 

Thank you. That's so kind. It made my day.

[Oregon_Dude]

WhatwhatWHAT? OP is single? ::books flight to Canada::

 

I've been off and on and off and on and off and on OLD. I'm back on again. Why? Because I want a partner in my life. I can kid myself all day, but I want a good girlfriend.

 

So yeah, it's all ridiculous, just can't take any of it seriously. See it as a fun game. Be glad you're not a guy on there, because personally, getting responses is more rare than frequent.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yeah, it's pretty sad seeing the same faces over and over again of the same women you've already contacted. After I took a year off, came back...I still see them again.

 

I contacted them again of course...but some probably remember me and thought, "Oh crap, it's him again? He's back!"

 

You figure that the amount of time they've been on the site they'd change their mind about meeting up with me. After all, this is a smaller town and they really cannot afford not to give it a shot, right?

 

Otherwise they are better off relocating.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I get a kick out of the ones that say after their write-up. "That's all i have to say for now, but if you have any questions, I'm like an open book...feel free to ask."

 

But when I ask...I get nothing.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I get a kick out of the ones that say after their write-up. "That's all i have to say for now, but if you have any questions, I'm like an open book...feel free to ask."

 

But when I ask...I get nothing.

 

This is so true that it's sad!!! All your hear are crickets. It's like pulling teeth for heaven's sake. NEXT!

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is so true that it's sad!!! All your hear are crickets. It's like pulling teeth for heaven's sake. NEXT!

 

LOL....they should say what they really mean, "If your hot, I'm like an open book, otherwise I'm not gonna tell ya shyt!"

[Michelle ma Belle]

LOL....they should say what they really mean, "If your hot, I'm like an open book, otherwise I'm not gonna tell ya shyt!"

 

Those are the guys who approach me then when we start chatting it's brutal. I'm having to ask all the questions and all I get are one word answers. Never do they bother to ask about me. It's ridiculous. Spoon feeding isn't my cup of tea regardless of how attractive they are, I'm bored within 30 seconds.

 

Where did all the men with substance and character go to hide?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I received a flirt from an older gentleman (53). His one picture and his profile seemed lovely and interesting so I responded in kind. We've gone back and forth chatting but the way he speaks to me, always calling me "Dear" makes me question his real age.

 

I asked him to send me more pictures since he only had the one, promising I'd send him some of me.

 

He hesitated and made all kinds of excuses for delaying but when he finally did, I understood why. Despite the fact that his pictures all very blurry or taken at weird angles you could clearly see this guy was older than 53...more like 63 at least.

 

Why do people do that? It's a freakin' dating site for heaven's sake which means the goal is to actually meet someone, no? Why would anyone put up a picture of themselves that was 10-20 years younger????

 

Ugh.

[Shining One]

Why do people do that? It's a freakin' dating site for heaven's sake which means the goal is to actually meet someone, no? Why would anyone put up a picture of themselves that was 10-20 years younger????

They are being deceitful in hopes of getting their foot in the door. They hope that they can convince the other person to overlook their lie. One of my early OLD experiences involved a 28-year-old woman using a picture from when she was 18. The woman I met was easily three times the size of the one in the pictures.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Those are the guys who approach me then when we start chatting it's brutal. I'm having to ask all the questions and all I get are one word answers. Never do they bother to ask about me. It's ridiculous. Spoon feeding isn't my cup of tea regardless of how attractive they are, I'm bored within 30 seconds.

 

Where did all the men with substance and character go to hide?

 

Right...when they do converse...they are not engaging. I am thinking about putting in my profile, "When we talk, please be engaging."

[Lois_Griffin]

Well, I found myself doing the online dating game a few years ago at 52. I met quite a few men who had lied about their ages - they disclosed it to me when we met. Usually, it was by 4 or 5 years, and one guy had lied by 10 years.

 

Of course, they ALL claimed it was an 'error' they'd made when setting up their accounts and I'd mention that on POF, they allow you to change your age in the first two weeks after creating a profile, so I was surprised they hadn't caught their 'error' in the those first two weeks. Of course, they'd lament they hadn't caught it and gee whiz, now it was too late to correct it! I would often remark to these fools that everyone who has made that same 'mistake' has always managed to err on the side of being younger, and never older. What were the chances of so many guys making the same exact mistake?

 

Quite a coincidence.

 

I also came across a lot of guys in their 50's who were newly divorced from their 30-something wives and now had 3 or 4 kids all under the age of 6 or 7. <shudder> They had a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus than they did of me giving them the time of day.

 

The biggest loser I met managed to get stinking drunk during the couple of hours we spent at a local karaoke bar. He begged me to attend a barbecue the next day with him because his ex would be there and he said she'd flip if he showed up with a beautiful woman on his arm (good god) and I told him thanks, but no thanks. When he went to the men's room and came back, he lost his balance and walked backwards into a group of people at the bar, scattering them like bowling pins. My humiliation was complete at that point and I couldn't leave fast enough.

 

Sure, I can laugh NOW about it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Lois, LOL

 

I had seen some women do this, but they ADMIT it in their profile that they've done so.

 

Some are kind of cocky about it as they were wanting younger men to find them in their search for an age range.

 

They manipulated the system to let younger men find them.

 

Of course, they'd brag about "How young I look for my age, as I take good care of myself" or brag about how "I get carded when I hit the clubs with my g/fs"

 

Great, a 40-something night club enthusiast.

 

 

 

Well, I found myself doing the online dating game a few years ago at 52. I met quite a few men who had lied about their ages - they disclosed it to me when we met. Usually, it was by 4 or 5 years, and one guy had lied by 10 years.

 

Of course, they ALL claimed it was an 'error' they'd made when setting up their accounts and I'd mention that on POF, they allow you to change your age in the first two weeks after creating a profile, so I was surprised they hadn't caught their 'error' in the those first two weeks. Of course, they'd lament they hadn't caught it and gee whiz, now it was too late to correct it! I would often remark to these fools that everyone who has made that same 'mistake' has always managed to err on the side of being younger, and never older. What were the chances of so many guys making the same exact mistake?

 

Quite a coincidence.

 

I also came across a lot of guys in their 50's who were newly divorced from their 30-something wives and now had 3 or 4 kids all under the age of 6 or 7. <shudder> They had a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus than they did of me giving them the time of day.

 

The biggest loser I met managed to get stinking drunk during the couple of hours we spent at a local karaoke bar. He begged me to attend a barbecue the next day with him because his ex would be there and he said she'd flip if he showed up with a beautiful woman on his arm (good god) and I told him thanks, but no thanks. When he went to the men's room and came back, he lost his balance and walked backwards into a group of people at the bar, scattering them like bowling pins. My humiliation was complete at that point and I couldn't leave fast enough.

 

Sure, I can laugh NOW about it.

[SolG]

I received a flirt from an older gentleman (53). His one picture and his profile seemed lovely and interesting so I responded in kind. We've gone back and forth chatting but the way he speaks to me, always calling me "Dear" makes me question his real age.

 

I can't stand it when guys on OLD use terms of endearment like 'Dear', 'Sweetheart', 'Darling' or the like. It's presumptuous and condescending IMO. I had one just the other day ask if he could call me Goddess... At least he asked :-/ Mind you I'm chatting with another that calls me Mistress Sol; being a switch'n'all I don't mind that toooo much... But I don't date subs.

 

That also reminds me of another of my OLD pet peeves; guys that go on and on about looks. I'm gonna take the leap and assume that you find me attractive or you wouldn't be contacting me... So the incessant you're so gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, blah blah, is pointless and annoying!

 

On the age thing... I met a man last year for drinks. He told me he'd be the one with a rose. I said no rose necessary, just wave when I arrive... You'll recognise me as I look exactly like my profile pics. He responded that I'd recognise him too; just look for the Tom Selleck lookalike. He was indeed Tom Selleck's twin... his much older, balding, really thin twin. In fact, the similarities were limited to height and a moustache :-/ That's when I started asking for more pics before meeting :-)

[bluefeather]

Where did all the men with substance and character go to hide?

 

Hi! =)

 

 

 

I'm really liking these weird stories. Please keep them coming, people! Not that I am taking pleasure in others' struggles in finding connection (that's no joke), but just the weirdness in people's behavior goes pretty well with a side of popcorn

 

mmm... popcorn

[Michelle ma Belle]

I can't stand it when guys on OLD use terms of endearment like 'Dear', 'Sweetheart', 'Darling' or the like. It's presumptuous and condescending IMO. I had one just the other day ask if he could call me Goddess... At least he asked :-/ Mind you I'm chatting with another that calls me Mistress Sol; being a switch'n'all I don't mind that toooo much... But I don't date subs.

 

That also reminds me of another of my OLD pet peeves; guys that go on and on about looks. I'm gonna take the leap and assume that you find me attractive or you wouldn't be contacting me... So the incessant you're so gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, blah blah, is pointless and annoying!

 

On the age thing... I met a man last year for drinks. He told me he'd be the one with a rose. I said no rose necessary, just wave when I arrive... You'll recognise me as I look exactly like my profile pics. He responded that I'd recognise him too; just look for the Tom Selleck lookalike. He was indeed Tom Selleck's twin... his much older, balding, really thin twin. In fact, the similarities were limited to height and a moustache :-/ That's when I started asking for more pics before meeting :-)

 

Oh sweet Jesus, if I have to hear one more guy tell me they want me to be their "Queen" I'm going to barf. WAY too much for a cold-call introduction. Keep it real people. Keep it real.

[jdubinva]

Michelle, couldn't you bscly just walk down the street and get like 100 dates? At least that way you could really see them first. Why even play on OLD at all?

 

(I get that it is playing more or less but it seems like a time sink when you could be getting RL traction everywhere else. )

 

People playing, as stated by the OP, is probably one of the reasons no one is taking it seriously. A lot of people are honest and genuine and want to meet the right person. To consider taking up another's time to play and for giggles is ridiculous.

Edited January 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Rude ~6

[Michelle ma Belle]

I must say that the sheer number of men who are out for just cyber/skype sex on legitimate dating sites are far greater than those on the sex site I was a member of. The irony is baffling to me.

[jen1447]

I must say that the sheer number of men who are out for just cyber/skype sex on legitimate dating sites are far greater than those on the sex site I was a member of. The irony is baffling to me.

 

Wouldn't that kinda suit you tho Michelle, being as this isn't so much a get-out-there type pursuit? (Assuming you could screen creepers lol.)