Online Dating - The Good, The Bad, The Ridiculous

[ForeverAloneOnEarth]

OLD Pet Peeve #4

 

One word answers and/or responding to messages with no reciprocation! Basically I'm having to carry the ball by asking questions in order to get to "know" them. And THEY messaged ME to chat!! NEXT!

 

I swear it's an epidemic.

 

Again, another why bother moment.

 

 

I'm a guy and girls seem to do this to me all the time! I would respond with effort and get a one word reply back when THEY are the one that messaged me first.

 

Really don't know why people do this. Men and women.

[TheArtist]

Oh, and throw in a scone and I'm there!!

 

Looks like I'm going to Canada this summer!

 

I don't get why eHarmony can't just match those 10% with the other 10%, surely that's easier for them!

[Imajerk17]

OLD Pet Peeve #2

 

And why add someone to your favorites if you have no intention of connecting or even responding for that matter?

 

 

 

(And for the record, I'm not losing sleep over any of this. I just find the whole amusing)

 

 

I am a guy who is guilty of adding people as favourites and then never getting around to write to them. I add someone as a favourite because at the time I think I could see myself being interested. Maybe their profile really strikes me or maybe I am only mildly intrigued at this point. Why I don't end up writing could be because (a) someone else wrote me first and so now my energy is focused on this other person, or (b) I saw a few other profiles that intrigued me more and so now I am no longer interested.

 

I can see how this would be annoying for the person who was "favourited" by someone who doesn't end up communicating with them. Thing is though, putting a profile on your "favourites" list is the only option the OLD site gives to mark these profiles down instead of having to find them in a broad search over again. I do think it would be better if OLD sites didn't notify the other person that they were "favourited" for this sort of reason. And stop calling it a "favourites" list and instead call it a "clip board" (which is probably more accurate) or whatever.

Edited January 13, 2016 by Imajerk17

[Michelle ma Belle]

I am a guy who is guilty of adding people as favourites and then never getting around to write to them. I add someone as a favourite because at the time I think I could see myself being interested. Maybe their profile really strikes me or maybe I am only mildly intrigued at this point. Why I don't end up writing could be because (a) someone else wrote me first and so now my energy is focused on this other person, or (b) I saw a few other profiles that intrigued me more and so now I am no longer interested.

 

I can see how this would be annoying for the person who was "favourited" by someone who doesn't end up writing them. Thing is though, putting a profile on your "favourites" list is the only option the OLD site gives to mark these profiles down instead of having to find them in a broad search over again. I do think it would be better if OLD sites didn't notify the other person that they were "favourited". And stop calling it a "favourites" list and instead call it a "clip board" (which is probably more accurate) or whatever.

 

Wait for it....

 

Perhaps your username is befitting after all

 

Kidding!!!

 

And thanks for your perspective. I agree 100% with you regarding the issue with alerting profiles of being favorited. It seems unnecessary more than anything not to mention sets people up with expectations that don't often get met.

Edited January 13, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle

[MissBee]

I bet to differ...as in-person encounters greatly increase one's chances compared with online dating. Why? Because it's organic and you get to see their body language, voice tones, building rapport, use of banter, etc.

 

Also, I know of men who were ignored online to have bumped into the SAME woman in person and chat her up there, got her digits and scored of date.

 

One man on POF I recall said this very thing happened, he got ignored, met this woman at a local fair. Talked to her, got her # and about date #5, he fessed up and said, "You know, I saw you on POF and emailed you, but you never responded."

 

She said, "OMG, if I had known you were him, I would have replied! LOL!"

 

IN person meetings do trump online encounters.

 

 

 

Speaking of which, there are some people on dating sites that expect beyond what they can bring to the table themselves. For instance, a woman who has some weight on her and then expect the man she's dating to have "nice arms" or muscular.

 

I said walking down the street is not a dating strategy. I walk down the street daily and don't get dating offers that way. Like I said, sure, sometimes it happens, but more often than not, people are going about their business and aren't on the streets looking for dates whereas if I log on to a website now, at least 10 people will message me.

 

Dating sites are explicitly people looking for a date, sex, romance etc. Simply walking down the street is a whole world of people who are doing all kinds of things that aren't with the intention of dating. Meeting someone walking down the street is often incidental or by accident and not purposeful like dating sites, therefore it cannot be a strategy. Sure, I would much prefer to meet a man in person, that's not the dispute, how easy this is though is not as simple as walking doen the street. If so, dating sites wouldn't even be popular as everyone would just walk outside, so there must be something to simply walking outside that doesn't quite work as efficiently esp depending on where you live.

 

One is a matter of chance (even the examples you gave were pure chance unless said men stalked these women and knew they would be at these places) versus something intentional, like online dating. Since real life encounters are often by chance they are not usually as frequent as when you go online, and like Michelle mentioned, receiving 32 messages in one day online, this isn't the offline pattern. I am sure her walking down the road, going to the fair, wherever, will not see 32 men approaching her. Even at a club, at most maybe let's say between 6 and 10 men might approach me because it's a club but if I am just walking to and from where I need to go, am at the store etc, some men may look, 1 or 2 may approach but many times they just look but certainly 32 of them don't approach me. Some days no men speak to me. Some days 1 might, some days 2 might, many days some look or other times I am too busy to take notice. I cannot guarantee men will approach me when I go out. It happens sometimes, sometimes it doesn't. However, I have never been on a dating site where I didn't receive at least 3 messages everyday. So no, in my experience, walking down the street doesn't increase frequency or likelihood of being asked out.

 

In my post I said that meeting someone in person obviously guarantees 1 thing, you know how they look and if you're attracted. But depending on the circumstance, if you haven't spoken to them in detail, they are just as likely to turn out to be not your type as with OLD. The main point I was making was in response to the whole why join a dating site cant you just meet 100 men if you step outside question, and the answer is no, it doesn't quite work like that but even if say you really did walk outside and 100 or even 32 men approached you, just like OLD, it is likely that you will not be compatible with the majority of them. Men who see you know nothing about you besides they think you are attractive and unlinke online they have no signs saying who they are and what they're looking for and you cannot apply any filters, so some of them will be randos... Esp if you live in a big city. I have met men both on and offline and I feel the ratio is about the same in terms of how many people hit on me versus who I'd really be into. Men who hit on me in real life, many of them are also the same kinds of people I wouldn't talk to online. But of course, it can go the other way around as well, which may be about how you present yourself.

Edited January 13, 2016 by MissBee

[utman]

Now that I'm back to dating again including doing a bit of OLD against my better judgement (), I thought it would be fun to share some of our experiences given some of the posts circulating around here.

 

I've only been online for 4 days but I could fill a book with all the shenanigans I've had to endure already! And that is no joke

 

So what's your experience been like?

 

and herein lies the problem, instead of just deleting you spend hours on these just message. many girls respond to them and before she knows it is having sex with him. then she regrets it. then she repeats it.

[Michelle ma Belle]

and herein lies the problem, instead of just deleting you spend hours on these just message. many girls respond to them and before she knows it is having sex with him. then she regrets it. then she repeats it.

 

Wow that is one enormous assumption on your part not to mention judgement on how I navigate the OLD world.

[utman]

Wow that is one enormous assumption on your part not to mention judgement on how I navigate the OLD world.

 

i don't know for sure what you do, but i do know many many girls respond to these messages and it frequently leads to sex and even relationships, or she regrets it but then responds to it again and again

[bluefeather]

and herein lies the problem, instead of just deleting you spend hours on these just message. many girls respond to them and before she knows it is having sex with him. then she regrets it. then she repeats it.

 

I can't tell what this post means.

[Majormisstep]

Love this thread!

 

Thankfully, haven't received any [penis] pics or sex talk at all. All of the men I communicated with have been cordial and respectful. Some went dark as did I with others.

 

However, I did go on two coffee dates a while back.

 

One fellow we had a great time chatting via email and phone, was funny, talked about interesting topics so of course, the next step was to meet. So he shows up an hour late. I'm sitting in the coffee shop window and up rolls a big 'ol (old) 2 door sedan with no hubcaps and and the seats cut up. Hmm...ok. So he walks in the coffee shop dressed like Erkle and tells me about his ant farm and exotic mice breeding hobbies. The man was 50 years old and I'm SURE still living in his mom and dad's basement. No thanks to that one.

 

The other was 56 years old, had triple piercings in one year (not really a big deal but I'm a little more conservative than that), proceeds to fire up his phone and show me pictures of his 38 year old HOT travel partner. Geez, look at the time dude, gotta run.

 

I'm meeting someone tomorrow night and am preparing for a quick exit if need be LOL.

Edited January 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[sweet honeydew]

I can't tell what this post means.

 

 

Me either.

 

 

It's like a chain of event for story telling with no tight cause and effect logic.

I think he's saying A = B = C.

But in reality, A could be B could be C. and could be anywhere from D to Z.

[PrismOfLove]

My experience as a 22-27 year old male off and on user of OLD, reasonably attractive, great profile.

I've had good and bad experiences in OLD, mostly the latter. I appreciate that it's a tool. Thinking about the previous generation, they obviously had to do things the old fashion way. Over the years I've tried the copy paste method before, but I prefer interesting, personal messages.

I had a 1.5 year relationship from it, so I can't say it's all bad.

 

As a guy I'm dealing with the exact same thing, even when someone contacts me first. I'm carrying the conversation, doing the escalating, asking them out, and then they usually disappear. It's insane...

 

This is one of the things that really drives me away from OLD. Setting up dates and keeping conversations going is like pulling teeth a lot of the time and it's frustrating. I'm the type of guy who holds doors open, is respectful, and witty. It's hard to get my qualities across besides wit through text. Women I've from OLD usually tell me I'm "charming", "a great guy" after they've met me so I think it's just the medium itself and the non-personal shop-like aspects.

 

I've realized that I probably won't meet the woman for me on OLD so I've focused on being more bold asking out women in person, in fact I asked out one yesterday. I'm thankful for OLD for giving me options though, even if it did feel like a job sometimes.

[thecrucible]

I'm about to do the ground-breaking thing of sending a few introductory messages myself. No I'm not too posh to approach guys, I've just never had the time after having to go through all the dross. I'm also more likely to think "why would that dude be interested in me?" than be judging all their profiles. Unfortunately the men who seem to have the most intriguing personalities live miles away from me. Maybe it would help if I felt more confident but I all I seem to get in real life is older men hitting on me inappropriately or interest from younger men who are about 20 (and I always seek to date guys closer to 30).

[carhill]

Can't honestly state I've ever had bad or ridiculous experiences with online dating. Sure, some dating situations didn't work out but overwhelmingly I met decent, mannered ladies, nearly all mothers and, shockingly, a number of the encounters turned into relationships and one a marriage. However, perhaps that's a function of not being widely attractive. I didn't get tire-kickers, rather women who, generally, had compatible personalities and that's why, even if the chemistry wasn't there, the experiences weren't bad or ridiculous.

 

If looking for such an example, I'd have to go back, whoa, almost 30 years, before OLD to telephone dating in the newspaper classified. In one instance, we dated, fell in love, got married, got divorced and killed each other, all on the phone one weekend. Epic

[thecrucible]

I walk down the street daily and don't get dating offers that way. Like I said, sure, sometimes it happens, but more often than not, people are going about their business and aren't on the streets looking for dates whereas if I log on to a website now, at least 10 people will message me.

 

I totally agree. Chatting up someone in public is a lot harder than you imagine because you might find someone attractive but they turn out not to be single or you don't have anything in common. There are lot of variables. I think the best way irl is to join a club/interest group with people in the same group as you so you automatically have things in common and get to know them over a period of time. Other than that, it's deliberately targeting social events which interest you to find like-minded people. For me this is easier said than done due to me living in a place at least 50 miles away from major cities. This means the evening events on sites like meetup are inaccessible to me unless I can fork out enough money to book a hotel room.

 

I have recently gained about a stone. When I weighed less I was more attractive and therefore got more random attention on the street. But that still didn't result in getting meaningful dates on the basis of that alone.

 

In my post I said that meeting someone in person obviously guarantees 1 thing, you know how they look and if you're attracted. But depending on the circumstance, if you haven't spoken to them in detail, they are just as likely to turn out to be not your type as with OLD...Men who hit on me in real life, many of them are also the same kinds of people I wouldn't talk to online. But of course, it can go the other way around as well, which may be about how you present yourself.

 

Exactly! I know some people say we have the tendency to be picky. To be honest I'm not the pickiest about looks but there has to be a mutual attraction. The most picky thing for me is that even if I like the look of the guy, I need to know that we have one or two similar interests to bond over, that we are about the same level of intelligence and share similar goals. I mean I have let go of a few guys I genuinely had the hots for because I knew it wouldn't go anywhere long term if we didn't have much to talk about. I haven't been with anyone for a while for that reason - I want something real, not just a relationship that happens in the bedroom. I have also experienced the kind of relationship where the only thing we have in common is stuff we do together (not quite sure how to explain it but if you had taken us out of a fun situation and we sat down next to each other, conversation would be a stumbling block).

[bluestealth]

I just had to share this one for laughs. Look what this girl wrote on her profile: "I hope you're ok with me still talking to my ex. After all, he's still my favorite cousin."

 

I hope she's kidding but you never know around this area lol

[venusishername]

My experience with OLD is... something I never want to revisit! It left such a bad taste in my mouth. What a disappointment.

I spent about 4 years navigating the sea of OLD and I will never go back again! I found it to be such a chore, very superficial, and too time consuming and difficult to weed out the nice guys from the creeps.

 

 

Also, there is nothing worse than being on a date that you would rather not be on. One time I had to text my girlfriend while I snuck away into the bathroom to tell her I was bored out of my mind and couldn't wait to get out of there! I guess that could happen anytime, but I found more likely to be the case on a 'blind' date like what OLD is... a blind date of sorts.

 

I did meet a couple (very few) nice guys, but many very clearly only interested in sex. But in my opinion, and my experience, OLD cheapened the dating process and seemed very forced. Also, I found it was too exhausting and disappointing to weed through the ones who were just hoping to date and or sleep with as many women as possible from the ones who were actually gentlemen looking for something substantial. I'm not saying there aren't great guys online, but it's like finding a needle in a haystack. Seriously, I know from experience.

 

I had one too many experiences with guys I was really excited about, talked regularly before meeting, all the buildup, great chemistry in person... then I didn't sleep with them and then they disappeared. I got real tired of getting my hopes up to be disappointed. I figured out that in real life, if I met someone, they were FAR less likely to disappear because they were actually interested in ME. OLD promotes a revolving door of options. I'm not a commodity, I'm unique.

 

 

There were times that I felt I was not much more than an escort (meaning company for the evening). I felt like I was being selected out of many women, like out of a catalog, to sit across the table from a man who may or may not be just passing through town,married, or just looking for a pretty face to spend a couple hours with. After awhile, I started to feel cheap for even participating in that. I know that seems extreme, but that's how I felt about OLD.

 

This wouldn't happen in real life. If someone in real life is interested in me, he is interested because he thinks I'm attractive, but also sees something more. You don't really get that with OLD. It promotes superficiality in every sense of the word.

 

One guy I met online earlier this year... he seemed normal, nice, decent. Of course we only messaged, (never had a real phone call with anyone I met from OLD... maybe once) then we progressed to texting. We spent an entire evening texting and small talking until he discovered that I had a cat. He said 'do you have no soul?' and I never heard from him after that.

As if! I could not believe someone would write me off because I happen to have a cat. That took OLD down about 50 notches below where it was, which was already low for me at that point.

 

Come to think of it, when I was single, the only guys I went out with more than once were the ones that I met offline! I lost count of how many first dates I had from OLD that ended at date one. Wow. See- I can say it sure didn't work out for me. I do better the old fashioned way.

 

So, in conclusion, I think OLD is a huge waste of time, if not mostly for entertainment and maybe a short term ego boost. It's like shopping for shoes without trying them on first. I hate it. More power to the people who like it and have had success. I am not one of those people

Edited January 14, 2016 by venusishername

[Leucine]

I have not had any bad or ridiculous experiences with girls I've gotten around to meeting from OLD. Sure, the process of navigating through the jungle of questionable characters springs a surprise or two, but it's a decent screening tool to decide whom you're going to go on a date with.

 

The most memorable one was "I'll meet you if my f-buddy cancels this weekend". I was actually trying to hint that I'm looking for something more serious and the girl just proceeded to ask my [penis] size and then tell me that.

Edited January 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Michelle ma Belle]

Received a message to chat from a guy online. His profile pic was a very attractive one which intrigued me. I decided to check his profile before responding. This is what it says...

 

 

Opening Line

Sexless marriage/Wife encouraging me to explore

 

About Me

Happily married man in a sexless marriage. My wife encouraged me to have some discreet fun. There is a 20 year difference between me and my wife. Yes, I do like older women. First time doing this sort of thing, so lets see how it goes. I am a pleaser! Sex is not fun until I start making you scream. I am never satisfied with just giving my partner one orgasm. I am an over achiever.

 

I'm looking for a beautiful woman who is not ashamed of her body or lovely curves. Someone who enjoys sex as much as I do. A woman who is not afraid to have her world rocked and then climb on top to return the favor. A woman who is okay with being satisfied by a younger man.

 

 

Wow, I think I'll give him my phone number

 

NOT!!!

 

Love it.

[hasaquestion]

I got a matched with a girl. She's cute but her friend is stunning.

 

Don't end up in this thread... Don't end up in this thread...

[jen1447]

Received a message to chat from a guy online. His profile pic was a very attractive one which intrigued me. I decided to check his profile before responding. This is what it says...

 

Some of the RL similarities are still interesting ....I've had guys tell me sth similar to my face before w/little to no introduction. (Not really the wife details but the "I do sex good" stuff. And very gravely so, sorta like this dude sounds.)

[HereNorThere]

I often wonder about the guys who open with sexual comments and offers. Particularly, does it really ever work for them? Surely they have to have some success with it or they would eventually change their strategy, right?

 

The type of women I approach would never go for something like that. The funny part is that most of them are probably more sexual than the males their age, but it's just such a turn-off for them to discuss it during the initial dating phase. That's okay with me because it's a huge turn-off for me as well. I will immediately dismiss a woman who is too sexual in the beginning just as much as a woman would a man. My brain immediately jumps straight to the whole "If she's like this with you, she's like this with all the other guys at first as well" thing.

 

I do realize there is another world of sexuality I do not wish to partake in. I do not like sharing my partners and things like that. Maybe these guys have success in that world and just assume everyone else is the same way?

These guys have to have some success with this type of thing, right?

[jen1447]

These guys have to have some success with this type of thing, right?

 

Not necessarily, and that's kinda the point Michelle's post speaks to.

 

You'd think ppl would know better, particularly guys who are chasing random women, that a subtle play is generally more effective than brute honesty about their sexual designs. You'd think they've been rejected over and over trying that. And yet some persist w/that approach. I think it's just a defect honestly - some ppl (and it's not just w/dating or sexual things) seem to just lack the ability to learn object lessons and so they make the same mistakes over and over.

 

There's probably also an element of generalized lust than influences this type of behavior too, like being on a dating site and 'mingling' is itself a sexually charged thing almost like watching porn and so they lose some amount of discretion and just 'go for it.' Kinda like those ppl who can't stop themselves having deviant sex in public restrooms and stuff like that.

[bluefeather]

I often wonder about the guys who open with sexual comments and offers. Particularly, does it really ever work for them? Surely they have to have some success with it or they would eventually change their strategy, right?

 

It's because they're [promiscuous] and when they approach like that, they think the women are too. It's rather insulting.

Edited January 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[HereNorThere]

I still think that it falls along the lines of "Even a blind pig will find the occasional truffle."

 

Maybe that's just me not wanting to admit that someone would send out the same message for years without receiving any positive responses though. You do have to admit that there is another world of sexual deviancy that a lot of us choose not to participate in. I have a feeling those guys live in that world and think everyone else does as well.