Online Dating - The Good, The Bad, The Ridiculous

[Robratory]

My best OLD place so far has been Craigslist, believe it or not. I've been meeting about three women a month, which believe me, isn't bad all considered. I've nothing really weird or scary to tell, but I've had a few wtf? moments.

 

One thing about OLD that drives me nuts is the idea, popular among some people, that you should "get to know each other" before meeting. These people want to exchange endless emails that lead to phone calls, and then, after several phone calls, finally decide on meeting. But that's dumb! The biggest problem, of course, is that you invest yourself emotionally, and then what do you do upon meeting, when every fiber of your body screams, "Oh, hell, no!"

[jen1447]

The only difference is you know for sure how they look and if you're attracted physically.

 

Also that they're actually human males and not 8 or 150 years old.

[thecrucible]

The strangest messages I've received from online dating:

 

1. The guy who messaged me on okcupid and then starting going on about bumholes and how he'd like to meet me at the beach to lick my bumhole.

2. The guy on okcupid who was a foot fetishist and asked me to send him a photograph of my feet.

3. The guy who messaged me on POF with a link to a lingerie website asking me to pick out an outfit so he could purchase it and send me a photograph of him wearing it.

4. The guy whose attempt at sexy talk was "I'm humping my bed thinking of you".

 

Euurghh I don't know. I just don't really feel any excitement about dating at the moment. The magic and initial intrigue regarding online dating has totally vanished. One of my best friends is suggesting I delete my online profile altogether and the thought of doing it is very tempting. But it's so hard to meet people irl who I'm compatible with. I've met all my long term boyfriends irl so if I was allowed a choice, meeting someone in real life would win hands down.

 

I feel very unsettled in my life atm. I really enjoy my job but it's only part time hours so I can't do it forever. Also I want to escape my home town and move out of my parents' house...and then I've put on weight as well which doesn't do much for my confidence. In Scotland we're getting terrible weather and flooding at the moment so I won't be doing anything outdoors until it brightens up. Here's hoping that's soon.

[thecrucible]

One thing about OLD that drives me nuts is the idea, popular among some people, that you should "get to know each other" before meeting. These people want to exchange endless emails that lead to phone calls, and then, after several phone calls, finally decide on meeting. But that's dumb! The biggest problem, of course, is that you invest yourself emotionally, and then what do you do upon meeting, when every fiber of your body screams, "Oh, hell, no!"

 

I agree. I couldn't wait too long to meet someone and invest all that time only to find that there's nothing there. A male acquaintance of mine met his long term girlfriend on POF. Before they met, he met up with another girl he'd been chatting for a couple of months. He told me that he knew on meeting that she looked different in her pictures to how he'd envisaged and he told me he told her then and there that he was sorry but he didn't think it would go anywhere and she burst into tears.

 

My actual problem recently is not being able to invest myself enough emotionally and I find that online dating encourages this for me. Basically I just panic if I meet someone and they seem decent as online dating in a way produces false intimacy and the guy is usually ahead of me in terms of pace. However this is an improvement on my previous tendency to overshare and get emotional too easily which would lead to me at risk of being used. OLD has made me grow up fast.

[introverted1]

Online sites like tineye let you search for photos, so if you use a picture in your OLD profile that is also in your FB somewhere, there will be a match.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Online sites like tineye let you search for photos, so if you use a picture in your OLD profile that is also in your FB somewhere, there will be a match.

 

I use tineye a lot but it is not full proof and doesn't always pick up images buried in personal social media accounts. I've tested it out several times.

 

Take everything with a grain of salt until you meet them in person. It's the only thing that is certain.

[FerryCorsten]

I've talked to so many guys who are pleasant/nice, decent to good looking men who are looking for a relationship who say they could not even get any replies, much less dates online

 

 

How is this possible when the competition is apparently so abominable?

[truth_seeker]

The first time I did OLD I had a height preference (5'8" or above, although I've dated shorter men since). Within two days I received a message from a man saying I was shallow and horrible and he hoped I got anal herpes from someone who would rape me, that I was everything that was wrong with women today, that shallow women like me deserved to be raped and murdered and he would laugh when I died.

 

Am I sick for finding this funny?

[truth_seeker]

I've talked to so many guys who are pleasant/nice, decent to good looking men who are looking for a relationship who say they could not even get any replies, much less dates online

 

 

How is this possible when the competition is apparently so abominable?

 

Some guys are not photogenic.

[FerryCorsten]

Some guys are not photogenic.

 

 

I get that but even some of the guys say they are pretty good looking in pics

 

 

 

How can it be so difficult to stand out among such atrocious competition?

[kodakgirl]

I've used OLD on and off for several years, and never had any really unpleasant experiences... am I like, super lucky? Of course I've gotten the occasional sex-based first message, some pretty graphic, but that's only ever been maybe 10% of the whole. I've never had anyone say anything mean to me or do anything creepy. I feel like I'm missing out on a fundamental aspect of the experience!

[fitnessfan365]

The Good - Met my GF who I'm madly in love with. Have never been in love before so definitely a positive. Also in general it's actually kind of a timesaver. For example, if you don't like the emails, profile, etc you're not wasting time on a crappy date.

 

The Bad - People tend to have different personalities in person than they do in text. That's why I started making it a rule to never meet unless there's a phone call first. Also, I think women that do it long term tend to get really skeptical and cynical. I mean it makes sense in a way with all the sex emails they get. But I think it becomes hard for them to differentiate between confident guys that are playful/naturally sexual with guys who only want sex.

 

The Ridiculous - The Catfishing. In my case extremely heavyset women pretending to be "athletic" or "curvy". Some definite fake photos, and outright lying.

Edited January 13, 2016 by fitnessfan365

[Michelle ma Belle]

My tally today is as follows;

 

 

 

32 messages in my inbox today.

 

8 of whom I vetted as being even remotely close to what I'm looking for based on their pics, age AND over all profiles (Yes, I always read their profiles!).

 

I responded to each of the 8 prospects with a cordial email.

 

1 ended up being a blatant fake profile which I called him out on (as recounted already in this thread)

 

1 went M.I.A.

 

The 6 remaining immediately asked to move to Kik.

 

Of those 6 I met on Kik, 5 of them embarked on sexually suggestive and aggressive banter including sending me nude pics with demands that I reciprocate. One special request for a pic of me in a wet t-shirt and one funny fella wanting to know my bra size. DELETE!

 

Only 1 remains, from the UK unfortunately but the conversation is exciting (in a non-sexual way). Very intelligent and cheeky. He keeps me on my toes which I love. Nothing serious will come of it of course because of the distance but we agreed to enjoy each other's company as we wade through the trenches. He seems to be a perfect gentleman thus far...but I still remain guarded after all.

 

All in all a very interesting day

[Peachland]

I'm curious. Did the 5 guys that messaged you write you proper emails where they reference something from your profile, highlight things you may in common, etc?

 

I don't respond to any hi, how you doing mails...They must make an effort to contact me in a meaningful way. I found it does make a difference.

[Bobbi7]

Well, I think I pretty much posted my threads about what I encounter on online dating.

 

1.) Guy that messaged me that I turned down 2 years ago after I told him to leave me alone.

2.) As soon as I start messaging a guy and sense that he may be normal and nice-and then the exchanging numbers- the texting starts and demands pictures-where I clearly have 5 clear pictures of me on my profile. And for what? We haven't met up yet.

3.) The stage 5 clingers before meeting up.

4.) On first meeting-guy suggests "movie at his place." His excuse-my apartment is soo comfy, I have a big screen tv that looks like a movie theater.

5.) Guys start messaging me, I reply-asking him questions-with interest-in a totally normal way-then the bastard stops replying all together.

6.) The "do you have any more pics?"

7.) The selfie-bathroom pic with his shirt off. Big turn-off.

8.) The guy that suggests meeting up, but wants me to bring a friend if I want.

9.) The guys from different countries that message me..um why? I have on intention on talking to someone overseas. Or from out of state.

10.) The angry, pissy guys. Awhile back, this guy messaged me, I looked at his profile and decided not to write back, because I wasn't interested. He got angry and asked, "you don't like Mexican guys, do you?" Geez.

[FerryCorsten]

My tally today is as follows;

 

 

 

32 messages in my inbox today.

 

8 of whom I vetted as being even remotely close to what I'm looking for based on their pics, age AND over all profiles (Yes, I always read their profiles!).

 

I responded to each of the 8 prospects with a cordial email.

 

1 ended up being a blatant fake profile which I called him out on (as recounted already in this thread)

 

1 went M.I.A.

 

The 6 remaining immediately asked to move to Kik.

 

Of those 6 I met on Kik, 5 of them embarked on sexually suggestive and aggressive banter including sending me nude pics with demands that I reciprocate. One special request for a pic of me in a wet t-shirt and one funny fella wanting to know my bra size. DELETE!

 

Only 1 remains, from the UK unfortunately but the conversation is exciting (in a non-sexual way). Very intelligent and cheeky. He keeps me on my toes which I love. Nothing serious will come of it of course because of the distance but we agreed to enjoy each other's company as we wade through the trenches. He seems to be a perfect gentleman thus far...but I still remain guarded after all.

 

All in all a very interesting day

 

 

 

what disqualified the 24 men you didn't respond to?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm curious. Did the 5 guys that messaged you write you proper emails where they reference something from your profile, highlight things you may in common, etc?

 

I don't respond to any hi, how you doing mails...They must make an effort to contact me in a meaningful way. I found it does make a difference.

 

Of course, otherwise I wouldn't have even bothered. It was the old bait and switch.

 

I actually feel sorry for the good guys (and gals). These numb nuts spoil it for the rest of them, including me. I think it's accurate the longer you date the more jaded you become. It's hard not to be even a little when this is what the result is even when you're being discerning.

[bluefeather]

it seems like a waste of time. all I read are stories like that. it's like they are all piggish guys, shallow girls, or some kinds of fake person with malicious intent.

 

Maybe if you're jaded on dating in general, I am jaded on online interaction. forums like this get an exception because I read a lot of helpful posts that seem level-headed and from what I've experienced it seems more well moderated than other places... I forgot where I was going with this.

 

oh yeah, OLD should enforce web cams. that would solve a lot of problems.

[Shining One]

How can it be so difficult to stand out among such atrocious competition?

It can really be any number of factors. If the guy in question possesses attributes that are not "in demand" with the women he is messaging, then he's going to have a horrible response rate, no matter how good his messages are.

[Shining One]

I think it's accurate the longer you date the more jaded you become.

I completely agree. I saw OLD as a job for a while. I scheduled blocks of time through the week to go through it and I found myself dreading that time.

[ManyDissapoint]

I met my ex girlfriend on one of those niche dating sites. It was over two years later that we got back in contact and started a relationship -- long distance I might add. We closed the distance relatively quickly and began a relationship which lasted a respectable 3 years.

 

Ultimately her personality destroyed me psychologically, but in many ways she was a very high quality woman and I'm not bad myself.

 

This was honestly the only 'good' online experience I've had in 15 years of dabbling in trying to find someone online.

[TheArtist]

oh yeah, OLD should enforce web cams. that would solve a lot of problems.

 

Yeaaaahh, I can't imagine where that would go wrong...

 

I'm sure you don't want to see a live one of 'those' waving about with a face drawn on it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

Out and about it's likely if 100 men approach you it will be just like online where 95 of them are probably dudes in whom you have NO interest whatsoever and unless you meet them in some kind of setting where you really got to talk, you'd have to just give them your number based on a brief interaction and they could end up being just as awful as anyone else from OLD. The only difference is you know for sure how they look and if you're attracted physically.

 

I bet to differ...as in-person encounters greatly increase one's chances compared with online dating. Why? Because it's organic and you get to see their body language, voice tones, building rapport, use of banter, etc.

 

Also, I know of men who were ignored online to have bumped into the SAME woman in person and chat her up there, got her digits and scored of date.

 

One man on POF I recall said this very thing happened, he got ignored, met this woman at a local fair. Talked to her, got her # and about date #5, he fessed up and said, "You know, I saw you on POF and emailed you, but you never responded."

 

She said, "OMG, if I had known you were him, I would have replied! LOL!"

 

IN person meetings do trump online encounters.

 

The Ridiculous - The Catfishing. In my case extremely heavyset women pretending to be "athletic" or "curvy". Some definite fake photos, and outright lying.

 

Speaking of which, there are some people on dating sites that expect beyond what they can bring to the table themselves. For instance, a woman who has some weight on her and then expect the man she's dating to have "nice arms" or muscular.

Edited January 13, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[LookAtThisPOst]

I actually took a year off of POF, came back, and had noticed the SAME fixtures of online dating that I had already emailed before...I thought, "I had already emailed them last year...perhaps they've changed their criteria to that of what's more realistic?"

 

I contacted them again of course, to see if their perspective has change to that of a more realistic one, esp. in a small, limited community like this not sure if they even remember me.

 

Actually did score a date with one of them.

 

Also what's with all the "I'll fill this out later" profiles that they never get back to? Also, "I don't like talking about myself on here, just email me and we'll talk then" only to get ignored of course. lol

Edited January 13, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[Michelle ma Belle]

OLD Pet Peeve #1

 

May I ask WHY do people send pokes/kisses/flirts/interest whatever they are called these days but do nothing more to communicate said interest?

 

OLD Pet Peeve #2

 

And why add someone to your favorites if you have no intention of connecting or even responding for that matter?

 

OLD Pet Peeve #3

 

And WHY would you said such interest WITHOUT a filled out profile or picture???

 

 

(And for the record, I'm not losing sleep over any of this. I just find the whole amusing)