Online Dating - The Good, The Bad, The Ridiculous

[bluefeather]

No response from igloo girl. Having an in-depth discussion about different kinds of dinosaurs with someone else though. Lives 4 miles away, need to figure out how I'm gonna ask her out for drinks.

 

"Hey, you know what goes really good with dinosaur discussions? Alcohol!"

[AverageJoe1986]

No response from igloo girl. Having an in-depth discussion about different kinds of dinosaurs with someone else though. Lives 4 miles away, need to figure out how I'm gonna ask her out for drinks.

 

"It's so cool we're both into Aleontology..."

Edited February 1, 2016 by AverageJoe1986

[hasaquestion]

"It's so cool we're both into Aleontology..."

 

Brought it up. Let's see.

 

Meanwhile there's another girl who is a 69% match. The itch is uncontrollable...........

[bluefeather]

Brought it up. Let's see.

 

Meanwhile there's another girl who is a 69% match. The itch is uncontrollable...........

 

What's aleontology? If it's not a joke, I think mine was better :/

[hasaquestion]

What's aleontology? If it's not a joke, I think mine was better :/

 

The study of ales. As opposed to paleontology, which is the study of prehistoric fauna.

[bluefeather]

The study of ales. As opposed to paleontology, which is the study of prehistoric fauna.

 

but I looked that up and didn't get any results. is it a real word?

[AverageJoe1986]

but I looked that up and didn't get any results. is it a real word?

 

Yes it's a real word. It means the study of ales, lagers and ciders. Though the specialist branch dealing with ciders is sometimes called Scrumpology.

 

Anyway, I've only got three nights to study for my Vodkology exam, so toodle pip.

[bluefeather]

Yes it's a real word. It means the study of ales, lagers and ciders. Though the specialist branch dealing with ciders is sometimes called Scrumpology.

 

Anyway, I've only got three nights to study for my Vodkology exam, so toodle pip.

 

well, ok.. I'm surprised it didn't show up in google... gl

[AverageJoe1986]

well, ok.. I'm surprised it didn't show up in google... gl

 

There has been a long running dispute between the academic community and Google on this matter. Jeff Bumflaxx, Professor of Aleontology and Comparative Scrumpology at Oriel College, Oxford attacked Google for its shady tax avoidance practices a few years ago. A critical mass of celebrity condemnations followed, including but not limited to; Eddie Large (from legendary British comedy double act 'Little and Large'), Barry Chuckle, Paul Chuckle, Henry Kissinger and Badger from 'Bodger and Badger'. Google reacted the only way Google knows how to and removed all references from Bumflaxx and his profession from its search engines.

 

Try Bing.

[Kofybean]

This is an actual OLD conversation:

 

Him- Give me a chance to woo you.

Me- I can do that.

Him- My pitch: I'm downright too nice for my own good. Looking for someone I can spoil.

Me- That's a start.

Him- Where's the finish?

Me- I'll let you know when you get there.

Him-Seems worth the wait.

Me- There's only one way to find out!

 

I'll bet anyone $20 that this is as deep as this conversation ever goes. Why do men throw out cheesy lines like this?

 

Why is that the fault of the man if the conversation doesn't get deeper? What deep contribution did you add?

[Kofybean]

Those are the guys who approach me then when we start chatting it's brutal. I'm having to ask all the questions and all I get are one word answers. Never do they bother to ask about me. It's ridiculous. Spoon feeding isn't my cup of tea regardless of how attractive they are, I'm bored within 30 seconds.

 

Where did all the men with substance and character go to hide?

 

It always gets me when women say this. There is an assumption there that is ironically answers its own question.

[AMJ]

Why is that the fault of the man if the conversation doesn't get deeper? What deep contribution did you add?

 

I've been accused of plenty of things, and welcome criticism..but it's never been suggested to me that I lack good conversational skills. If I should have saved this particular conversation, how would I have done that? After he actually gave me a "pitch" that said he's looking for someone to spoil? What was I supposed to say in response to that, that would have improved our conversation in some way?

[AverageJoe1986]

I've been accused of plenty of things, and welcome criticism..but it's never been suggested to me that I lack good conversational skills. If I should have saved this particular conversation, how would I have done that? After he actually gave me a "pitch" that said he's looking for someone to spoil? What was I supposed to say in response to that, that would have improved our conversation in some way?

 

To be honest you should have reponded to the '...too downright nice...' line with a 'haha, that's one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time'.

 

He could then have either saved himself by seeing the funny side or dug himself deeper.

[AMJ]

But it's not one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. I just don't buy into worrying about what to say in the initial small talk stage. It shouldn't be difficult to have a conversation with someone if they're the right person for me to date. Sometimes I'll get into a conversation with someone and we click right away, and most other times that's not the case. Online dating is all about chance, and your chances at finding chemistry increase the more people you talk to. This particular guy actually did ask me out, so I probably will meet him in person. Maybe he won't be so awkward in person, and just didn't know what to say in the messages. I just thought it was a ridiculous way to open a conversation, so I'd share it here. At the same time, I guess he did get my attention, so...maybe he's not so ridiculous.

[AverageJoe1986]

But it's not one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. I just don't buy into worrying about what to say in the initial small talk stage. It shouldn't be difficult to have a conversation with someone if they're the right person for me to date. Sometimes I'll get into a conversation with someone and we click right away, and most other times that's not the case. Online dating is all about chance, and your chances at finding chemistry increase the more people you talk to. This particular guy actually did ask me out, so I probably will meet him in person. Maybe he won't be so awkward in person, and just didn't know what to say in the messages. I just thought it was a ridiculous way to open a conversation, so I'd share it here. At the same time, I guess he did get my attention, so...maybe he's not so ridiculous.

 

So why are you going out with him?

[Kofybean]

I've been accused of plenty of things, and welcome criticism..but it's never been suggested to me that I lack good conversational skills. If I should have saved this particular conversation, how would I have done that? After he actually gave me a "pitch" that said he's looking for someone to spoil? What was I supposed to say in response to that, that would have improved our conversation in some way?

 

You are right, because there is nothing you did say that improved the conversation. Unless you are implying that you are only capable of responding to deep inquiries, and not initiating what is within your own mind and that is why the conversation could never go deeper. Either way is up to you, I hardly wish to champion for whoever you spoke too, I merely found your conclusion foregone.

[AMJ]

Joe- I'm going out with him because, who knows? He might be a wonderful guy who writes awkward messages. Maybe this will be one stupid story we tell our kids about someday. That's probably not what will happen, it's much more likely that we won't really have chemistry. But it's possible enough to give it a shot. I'm in a happier state of mind these days so I'm willing to be riskier with who I date. Also, he's attractive.

 

Bean- I wasn't prepared to get challenged about this post. You're saying that I shouldn't criticize someone for having a shallow conversation unless I attempt to make that conversation have depth. I'm the kind of person who will flow along with whatever direction another person takes a conversation- however, if I really dislike where it's going, I'll just discontinue the conversation altogether. I wasn't really sure how to respond to most of what the guy said, so my responses were short. I'd prefer if a guy just asks me anything along the lines of trying to get to know me, and the options there are endless. Getting to know me doesn't necessarily mean the conversation needs to have depth, it just means it should have substance. In my opinion, there was a sad lack of substance in what he was trying to say to me. However, I did agree to go out with him, so now I feel like a giant hypocrite.

But, he could be like the 40% of guys who ask me out and then never actually follow up. We shall see.

[AverageJoe1986]

Also, he's attractive.

 

 

The sine qua non of all decisions in Online Dating.

 

I've walked away completely from it now. Nothing you can say or write on your profile can alter the fact the your looks are the entire determining factor on what happens.

Edited February 2, 2016 by AverageJoe1986

[AMJ]

Well, that's not true for me. As soon as an attractive guy asks me for a boob picture, or what size my boobs are, he's out. Or once a guy said, "hey listen, I really like you. I want you to be my friend with benefits. Are you cool with that?" He was also out.

[AverageJoe1986]

Well, that's not true for me. As soon as an attractive guy asks me for a boob picture, or what size my boobs are, he's out. Or once a guy said, "hey listen, I really like you. I want you to be my friend with benefits. Are you cool with that?" He was also out.

 

Yet you're happy to go out with a guy whose conversation with you showed a 'sad lack of substance', to quote you.

 

I'm not saying that people don't have lines that can be crossed and put them off. But if you're good looking online then all you need to do is not cross those lines and you will be successful. If you're not good looking then you won't be because nothing you say will make the blindest bit of difference.

[LookAtThisPOst]

But it's not one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. I just don't buy into worrying about what to say in the initial small talk stage. It shouldn't be difficult to have a conversation with someone if they're the right person for me to date. Sometimes I'll get into a conversation with someone and we click right away, and most other times that's not the case.

 

Exactly, I recall having conversations with women where I scored dates with them by being myself and it was quite effortless. I get a kick out of how it had "something you said." That could send a man's chances spiraling down to zero.

It has nothing to do with that.

 

She was either attracted/interested or not. If she was not, there's nothing that could be said that could get her to be attracted to you.

[AverageJoe1986]

She was either attracted/interested or not. If she was not, there's nothing that could be said that could get her to be attracted to you.

 

Exactly. If a woman likes the photos then, unless you accidentally let slip that you're on the sex offenders register, you're going to get a date. If she doesn't then you cannot say a thing that will convince her.

 

If you're an average to less than average looking guy you are wasting your time online. If more of them realised this then most of these sites would probably collapse as it's generally them that generate revenue. My experiment with the hot guy photos tells me that on sites like POF, he wouldn't need to become a paying member as he can get phone numbers and dates regardless. Women who are not clinically obese don't need to pay for the same reason. So the site needs to sell it's upgrade to the guys who create a profile, message a few days, then realise they're getting nowhere. Some idiots think that being bumped upto the top of a search list or being able to see if a woman has read their message will make any kind of difference.

 

Hilariously they also sell as part of the upgrade the ability to upload 16 instead of 8 photos.

Edited February 2, 2016 by AverageJoe1986

[SolG]

... do keep us posted on any developments with Mr. Big

 

No response from big unfortunately :-( Shame. Would have really liked to hear what his story was.

 

But speaking of stories... I matched with a male escort today. I'm fascinated; I've never met a male escort before. He claims to work for an agency that I've actually heard of as it featured in a doco on sex work. It's an agency that is run by women, providing discreet male company exclusively for women.

 

I know the agency is legit... but it remains to be seen if he is. If he provides proof and turns out to be the real deal, I'm actually tempted to take him out to dinner because I think it would be so interesting. Not for $500 an hour mind! Just dinner :-)

[AMJ]

 

If you're an average to less than average looking guy you are wasting your time online.

 

A woman the other day was posting here about not getting responses from OLD, and people began to tell her- well, you're probably just not that attractive. Mediocre at best. Women feel the same pressure, if not more, to be perfect and look beautiful- in the real world, and online. Do we really need to even have this conversation? How much money is spent in the beauty industry for women versus men? Please don't make me google these figures, just accept that women work much much harder than men do to look attractive.

 

And also, I go out with men who I don't think are particularly attractive, so long as I think they have something else to offer. If they're really funny, or have an interesting career, or if we can strike up a good conversation. Most of my friends married men who they will admit they never were immediately attracted to, but the attraction grew over time. This has taught me not to be so judgmental about photos and profiles and try to look for substance.

[risjurad]

This is in fact very true. I've posted about this in other threads. There is a British documentary that did an expose on this very thing. OKCupid was named as one of many. If they aren't "planting" fake profiles they have staff who are specifically hired to string non-paying members along until they buy a membership.

 

Ashley Madison also came under fire about "planting" fakes which was revealed to be the majority of their female membership.

 

It's diabolical.

That's the vibe I got. I got a notice from PoF saying they had a pretty high match for me. Her profile had many matching attributes, AND she was cute. I figured, why not, what's the worst that can happen? She's a premium member! I don't know what's worse... people playing the lottery when the odds are so against you, or even considering this since... hey, ya never know! (This could be the one where you find true love!)