If I have no reasons to check should I still check?

[Zapbasket]

@ Greencove: Thank you for reading my entire thread and your post. Nothing is missing in my life. I have everything a woman could possibly want, a nice career, a terrific kid, surrounded by loving family, financial stability, I am healthy and attractive. I really want a relationship because I have been single for 11 years now. I want to wake up next to someone and enjoy life with someone. It's long 11 years of doing everything alone and always showing up at events alone. I have been playing the strong woman who can do it all by herself for long enough.

 

The bolded is all the more reason to take charge of what YOU want rather than wait for him to tell you what it is HE wants. There's no way all this dating isn't taking away from all the good you have in your life--if this weren't the case, then your friends and family would be more interested in the details of your dating life. I could be wrong, but four years of wishy-washy men suggests to me that you have been "wishy-washy" by not being more assertive, with yourself as well as with the men you have dated, about what you want. Go out there and enjoy your life, and only spend time with men who take you, and your desires, seriously and with respect. This guy you're seeing now certainly has an idea of what he wants concerning you; there's nothing wrong with asking him to share that with you, and no sense in wasting time fretting about it. Just ask, find out, and deal with it from there, and if you're not on the same page, go back to enjoying your fulfilled life. As my grandmother always said: No company is better than bad company.

[Gaeta]

He gave me a call and I brought up the subject.

 

I told him I had been single for a long time and had done all the casual dating one needed so now I know what I am looking for and I am serious about getting to know someone. I told him I get a lot of messages and invitations and I am personally not interested in venturing elsewhere and I wanted to know where he stood in terms of multi-dating and if he preferred to multi-date still for a while.

 

We had like an hour conversation. To him at the moment we were intimate it was implied we were exclusive. Apparently multi-dating does not exist in France. They concentrate on one person at a time. He said his heart is free and willing to fall in love and he can see it happening with us.

 

We have figured out we have different style of communication amplified by our cultural differences. He is very subtle and I am the direct type. We have plans for tomorrow we shall get more into the topic.

 

He was surprised that Canadian women-men would sleep with 1-2-3 People at the same time. He insisted he would not be able to do that.

 

So it was a very positive conversation. I hate I had to do this but I am done wasting my time. I cannot 'go with the flow'. I have to recognize that in me.

[losangelena]

He gave me a call and I brought up the subject.

 

I told him I had been single for a long time and had done all the casual dating one needed so now I know what I am looking for and I am serious about getting to know someone. I told him I get a lot of messages and invitations and I am personally not interested in venturing elsewhere and I wanted to know where he stood in terms of multi-dating and if he preferred to multi-date still for a while.

 

We had like an hour conversation. To him at the moment we were intimate it was implied we were exclusive. Apparently multi-dating does not exist in France. They concentrate on one person at a time. He said his heart is free and willing to fall in love and he can see it happening with us.

 

We have figured out we have different style of communication amplified by our cultural differences. He is very subtle and I am the direct type. We have plans for tomorrow we shall get more into the topic.

 

He was surprised that Canadian women-men would sleep with 1-2-3 People at the same time. He insisted he would not be able to do that.

 

So it was a very positive conversation. I hate I had to do this but I am done wasting my time. I cannot 'go with the flow'. I have to recognize that in me.

 

 

So glad you said something. He sounds :love:

 

I know it's still early, but I'm rooting for you two!

[RedRobin]

That means nothing.

 

I had men telling me this and I went 'ok'. To me it means he is not interested in multi-dating but in no way did I understand that statement as he'd prefer I don't multi-date. I've never stopped multi-dating because a man told me he did not believe in multi-dating. If he did not want 'us' to multi-date he had better change his statement with 'I would prefer WE do not multi-date'.

 

People who are looking for compatibility and an honest relationship aren't looking for ways to cut corners and hedge bets.

 

I don't tell the men I date what to do, and I wouldn't appreciate being told what to do either. I offer. I share my style. If his style is not the same, I would expect he say so... One way or the other. not just say 'ok'. That would not inspire trust in me, and it likely doesn't inspire trust in the men you date.

 

I don't think you date in good faith. You still have a profile up to check on him, but it's ok for you? Its ok for you to still be receiving emails, etc. It's ok for you to be wishy washy about your dating style, but think he's supposed to be rock solid?

 

At which point are you offering what you expect in return, because I am not seeing it right now.

 

I agree with the other poster... You have not been trustworthy, so everyone else isn't trustworthy either... And you attract the ones who are similarly vague... Despite claiming to want a relationship. You aren't acting like someone who is looking for a serious relationship.

 

It's not insecurity that is ruining your chances. It's the fact that you don't inspire trust.

 

Edited: just saw your recent post. You shouldn't hate that you had to have that conversation. People who don't multidate don't understand those who do. It was up to you to share your dating style, and you finally did. If you want to avoid the kind of drama and angst demonstrated earlier in this thread, you will fess up earlier. Glad you finally did so that you can move forward. Also glad that you did so before you lost his trust.

Edited December 26, 2015 by RedRobin

[Gaeta]

I don't think you date in good faith. You still have a profile up to check on him, but it's ok for you? Its ok for you to still be receiving emails, etc. It's ok for you to be wishy washy about your dating style, but think he's supposed to be rock solid?

 

At which point are you offering what you expect in return, because I am not seeing it right now.

 

I agree with the other poster... You have not been trustworthy, so everyone else isn't trustworthy either... And you attract the ones who are similarly vague... Despite claiming to want a relationship. You aren't acting like someone who is looking for a serious relationship.

 

It's not insecurity that is ruining your chances. It's the fact that you don't inspire trust..

 

I read a lot of assumptions in this. Yes I receives a lot of messages when I have a profile up but since I met him I did not open ANY of those messages they just sit there unread.

 

There is nothing wishy washy about my behavior. In the past month I have not opened any new messages and I have logged in my profile no more than 2 times.

 

I will ignore where you said I am not inspiring trust.

 

My profile is now deleted

[StBreton]

He gave me a call and I brought up the subject.

 

I told him I had been single for a long time and had done all the casual dating one needed so now I know what I am looking for and I am serious about getting to know someone. I told him I get a lot of messages and invitations and I am personally not interested in venturing elsewhere and I wanted to know where he stood in terms of multi-dating and if he preferred to multi-date still for a while.

 

We had like an hour conversation. To him at the moment we were intimate it was implied we were exclusive. Apparently multi-dating does not exist in France. They concentrate on one person at a time. He said his heart is free and willing to fall in love and he can see it happening with us.

 

We have figured out we have different style of communication amplified by our cultural differences. He is very subtle and I am the direct type. We have plans for tomorrow we shall get more into the topic.

 

He was surprised that Canadian women-men would sleep with 1-2-3 People at the same time. He insisted he would not be able to do that.

 

So it was a very positive conversation. I hate I had to do this but I am done wasting my time. I cannot 'go with the flow'. I have to recognize that in me.

 

Got happy goose bumps reading this. Yay Gaeta! Hoping things work out ...seems like a great guy:) does he have a brother?

 

FYI ...I love the way you phrased this. Well done. You are one classy lady.

Edited December 26, 2015 by StBreton

[RedRobin]

I read a lot of assumptions in this. Yes I receives a lot of messages when I have a profile up but since I met him I did not open ANY of those messages they just sit there unread.

 

There is nothing wishy washy about my behavior. In the past month I have not opened any new messages and I have logged in my profile no more than 2 times.

 

I will ignore where you said I am not inspiring trust.

 

My profile is now deleted

 

I would encourage you to go back and read your own posts documenting how many times he logged in and when... Inspiring more cycles and log ins on your part. You want to trust someone, then be someone who can be trusted. Just like you had no idea whether he was checking emails or corresponding...or meeting people... Neither would he.

 

You can create a circle of trust through your own actions... Or feed into a vicious cycle. I am glad you stepped off that merry go round this time. Good luck.