Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 This was a mistake. You already signaled to him that YOU are exclusive, that you are not dating others, that you are focused on him... You essentially put down your bow and arrow in front of him, you just didn't actually use words. He has not signaled the same. I primarily did it for myself. If my profile is up I keep getting messages. If I don't answer these messages I am burning my bridges with these men. I took my pictures down so I stop getting messages and keep those other prospects for later if this one doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 If I am ever told this excuse from a man I am dating he will be given his severance paper. Why? 1234567890 Link to post Share on other sites
dobielover Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I primarily did it for myself. If my profile is up I keep getting messages. If I don't answer these messages I am burning my bridges with these men. I took my pictures down so I stop getting messages and keep those other prospects for later if this one doesn't work out. If you're only interested in this man, you wouldn't care about these other men. And if it doesn't work out with this man, you can always go back to these unanswered men and explain to them why you didn't respond. "Hey there, sorry for the delay. I was dating someone and didn't feel right opening or responding to messages on this site while exploring that fledgling relationship How are you? :)" That's gone over VERY well for me in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Well, since the title of the last thread was about how dating was supposed to go, and is apparently going, what is the harm of focusing exclusively on one particular interaction because it fits with how one views dating and with a person one likes? Do so with confidence. If it doesn't work out, billions of others out there and, at our age, a lot of experience with things not working out. IMO, look at the process more as a playground rather than a minefield. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Why? 1234567890 At the moment him and I are in an exclusive relationship we have to take all of our dating profiles down and stop advertising ourselves as single. If he has a need to socialize online he can be part of a forum, FB and what's-not but not a dating site. It's by respect for me and me by respect for him. I would not want a family member/friend/colleague tell me they saw my 'boyfriend' on pof. What would I say? Oh my 48 years old boyfriend is on pof to make friends? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dobielover Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 At the moment him and I are in an exclusive relationship we have to take all of our dating profiles down and stop advertising ourselves as single. You are? I missed that. I didn't realized he'd already brought it up. Well then, by all means raise why he still has his profile up. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 (edited) If he has a need to socialize online he can be part of a forum, FB and what's-not but not a dating site. So what would you say to me if I told you I still had an active profile because I participate on the forums doing profile reviews and helping others to share my success and help them find a fabulous relationship with a wonderful woman, just like I have? I don't "advertise myself as single" in the slightest. My profile makes it very clear that I am not single and not looking. Edited December 23, 2015 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 You are? I missed that. I didn't realized he'd already brought it up. Well then, by all means raise why he still has his profile up. no no no, Jenn was asking an hypothetical question. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Gaeta, I think you should say something. If you like this man so much, then I think you both deserve a mature, honest and open foundation. I don't know why peeping on his profile is a preferable course of action here. You have finally found a good one, don't muck it up with petty games. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 So what would you say to me if I told you I still had an active profile because I participate on the forums doing profile reviews and helping others to share my success and help them find a fabulous relationship with a wonderful woman, just like I have? I don't "advertise myself as single" in the slightest. My profile makes it very clear that I am not single and not looking. Profile would have to be empty and mentioning not single and not looking. That would be ok. That's different than those stories we hear on here of women finding their boyfriends online with active profiles with mention 'single' then they tell their girlfriend they just want to talk or make friends. ya right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Gaeta, I think you should say something. If you like this man so much, then I think you both deserve a mature, honest and open foundation. I don't know why peeping on his profile is a preferable course of action here. You have finally found a good one, don't muck it up with petty games. The voice of reason as always :-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Gaeta, I think you should say something. If you like this man so much, then I think you both deserve a mature, honest and open foundation. I don't know why peeping on his profile is a preferable course of action here. You have finally found a good one, don't muck it up with petty games. There is no substitute for good communication -- period. If a woman is afraid of communicating honestly and directly with a man because she thinks it may scare him off, then she is doing herself an injustice. If it scares him away, either he wasn't that interested or he's not going to be someone with whom she can communicate effectively. If he's interested enough, he will at least listen and think about it and be direct and honest himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 The voice of reason as always :-) Hey that's the same as what I said in my first post but you argued against it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 I have become very fatalist with online dating. I have been deceived so many times and so many disappointments. It's hard to believe in anything anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 My thoughts are that if you want to be exclusive with this guy, you should be having a mature, adult conversation with him, rather than telling us about how you're not stalking his online activities. You're absolutely right Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Whats the big deal Gaeta? Just ask him? `Are we a gorgeous couple now?` Good luck. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 OK we have a consensus. Looks like I'm gonna have to do this and bring it up myself. I won't see him before the 26 or 27. Holidays are big in my family so I am booked wall to wall. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Isn't me taking my pictures down and not logging in an indication I am concentrating on him? It signals YOUR intent. But it doesn't mean he's bound by anything you do. Until you and your man agree there's exclusivity it's not exclusive in his mind - unless he's one in a million who sees it that way once he's intimate with a woman. But don't count on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Yeah, there's no reason to build up false hope over someone who maybe has no intention of being exclusive, if that is the case. At this point, he should know if he does or doesn't want to be exclusive. If he does intend to be exclusive, the conversation should be quite easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Isn't me taking my pictures down and not logging in an indication I am concentrating on him? It's an indication to YOURSELF. Just wanted you to know that. It's not an indication to him if he's not checking your profile because... he has no reason to check. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 (edited) I have become very fatalist with online dating. I have been deceived so many times and so many disappointments. It's hard to believe in anything anymore. Gaeta, just two days ago you started a thread telling us how safe and secure you felt with this man. That he was consistent, kept to his word, everything you have been waiting for in a man! That "this" was the way dating is supposed to be! Now, two days later, what happened? My guess is you are starting to feel very attached to this man, and you are scared. Unless it's something HE is doing that is suddenly causing these doubts and fears to surface, but I don't get that sense. This is about you and your fears and insecuritues ....all because of shyt that has gone down in the past. Not to be harsh, but stop it. My advice is to try and focus on the good feelings this man generates (like you have been doing....till today) and try and let go of the negative thinking...which is now rearing its ugly head. Ugh. You have been on a handful of dates for a month, it is still very early. You have chosen to become sexual ....and he is still staying true to his word, remaining consistent, everything you said you have been wanting .....again just two days ago you were on here telling us this is how it is supposed to be!! I get you are scared, but if you are not careful here, your fear about this is gonna be the demise of this and *any* relationship you embark on. Forget the profile. Put it out of your mind, who cares? You are having a fabulous time, it is obvious **by his actions** he is 100% focused on YOU ...trying to build something solid with you. Focus on that! If you want to bring up exclusivity in a non-threatening, non-accusatory, casual way ...then please do so! But please try and stop this negative thinking. It wasn't there two days ago ....and IMO is only there now cause you are *scared* ....which is not really his issue to deal with, it is yours. He is doing everything right! To make you feel safe and secure ...so focus on that and forget all the other shyt. It does not matter now IMO. And will ruin what appears to be a beautiful and budding relationship from fully blossoming. Good luck hun and happy holidays! Edited December 23, 2015 by katiegrl 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Gaeta, just two days ago you started a thread telling us how safe and secure you felt with this man. That he was consistent, kept to his word, everything you have been waiting for in a man! That "this" was the way dating is supposed to be! Now, two days later, what happened? My guess is you are starting to feel very attached to this man, and you are scared. Unless it's something HE is doing that is suddenly causing these doubts and fears to surface, but I don't get that sense. This is about you and your fears and insecuritues ....all because of shyt that has gone down in the past. Not to be harsh, but stop it. My advice is to try and focus on the good feelings this man generates (like you have been doing....till today) and try and let go of the negative thinking...which is now rearing its ugly head. Ugh. You have been on a handful of dates for a month, it is still very early. You have chosen to become sexual ....and he is still staying true to his word, remaining consistent, everything you said you have been wanting .....again just two days ago you were on here telling us this is how it is supposed to be!! I get you are scared, but if you are not careful here, your fear about this is gonna be the demise of this and *any* relationship you embark on. Forget the profile. Put it out of your mind, who cares? You are having a fabulous time, it is obvious **by his actions** he is 100% focused on YOU ...trying to build something solid with you. Focus on that! If you want to bring up exclusivity in a non-threatening, non-accusatory, casual way ...then please do so! But please try and stop this negative thinking. It wasn't there two days ago ....and IMO is only there now cause you are *scared* ....which is not really his issue to deal with, it is yours. He is doing everything right! To make you feel safe and secure ...so focus on that and forget all the other shyt. It does not matter now IMO. And will ruin what appears to be a beautiful and budding relationship from fully blossoming. Good luck hun and happy holidays! Total land of confusion here. You're right it's about my fears and my collection of shytty disappointments and I am usually disappointed after 5ish dates. He did nothing wrong he is his usual sweet self. I went online *rolling eyes*. He logged on 20 hours ago. It's nothing to stress about yet. I am having lunch with a male friend and he told me the same. To forget about the profile - to concentrate on the positive - and to not self sabotage. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 If you're have sexual relations with him it's completely reasonable to feel desirous of clear communication on your relations. If you feel that way, it's your style of interacting. His style is his style. If they're compatible, then something more than dating and having sex can occur in a healthy way. IMO, I wouldn't check his dating profile anymore. Deal with the man in front of you. Be clear and sincere and true to your style of relationships and things will go where they go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Total land of confusion here. You're right it's about my fears and my collection of shytty disappointments and I am usually disappointed after 5ish dates. He did nothing wrong he is his usual sweet self. I went online *rolling eyes*. He logged on 20 hours ago. It's nothing to stress about yet. I am having lunch with a male friend and he told me the same. To forget about the profile - to concentrate on the positive - and to not self sabotage. I wish you had not checked, but you did. It is what it is. Now what to do with this info? Assume the worst, he is stringing you along, looking for the BBD, dating others, keeping options open? No doubt all these negative thoughts are gonna now be whirling around in your head. When the truth is ... it is NONE of those things, and he is crazy about you! Not sure if this is a good comparison, but I have an awesome job, love love love it, plan to retire there when the times comes ...but I STILL check the classifieds every single day! Why? I dunno, human nature? Curiosity? Seeing how horrible it is out there and all the shytty job postings? Makes be feel all warm and cozy knowing I have a good one ...and I ain't going anywhere! Take that from it what you will. Try and stay positive and enjoy! All the best.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 I Now what to do with this info? Assume the worst, he is stringing you along, looking for the BBD, dating others, keeping options open? No doubt all these negative thoughts are gonna now be whirling around in your head. When the truth is ... it is NONE of those things, and he is crazy about you! Actually no I don't feel bad about him being online 20 some hours ago. If he were online all the time then it would be different. Also, the fact he is 100% focused on me helps not giving his presence online any signification. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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