Why I'm DONE with online dating...

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, OK Cupid broke down the numbers some time ago (the post was subsequently pulled from the blog when IAC bought them) the the success rate wasn't very promising... at all.

 

If you read dating site claims, much like you, they always state, "so-and-so many relationships start online " but NEVER word it as on online dating sites. Yay marketing. Other online places, like World of Warcraft have notably higher romance success rates than OLD. I wouldn't be surprised that more people meet through Facebook than Match.com.

 

Personally, I did better back on MySpace than on modern dating-focused sites like Plenty of Fish or Tinder. ****, I never got a single date off Tinder. I don't get the hype.

 

I know a number of people who met their spouses from OLD.

 

I was quite optimistic when I first started, but at the end of the day, I think quite honestly, OLD was not the best venue for me. I'm really short and probably not the best looking, and there's just not too many ways around that in OLD. In real life, women can see me for the inside.

 

You need some critical mass to be able to do well on OLD. You can't just have a couple of dates, because those women will be nowhere near you compatibility wise, unless you get really lucky.

 

It was funny though. There was a post a while back when a couple of us guys reminisced about our first posts to women and how we thought they would be so excited to hear from us and then ... crickets.

 

But honestly, it was an experience. I think differently now than when I started OLD. And in a strange way, it has made me a better person.

Edited November 20, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[impatiently_patient]

So go back to Myspace. Or WOW or similar:)

I did think that MyS was long gone over 10 years ago but if it still is going and works why change it? Go with what works for you.

 

MySpace is dead, it worked because it was the place of social media convergence at the time. It was arguably a far easier place to meet strangers than it's modern day equivalent, Facebook, which requires close degrees of separation to find people. Instead of "filter people in your area who are single and in your target age bracket and gender", it's "creep your (likely coupled) friends and friends-of-friends strewn all about the country/continent/world for someone (hopefully) in your age range".

 

As for WoW, I'm not a gamer, and if I was it wouldn't be my game of choice. My ex was a WoW head and she knew several people who met through the game, not to mention had her own admirers. Many meet online, then hookup at BlizzCon, and marriage happens in many cases eventually.

Edited November 20, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[WaitingForBardot]

...

Personally, I did better back on MySpace than on modern dating-focused sites like Plenty of Fish or Tinder. ****, I never got a single date off Tinder. I don't get the hype.

My son had really good results from Tinder when he was home over the summer. He does however have a Facebook presence that shows him to have, at the risk of offending, a slightly rosier outlook than comes across for you here.

[impatiently_patient]

Any chance you might sometime take a look at yourself? I mean in relationship to your lack of success with getting dates or interest from women?

 

Lack of interest, almost utterly. Ninety percent of the women I've gone out with have turned into a relationship of some duration: some short-term (four months the shortest), some long-term (five and six years). I can think of only one that has turned me down on a second date after the first. I've turned down a few myself, though...

[impatiently_patient]

My son had really good results from Tinder when he was home over the summer. He does however have a Facebook presence that shows him to have, at the risk of offending, a slightly rosier outlook than comes across for you here.

 

What does Tinder have to do with Facebook (other than it uses the account to pull pics, geolocate, and occasionally match interests)? All Tinder users see is your pics and your bio, if they even look at the latter. ¯\(°_o)/¯

 

And who said I don't have a rosy outlook? I like my life. I have a killer job, great friends, great family, fun hobbies that I enjoy, make good money and travel to places that make me happy, eat great food, drink what I want, enjoy the sunny weather, take in music and art, laugh more than most, etcetera. Not rosy because I think online dating and the people who seem to gravitate towards it are foul and not worth my time? Okay. Well I've got a pretty bad attitude about ISIS* too. Call me Eeyore I guess.

 

*not the band, the band is awesome

Edited November 20, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[JuneJulySeptember]

What does Tinder have to do with Facebook (other than it uses the account to pull pics, geolocate, and occasionally match interests)? All Tinder users see is your pics and your bio, if they even look at the latter. ¯\(°_o)/¯

 

And who said I don't have a rosy outlook? I like my life. I have a killer job, great friends, great family, fun hobbies that I enjoy, make good money and travel to places that make me happy, eat great food, drink what I want, enjoy the sunny weather, take in music and art, laugh more than most, etcetera. Not rosy because I think online dating and the people who seem to gravitate towards it are foul and not worth my time? Okay. Well I've got a pretty bad attitude about ISIS* too. Call me Eeyore I guess.

 

*not the band, the band is awesome

 

There's nothing wrong with your attitude likely.

 

You happen to be the flavor of the month. (Almost) every month a new poster comes on here and is angry because of rejection from OLD and all the posters ride them and tell them if only they perked up, a harem of women would be a' waitin. Before you, it was ZA. Before him, it was a host of others, me included.

 

The truth is somewhere in between. Nothing is wrong with you, and most likely nothing you post here comes across in real life, and nothing is affecting your results with women. But you'll probably come back a year from now and read some of the stuff you posted and think "God, I was pretty damn angry." I've done it. Even so, I've been on huge attitude swings in the years I've been on here, and none of it has ever affected my results with women.

 

Dating can just be tough. There's a guy I work with who is about your age, and he talks to everybody in the office, jokes around, is always positive, and happy and he's been single forever.

Edited November 20, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[LookAtThisPOst]

Before you, it was ZA. Before him, it was a host of others, me included.

 

Yep...I actually had been away from Plenty of Fish for a long while...decided to do a search there and still see the same, overly picky, chronically single women in my area are still popping up. Sadly, they've become permanent fixtures of the site.

 

Haven't used the site in ages though, but it's funny how they are still there and likely will be until they relocate, considering this is an area that's "couple" and "retiree" dominant, or decide to be realistic in their dating expectations .

[theredpill]

Was having a rather nice conversation with a women (in my age bracket for once ) about life and music... she's also a musician who's played in a band for a while here in Phoenix, Arizona.

 

She asked about why I was talking to her, and I said, "Because everyone deserves a chance" always. I left her with a [true] anecdote about how a man had dropped his wallet at a restaurant that myself and my coworkers were dining at, and how I kindly returned it to him. He was kind of a dick about it, but I wished him the best anyways... and referenced her to this Kristoff Krane track that's inspired me so very much in recent years:

and then her replies (which were frequent) cut off completely.

 

If this is the mindset that turns women off... I'm done. Completely done. Love for others is dead. I guess I don't deserve love for myself, but I'll continue to dole it out. That's who I am until I die. F**k you haters. I just don't get you.

 

 

I've only read the first post and I'm confused why are you trying to establish emotional connections with someone you haven't even met?

 

When she asked why are you talking to her, the answer should have been "You seem pretty cool, when are you free to meet up for a couple of drinks?"

 

Stop talking to potential dates online or via text messages, because you will (as proved above) say something to turn them off. Three messages, swap numbers, quick call and then arrange to meet up.

 

Now I've given your approach a bit of a beating, slap yourself in the face and get back on the horse and start again with an improved approach. There's loads of woman (and men for the ladies) it's just a numbers game, love yourself, rejection means ****, bring on the next one...

 

You'd reject a woman who turned you off, why is it wrong for a woman to do the same?

[impatiently_patient]

There's nothing wrong with your attitude likely.

 

You happen to be the flavor of the month. (Almost) every month a new poster comes on here and is angry because of rejection from OLD and all the posters ride them and tell them if only they perked up, a harem of women would be a' waitin. Before you, it was ZA. Before him, it was a host of others, me included.

 

The truth is somewhere in between. Nothing is wrong with you, and most likely nothing you post here comes across in real life, and nothing is affecting your results with women. But you'll probably come back a year from now and read some of the stuff you posted and think "God, I was pretty damn angry." I've done it. Even so, I've been on huge attitude swings in the years I've been on here, and none of it has ever affected my results with women.

 

I was angry. I could give two ****s at this point. I simply fail to understand why it needs to be such a rotten, lopsided experience. I shoulda stayed quit the first time I dumped a lot of energy into it only to be ignored pretty much utterly.

 

All I got left up is my Tinder account which I don't really throw any time at as I'm "too ugly for Tinder" as I told my ex (who told me I was better looking than 90% of the guys on ) who was complaining about it.

 

 

 

Dating can just be tough. There's a guy I work with who is about your age, and he talks to everybody in the office, jokes around, is always positive, and happy and he's been single forever.

 

God, I hope this is not my fate.

[RedRobin]

A few thoughts on this...

 

1. I Dating online or not, I think that socially savvy males get that in the Mating Dance, it is our job to move things along smoothly, all the while understanding that women (early on anyway) tend to be more self-protective and easily turned-off than men.

 

Anyway, making edgy comments/"negs" over text is especially risky. At least in person you can see the other party's reactions in real time, and you'll get a chance to explain/recover that you won't get over electronic communication (where she can vanish completely).

 

 

2. Forget the stigma of multidating for one gender over another. Giving up an evening for a date you already have misgivings about just doesn't seem like a good use of time to me, especially doing it > 2x/week. Who has time for that?

 

I mean, sometimes the really unlikely happens and we end up meeting our spouse that way. Sometimes we win the lottery too, and yet I still don't know of any financial advisors who recommend playing Powerball as a sound way to plan for retirement. You'd be better off putting your money in ventures with better expected return, just as you're more likely to meet your spouse not going on dates you're already not feeling, and instead going out with your friends, writing someone else on Match, going to an activity where you're likely to meet like-minded people, ect.

 

 

I do agree with @nescafe hat the above is all magnified on OLD, where there are so many options out there. But the OP really rubbed his comment in, and then he didn't see how it could have been taken the wrong way so he could correct ("Naw I was only joking. I think it's neat that you xxxxx"). That type of unawareness will typically sink you no matter how you meet someone. I do think you already noted this though.

 

 

OP, I think the above poster pretty much sums up my thoughts on your situation... especially #1.

 

 

It would help you to understand why a lot of women are so touchy and quick to pull the trigger on a guy.

 

 

Look at it this way... if your mom, daughter, sister, etc were getting emails from a guy whose first song to them was about roadkill, what would be your advice? Um, "oh sure, mom... he seems super nice! He's probably never run over some poor defenseless creature for fun! He'd never stuff someone he loved in the back of his car and take her someplace dark..."

 

 

Ok, I exaggerate a little... but seriously... this is every woman's nightmare when chatting to some guy online.

 

 

OTOH, I was at a Subway shop yesterday... the woman making my sandwich had purple hair, those huge rings in her earlobes (at least an inch in diameter), very pale makeup, and some weird black round thing jutting out from just under her lip. Scary tattoos on her arms of zombies.

 

 

I dunno. Maybe she's a very loving person. *shrug* It's all about finding your niche, my friend. Don't give up.

 

 

p.s. About the multidating thing... I won't do it, and I'm just fine screening out guys who do it. That's not how I want my relationships to start.

[JuneJulySeptember]

God, I hope this is not my fate.

 

At least he's had girlfriends before. Well, he has never mentioned to me that he has but I do think so. Two other guys that I work with who are in their 40s, I'm 90% sure have never had relationships.

 

That's why I don't put much stock in dating and relationships. If two decent dudes, can't get even a taste of love, then it's not really something that's as great as people say it is.

[impatiently_patient]

OP, I think the above poster pretty much sums up my thoughts on your situation... especially #1.

 

It would help you to understand why a lot of women are so touchy and quick to pull the trigger on a guy.

 

No clue what the effing mating dance is. I'm not a tropical bird. Either a woman is into me or she isn't. Simple as that.

 

Look at it this way... if your mom, daughter, sister, etc were getting emails from a guy whose first song to them was about roadkill, what would be your advice? Um, "oh sure, mom... he seems super nice! He's probably never run over some poor defenseless creature for fun! He'd never stuff someone he loved in the back of his car and take her someplace dark..."

 

Totally missed the point of the track. It's about keeping an optimistic mind in a world that delivers little more than ugly situations. If I've got to explain the concept of a metaphor to a woman who's an artist, I'm out.

 

I'm also not asking someone to go somewhere unsafe on a first, second, or even third date! On the converse, I've had women ask me over to their places after a bit of SMS'ing. I'm the one more worried in that sitch... about herpes! Anyway, if I was a betting man, Miss Rockabilly hates rap and that was her problem. Who knows, I'm so much more over it than all you posters here in the mystical, magical land of Myopia.

 

 

 

 

OTOH, I was at a Subway shop yesterday... the woman making my sandwich had purple hair, those huge rings in her earlobes (at least an inch in diameter), very pale makeup, and some weird black round thing jutting out from just under her lip. Scary tattoos on her arms of zombies.

 

They're called tunnel plugs. Anyway, sounds like my kind of girl ... and you sound like a bit of a hater. See the flowers, not the roadkill. I'm in my favorite bar right now, and a solid 1/3 of the girls are in the realm as you describe.

 

 

 

 

p.s. About the multidating thing... I won't do it, and I'm just fine screening out guys who do it. That's not how I want my relationships to start.

 

Dunno even what this refers to. Is there like a site for this or something?

Edited November 21, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[impatiently_patient]

At least he's had girlfriends before. Well, he has never mentioned to me that he has but I do think so. Two other guys that I work with who are in their 40s, I'm 90% sure have never had relationships.

 

Yeah, I've had my share. Nothing's worked out right, though. I can't tell you how frustrating that is. I almost certainly spent too much time in a few relationships hoping they would work out. No more of that.

 

I don't know what's with your homies at work. Yikes. Are feminine hygiene products coming coated with anti-libido serum and lithium or what? Love is no longer in the proverbial air... no wonder I can't get a date.

Edited November 21, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[RedRobin]

No clue what the effing mating dance is. I'm not a tropical bird. Either a woman is into me or she isn't. Simple as that.

 

 

 

Totally missed the point of the track. It's about keeping an optimistic mind in a world that delivers little more than ugly situations. If I've got to explain the concept of a metaphor to a woman who's an artist, I'm out.

 

I'm also not asking someone to go somewhere unsafe on a first, second, or even third date! On the converse, I've had women ask me over to their places after a bit of SMS'ing. I'm the one more worried in that sitch... about herpes! Anyway, if I was a betting man, Miss Rockabilly hates rap and that was her problem. Who knows, I'm so much more over it than all you posters here in the mystical, magical land of Myopia.

 

 

 

 

 

 

They're called tunnel plugs. Anyway, sounds like my kind of girl ... and you sound like a bit of a hater. See the flowers, not the roadkill. I'm in my favorite bar right now, and a solid 1/3 of the girls are in the realm as you describe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dunno even what this refers to. Is there like a site for this or something?

 

I figured zombie tattoos, tunnel plugs (as you call them) and rap songs about roadkill go together. Looks like I am right. Why not pick up one of the girls in the bar you are talking about instead of expecting random strangers to 'get' your apparently rare and special sense of humor online?

 

As for flowers. Try growing some instead of running them over. Maybe.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Yep...I actually had been away from Plenty of Fish for a long while...decided to do a search there and still see the same, overly picky, chronically single women in my area are still popping up.

 

How are they different from you though?? Except for they're women?? :confused:

[LookAtThisPOst]

How are they different from you though?? Except for they're women?? :confused:

 

That I've contacted them, but didn't reply. They had their opportunity.

 

I deleted my account with POF a while ago.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Anybody who complains about their lot in life all the time and points their finger at other people / the world / society / dating aps / their boss /God as the reason just needs to look within ... :bunny:

[bluefeather]

Anybody who complains about their lot in life all the time and points their finger at other people / the world / society / dating aps / their boss /God as the reason just needs to look within ... :bunny:

 

A lot of people who do that will never see or admit to their actions that contribute. I believe it is a defense mechanism: They are too afraid of looking weak or stupid, so their brain won't let them see it, and then they victimize themselves and condemn others for their problems.

[impatiently_patient]

A lot of people who do that will never see or admit to their actions that contribute. I believe it is a defense mechanism: They are too afraid of looking weak or stupid, so their brain won't let them see it, and then they victimize themselves and condemn others for their problems.

 

Totally agree. Anne Frank needed to look inward and realize her crap situation was of her own making. What a whiner.

[LurkerXX]

Because when people think of whiners, their mind immediately goes to her diary . I am not sure you could have picked anyone less apt for comparison here.

[impatiently_patient]

Because when people think of whiners, their mind immediately goes to her diary . I am not sure you could have picked anyone less apt for comparison here.

 

Obvious sarcasm was obvious.

[Imajerk17]

Totally agree. Anne Frank needed to look inward and realize her crap situation was of her own making. What a whiner.

 

This has to be the single most unaware, self-pitying statement I have ever read on LS. And that is saying a lot.

 

A 38-year-old fully grown male who cannot connect with women because of his own doing is NOT comparable to a 14-year-old girl about to be a victim of the Holocaust just for being of a certain ethnicity.

[Heatherknows]

Totally agree. Anne Frank needed to look inward and realize her crap situation was of her own making. What a whiner.

 

Are you just messing with us?

[LurkerXX]

Then it is just a terrible taste in humor, based on a wish to needle and offend?? How charming....

[edgygirl]

OP, I am also in the goth scene, I know the band Isis, etc.

 

So hear it from me please. Even I, being with my heart on the underground side, when reading your OP, thought to myself: NO f-ing way. Did he just say ""Because everyone deserves a chance" always. :cool:" to the girl?

 

I'd run for the hills, as any woman - underground or not - would.

 

It's totally out of touch with what a woman (or a man really) is comfortable hearing.

 

Basically, there seems to be a reason why you're having a hard time with OLD, but you don't want to accept it and do some introspection and re-think things and the way you relate to women. That's why you sound bitter to most people here.

 

Also, I love underground, industrial, goth music etc and could not really make sense of the song you sent her... I'd just find the whole thing weird even though I understand subculture.

 

 

They're called tunnel plugs. Anyway, sounds like my kind of girl ... and you sound like a bit of a hater. See the flowers, not the roadkill. I'm in my favorite bar right now, and a solid 1/3 of the girls are in the realm as you describe.