I am so lost and alone

[66Charger]

There is a HUGE difference between a ONS when single and a ONS in a relationship. Ridiculous to equate one with the other.

 

It shows character to confess. It shows character to not only show remorse, but to feel it. It shows character that you cancelled your plans and flew home. That is why you are not getting beaten up here.

 

I dont know if he will forgive you, but what you have done has given you a chance. Look for posters who have actively sought and received a honest reconcilliation. There are a few that have and hopefully they will give you the advice that you seek. Remorseless cheaters and some BS will give you the move on advice. Follow your heart, get counseling and dont leave the home unless he says so.

[DKT3]

You can think what you like. However, now that I know he has called her a tramp, I don't think he's a good man for her.

 

 

I disagree. This man doesn't respect you. I wouldn't live with a man who doesn't respect me. Tramp is a very insulting word. If he truly loves you, he would not be calling you mean names. Don't be a doormat and feel like you have to take it because of what you've done. A man who truly loves you would not be mean to you but rather would try to understand you.

 

Wow, so I guess what you saying is if he loves her then HE has to become a doormat and beg her back for cheating on him, but because he called her a tramp after finding out she should walk away because he is MEAN?

 

Yeah that makes sense.

[BetheButterfly]

Wow, so I guess what you saying is if he loves her then HE has to become a doormat and beg her back for cheating on him, but because he called her a tramp after finding out she should walk away because he is MEAN?

 

Yeah that makes sense.

 

He doesn't have to beg. She wants to be with him. Begging is a desperate attempt to make a person change their mind.

 

Yes, calling a person a tramp is mean.

 

Personally though, I don't think he's a good guy for her. Time will tell.

[Star lights]

I just need to clarify that he had always been faithful, the casual sex was before me and shouldn't have affected me but it did mainly because I wondered what the big deal was. Now i know (kind of) and it hasn't enlightened me or made me feel good in any way shape or form.

 

I deserved being called a tramp, let's face it I am one but I won't be that again.

 

I hope I am happy one day and I pray this doesn't happen to me, though I think it's inevitable. I don't know if I believe in happy endings.

 

I've always had a fear that I would be cheated on but my biggest fear was turning into my biological father...I have now taken a step closer to that which is disheartening

 

I don't expect him to let me walk all over him, I wouldn't anyway. I've done something wrong and I will never do this again, not to him or anyone else.

 

I pray he forgives me although I know that's not going to happen, but I can have hope

[oldshirt]

 

We had our problems in the beginning, he just wanted sex and I wanted a relationship. It took him 4 months to take me on a date.

 

So the stuff you were saying in the beginning of your the thread about you only being in relationships and never having any flings or ONSs was kind of poppycock then wasn't it.

 

You had a ONSs with him at first, you just came back for seconds.....and then 3rds..... and were just having some thrills for 4 months.

 

My point here is you both have been immature and nutty. You both are off-kilter and aren't right. This isn't a healthy relationship and probably isn't worth saving.

 

If you are out traveling in foreign lands and are getting so drunk you can't remember what you are doing and who you are screwing, that's a problem.

 

If you are banging some dude for 4 months before he even takes you on a proper date and then you try to loophole that into you've never screwed around and have only been in relationships, that's a problem.

 

If he hasn't been in a relationship untill his upper 20s and has lived on ONSs and you are envious of that and want to emulate him, that's a problem.

 

And then when you do have some ONSs and tell him and he says he now hates you and that you're a tramp and now you want to scamper across the globe to be with him, that's a problem.

 

You need to work on yourself and get some maturity and responsibility before you try to have another relationship. And then preferably pursue relationships with people who are relationship material.

 

This is just a Jerry Springer episode looking for an audience.

[understand50]

Are there any men out there though that aren't into sleeping around? I wonder

 

Yup, Me. Lots of other men on Love shack. See BetheButterfly post a few up. Also, for the men who will ask the same question, are there any "good" faithful women, lots here as well. As you get older, we get harder to find, as we are in committed relationships or married.

 

Star light, going forward, you need to tell yourself that you will be that person. Looks like your 3 ONS, did nothing for you. Just made 3 guys have a "good" story for their friends over a beer. Is this to be your life? Write down for yourself, what you want to be, morally and then work to be that person, so when confronted again, and you will be, you can make the right choice for you, yourself. No one can do this, but you. If anything good is to come out of this, from your pain and hurt, from his pain and hurt, it will be that there will not be a next time. That you will be able to look your lover, mate, husband, in the eye and really mean it. "I will, and can be, faithful to you and to us".

 

As always, I wish you peace and luck.

[BetheButterfly]

I just need to clarify that he had always been faithful, the casual sex was before me and shouldn't have affected me

 

It's natural that his past affected you, whether it should or shouldn't have.

 

but it did mainly because I wondered what the big deal was. Now i know (kind of) and it hasn't enlightened me or made me feel good in any way shape or form.

 

Did you think it would?

 

I deserved being called a tramp, let's face it I am one but I won't be that again.

 

So if he ever hits you, will you say you deserved it because you cheated? Do you know that's why many women stay in abusive relationships, because they think for whatever reason they deserve to be verbally and/or physically abused?

 

I hope I am happy one day and I pray this doesn't happen to me, though I think it's inevitable. I don't know if I believe in happy endings.

 

If you look to a man to make you happy, you will be missing out on true happiness. The reason my husband and I are happy is because we are both happy individuals; we don't depend on each other to make ourselves happy. Instead, we both bring happiness to our marriage. You need to heal and learn how to be happy as a single.

 

I've always had a fear that I would be cheated on but my biggest fear was turning into my biological father...I have now taken a step closer to that which is disheartening

 

I am sorry about that. Did your biological father not teach you what a good man is like?

 

I don't expect him to let me walk all over him, I wouldn't anyway. I've done something wrong and I will never do this again, not to him or anyone else.

 

 

Good. I am worried that you will let him walk all over you though. Just because you've done wrong doesn't mean that you are not worthy of basic courtesy.

 

I pray he forgives me although I know that's not going to happen, but I can have hope

 

It's his choice. I hope though that you forgive yourself. One can forgive oneself and repent (not do it ever again). Forgiving oneself is actually an important key in not repeating the same mistake again.

 

I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing.

[oldshirt]

Wow, so I guess what you saying is if he loves her then HE has to become a doormat and beg her back for cheating on him, but because he called her a tramp after finding out she should walk away because he is MEAN?

 

Yeah that makes sense.

 

That's not what either 'Butterfly or I am saying at all.

 

He is certainly in his right to dump her. That is probably his best option in fact.

 

What we are saying is that there are so many layers of dysfunction and nuttiness here, that she should take the dumping and then take time to work on herself and not pursue any relationship untill she is squared away.

 

Then if that day comes she is more mature and squared away, she should seek a relationship with someone who is more relationship material than this guy.

[irishguy]

I really cant see how people are judging her bf ,he has just been betrayed in the worst way by the person who is supposed to love him , i think calling her tramp is understandable.I cant see how he is a player either , could have been just a couple of ons in college .

[BetheButterfly]

I really cant see how people are judging her bf ,he has just been betrayed in the worst way by the person who is supposed to love him .

 

One night stands is something players do, whereas a man who wants a long-term relationship with a woman does not just see her as a one night stand and does not typically do one night stands.

 

i think calling her tramp is understandable.I cant see how he is a player either , could have been just a couple of ons in college

 

I disagree, but then again, I have parents who taught me not to call people mean names and who have been happily married for 41 years. What do they know? I also have a wonderful husband who is respectful to women, no matter what they've done. What does he know?

[oldshirt]

....and the real risk here is that he is going to use and exploit her and use her guilt against her.

 

He already has a track record of using dingy, drunk chicks for sex and then having nothing more to do with them ( or the only reason he only had ONSs is that was only as long as the other chicks could stand to be around him)

 

And now Star is so riddled with guilt and desperate she is capable of tolerating anything from a guy who now hates her and considers her just another tramp.

 

This situation is a train wreck slamming into a nuclear reactor and blowing up the toxic waste dump setting off an Earthquake and a wildfire.

 

The best way to defuse this without carnage and destruction for all is for both parties to walk away and not look back.

 

Yes it's sad and unfortunate, but some relationships should not be saved. This is likely one of them. Both players in this saga are immature and unstable. Nothing good can come from them getting back together after all of this.

[DKT3]

That's not what either 'Butterfly or I am saying at all.

 

He is certainly in his right to dump her. That is probably his best option in fact.

 

What we are saying is that there are so many layers of dysfunction and nuttiness here, that she should take the dumping and then take time to work on herself and not pursue any relationship untill she is squared away.

 

Then if that day comes she is more mature and squared away, she should seek a relationship with someone who is more relationship material than this guy.

 

Problem is your going soley on three factors 1) he called her a tramp because she cheated: not ok but understandable. 2) in her view he had a lot of ONS 3) he was slow in entering a relationship with her. Hardly enough to call him immature and unworthy of a relationship.

 

I do however agree there is a high levels of dysfunction here, some FOO issues from the OP and some insecurities on both sides.

 

But let's help OP in the area she is asking and that is how she can work to rebuild trust.

[BetheButterfly]

....and the real risk here is that he is going to use and exploit her and use her guilt against her.

 

Yes, this is what I am afraid he will do to her.

 

He already has a track record of using dingy, drunk chicks for sex and then having nothing more to do with them

Dingy is mean but yes, it does seem he has a track record of using girls for sex and not caring about them.

 

( or the only reason he only had ONSs is that was only as long as the other chicks could stand to be around him)

I doubt it. It's amazing what women will go through to keep a guy.

 

And now Star is so riddled with guilt and desperate she is capable of tolerating anything from a guy who now hates her and considers her just another tramp.

Star, this why I am so afraid for you... the guilt seems to make you think you are worthy of him being mean to you, and that's just not true. You are worthy of respect because you are a human being, and every mere mortal human being has made mistakes.

 

This situation is a train wreck slamming into a nuclear reactor and blowing up the toxic waste dump setting off an Earthquake and a wildfire.

 

The best way to defuse this without carnage and destruction for all is for both parties to walk away and not look back.

Star, I just want you not to get hurt. A man who calls a woman a tramp shows he does not respect her, and that doesn't change incredibly easily, unless his heart changes and he forgives and lets go of her mistake.

 

Yes it's sad and unfortunate, but some relationships should not be saved. This is likely one of them. Both players in this saga are immature and unstable. Nothing good can come from them getting back together after all of this.

That's why Star you need to heal and work on being happy without depending on a man for your happiness. You can do it!!! You can be a happy woman who brings a lot of love and goodness to a relationship with a wonderful loving and good man, but you need to heal and work on yourself first.

[BetheButterfly]

Problem is your going soley on three factors 1) he called her a tramp because she cheated: not ok but understandable. 2) in her view he had a lot of ONS 3) he was slow in entering a relationship with her. Hardly enough to call him immature and unworthy of a relationship.

 

I do however agree there is a high levels of dysfunction here, some FOO issues from the OP and some insecurities on both sides.

 

But let's help OP in the area she is asking and that is how she can work to rebuild trust.

 

Understood but I think Star needs to work on being happy instead of depending on a guy for her happiness. Let's face it, Star, you weren't even happy depending on this guy for your happiness, otherwise you wouldn't have cheated on him.

 

Star, that's why you need to work on growing and healing of the hurts in your past and present before being in a relationship. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it will help you in the long run. Hugs

[oldshirt]

I really cant see how people are judging her bf ,he has just been betrayed in the worst way by the person who is supposed to love him , i think calling her tramp is understandable.I cant see how he is a player either , could have been just a couple of ons in college .

 

I'm not being as harsh on the BF as it may seem.

 

I do think it is in his (and everyone's) best interest if he keeps walking and doesn't look back.

 

I don't question his anger or his justification to dump her. Slam dunk in my book as a matter of fact.

 

What I am concerned with here is these are not 19 year college freshmen. She is 27 so I am assuming he is at the rock bottom least 25 and more likely 27ish-early 30s.

 

If he truly has no relationship experience by this age and has only had ring a and ONSs, then he doesn't have the relationship skills and background to reconcile this situation in a healthy and functional manner. I'm sorry, he just doesn't.

 

If he has made a lifestyle of just banging chicks for a night and now sees her as a tramp for doing the same thing, he just doesn't have the relationship sophistication required to pull this out of the nose dive and turn it around into a healthy, mutually supportive relationship.

 

She is desperate and riddled with guilt enough that combined with his disdain for her and general lack of respect for relationships, this situation is ripe for exploitation and possibly mistreatment or even abuse.

 

I am sure they liked each other and that both are in pain. I just don't think that either should try to salvage this relationship at this point.

[mightycpa]

So in other words he's a playa' that likes to bang chicks who are just looking for some thrills and he either hasn't wanted or hasn't been able to have a legitimate relationship before.

 

And now that you've gone out and had some fun and thrills of your own, he hates you and he sees you as just another one of the "tramps" that he has made a lifestyle out of banging.

 

Yeah that sounds like a really good guy and really healthy relationship to run back to and try to save.

 

This whole situation has multiple levels of messed up, dysfunction and maladaption.

 

Ok so maybe the Pope won't completely agree with your motives or actions, but this guy is no prize. If he hates you and thinks of you as a tramp because you did what every other woman he has been with has done and he was ok with that with them, then this is not a healthy relationship or situation.

 

If he sees you as a tramp now, why would you want to continue seeing him??

 

Why would you want to see someone that has made a career out of ONSs and now that you have had some he hates you and sees you as a dirty tramp? Why bring that on to yourself.

 

Your behavior may not have been appropriate for someone in a relationship and he may be justified in breaking up with you, but now that you've experienced ONSs, now you know the kind of woman he goes to bed with and what he thinks of them afterwards. He's a real fine catch ain't he?

My recommendation is to let him and the relationship go. If you decide that you are a relationship oriented person after all and that you have gotten the ONSs out of your system, now you can be mature enough to find a guy that is also relationship oriented and you can have a healthy relationship that you are both ready for.

I think this is a silly analysis of the situation, and you've really got to have to be willfully oblivious not to understand the difference.

 

I have no doubt that if BF considered his relationship with OP to be FWB, or let's call it a "tramp" relationship, he'd be fine with her banging her way across Europe or wherever it is that she went. Moreover, she wouldn't be living with him, nor would he care who she wants to spend her life with. He might have her get tested for STD's before he brought out the 10-foot pole, but I can't imagine it would go beyond that. Plus, she wouldn't have told him a half-truth either.

 

Nope, that wasn't the situation here.

 

We had our problems in the beginning, he just wanted sex and I wanted a relationship. It took him 4 months to take me on a date but he came good in the end and I was the one to destroy us. He became such a great partner but I think I hadn't got the whole 'being young' out of my system.

Mr. Multiple ONS was led to believe that she was not going to be just another one of his one night stands, and he hung in there anyway. He thought she was something special, and then she burst his bubble. So the whole name-calling thing, well, that was because from his point of view, the one year courtship ending in betrayal was fraud in the inducement.

 

Before I came away I told him how I felt and he asked me to not cheat on him and I did

presumably after assuring him she wouldn't. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he didn't believe her, but it sure doesn't sound like it. I believe he got some assurances before she left.

 

If he didn't, then yes, we might judge him differently, but I'm betting that she held herself out to be something else and then one year, one trip, three pokes and a half-truth later, she pulled the rug out from under the relationship that she worked to cultivate with him.

 

What do you call a salesman when he cheats you? What do you think about your employer when he doesn't pay your for your time? What is your opinion of a rival who breaks the rules to get what he wants?

 

I'm not saying she's a horrible person, but he clearly has a right to express his righteous indignation.

 

And as to this gem:

 

I wouldn't live with a man who doesn't respect me. Tramp is a very insulting word. If he truly loves you, he would not be calling you mean names.

I think that's exactly what she's afraid of, that he no longer respects her and that she will not live with him and that he won't love her anymore and that she has herself to thank for that.

 

Sorry OP. Live and learn. You've got to act like you value the things you love. Most people make this kind of mistake in their early 20's; you're just a little late to the game.

[oldshirt]

Responses in bold below

 

 

Problem is your going soley on three factors 1) he called her a tramp because she cheated: not ok but understandable.

 

yes People cock off and say things in the heat of the moment.

 

But my concern here is he Might already have an unhealthy and negative attitude towards women who engage in ONSs. If he does think of her as just another tramp, should she be pursuing a continuing relationship with him now, even if her actions were inappropriate?

 

 

2) in her view he had a lot of ONS

 

...plus the absence of any meaningful relationships. This is a factor in a couple ways. One is it may be an indication of a general attitude towards women and relationships.

 

The other is that he likely won't have the relationship skills to deal with this complex situation in a healthy and functional manner.

 

3) he was slow in entering a relationship with her. Hardly enough to call him immature and unworthy of a relationship.

 

 

again this is kind of age-dependent and also a question of attitude. If it's a 19 year old, maybe no big deal. If it's a 30 year old, it's indifferent story.

 

 

But let's help OP in the area she is asking and that is how she can work to rebuild trust.

 

 

that just it, I don't think she can and I don't think she should try.

 

I think he just sees her as another ditzy, drunken tramp now and given that all of his previous experience has been with ditzy, drunken chicks (yes I am assuming terribly) I don't see how she can change his mind in the next 8 years and 7 months.

 

And I don't think she should even try. I think the time and energy she would expend in essentially certain failure would be better spent at straightening herself out and getting herself squared away.

[oldshirt]

I think this is a silly analysis of the situation, and you've really got to have to be willfully oblivious not to understand the difference.

 

I have no doubt that if BF considered his relationship with OP to be FWB, or let's call it a "tramp" relationship, he'd be fine with her banging her way across Europe or wherever it is that she went. Moreover, she wouldn't be living with him, nor would he care who she wants to spend her life with. He might have her get tested for STD's before he brought out the 10-foot pole, but I can't imagine it would go beyond that. Plus, she wouldn't have told him a half-truth either.

 

Nope, that wasn't the situation here.

 

Mr. Multiple ONS was led to believe that she was not going to be just another one of his one night stands, and he hung in there anyway. He thought she was something special, and then she burst his bubble. So the whole name-calling thing, well, that was because from his point of view, the one year courtship ending in betrayal was fraud in the inducement.

 

presumably after assuring him she wouldn't. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he didn't believe her, but it sure doesn't sound like it. I believe he got some assurances before she left.

 

If he didn't, then yes, we might judge him differently, but I'm betting that she held herself out to be something else and then one year, one trip, three pokes and a half-truth later, she pulled the rug out from under the relationship that she worked to cultivate with him.

 

What do you call a salesman when he cheats you? What do you think about your employer when he doesn't pay your for your time? What is your opinion of a rival who breaks the rules to get what he wants?

 

I'm not saying she's a horrible person, but he clearly has a right to express his righteous indignation.

 

And as to this gem:

 

I think that's exactly what she's afraid of, that he no longer respects her and that she will not live with him and that he won't love her anymore and that she has herself to thank for that.

 

Sorry OP. Live and learn. You've got to act like you value the things you love. Most people make this kind of mistake in their early 20's; you're just a little late to the game.

 

 

I think you have misunderstood me a little. I am not saying that he was seeing her as a FB or fling or anything. I am willing to believe that he was sincere in thinking they had a legitimate relationship and that he was treating her decently.

 

I also understand his hurt and anger towards her betrayal and believe it to be sincere.

 

And other than that, I don't think you and I are saying anything too different from each other.

[Horton]

Yes, but what about the fact that he called her a tramp and had loads of ONS himself?

Isn't that being a bit hypocritical? It's all right to bang all those other chicks, but his gal has to be pure and untouched by everyone but him...?

Dual standards, much?

And his ONS from before they were together are equal to hers during their relationship how exactly?

I disagree, but then again, I have parents who taught me not to call people mean names and who have been happily married for 41 years. What do they know? I also have a wonderful husband who is respectful to women, no matter what they've done. What does he know?

Tell him you've cheated on him with three other men and get back to us. You're really gonna judge a man over a mean word he uses in the immediate aftermath of finding out he's been cheated on. I think you'd be hard pressed to find anybody here whose been cheated on that didn't utter a few off color slurs after finding out.

 

 

Ok so maybe the Pope won't completely agree with your motives or actions, but this guy is no prize. If he hates you and thinks of you as a tramp because you did what every other woman he has been with has done and he was ok with that with them, then this is not a healthy relationship or situation.

 

If he sees you as a tramp now, why would you want to continue seeing him??

 

Why would you want to see someone that has made a career out of ONSs and now that you have had some he hates you and sees you as a dirty tramp? Why bring that on to yourself.

 

Your behavior may not have been appropriate for someone in a relationship and he may be justified in breaking up with you, but now that you've experienced ONSs, now you know the kind of woman he goes to bed with and what he thinks of them afterwards. He's a real fine catch ain't he?

 

My recommendation is to let him and the relationship go. If you decide that you are a relationship oriented person after all and that you have gotten the ONSs out of your system, now you can be mature enough to find a guy that is also relationship oriented and you can have a healthy relationship that you are both ready for.

It's like the concept of exclusivity doesn't even exist to some of you. His problem isn't that she had a ONS (or three) but that she had them while they're in a committed relationship. Painting him as some woman hating neanderthal just cause he doesn't like his GF rolling in the hay with other men is taking this whole "slut shaming" spiel to ridiculous proportions.

 

 

 

To the OP, you did right by confessing, kudos to you. Most people in your position attempt to take their indiscretions to their grave and manipulate the situation for their own benefit so you're already moving in the right direction.

[oldshirt]

Responses in bold below.

 

 

And his ONS from before they were together are equal to hers during their relationship how exactly?

 

it's not about who scores better or worse behavior than the other. It's about the whole thing being a train wreck and both of them needing to move on.

 

Tell him you've cheated on him with three other men and get back to us. You're really gonna judge a man over a mean word he uses in the immediate aftermath of finding out he's been cheated on. I think you'd be hard pressed to find anybody here whose been cheated on that didn't utter a few off color slurs after finding out.

 

 

i don't think anyone is condemning him for spouting off in the heat of the moment per se. I think we all understand that. It's that the big picture here may be that it might be best if they go their own separate ways.

 

It's like the concept of exclusivity doesn't even exist to some of you. His problem isn't that she had a ONS (or three) but that she had them while they're in a committed relationship. Painting him as some woman hating neanderthal just cause he doesn't like his GF rolling in the hay with other men is taking this whole "slut shaming" spiel to ridiculous proportions.

 

 

no, if you've read my posts, you'll see that I advocate him breaking up with her and moving on.

 

All I am pointing out to her is that he may not be the right one to try to continue to pursue a relationship with now that this has happened and that she should take the dumping and let him go.

 

 

To the OP, you did right by confessing, kudos to you. Most people in your position attempt to take their indiscretions to their grave and manipulate the situation for their own benefit so you're already moving in the right direction.

 

and I concurs on that point. I just think she should let it go now instead of trying to save the R.

 

[BetheButterfly]

 

Tell him you've cheated on him with three other men and get back to us.

 

 

I can't. I love my husband. Thus, I can't cheat on him.

 

You're really gonna judge a man over a mean word he uses in the immediate aftermath of finding out he's been cheated on. I think you'd be hard pressed to find anybody here whose been cheated on that didn't utter a few off color slurs after finding out.

Calling the woman one claims to love a tramp doesn't sound very loving, now does it, same as cheating on the one one claims to love isn't very loving either. 2 wrongs don't make a right relationship. Edited July 20, 2015 by BetheButterfly

[autumnnight]

OP, I applaud your for confessing and for being humble, though I think you may be hating yourself a bit TOO much.

 

I would continue to be honest, not make excuses and try to get home as soon as possible. The best way to re-earn trust is to be consistently honest and transparent.

 

All of that said, you ARE a human and a person of value in spite of your wrong choices. While it is inevitable that he is and will be emotional because he is so hurt, it IS okay to have boundaries, to not tolerate name calling, screaming, any kind of physical aggression and such.

 

It may be that you "deserve" to be broken up with. You do NOT deserve to be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused.

[No Limit]

Star, would you be okay if he had a revenge affair? If he decides to stay it's very likely to happen. Good luck.

[mightycpa]

I think you have misunderstood me a little. I am not saying that he was seeing her as a FB or fling or anything. I am willing to believe that he was sincere in thinking they had a legitimate relationship and that he was treating her decently.

 

I also understand his hurt and anger towards her betrayal and believe it to be sincere.

 

And other than that, I don't think you and I are saying anything too different from each other.

Then, I stand corrected. Thanks

[BetheButterfly]

Then, I stand corrected. Thanks

 

I think you have an issue with me thinking it mean and wrong that he called her a tramp.

 

I do have an issue with what he said, because it is a mean and unloving thing to do, even though he's understandably angry at what she did.

 

Cheating is not loving, and calling a person names for cheating is not loving either. Both people in the relationship don't truly love each other.

 

That's why they need to learn what true love is before even thinking of getting back together, in my opinion.